Lost Friend
Greenville, what a shitty name for a shitty place, I thought to myself as I pulled
into the parking lot. It was a one story, white building with green shutters and
colorful flowers nestled against various shrubs.
I tugged at the front door, forgetting that it was kept locked. I mentally cursed
myself and could feel the color rush to my cheeks. Although no one was around
to see my mistake, I still felt embarrassed. I punched the button and waited for
the door to start buzzing.
Once I walked into the building, I was instantly hit with the medicinal smells of a
hospital mixed in with the sick scent of a nursing home. I made my way past a
few people sitting in wheelchairs to the front desk.
“Can I help you?”
I stared for a moment at the elderly woman sitting behind the desk wearing
printed hospital scrubs. Realizing I was just standing there staring, I quickly
cleared my throat.
“Um, yeah Brian Littrell’s room?”
The woman quickly keyed something into the computer at the desk.
“How’s Littrell spelled?”
“L-i-t-t-r-e-l-l.”
She laughed quietly to herself. “Ah, that’s why, here he is, room number 22,
down the hall and to your left.”
I managed a slight smile and thanked her quickly. From what I could tell by
walking down the hall and glancing in the dining room, they had just finished
lunch. Some of the people were still loitering at the tables, others were talking
with people still seated at their tables.
I nervously took a quick breath as I neared room number 22. I silently prayed
that he would still be in the same state he was in when Mom received the phone
call, the window never stayed open for very long.
Walking into the small, semi-private room, I found Brian lying back in bed,
watching TV. His room mate was laying on his side, back facing Brian, sleeping.
“Hey buddy,” I said softly as I walked towards the bed.
Brian looked up from the television, his eyes brightened. “Nick! Oh god, where
have you been? I’ve been waiting for so long!”
He quickly jumped up and wrapped his arms around me and held me in the
tightest squeeze I’ve ever been on the receiving end from him in a long time.
I noticed his room mate was stirring when Brian jumped up.
“Hey, lets go for a walk down the hall and talk,” I quietly suggested.
Brian nodded and quickly stepped into the pair of brown slippers that were set
near the foot of his bed. We walked down towards the “visiting room” and I had
to stop Brian from walking past it.
“Oops, got carried away, I was thinking we were going someplace else,” Brian
lied.
I looked at my best friend. I didn’t want to waste a minute of my time with him. It
was becoming so precious. He didn’t even remember me seeing him yesterday. I
blinked the tears back. Here was this guy that held millions of girls captive with
his voice and his smile, sitting before me wearing a pair of blue sweats and a
Kentucky Uni sweatshirt looking at me as if I had been missing from his life for
years.
“So how are you doing today Brian?”
Brian looked over his left should and then his right. He quickly grabbed me by
the shoulders. “Nick, you gotta get me out of here! I can’t take this anymore!”
My eyes followed his glances to the right and left. “Brian, we’ve been over this a
million times, you can’t go until you’re better.”
Brian’s brow furrowed and then he looked innocently at me. “There’s nothing
wrong with me Nick, I keep telling you that.”
I sighed. Every visit I had with Brian when he was “with us” I had to go over this
again. He seemed to forget everytime when he was having a good day. Before I
could answer him, his eyes clouded over and tears started streaming down his
cheeks.
“You did this to me! You wanted it all and you put me here!” Brian shouted,
pointing an accusing finger at me.
God this hurt. How could I explain to my best friend that I had no control over the
situation. This was in the hands of his parents and his doctors.
“Bri, I had nothing to do with this, you gotta believe me,” I choked back, my voice
waivering with emotion, the tears spilling down my cheeks as well.
“Nick, this is killing me, I can’t take this!” Brian sobbed.
As soon as it came, it was over. The blank look on Brian’s face told me he was
gone again. The window was closed.
He didn’t fight me as I gently led him back to his room and helped him back to
his bed, taking the slippers off of his feet. I wrapped my arms around him to hug
him goodbye, there was none of the usual return that Brian would give. He
simply sat there and took it.
I kissed him goodbye on the cheek and smiled through my tears.
“See you tomorrow buddy,” I murmurred softly as I turned to leave the room,
stopping for a moment looking at the photo on the shelf of myself and Brian and
then finally walking out of the building as quickly as I dared without drawing
attention to myself.
