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There was a sharp knock on the door to the public restroom. "Nick, are you ok?" It was
Jay calling out, concern evident in his voice.

"Uh, yes, I´ll be out soon," Nick called back, trying to make his voice as steady as
possible. It was the second big lie that day. Instead he was trapped in the tiled restroom
over at the fan conference, pacing back and fourth, waiting for the inevitable to happen.
His gut was screaming, waiting for an explosion.

It had struck him hard in the bus. A nausea so severe that he had to cover his mouth from
not throwing up. Luckily, all of the boys were alseep and his action had gone unnoticed.
Trying hard to keep his composure, he had walked calmly into the building, ignoring all of
the fans that were screaming his name. He couldn´t afford to stop, running would set his
stomach off.

Then he had walked towards the bathrooms, Jay following at his pace, ignoring the
comments from Bruce asking where he was going. For the second time lady fortune was
smiling at him, and to his relief the restroom was empty. The need of privacy was urgent
and Jay was placed outside as a guard, fending off any intruders. He had no intention to
allow Nick’s predicament with the whole world and the internet.

The internet. It was the boys friend as well as their enemy. Thousands of pages dedicated
to them. Everything was shared on the net and if Nick wanted to know the latest gossip
about them he just went out to the messages boards. He´d even been lurking at somechats,
and sometimes he also participated, incognito. The times when he had revealed his own
identity he had been met with mixed feelings. Some people beleived him, some thought he
was just another intruder, and bashed him.

The fans discussed everything about him. It could be his current girlfriend, his life, the size
of his underwear and his weight. The last topic had him reeling, and he had picked up the
discussion thread several times, since the weight issue had always been a thorn in his side.

There was also gross stuff out there. He remembered that one time when he had been sick
in public, in front of the fans at some hotel during the millenium tour. Not only had he
been embarrassed for the situation, some girl had taken pictures of him actually wretching
and then put it up on her website. Gross. He´d hope he never had to experience something
like that again.

Another gross subject that had Nick wondering about some of the fan’s sanity. He had
found out that some cleaning lady had stolen one of his used toilet paper rolls, and sold it
on E-bay. For 50 bucks!!! There were some pretty fucked up people out there, he
concluded.

Shivering, he glanced at his watch. It was only five minutes before he had to be on stage,
facing four hundred screaming fans and here he was, stuck in some restroom, waiting for
his stomach to turn itself inside out like an old dirty sock. Thinking about sock´s. Foot
cheese. He bolted toward a stall. Stomach lurching. The saltiness in his throat making it
hard to breathe. The sensation of tingling in his nose made him dive for the bowl. He
closed his eyes and he waited....and waited. Nothing.

"God I hate this," he called out to no one, whimpering, eyes watering. Pressing his hands
sharply to his midsection he tried to speed up the process, but to no avail. His stomach,
playing tricks with him, only expelled a tiny trickle of bile which burned his throat like he
had inhaled gasoline and lit it with a match.

“Fuck,” Nick moaned.

As one last desperate attempt to get rid of the nausea, he thought about sticking his index
finger down his throat. “Gross,” he shuddered, stopping in the process by Jay calling out
to him. “Okay, one more time,” Nick mumbled as he closed his eyes and jammed the
finger down his throat.

"Hey Nick, buddy?" Jay opened the door a crack, sticking his head in. No Nick in sight.

Concerned, he wanted to help out his young friend, but he had been told to stay out of
Nick’s private life and that was part of the deal. He was his body guard and was not
allowed to interject in situations like this. Nick wanted his privacy. The thought of getting
Nick’s good buddy Brian had crossed his mind. But that would also have been a step over
his limits, since Nick had made clear that no one was to enter the restroom, the boys
included.

"Are you alright?" he asked. No answer back. "I hate to disturb you, but you have to get
going. The show is about to start!"

A groan was heard from one of the stalls, indicating that his charge was in no shape to
deal with the situation he had in front of him. One of these days Jay was going to have a
long and serious talk with Bruce and the management, saying that they were pushing the
young man too hard. He didn’t care if this meant that he lost his job in the process, he was
only looking out for Nick’s health and wellbeing.

Swallowing hard, Nick cleared his throat, "Uh, I´ll be out in second.” He straigtened his
legs. The scuff marks on his pantlegs had him wincing, thinking about the snide remarks
that these would set off, especially with AJ. Scuff marks on the knees could mean anything
from getting a blow job to sticking the head in the toilet bowl. Judging from AJ´s humor,
the blow job topic would be a safe bet.

The door was closed one more time and Nick walked out from the stall, legs shaking
badly. He practically dragged himself towards the sink, splashing cold water in his face.
Surprisingly, the nausea had lessened a bit.

He looked pale with a green around his gills.Most be the light, he concluded while running
his hand through his hair. It was tousled and was sticking straight up, gravity done its
deed. The reflection in the mirror was far away from his poster boy look. But what had
him most concerend was those strange lumps on the side of his neck. He was swollen from
the ears and down to his neck, especially his right side seemed more so effected.

"Shit!" Nick mentally yelled. He decided he looked like the boy from that movie with
Cheer..elephant something. No wonder that Jay and Brian had been really concerned over
his well being. Kevin seemed to be mostly pissed over his tardiness and AJ was right, he
looked like a fucking chipmunk! Have to skip out of those mars bars, he thought wearily,
trying to syke himself up, getting ready to go out and meet the world again.
*~*~*~*~*
The fans were screaming when four of the five boys made an entrance. There was a sound
of disappointment when the girls, mostly, noticed that the youngest member was no where
to be seen.

Kevin, being the big brother of the "family" took over the lead as always. He thanked the
fans for coming and also explained that Nick was late since he had to do an interview with
some journalist and should be right back. That had the fans screaming even louder.

White lies. He´d done enough of them throughout the years, mostly for AJ, when he was
in his midst of his alcohol addiction. Lately he had to cover for Nick too, having him all
concerned. The young man didn´t seem to be as hot on touring like he used to be, it
appeared as if he was tired of show business.

They were all tired, being on the road for nine months. Tired both mentally as well as
physically. The well needed rest that awaited them seemed so close in sight but yet so far
away.

Kevin had his plans for their hiatus. He would spend his time with his wife, living family
life. He would also go into the studio in the beginning of the new year, working on the
new album. After that they would schedule a new tour, this time Europe was next.

Glancing at the empty seat, Kevin felt an uneasy feeling thinking about Nick. He was more
concerned than he would admit since his little brother looked like he was unwell. All that
clubbing he did with Howie was not good for him. Nick always had a hard time saying no
and Kevin felt concerned that Nick was using more than just alcohol from time to time. He
knew about the weed, calling him on that when he had surprised the blonde in the hotel
room, smoking together with AJ. Kevin hated drugs and he had been there to support AJ
when he went through hell. He didn´t want Nick to face the same destiny.

Brian looked as worried as he felt and as time went by he was more and more sure that
something was terribly wrong with their fifth member. He felt bad for joking about Nick’s
weight, knowing that it was an hot issue and that it would set him off. He had been so
pissed over that Nick was late again and therefore he wanted to punish the poor kid, his
primitive side taking over. Now the anger was changed into concerned.

The fans were asking questions and there was a loud cheer interrupting Brian as he
answered what his favorite activities were.

Nick had made an entrance.


Screams, loud enough to wake up the dead, was heard in the concert hall, when four
hundred fans screamed Nick’s name. A pale smile was plastered, and then as he brushed
the bangs from his blue eyes, Nick sat down beside Brian, microphone placed in his hand.

Brian smiled, trying to give Nick an encouraging look. Nick looked bad.

"Are you alright?" he mouthed silently to the young man who looked so out of it. The
response; a short and unconvincing nod.

The fan conference went on and many questions were asked. Fan getting hugs from the
boys. Nick was asked about the 11th of September and how it had affected their lives.

Quietly, with deep emotion, Nick explained how the event had effected him as well as the
rest of the guys. Gone was the young man that usually made fun of situations, tough ones,
as he always had a hard time dealing with them.

Nick is starting to mature, Brian concluded as he watched his friend. He had known Nick
for ten years now and the boy was starting to become a man. He just hoped that Nick was
equipped to deal with the changes that came with maturing.

In the end of the conference the boys performed three songs, live. They did the latest hit,
Drowning and the crowd was in heaven. After a quick meet and greet they were back in
the bus, discussing the evening plans.

Howie, the party animal no 1, after AJ had left his crown, was going to have a pre-party
together with the band and the dancers. When he heard about the formal dinner he had last
night made a deal with the hotel and the bar was rented for this occassion. He invited
everybody that felt like partying. It was not many since Brian had stated that he was going
to spend some time with Leighanne. AJ had just grinned, saying that he was busy and
Kevin said that he needed to call his wife and then take a quick nap before the dinner at 8
p.m.

Annoyed, Howie had stated that they were just like old men and that he was the only one
that was young at heart. Him and Nick.

Nick on the other hand didn´t seem like he was up for party life. But Howie still gave
away the invitation getting a short "I´ll come" as a response. Looking at Nick, Howie
somehow doubted that.