Reaching Back
“Hey kid, you gonna sleep all day on the beach or what?”
I jerked awake when I heard the thick southern accent direct a question at
me.
“Huh? Oh god, it’s just you again. You sure do like to pick on me and would
you stop calling me kid. I’m 14 and hardly a child,” I sputtered as jumped up
to my feet and started to gather my belongings.
“Okay, sure thing Nicky,” Brian remarked with a smirk.
“Would you quit calling me Nicky!? You know I hate that B-ROK!” I fired
back, adding the last word with strong sarcasim.
“Oooh, you hurt me!” Brian mocked.
“Boy for someone that’s a god-fearing Bible reading Christian, you sure like
to pick on people and push them,” I shot back.
“Would you two just knock it off,” Kevin yelled over his back.
“Hey who elected you my Daddy?” Brian called out.
“Your Momma called me dear cuz and she told me to watch out for your
sorry butt,” Kevin replied.
“Well if y’all are watching my butt then I’m gonna be watchin’ Nickolas’s butt
from now on,” Brian winked at me as he spoke.
I sat in the hotel room alone and scared. Brian and the guys left me again to
go clubbing so I was left with a television set which only had German shows
to watch and my Nintendo. I could have called home but the time difference
was over ten hours from Florida and they would no doubt be gone off doing
something with the rest of the family.
The painful reviews were echoing in my head and I couldn’t stop them. The
press was saying that we sang off key and lacked talent. Brian, AJ and Kevin
all had girls and I didn’t see any chance in my life that I would ever find
anyone to love. I craved normalcy in my life. Highschool dances, football
games, basketball games, first loves. That was all taken away from me. I was
a prisioner in my own little world and I hated it all.
Taking a sheet of hotel paper and a pen, I hastily scrawled out my goodbyes.
I was going to run away and leave everyone. I needed to find myself.
When you find this letter I will be gone. You have your lives and you have all
the things I will never get. I’m tired of living like this. Tell my parents I love
them and not to worry.
Childishly, I signed the letter “Love, Nick.”
Wiping the tears from my eyes and ignoring my runny nose, I grabbed my
clothes and stuffed them into my duffel bag. My Nintendo wasn’t going to
fit so I grabbed some games and decided I would have to leave the machine
behind.
I decided it would be a good idea to take a quick nap before I started off
since it could be days before I would find a place to stay. I laid back on my
bed, the duffel bag laid at my side.
I realized my plan was foiled when I felt someone sitting down on my bed. I
rolled over to see Brian, holding the goodbye note I had written.
“Nick, you don’t really mean this, do you?”
I set my jaw, “Yes.”
“That would kill me if you did that. You’re my brother, a part of me,” Brian
said quietly.
“I dunno, I just want a normal life,” I defended.
“Nick, who’s to say that this isn’t normal? This is your life, this is my life. I’m
going to be beside you every step of the way and I’m going to try to help you
through all of this, you’re never gonna be alone. Anytime you have a problem,
you can come to me, you know that don’t you?”
“I guess so.”
“Nick I love you and I’m always going to be there for you. Always and
forever,” Brian said as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me.
“I’m telling you, doc, you won’t get me under hypnosis,” I stated smugly.
“Here,” the doctor stated with a smile as he held out a box of tissues.
It was then that I realized that my face was wet from tears and my nose
was stuffed up.
“I will plan on seeing you again tomorrow. This was a good session Nick, it will
be a better one tomorrow.”
“Um yeah,” I mumbled as I stood up. I still felt a little tired from the med
he had given me, but it was a good tired. “Thanks doc.”
