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I cried into my pillow for a few hours. Mom kept trying to call back and AJ kept answering the phone. When he'd come to my door I'd holler for him to go away and that I didn't want to talk to my mother.

I changed my clothes and got back into my bed. I was still crying, but I tried to sleep. I kept my lights on because I was too lazy to go and turn them off. A few minutes later AJ knocked on my door. I didn't answer him, but I buried my head into my pillow more. AJ opened my door and walked into my room. I didn't look up at him or say anything.

AJ sat on my bed and moved the hair out of my face. He kissed my forehead and I just about slapped him in the face. "Don't touch me!" I wanted to scream. But I didn't. I had to hold myself back a LOT, though.

After he turned off my light and left my room, I opened my eyes again. I sat up in bed and wiped my eyes. Why the hell was I even crying in the first place? Just because my mom is a bitch who would rather screw some guy than find a job so that I can go home? No way! I don't cry over shit like that! I don't cry at all!

I sat in the darkness and thought about a lot of stuff. Nothing in particular, really. Stupid shit mostly. Like why it gets dark and stuff like that. Anything to get my mind off all the crap that happened that day.

Did AJ really have a right to get so mad at me like that? Yes, of course he did. I screwed up his date and got myself in a lot of trouble. But did I have a right to get so mad at him? No. He hasn't done anything to me, but he's done everything for me. I feel bad now...

How am I supposed to sleep knowing that I'm the biggest screw up in the world?


************

I did fall asleep eventually, but it was a restless one. I woke up the next afternoon as tired as I was when I fell asleep. For a few moments I felt like everything was fine and that nothing was going wrong. But then I remembered what had happened and I got all depressed again.

I did my usual morning routine. Shower, dress, etc. And then I put on my blue Vans and walked downstairs. I hoped AJ was gone or something so I could just get out of the house without being questioned.

But he was home. Of course. He was sitting in his den or whatever you wanna call it looking over some crap. I tried to walk by without getting talked to by him, but he looked up when I passed by.

"Hey, where are you going?" He asked me.

"Out somewhere." I muttered.

He got up and walked over to me. "No, you're grounded. You're not going anywhere." He said.

I sighed. "Please? I have to get out. I can't stand it in here." I told him.

"No." He said firmly, "Why don't you come in here with me so we can talk?"

I dragged my feet as I followed him into the den. "Why do we have to talk?" I asked.

"Because I'm worried about you." He told me, "You're mom told me what happened between you two last night and I felt bad. I just wanna make sure you're okay."

"I'm not bleeding or anything." I told him.

"I can see that." AJ said, "But I want to make sure you're okay, you know... emotionally. I feel bad about yesterday when I got all mad at you."

Am I okay emotionally? Hmm... "Never become a psychiatrist." I told him, "And of course I'm not okay. I have no life, no friends, nothing."

"You have me." AJ said.

"Are you trying to make me feel better? Cuz you're doing a really shitty job." I said.

"No, I'm serious. If you got your act together then maybe we could actually begin to enjoy each others company. We could be friends." AJ suggested.

"Or you could just stop forbidding me to see the people I actually LIKE." I said, "Then maybe it will keep me from having suicidal thoughts... "

"Wha... ... .Suicidal? You're gonna kill yourself?" AJ asked. If I am correct, and I frequently am, he sounded a trifle anxiety-ridden.

I shook my head. "Of course I'm not. There's too much agony involved." I said.

"Actually, there are ways to kill yourself with little pain at all." AJ said.

"Care to give me some ideas so you can rid yourself of the burden of caring for me?" I questioned. Let's see if he gives me some ideas...

"No. I refuse to help you in your mission to end your life. And don't even think about trying to cuz I might have to send you to a shrink." AJ said.

"Another one? I'm telling you it won't help me any! I tell them my problems, they write shit down, blah blah blah. I went to one until the fourth grade and I used to make up shit for them to help me with!" I told him.

"Okay... I never knew you went to one." AJ said.

"Let me add that to the list of things you have learned about me." I said.

1) I'm a bitch.

2) I have fake "suicidal thoughts".

3) I've been to a damn shrink.

HE KNOWS SO MUCH!