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Blinking twice, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I rubbed them, trying to focus on the form standing in the middle of the room, smiling at me, arms outstretched.

“Nick?”

“Bri?”

The person rushed up to me and enveloped my body in a tight hug. Memories flooded my mind and filled my heart as we held each other, neither one of us saying a word. The feelings of security came to me as I felt the familiarity of Brian’s hug, the smell of his clothes, even the lop sided grin he gave me when we pulled apart.

“How come you’re here?” I asked quitely.

“Because I knew you needed me, come over and sit down with me,” Brian replied as he walked towards the couch that was situated against a wall.

I stared at the rug, not certain if I could control the tears that I knew were threatening to fall.

“Nick? Come and sit down,” Brian calmly requested.

Dammit, the tears were starting to slip down my face, god why was I so weak? I quickly wiped them away with the heel of my palm.

After I sat down, Brian’s eyes locked onto mine and he didn’t say anything to me at first, he just held his gaze on my face, it was like a battle of wills, neither one wanting to look away from the other.

Finally, Brian sighed softly. “I know why you’re here and I know that for some reason you’ve felt guilty about me getting sick.”

I looked away from my best friend and stood up to walk over to the picture window. Something inside of me stopped me from walking over there and I sat back down again. “I.. I don’t know why, but I.. I felt guilty about my feelings.”

“Guilty? Nick why would you feel guilty, this is something that you couldn’t stop,” Brian replied. “It was an accident, you didn’t mean to hit me with your car--”

“No, it wasn’t about the car accident, although I do feel guilty about almost killing you, Kevin made sure of that, but it’s just, oh I dunno..”

My voice trailed off as it waivered, the strength losing towards the end of the sentence and my voice squeaked out at that point.

“Aww, Nick. It’s about the cancer?”

I couldn’t speak, I just shook my head up and down.

“Nicky, that is something neither one of us could control, ever. Not you, not Kevin no one. I don’t know why you would be feeling guilty about the cancer.”

Brian was more effective in this counselling than any of those doctors with the phd’s ever were. He was cracking into why I was feeling the way I was, it was as if a light got switched on in my brain.

I sucked a deep breath in before I spoke my thoughts outloud.

“I think I felt like you were abandoning me, and I started to hate myself with the feelings I was feeling. I was being so damned self centered and I couldn’t control it. I was losing my best friend and I was feeling like you were leaving me intentionally.”

“Oh Nick, you know I would never, ever do that to you. You aren’t self centered.”

“Yes I was. I was mad at you. You promised me when BSB started up that you would always be there for me, no matter what you would always be around and then when you got the cancer, I freaked out and I guess I didn’t handle it very well and I’m sorry.”

Brian wrapped his arms around me. “Nick, you have nothing to feel sorry for. That is a natural human emotion. I was dealing with anger myself, I was angry at God. I now realize that this was all a test, and I think we’ve passed it.”

I pulled away from him and looked at his red rimmed eyes. “How have we passed this?”

“Well, we’re still here aren’t we? And we’re still breathing, right?”

I nodded slightly, unsure what direction Brian was heading with this.

“And I’ve been declared in remission, so I think I’ve got this cancer beat for now,” Brian smiled.

“Remission?”

“I guess you could say that the cancer is sleeping. It’s still hanging around inside my body, but who knows, it may never come back again, we have to pray that it stays asleep.”

I watched as Brian slowly stood up. He looked a little thinner, but his face still glowed, a slight trace of a bruise on his cheek had faded to a slight yellow coloring.

“So how are you, I mean, are you tired all the time? Sick?”

“Oh, I still tire easily, but that is getting better each day. The chemo effected my memory so I still can’t be left alone, I forget stupid little things like leaving the water running in the sink and a burner on the stove or a door open, but each day is getting better, I think,” Brian listed and then broke into a broad grin. “How would I know since I keep forgetting things? I look at it this way Nick, the glass is half full and every day is a new opportunity to build lasting friendships and relationships with the people you love. My short term memory is gone, so heck, every day is a new day for me. The docs promise that it can improve and I’m counting on it.”

God, how could anyone ever look at the things that were handed down to him unfairly and shine through it all? Brian was an example of someone that’s perfect. No one could ever change my mind. It was made up.

“Follow me, I’m gonna check myself out of this nuthouse,” I declared.

“Um, is that such a good idea, you’ve only been here one day,” Brian protested quietly.

“Yeah, but all it took was you Brian, you helped me through this,” I replied with a hug. “Thank god for you!”

Brian smiled. “Okay, that’s probably the closest I’ve ever heard you get towards God. This is something I can work on next.”

I grinned as I messed up Brian’s hair. “You keep thinking that thought, my short friend.”