” God, Nick canīt you do anything right?” Howie exclaimed when Nick sang the wrong tune for the fifth time in a row. They were having a rather pressed schedule since it was hard to get the men to come together as a group. Nick had spent most of his time with his solo album and both Kevin and Howie were involved in a charity.
“Yeah, Kaos, get your lazy ass in gear and start doin’ some serious business.” AJ grinned and normally Nick wouldnīt have been offended, but today he was just so tired, totally drained out of energy. His stomach was still making life difficult and even if he had tried to follow the doctors advice of eating small meals, he still felt like shit! The expression couldnīt be more accurate since he was still running to the bathroom and his stomach hurt like a bitch.
“Stop yelling at him,” Brian said, “ Canīt you see that the dude isnīt feeling too hot?” He said it in a soft voice.
Nick turned at Brian. What was he saying? Did Brian suspect something? OK it was like B to show concern, but there were something in his voice that caught Nick's attention. A tone of pity? Or maybe just that he seemed overly concerned, like he know something more. Had Brian heard him last night when he had bawled in the shower?
Oh God, please don’t, Nick begged. The last thing he needed was the guys to find out his secret.
“Yeah man, is your stomach still upset?” Kevin the father, butted into the conversation.
“No, stop bothering me so I can set this song.” Nick sneered and the producer saw a chance to get the show on the road again, “Ok Nick, weīll take it from the beginning again.” With that he pushed the red button and Nick took put on his headphones again. Clearing his voice he sang the verse again and it sounded just as bad as before. If even worse!
“Shiiiiiiiitttt Niiiicccckkkk!!!” Aj screamed slamming a fist on the table.
“If you paid as much attention to this album as you do to your own cd then we wouldnīt have to sit here listening to you taking the song over and over again.”Kevin's words hit him in his gut with full force. Nick had always been very sensitive to what his “brothers” thought about his singing and preformance and when Kevin criticized him, it had always hit him. Hard!
This was the last thing he needed to hear. His temper was tested and the way he felt he didnīt need the guys yelling at him. Of course they had no idea what was plagueing him, but they could at least show him some consideration. With a loud bang he threw his headphones down and stormed out of the room. Dashing past the guys he heard Brian's, “Nick, come on.” Yet he didnīt care. Slamming the door open he set his pace towards the restrooms. His stomach was making fast calls again.
Luckily the mens room was not occupied and he slinked into a stall, locking the door behind him. There he sat down, not a moment too soon, his stomach turning inside out. Fuck, when was this shit ever going to stop?
“Nick?” Brian had come into the restroom and he knocked softly on the door where he expected Nick to be.
“Go away.” Nick wheezed as his body was overcome with yet another cramp. He moaned, folding over in half. Closing his eyes to block out the world outside.
“No! Are you sick?” Brian had no intention to leave his buddy alone and he waited patiently as Nick finished up his business.
As soon as Nick came out from the stall and went over to the wash basin he grabbed his friend at his arm.” Man, what is the matter with you?” His crimson blue eyes tried to get Nick's attention, but the blonde shied away.
“Nothing!”
“Donīt say that!” This time Brian was intending to find out the truth, even if it meant that they had to stay in the restroom all evening and night. “Whatīs eating you?”
“Nothing. Iīve just caught the flu. Let me go.” Nick tried to get out of Brian's grip, but instead the short man hardened the grip.
“Nick,” he said calmly, “the flu doesnīt make you get called up by a doctor.”
“That's really none of your business.” Nick was not being very co-operative.
“Maybe,” there was a pause, “but the flu doesnīt make you put purple ink marks on your stomach!” The way Brian spat out the words made Nick jump ten feet.
“Huh?” He wasnīt going to let on how surprised he was and therefore acted like he didnīt have a clue what his friend was talking about. Besides when did Brian spot his ink marks? He hadnīt shown himself shirtless for a long while and it wasnīt just because of the cancer.
“Donīt act like you donīt know what Iīm talking about.” The sweet talk was out of the picture and Brian looked Nick hard in his eyes.
“Well I donīt!”
“Nick, look at me when Iīm talking to you.”
“Eh..uh..” Not much to say.
“ Nick!” There was a brief silence before Brian said slowly, “Youīre not trying to loose weight are you? I mean in the wrong way..” Silence again, “ Like you have an eating disorder.” The last words were said in such a fast speed that had Nick choking.
“Eating disorder?” There was disbelief in the blonde's voice and Brian didnīt know what to say. Nick looked very pale, dark circles under his eyes. But it was the shimmer in his friends eyes that had him concerned. It was like there were something lacking. Life!!!!
“You think that I have an eating disorder? Like anorexia or bulemia?” Nick sounded annoyed and this had Brian fidgeting. “Do you think Iīm THAT fat?”
“No, Iīm sorry. I didnīt mean that...I..I..meant that..uh..heck Nick. Why else would you have those purple marks on your stomach?” Brian was yelling out the words, beyong caring that it came out wrong. He was much too concerned over his friend to let the subject drop.
“Iīm sick, let me go.” Nick tried to get out of the situation.
“Yeah I notice. Youīve been heaving your guts up for a long time and it canīt be flu. Nick you have to stop this nonsense and start eating and..”
“I canīt.” The words were silent, barely visible for Brian to hear.
“Why not?”
“Beacuse..beacuse..I have CANCER!” The words flew out of Nick's mouth before he had a moment to stop the conversation to go further. He could see how the words hit Brian in his gut. Like a bullet. Crash on impact.
“Eh?” Brian stared at his young friend. What was he saying? That he had cancer? This had to be another of Nick's sick jokes.
“Yes you heard me.” The cat was already out of the bag. “I have cancer, Hodgkins disease and Iīm on radiation treatment.”
There was silence in the room before Brian uttered a short, “ Damn!"
Nick pricked up his ears. In all those words he had rarely heard his very religious friend use such a strong word and this scared him dearly.
“Nick..why?? Why didnīt you say anything? Why?” Brian stood there, arms folded over, not knowing what to do or say.
“Beacuse..you wouldnīt have believed me and..and..” Tears streamed down Nicks face. Silently. “I thought that I would manage on my own.”
“How long have you known?” It was clear that the Kentuckian was in shock, yet he tried to answer as clear questions as he could.
“A little over two weeks.” Nick grabbed a paper towel, wiping off his tears. He sniffled and felt all alone. Brian hadnīt acted like he had expected. All he wanted was a hug and now Brian was standing there as a statue, looking like he didnīt care. Almost mad at him.
“ And how long did you intend to keep this secret?” There was coldness in Brian's voice.
“ I donīt..I donīt know.” Nick sniffled. What else could he say?
His thoughts were interrupted by Brian, “ Donīt you think that we have known each other long enough to tell each other something this serious?” He didnīt sound mad anymore,more sad and defeated. Nick hung his head low. Heīd upset his friend and that was not his intention at first place.
Why could he never do anything right?
