I searched Kyung’s face for answers. She looked very uncomfortable when I managed to scrawl “Nick” on the piece of paper. Something was wrong. I could tell. She averted her eyes from mine.

I want to talk so bad, but the blasted tube down my throat prevented me. I wanted to rip it out, but the mere thought of that made me cringe. I knew I didn’t have the strength at the present moment, not to mention it would probably kill me. Although, I wasn’t sure I cared at the moment.

“Lizz, I’m...uh...” Kyung started.

I still held the marker so I struggled to write, “TELL ME.” She looked at the paper, then at me. It looked like she was trying to figure out what to say.

“I don’t really know. Something happened, but I don’t know what.” She finally said. She let out a long sigh. “You remember Laura? One of the other interns? She said that a guy that matched Nick’s description was radioed in. EMSA said the patient was high profile. Laura didn’t find out which hospital and she wasn’t sure where they were calling from.”

My eyes grew wide and filled with tears. My frustration grew because I couldn’t do anything, but lie in this damn bed. I struggled to write more. “Find out where.”

Kyung sighed again. “Don't get yourself all worked up! That isn’t going to help anything. You are going to make yourself worse.”

Tears slipped down my cheeks. I wrote some more. “Don’t care. My fault.”

Kyung glared at me now. “What is your fault?!” She demanded. I think she felt as frustrated as I did, but for different reasons. She was watching her best friend lie in a hospital bed, attached to several machines including a respirator, and I was not helping the situation by getting all upset. I couldn’t help myself though.

I wrote some more. “Suppose to help. He dies my fault. Didn’t do my job.”

Kyung shook her head. “Lizz! No!You can’t control what people do. You can’t stop someone from doing something if that is what they want to do. You tried to help. You did the best you could. You can’t blame yourself! That is ridiculous!”

Her words might have made sense. I would never believe them though. In my heart, if he died, I would blame myself for not being able to help him.

At that moment Kyung’s pager went off. She glanced at me and then at her page. “It’s Laura.” She said quietly. “I’m going to go call her and I will be right back okay?”

I nodded, cursing the fact that they didn’t put phones in ICU rooms. She came back a few moments later, her face a few shades paler.

“He’s here. They just brought him in. I don’t know how Laura found out because I bet they are keeping this as tightly sealed as possible.” She told me in a hushed voice.

I gestured for her to let me write again. She held it up and I scribbled “is he ok?”

“I don’t know. She didn’t know anything else.” Kyung replied. She frowned. This was not a good thing. One paramedic knew about what had really happened and she guessed the whoever else was there did too. Somehow Laura had found out and who knew who else. Somewhere floating around was the conversation printed out. If that got out it could be really bad. “Lizz, there is something else.” Kyung started. She hated saying anything that might upset Lizz further, but Lizz had to know. “One of the paramedics printed out the conversation you had with Nick. Somehow Laura knows about it.”

I felt the color drain from my face. I started to scribble again. “Find him please.”

Kyung nodded.

Just then the overhead system came to life. “Code Blue! Dr. Phelps to the ER STAT. Dr. Phelps to the ER.”

Oh god. Oh god.

Kyung looked at me quickly. “Lizz, you don’t know...” But she stopped, the fear in her face betraying her words.

I started to shake. I tried to fight the respirator. I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.

“Lizz. Lizz, relax! Let the machine breathe for you. Lizz, calm down. Shit!” Kyung’s face was over mine and I could see her trying to stay calm. She reached for the call button and pushed it. “Come on Lizz. You need to relax. You are going to hyperventilate!”

I didn’t even here what she was saying. I didn’t notice the people that had just flooded my room. I didn’t even notice my own pain. All I really could tell was that I couldn’t breathe. It was my fault. My fault. And then once again the merciful darkness took me away again.

Brian stood off to the corner of the ER, watching people wearing hospital scrubs move about the room quickly. Each had their own jobs to do, places they were assigned when a code was called.

A nurse gently touched Brian’s shoulder. “I think it would be best if you come with me.”

Brian reluctantly walked where the nurse led him, his eyes looking back towards Nick’s room until he could no longer see it. The nurse led him down a hallway to a small room that had a few chairs, a dark coffee table and boxes of tissues on each end table.

“This is a private waiting room. I will come back once they have him stabilized. If you need anything, my name is Patty, just ask for me at the front desk.”

With that, she softly closed the door to the small room. Brian, feeling clausterphobic, got up and opened the door and then took a seat, leaning forward and cradling his head in his hands thinking and praying.

The minutes dragged as Brian waited for the nurse to return with some news about Nick. Seeing the telephone sitting on the table, Brian debated on whether or not to call Kevin and decided that they were probably just as anxious and as worried as he was.

Brian sighed as he fished out his hotel room card. Luckily, the number was printed on the back of the card so he could. When the hotel operator answered, Brian quickly asked for “Kevin Reynold’s room.”

“Yeah?” Kevin answered abruptly.

“Kev, it’s me, Brian.”

Kevin immediately pounded Brian with questions. “What the hell happened? How is he? What did he do? Where the hell are you?”

“Kevin, slow it down, calm down,” Brian tried to quiet Kevin. “Some hospital in Okalahoma City. Nick took some pills on the bus, a mixture of them, we don’t know what for sure he took or how much.”

“He tried to kill himself?” Kevin asked, his voice rising.

“Calm down, Kev.”

Brian listened and waited for Kevin to settle down before he began again. “At this point I’m not sure what’s going on yet. Nick was upset over something that happened this afternoon when he was online and with that, plus his breakup, he just couldn’t handle it anymore.”

“He’s gonna be alright though, right? I mean, Nick will pull through,” Kevin asked with a hopeful voice.

Sighing, Brian raked a hand through his hair. “I dunno, Kev, at this point I dunno.” Brian could feel his emotions coming out of check. “ I will call you when I know something definite,” Brian added quickly.

Hanging up the phone, Brian sank back into his seat. When he heard the distinctive sound of rubber on the linoleum floors he looked up, expecting to see Patty in the doorway. The girl in the hospital scrubs wasn’t her.