Judging by the light that was trying to shine through my blinds, considerable time had passed. It was dark when I was knocked out. I had been awake for about forty-five minutes and still, no Kyung. My nurse paged her for me, but I guess she was caught up in something. I tried to wait patiently. It wasn’t like I could go anywhere anyway.

“Lizz?” Kyung opened the door softly. She walked in and gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed. She didn’t say anything, but the tears were words enough. I don’t know how I knew, but I knew that it wasn’t Nick that was making her cry. It was me.

“Kyung, please don’t cry for me.” I whispered. I hated how weak my voice sounded.

“But...” She started, but I could see that she was having a hard time with what she was trying to say. She bowed her head.

“Sweetie, I know.” I said softly.

She looked up in surprise. “H...how?” She stuttered.

I smiled sadly. “I just know. I can feel it.”

She raised her eyebrows and new tears welled up in her brown eyes.

“Hey, hey now. Don’t worry hun, I’m not giving up. I am going to fight this until the end. Whatever that end is. But I am not going to give up okay? You know me and you know that I am too damned stubborn to just let this win, right?” I squeezed her hand.

She nodded. “Still, Lizzie, I can’t lose you...” She stopped and buried her head in her hands. I could hear her trying to muffle her cries.

I don’t know how I managed, but I pushed myself up and wrapped my arms around her. I was trying so hard to be brave and being the strong one at this moment was not making it any easier. So, I began to cry too.

Brian immediately saw that the nurse was upset. Shaken might have been the more accurate term. She was standing outside Nick’s door and she seemed to be fighting a battle within herself. She looked like she wanted to be as far away from here as possible, but on the other hand, she looked almost as if she couldn’t tear herself away from whatever held her there. Something told Brian that this wasn’t just a nosy hospital employee and upon closer inspection, he recognized her as the nurse that accompanied the doctor that had relayed the horrible news about Nick. She wore a similar expression then too. It was a mix of guilt, horror, regret, compassion, and profound sadness. Brian reached out and gently touched her arm. “Is everything okay?”

She recoiled as if struck. The expression on her face changed and now all that was shown was fear.

Barbara could only stand there. This is your chance! Her mind screamed at her. You can’t just pretend that nothing ever happened. You have a responsibility to do what is right!

“I, uh...” Barbara stammered. What about Baby Boy Johnson? Do you want to lose your job? She argued with herself.

The look in this poor boy’s eyes that was standing in front of her! She could see what this was doing to him. He was watching someone he loved very much slip away from him and there was nothing he could do about it. But you can! But then Dr. Minnick’s cruel, hard voice echoed in her mind. "Remember the Baby Boy Johnson case? You were at fault in that one by your own mistakes, so you see, Nurse McKean, I am not going down alone, I will take anyone I can with me."

"I...I'm sorry." She whispered before turning around sharply and practically running down the hall. Before Brian could even say anything, she had disappeared out the ICU doors. He started to go into Nick's room, but something told him not to let this go.

Finally Kyung's tears had subsided and we broke apart. I really felt horrible now, making her cry like that. She never cries. We sat there quietly for a few minutes.

Finally I spoke up. "Kyung, I want to know what is happening with Nick. I know that there is more going on with him than you and Brian will tell me. I need to know."

She looked pained. "We just didn't want you to get upset."

I gave her a look. "Come on, I had two panic attacks that I know had something to do with him. Not knowing what is going on is killing me here."

She sighed. "Lizz, Nick had a stroke. The neurologist said it was caused by the last seizure he had. His movement is very limited and he can't really talk."

I could have sworn a piece of my heart broke just then. "Is he aware of his surroundings and stuff?" I whispered.

Kyung thought back to his reaction when she had broken the news about the lack of Lizz's recovery. "Yeah, he is."

I nodded slowly. It was taking all of my self control to not completely fall apart. The thought of that happening to Nick was killing me. I should have been able to stop it!"I want to see him." I knew it was a long shot, but hell.

Not surprisingly, Kyung shook her head. "Sweetie, you don't have near the strength for that."

"Then you might as well just move me into his room because that is where I plan on being until he gets better." I said.

"Lizz, be real." She frowned at me.

"I am being real. I need to be there. You know full well that I will get myself in there with or without anyone's help. I've done it twice before." My stubbornness was definitely showing.

"It is against hospital policy and you know that. You just plain don't have the strength right now. You need to focus on getting better and resting." She was getting stressed now.

"Well they need to bend their policy then! I won't be able to rest if I am going to be constantly worried about him. And you know that." I wasn't going to let this go.

Finally she relented. "Okay, I will take you in there for awhile, but as soon as you even start to feel like you are going to pass out or like you need to lie down, you tell me! Cause if something happens to you in there, I guarantee you that I will not let you out of this bed again!" She looked so forceful that I had to smile. I don't think I ever had a friend as protective as Kyung.

"I don't know what you are smiling about. I am not happy with you doing this." She frowned at me.

I made a "pissed off" face to mock hers and she finally smiled back.

"You are a punk." She informed me as she got the portable oxygen tank ready. She gave me a look as if to warn me not to argue about the oxygen, but she didn't have to worry about that. After that she went and told my nurse the plan and then came back in to help me into the wheelchair.

Just as she was unplugging the IV pump from the outlet, there was a knock on the door. Without waiting for an answer, Brian let himself in.

"Kyung, I need..." He started breathlessly. He stopped mid-sentence when he saw me in the wheelchair. "What's going on?" He asked, frowning.

"She won't give up. Brian, I honestly tried, but she is so damned stubborn." Kyung rolled her eyes at me.

I gave him an innocent smile and he just shook his head.

"Lizz, you aren't doing yourself any good." He scolded gently.

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

Kyung shot him a look as if to say "see?!"

"Since you are here, you can help me get her, the oxygen tank, and her IV pole to his room." Kyung informed Brian.

Brian laughed. "Glad to see I am useful for something." Then he sobered. "Actually, I need you to help me. I need you to help me find a nurse. Her name is Barbara."

Kyung and I glanced at each other. A sense of urgency was written all over Brian's face.

"Why? What's going on?" I asked him.

"I don't know, but for some reason, I think she might be able to tell us."