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I had trouble sleeping the next two nights. Every time I tried to get to sleep, images of exactly what happened to my mom kept appearing. And a few times after I did fall asleep, I'd have a nightmare and wake up. Needless to say, it sucked.

AJ was being super nice to me. It sort of scared me. I mean, he always acted like I was gonna break or something. But hey, wouldn't that be cool? If I broke? Like glass or something? I think it's look awesome cuz there'd be little pieces of me everywhere. "Buy a piece of Kelly Conner! Only 25 cents!" No one would buy it though cuz I'm a loser.

I wouldn't talk to anyone. Well, anyone but AJ. But I wouldn't talk to any of my friends. Jamie came to bring me my books and homework, and I answered the door. I thanked her and then shut the door in her face without another word. I know it was rude, but I'm depressed damnit!

I did talk to Casey once, but I could barely understand what she was crying. She was bawling like a baby. I mean, I was still really upset, but at least I could contain myself. She said that since I wasn't crying anymore, she was crying for me. I believe that.

I overheard AJ talking to his mother. He said that I "seemed okay" but was "probably still shocked". What an idiot. I'm not in shock. I'm just trying to get past this all so I can get on with my fucking life.

But I'm doing a horrible job.

On my birthday... wow, that was a weird one. I guess I WAS still in shock that day. Not a lot of things happened. It was a pretty uneventful day to say the least. I still couldn't take my mind off of my mom. But I didn't cry once, thank you. I can hold it in. Let me take you back:

When I first woke up, I sat in the kitchen and watched AJ cook. I swear, it's hilarious to watch him cook, but like torture to actually have to eat it. I put my head down on the table and asked him, "Why don't you just order food or go out to eat?"

"Because this is breakfast, Kel. It's my resolution last New Year to be able to make something besides cereal." He told me.

"What about toast? Can't you make that?" I asked him.

AJ cleared his throat and said, "No, I can not. I burn it."

I smiled. Then I closed my eyes. I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep the night before. It was one of those nights where I'd have the nightmares and wake up.

AJ set something down beside me and asked, "You okay?"

I nodded, not opening my eyes. See, I told you he treats me like a damn porcelain doll. It pisses me off, but I don't show it. I know that he's just concerned about me, blah, blah, blah.

It's all getting old.

A few minutes later I opened my eyes and saw a plate of eggs next to me. I looked at them and saw that they were all burnt.

"I know that they look sick, but just think of the burnt part as extra flavoring." AJ told me as he watched me from the counter, his arms crossed.

"I'm not very hungry." I told him slowly, pushing the plate away from me.

"Again?" He asked me, "You've hardly eaten unless the food is coming from McDonalds. I am sensing a pattern here."

"I just don't like your cooking." I told him bluntly.

"I can see that." AJ said, "And it hurts me deeply."

"Get over it." I snapped.

That stopped him. He turned back around and continued to cook his own breakfast. I could practically hear him thinking, "Don't get mad at her. She's going through a rough time."

The doorbell rang and I got up to get it. When I opened the door, I saw all of the other ferickin Bullshit Boys standing there with their girlfriends, or wives, or fiancees, and their kids. (If they had any, that is.)

"Happy birthday, Kelly." They all said. But thank God it wasn't together. Then I might have to go crazy and kick their pansy asses.

"Yeah, thanks." I said, and then left them in the doorway to come in themselves.

I heard the door close as I walked back into the kitchen. When AJ saw them all he smiled and said, "Hey, what are you guys doing here?"

"We decided to stop by early." Howie said. He was there with his wife. I think they just got married. How do I know? Cuz they still look happy.

"Great," AJ said, though I was thinking the exact opposite, "I think the only other people coming are my mom and Natalie."

"Natalie's coming?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?" AJ asked, "I thought you liked her."

I stood up and said, "I'm going to hide out in my room." I walked out of the kitchen and to the stairs. Some kid was standing next to the stairs.

"Hi." She said cheerily.

I didn't say anything. But I did yell to everyone in the kitchen, "Someone's kid's out here."

A moment later, as I was walking up the stairs, Kevin came out and took the little girl by the hand. I'm guessing it's his daughter. "Come on, Nessa. Let's go see Mommy." He said.

I hid in my room for about an hour before AJ came in and told me to come downstairs. He told me that people got stuff for me. Like that was a valid excuse for me to come down... But I did go down. And the other people were there. AJ's mom and... Natalie. She smiled at me perkily. Freak. AJ's mom just gave me a simple, kind of sympathetic smile. DO NOT PITY ME!

But please do.

"Kelly, here, I got this for you." Natalie said and handed me a gift wrapped in purple wrapping paper.

"Thank you." I said with a forced smile. I don't want to know what's in here...

"Open it." Natalie said excitedly.

"Maybe later... " I told her.

"Oh come on," She said, "You'll love it."

I sighed and sat down on the couch between her and Brian. I opened the present, while everyone's eyes were on me. I do not like to be the center of attention.

I was horrified to see what was inside. But I tried to hide it. It was hard considering it was a freaking pick shirt with, get this, FLOWERS on it!

"Uh... " I said, searching for what to say, "Thanks. It's great. I'll wear it every time I go insane."

Everybody laughed. Am I amusing or something? Jeez, shut your mouths!

The rest of the gifts were okay. I could keep my sanity at least, as I opened them. But I don't know if I'll ever use them.

Conversation was pretty boring. I didn't say much. I just listened. No one said anything about my mom. They were probably trying to spare me of the painful memories. The horror!

None of my friends stopped by. They were all going to, but I told them not to. I wished I hadn't said that. As I sat on the floor of the living room, I was wondering if you could die of boredom. I came up with the conclusion that you can't, because I was still living.

I let my mind drift off to other things. First it went to my mom. But then I tried to think of something else, like Jared. But it kept going back to my mom. Finally I allowed myself to think of my mom. About what a cool mom she was. She was like, my best friend besides Jared.

Man, I really miss her.