Have you given it a thought? Could you really imagine how it feels like to be me that time? I hope that it scares you, because that’s the purpose of it all. To be scared of Darla. Now, brush all those thoughts to the back of your mind. Don’t erase them, just don’t think about them right now. There are more where those thoughts come from and the more you continue to watch this documentary, more knowledge will be stored in you. Knowledge that might just save your life, and hopefully, if it’s not too late, my friends and I. The Darla Santuary, as they put it in the pamphlet Kevin had given to me while on our way there, was situated at the deepest south of Ebay Town. The outcast area, we had referred to it. The place had mysteriously been left undeveloped by the government. There were hardly any residential estates built up and it had been a place where runaways took solace without being chased away by the man in blue. However, all these, I didn’t get to see for the van was an enclosed one, with no windows at the back. The Home itself was situated right on top of a rather high hill. It’s exterior was painted dull white, I remembered coming out of the van and thinking I was about to enter an asylum. This is my home now. Like it or not, I will eat, sleep, live and die here. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The alarm clock rang, screaming throughout the entire room, automatically awakening the occupants sleeping in it. It felt like being in boot camp, he thought to himself. No matter how many times he had been through the routine, it never felt belonged. He had always regarded it as an intruder, an invasion into their private world. He wished for sleep, as only being in that state of mind would he get freed from the burden of enduring the constant pain raging his body and stopping his mind from thinking about dying. Or when it will finally be his turn. Someone had switched off the alarm, he silently thanked whoever it was who had done it. He sat at the edge of his single bed, dropping his legs to the ground, searching blindly for his slippers. Finally securing them in place, he willed for the room to stop spinning and then pushed himself up from the bed. It wasn’t as bad, he could still do it on his own. No need for help. “Kevin shouldn’t have bothered.” His roommate groaned. He turned to face him. There were three more beds part from his. And two of them were empty. Of course, he had forgotten again. The two beds had remained unoccupied for quite some time now. Jamie had left them first, peacefully, in his sleep. He just didn’t wake up one morning and they took him away. Then it was Mike’s turn. They were playing cards one night and his heart just stopped. “He’s just doing what’s best for us.” He reasoned, hoping that his friend would start the day afresh and not having a bad mood all day. “What best could come out of it? We are going to die in the end.” His roommate argued, already stepping out of bed himself. “Argh! I’m not even going to start arguing with you about that.” “Why not? We’ve only been through the same argument for like forever.” He replied sarcastically. He didn’t mean to be hard on his roommate. He had been there for him the very first time he stepped into the home. He had found valuable friendship in him after he had lost all his friends when he disappeared from the face of society. Did they even think of him or wonder where he had gone to? He had no idea at all. All he knew was he was trapped in a prison cell, hidden behind so called righteous propaganda. If only they knew the things that were going on in this place… “Are we not going to talk to each other the whole day again?” His roommate sigh as he flopped himself back at the edge of the bed. “Your session’s today isn’t it? No wonder you’re all grumpy.” He smirked. “Laugh all you want man, it’s gonna be your turn tomorrow.” His roommate reminded him. “Just try to be nice today k? We have a new roommate coming in today. The first few weeks would be the tough to handle.” He reminded him. “Why should I even care? I’ve been through it three times with you, Jamie and Mike.” “Because that’s just you bro. You care for people. This damn thing stole everything from you, don’t let it take that away too.” ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Once he set foot into the huge building, a lady who was dressed in a nurse uniform greeted his caregiver, Kevin. The entire trip to the home, Kevin had been very helpful. He talked about what to expect once they reached there but at the same time, would give him his space when it looks like he needed to space out. “Jessica, this is Nick, he’s going to be in my floor.” Kevin introduced. “Well, you’re one lucky fella Nick. All the guys on Kevin’s floor are a happy bunch coz Kevin spoils them.” Jessica said, offering a handshake. Nick smiled and took it. Jessica sounded genuinely nice but he was feeling a little discomfort to be talkative. His heart was still yearning for home. Where the place is smaller compared to this but filled with people whom he loves. His heartbeat was beating too fast for his own liking. He had been too worried about blending in with the people there. There would be no Mom when he felt too sick to make it to the bathroom. There would be nurses instead, people whom are caring enough yet strangers in his eyes. Surrounded by sick people like him, the whole place would just be filled with identical sufferings and longings. How could they expect him to adjust to this? A man, a little shorter than Kevin but held the same dark features as him came from behind one of the corners and offered to take his luggage up for him. There were only two of them and Kevin had already taken the other one. “It’s okay, I can carry this. Thanks.” Nick replied politely. This is not a hotel, he reminded himself. He have to learn to take care of himself. “Okay then, let me show you to your room?” He said. Nick looked at the name tag on his white uniform. Brandon. “The guys are ready for their new friend right?” Kevin asked as they took for the stairs, making sure that he matched Nick’s slow strides. “Yeap. They’re thrilled. The beds had been empty for far too long.” Brandon replied with a light chuckle. “They must be getting tired of each other.” Kevin smirked. Nick’s strides became slower and heavier every second. Not only climbing the stairs were getting to him, he was too anxious to find out about his ‘roommates’. What if he couldn’t fit in? It had taken him months to get comfortable with High School and AJ had been friendly enough to talk to him. AJ…Nick missed his best friend very much. “Nick, don’t get me the wrong way, but you’re tired, so let me take that bag for you okay?” Brandon said, interrupting his train of thoughts. Nick held on to the railing as he tried to get take off the bag off his shoulder. He had been thinking too much, too many things had happened in a day, none of which are good. He needed to just sleep it off. He wanted to muttered a thanks but was too tired even for that. He nodded instead. “You’ll have all the rest you need after this and we’ll just talk more about this place another time okay?” Kevin said as they continued climbing up the stairs. “I’m just sorry you have to use the stairs. The lift in this place had been stalled for months now.” Brandon apologized. Nick couldn’t think of anything to say at that point. How could a home with sick people not have a use of the lift? Don’t they get someone to repair it for them? Nick tried his best to put on a smile as they reached the door to his room. Tired as he was, he wanted to greet his roommates in a positive note. Not just another guy with the deadly disease. “They’re nice kids, I’m actually glad you get to have this room.” Kevin assured him once more as he knock on the door. A doctor who happened to pass by at this moment, saw them. “You could just go in there you know, there’s no need to knock.” “It’s called privacy Matt.” Kevin replied, not even looking at him. The doctor scoffed and walked passed, not even acknowledging his presence. Nick wondered if that doctor will ever attend to him. He hoped he don’t have to. The door opened slowly and a sleepy head greeted them. While he was still busy rubbing his eyes, Nick was wide awake. The smile on his face gone in a flash of lightning. “Brian?” Brian recognized that voice. Had missed that voice. Had miss the person behind that voice. He looked up instantly, the blurry vision now clear as daylight. True enough, the young man standing next to Kevin was indeed Nick Carter himself. The smile on his face faded when he realized the purpose of his appearance that day. He wasn’t there for a visit, he was there as a roommate. A roommate with the same death row. “Nicky?” “Oh good, you know each other.” Kevin smirked. “What are the odds?” Brandon chuckled. “You’re here all these time? They said stuffs about you but I never believe them…you…I missed you so much bro!” Nick stepped in and they were both locked in a hug. “I’m sorry you have to be here.” Brian whispered. “I’m not anymore.” Nick smiled as he pulled back. “If I were to die, might as well be with a friend.” “Not just a friend. We have another guy. He’s sweet, you’ll like him.” Brian said as they walked in the room. Kevin and Brandon stepped in with the bags. “Which bed would it be?” Kevin asked. “The one facing mine?” Brian asked. Nick looked around the room. There were four single beds, two next to each other and the other two facing each other in the opposite direction. He assumed the bed that Brian was sitting on was his, and the one next to him looked occupied. The room left little for any more space but was compensated with the large window that emit enough light into the room, adding color to the dull white. “That’d be fine for me.” Nick smiled. “Where’s D?” Kevin asked, looking at the empty bed. “Session.” Brian replied dreadly. “Oh…not good.” Kevin chuckled. “Tell me about it.” Brian sighed. “Okay guys, I have to go now, Nick, you take your rest, maybe Brian could fill in more details about this place,” Kevin said, throwing a knowing look at Brian. “We’ll talk more once you’re rested.” Nick nodded his head and watched as Kevin and Brandon left the room. For a few seconds, he just sat at his new bed, staring at Brian who was staring back at him. Identical sorrow eyes feeling sorry for the other. “All these time…I really don’t know what to make of your disappearance. You didn’t even say goodbye.” Nick said. “That’s how it works Nick. When you get into an accident, did you know it before hand? Then you might prevent it or the least you could do is say goodbye to your loved ones. Same thing happen to me.” Brian explained. “I know…I didn’t even get to hug my sister and brother for the last time.” Nick sigh. He felt the tears coming but choose to ignore it. “Ah, the twins, how are they? And everyone else at school? You have to tell me everything, I miss the outside world.” Brian chuckled. “Come on, it’s not that bad right? I mean, we still get visits on weekends, I’m sure your family are more than happy to cover it all up for you.” Nick smiled. “We’ll go to that later, now tell me first, did you get to be captain when I left?” ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ “Wow…things definitely change out there…” Brian let his words lingered, he honestly did not know how to end it. Nick look on at his friend. The information he had told him were nothing extravagant, things that happen in school, what happened to the Mayor and why he was replaced shortly after Brian had left and how AJ and him had met with the accident. Small things that he could have read in the news or watch on TV. But Brian seemed awed by it all, as if he had been totally severed ties with his family. “I tried calling your mom…you know, to ask her about you? But she never wanna tell, said I’m better off not knowing. Did she visits you a lot?” Nick asked. “How is she these days?” Brian asked, his eyes showing signs of the incoming tears. “Does that means she never comes for visit?” Nick asked, sympathy clearly in his voice. “No one comes for visit Nick, and I know it’s not her fault.” Brian replied regretfully. “What do you mean?” Nick asked, puzzled. No one comes for visit? How could that be? “Kevin haven’t told you? I don’t blame him…when I first got here, I was just as confused. But you’ll learn. You’ll be fine Nick, I’ll help you pull through.” Brian smiled. “Why are you talking in circles Bri? I don’t understand you.” Nick groan. “Well-” Brian didn’t get to finish his sentence. The door to their room was slammed open, the sudden noise startling both of them. Nick looked at the guy who had just made his entrance. He doesn’t look too good. His eyes were swollen and red and he was struggling just to stand, let alone walk, and yet, he saw no nurse or caregiver helping him. Brian had seen this before, had even been in the same situation countless of times himself. He got to his feet and quickly helped his friend to his bed. As always, Howie would be cursing and refusing help but Brian had learn to ignore it and help him either way. He stole a glance over at Nick, worrying if Howie’s condition scares him but Nick has problems of himself. Maybe Nick had wanted to help too and had stood up too fast. He suffered from that all the time, but after having the disease for almost two years, he knew how to control them. Nick is just learning. He saw him holding on to the bedpost, legs threatening to collapse any moment now. “You okay Nick?” Brian asked as he struggled to keep Howie’s hands from pushing him away. Nick doesn’t seem to hear him. “Quit pushing D!” “I can walk on my own, stop treating me like a god damn baby!” Howie slurred as he slumped his head down on the waiting pillow.” “Stop acting like one and maybe I would!” Brian said firmly. Howie stared at him for a second and then succumb to the fatigue that had taken over his entire body. “Leave me, I wanna go sleep.” “When you’ve decided to wake up, be nice.” Brian said casually and went over to Nick who had managed to sit himself back down on the bed. “Dizzy spells huh?” “Yeah…I’m getting used to it already.” Nick groaned. “Some days are worst than others, it will pass.” Brian assured him. “I’m okay. So, that’s Howie?” Nick asked, looking over at the figure lying on the bed. “Yeah, sweet D himself. Don’t mind his bad mood, he’s been through a lot. He’s a nice guy once he’s decided to open up.” “You were talking about ‘session’ what’s that all about?” Nick asked, yawning. “You’re too tired bro. Why don’t you sleep over it and we’ll talk again later. Hey, we have only until the end of our lives right?” Brian joked. Nick wondered if he could ever turn out like Brian, taking the deadly situation into a joke. “Yeah, we do.” ~*~*~*~*~*~ AJ climbed up the grand stairs, the main decoration of the house, to his room in a daze. His thoughts keep repeating the same old question, ‘What happened?’. It had taken him by surprise, maybe, he was in shock. Is that the end of it? Nick Carter will not be around anymore? He’s only best friend? Mrs. Carter said that he could still come for visits on weekends but that’s not how he want it to be. A friend should always be together. Go shopping together, pick up girls together, be jerks together, hang out together. It’s not something to be done on weekends only. Will they allow him to get away from the home and spend a few hours somewhere else? It began to sound like a custody battle. It is just wrong. He walked past his father’s study room, too distraught in his own thoughts that he failed to see his father sitting on his reading chair. “Alex?” AJ stopped and walked back a few paces. It was strange to hear his father’s voice in the house in the afternoon. Him and his mom would normally returned late at night and besides, he thought they were supposed to be overseas right now. He peered his head in the room. “Dad? When did you get back?” “A few hours ago. Turns out we managed to complete everything earlier then scheduled.” His father replied as he folded the newspaper he was reading in half and placed it on the coffee table next to him. The room was heavily decorated in rosewood furniture. The walls covered with dark green, pink flower printed wallpaper and the ceiling high windows hidden behind heavy set of dark red velvet curtains. Soft rays of light penetrated from the small window panes high above, enough to emit light for one’s reading pleasure. The room itself was heavily filled with the coolness of the air conditioner. AJ hardly ever come to this room as it was where his father often would stay and hide from the rest of the family, immersing himself with work. “Oh.” AJ replied short, unsure where to stand or what to do. He had grown up knowing that his father and mother could never be with him most of the time and this had slowly build invisible wall between them. Nevertheless, AJ always tell himself that they love him so much. “I heard that you score the winner for your team a week ago. Congratulations.” AJ’s eyes beamed at the mention of the match. His father had made an effort to keep up with his life. “Yeah, we get to keep the title for another year.” AJ smiled. “How’s Nicky doing?” “Huh?” “I heard he’s been sick for awhile. I was thinking that once your mom get back from her trip, we could pay him a visit together. He’s in the General Hospital, am I right?” AJ studied his father’s features for a second. They had been away for too long, that sometimes, he would wake up wondering how he’s father looks like. Did he cut his hair today? Or was that beard always there all the time or did he just start growing them? He didn’t inherit any of his father’s features, mostly was taken up from his mom, but he’s father definitely had that same raspy voice he had. “Er…he’s been shifted dad. To a home.” AJ replied uncomfortably. “A home? Why? Is he okay?” The crease of lines on the old man’s head showing concern that was hardly visible for AJ to see. “He’s suffering from Darla, dad. They took him away and we can only visit on weekends.” AJ replied. The expression on his father’s face changed. It had turned into a frown. AJ couldn’t understand the sudden change in his father. He had kept quiet for a while after he had told him about Nick. He stood there not knowing what to do. His eyes darted around the room, settling for the wall high of racks of books collecting dust. He wondered if his father really read all of them. He had never touch any himself. Most probably the books being everything about business had never caught his interest. “You’re not planning on visiting him, are you?” His father finally speak out. “Of course I am. He’s my friend no matter what.” AJ replied. “You can forget about that Alex. You are not to visit him ever again, you hear?” His father said firmly. “Wassup with you? He’s my friend, I can visit him anytime I want! I’ve never said anything when you disappear almost half of the year all the time, so you have no rights!” AJ shouted at him. “I have every right because you’re my son! Don’t you go there ever again Alex! My decision is final!” “I’ve always made decisions by myself coz you’re too busy to decide for me, don’t start now dad. I will visit him on weekends, no matter what you say!” AJ stormed out of the room, ignoring the yelling of his father demanding him to stay put and listen to him. His vision became blurry as he disappeared behind the door to his room. Remembering to lock it for privacy, he slump his body down on the king size bed, feeling the warm tears of frustration wetting his cheeks. In his troubled mind, the same question keep repeating in his head, “What had just happened?” ~*~*~*~*~*~ “Come on Aaron, you have to go to sleep now.” Jane said tiredly as she tried her best to put the twin to sleep. It had taken her the whole night to get Angel to sleep. In between her sobs and cries for her big brother, she had slipped into unconsciousness, but Aaron refused to budge. “No!” He whispered a loud defiant protest, knowing very well that he shouldn’t disturb his sleeping sister. His arms folded across his chest, he glared at her and let out a frustrated sigh. “You have to honey, Mummy’s too tired for this. It’s already two in the morning Aaron. You have to go to school tomorrow.” Jane replied patiently, her heart willing her not to start crying now. How she wish she could just disappear from there for a while, abandon her responsibilities as a mother and just cry her heart out. “I don’t want to! I don’t want to go to school!” Aaron whined. “Honey?” Jane turned to the figure standing by the door of the room. “I’ll be back in a minute baby, I just need to get Aaron to sleep.” Jane replied. “I tell you what…why don’t you head back to our room, and I’ll try to persuade this little monster to sleep?” Bob said as he approached the room. For the first time, she noticed the glass of milk and a chocolate cookie in his hand. “Bribery…not fair.” Jane smiled. “Just this once.” Bob smirked as he shrugged his shoulder. Her heart almost stop beating. Nick always do that when he had nothing left to say. Smirk and shrug. She nodded her head, not trusting her voice to reply without cracking up and left the room. Bob looked down at the five year old and smiled. Aaron didn’t return the smile but eyed the cookie. He couldn’t help noticing how much similar he is to Nick. “Don’t tell Angel, but I have a cookie for you. Can you make this our own little secret?” Bob asked as he sat on the empty chair next to his bed. Aaron nodded his head and took the cookie from him. He watched in silence as Aaron munched on the cookie hungrily. Reminiscing on the past when he used to do this to Nick. Their first bundle of joy. He was very proud to call himself a father then. No matter how small he managed to bring back home, they were always happy. It’s just the three of them for the whole of three years before Aaron and Angel arrived. “Ready to sleep now?” Bob asked as he watched the young one finished off the glass of milk. “No.” Aaron whispered, his eyes dropped to the blanket that was covering half of his body. “You have too AC or you will get sick.” Bob coaxed. “That’s okay, I want to be sick.” Aaron replied bluntly. “Why would you want to do that? I thought you hate being in bed all day.” Bob mused. “I want to be sick so the doctor will let me stay with Nick.” His heart sank at the words. So innocent and simple, it speaks honest truth about the five year old. He couldn’t afford to loose another son to the disease. It had already tore him apart inside to know that he’s first born is going to die. A father shouldn’t bury his son’s grave. That is just wrong. Willing himself not to cry, he got up and motioning Aaron to move a little, he slid himself next to his son on the single bed, careful not to make too much noise for his only daughter who was sleeping on the bed next to them. He draped his arm protectively around his son and let his head rest on his chest as he pulled the blanket high up to his neck. He felt his small arm hugging him back, holding on to him as if he doesn’t, he would disappear too. “AC, you cannot get sick, Nick won’t like it. He won’t be living here with us anymore but there, where he is living now, they can take care of him and make him get better. You want him to get better don’t you?” He felt his little head nodded. “So you see AC, you cannot get sick or Nick will get worried and he will never get better. Besides, we’re going to visit him this weekend, you will still see him.” Bob said. “Promise?” “Promise. Now, will you sleep?” “Will you sleep with me tonight?” Aaron asked. “Of course. I will be here.” Bob replied, ruffling his son’s blond flocks. “Okay, I will sleep.” She turned on the tap and splash the cold water to her tear stricken face. Finally alone, she had taken solace in their bathroom, crying her eyes out. How can she not? Her first born child, the baby she had carry in her for nine months, the one who lightens and complete both her and her husband’s life, making them a family, are separated from them overnight. Living in a house and taken care by strangers until he finally sleep and never wakes up again. How could a mother live with such an arrangement? Drying her face, she took another last look at her swollen face and feeling exhausted, walked out of the bathroom. Passing by Nick’s room, her mind kept saying over and over again that he’s in there, sleeping; nothing has changed. It’s like any normal night, the Carters are sleeping. Not allowing herself to dwell into it, she walked pass the twin’s room. The door was slightly ajar and she took a peek inside to see if her husband had succeeded in getting the young boy to sleep. It warmed her heart to see both father and son sleeping together. She used to sneak into Nick’s room when he was around Aaron’s age, to find her husband sleeping in that same position. Her heart ached again at the sudden flash of memories. She looked over at her daughter sleeping alone in a fetal position and a sudden yearning to be beside her surged through her tired body. She crept inside the room and slowly, climbed into bed with her daughter, her body as if a missing puzzle that fit perfectly with hers. Her back to her husband and son, she took in the strawberry scent of her daughter’s hair. “He will be alright Jane. We all will.” bob said out loud, knowing that the twins were too deep asleep to hear him. She didn’t say anything, just willing for the fresh warm tears to wet her cheeks again. She closed her eyes and tried to find solace in sleep that just refuse to come.