”Whatīs all the commotion about?” AJ asked as he motioned with his tumb towards the loud yelling in the backroom. Heīd just done another show and was dead on his feet from exhaustion. Sweat poured down his back and he wiped his face off with the white towel hanging around his neck.
“Management is telling Nick off,” Brian said with a sigh as he uncapped the lid of the waterbottle and took a mouthful. He was just as tired as his friend, even though they had made a success that evening.
“No shit? Couldnīt they at least have given the kid some space?”
“Johnny and Lou thought he fucked up when he hit the wrong cue on some places at tonights show,” Kevin explained.
“Yeah figures. They knew that Nick was in no shape to perform tonight,” Brian said, closing his eyes. He too had been in no shape to perform, much due to lack of sleep. Even though he knew that Nick felt like shit he still had to admire the enthusiasm that the blonde put in to his performance. Okay, he had done some small mistakes, yet it was nothing to discuss since preforming with a stomach ache was one thing that sucked. That he knew from first hand experience.
Turning to Kevin he said, “I donīt think itīs right that management nags at Nick all the time. We better do something.”
Kevin shook his head, “No it isnīt," he said with afterthought, “still what can we do? Not much since itīs their call and really..Nick messed up..he is starting to slack at so many points.”
“Well he is just a kid. A teen,” Brian sighed. “Nick has his own worries and they should show him support instead of knocking him down everytime he does something that displeases them.”
“Yeah youīre right. They need to cut him some slack.” AJ agreed.
“I swear sometimes Nick has me a bit worried,” Howie said with a frown.
“Why?” Brian looked up, catching a glance at his cousin. He felt the same as Howie, he guessed they all did yet they kept their faces. Played the charade.
“I donīt know..but I have a bad feeling about him. He was way too young to start in this business and itīs been hard on him you know. Being away from his family, touring and all. A kid his age should be with his family and not running around the world all the time. Pleasing others."
Three pair of eyes stared at the Latino who had uttered the words. All with different comments.
“I was just as young when I started,”AJ defended.
“Yeah?” Brian laughed, “and look how you turned out to be.” He got a hit on his head by the young man.
“Jerk.”
Brian grinned.
“Really Nick knew what he was getting into when he went into this business. He knew that he wasnīt in for a picnic. All he has to do is to hit the right notes. How hard can that be?” Kevin hated it when something was not going smoothly at the concert. He wanted it all to be under highest perfection.
“Yeah, but if you had to preform feeling as bad as Nick did tonight you would miss cues too,” Brian gave his cousin an irritated glare.
All he got back was a shrug.
“Think we should talk with Johnny and explain that things are a bit rough for Nicky right now?” Howie was genuinely concerned over the way the blonde had acted the past weeks. It was like something really bothered him and he was not in the best of shape either. The cookie bingeing that he had been in for last night also had him a bit frightened. He had a friend that had been into the same behavoir and there were some resemblences to what Nick was doing. The friend had an eating disorder that nearly killed her. He didnīt want to say that Nick suffered from such a thing, as far as he thought the teen overate too much.
“Yeah and what good would that do?” AJ sneered, “Like if management even listened to us.”
“Well we canīt just leave it. Nick is our buddy.”
“Where are you going?” Kevin said as he saw his cousin standing up to go over to the room where the noises came from.
"Well someone got to talk with Johnny and Lou. Itīs not fair that Nick is getting all that crap." They heard upset voices coming from the room behind and judging for it the teen was in for a real treat. In a not-so-good way.
“Brian leave it alone,” AJ commented.
Howie nodded too as he grabbed the young mans arm, “We all know that you care for Nicky. But really it wonīt do you any good if you go up and defend Nicky right now.”
“The kid is eigthteen years old for crying out loud. He needs to learn to take his responsibilites some time.”
“Kev, why do you always complain about him?” Brian felt upset.
“I do not.” The darkhaired man was stubborn, “ Itīs just that he isnīt acting his age at all and I get fed up with him screwing up things all the time.”
“Now youīre not being fair.”
“Stop fighting. It wonīt help Nicky.” Howie tried to steer off the impending argument. To no use. Soon both Brian and Kevin were involved in a heated argument over the way Brian thought that the rest of the guys treated their youngest member. Mainly Kevin.
“Will you two ever stop? Jeeze! Cool it.” AJ said when the volume of their voices gradually rose.
“Fine!” Brian said, “If you think that Nick is that stupid, why do you ever bother to be around him?” He narrowed his eyes towards the older band member.
“I didnīt say that.”
“Yes you did, you said...” And the fight was at it again. Suddenly their argument interrupted abruptly by the boy in question rushing in.
“I hate it..I hate it all.” He yelled as he ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. They could hear sobbing on the other end and Brian was the first one that sprung into action.
“Nick, Nick..open up. What is it?” He knocked on the door, trying to get his friends attention.
“G-go away,” the teen sobbed, making no move to open up.
“Buddy, what is it?”
“I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”
A bit surprised over the sudden outburst that came from their youngest member they looked at each other. Had Nick heard their argument? What had happend with the management?
Even tough Kevin had made his comments over the young blonde he still felt very worried. This was not like Nick to be this moody. He didnīt want to admit it but the kid was close to his heart. Closer than he ever expected anyone to be. Maybe this was one of the reasons why he picked and nagged at Nick all the time? Because he felt so much for the kid and was afraid that he would screw up. Not cutting it in the business that he was in.
“Nick!” Kevin said with a soft calm voice, “Open up. Let us talk to you.”
“GO TO HELL!”
“NICK!” Brian seemed shocked over the rude comments that fell over his friends lips.
Kevin was not. "Calm down..hush.." He motioned towards AJ to get something to open the door with. He had to get Nick since he didnīt know what the teen would do. For the first time a frightening feeling that he would do something bad rinsed over him. Like rain in a thunderstorm.
The silence was suddenly interrupted from a gagging noise from the other end of the door. Then the sound of their friend violently heaving into the bowl.
“What the fuck?” AJ shook his head in surprise. The others looked just as startled. This was not something that they had expected.
Purging over and over again, Nick tried to get his feelings in check. He felt like shit and his stomach cramped up violently as he expelled the little that he had eaten through out the day. The concert had been mostly a blur and his stomach was still sore from the constant abuse that it had been through last night. He knew he had fucked up during the concert even tough he didnīt think it was as bad as the management said it was.
Lou and Johnny had chewed him out really good. They had told him that he was starting to slack and also that he was fucking it all up. The thing that hurt the most was that they had said that he was starting to get fat and needed to loose some weight or he would become unattractive and in this business it meant that he wouldnīt get any fans. They said he was looking bloated and they threatned to have him on water and lettuce if he didnīt go on a diet. He had to stop stuffing himself full with candy and junk food.
It didnīt matter how much he tried to defend himself, they still wouldnīt listen. They even complained about that he was still having zits and that his skin looked like a crater. This wasnīt fair. 'Ok he had a few zits here and there but then tell me what teenage boy that didnīt have that,' Nick thought miserably.
He had stood there. Taking in it all. The mental abuse in total silence. Trying to defend himself had been useless. They didnīt listen. They never did. Instead they had dwelled over and over again over the mistakes that he done and how he looked. Not a word had been mentioned that he was almost working 24/7, up and about all the time. Smiling, singing, smiling, hugging fans and pleasing them all.
It hurt! The pain was so strong that he wanted to lay down and die. Instead he bit his lips and swallowed it all down. His stomach ached more and more as they kept on yellig at him. Tears were stinging his eyes and it seemed like everything he did was fuck up. Badly
They had called him a spoiled brat. Last nights promotion party, that they had called his own birthday party, had been a total disaster. They accused him that it was his behavoir that had done so one of the upcoming sponsors had dropped out of the business deal. Claiming that he didnīt want to invest money in a group that had such an immature member.
What also ticked him off was the way they told him that Fatima said that he was missing at the reaharsal. That he showed no enthusiasm and now both Johnny and Lou questioned if he was really fit to go on the European tour. They reminded him that there were easily other good looking singers that could replace him with a blink of an eye. A singer that wasnīt as stupid and fat as he was.
It was like they had stored up all bad feelings about him and then let it out. All at the same time. As the scolding continued he felt more and more usless.
His self confidence hit rock bottom. How could the mangement that had so much believed in him, being their prize moneymaker and all, turn their backs against him? Calling him immature and a looser. It hurt!
But what upset him the most was that after he was going to go to his brothers for comfort he overheard the argument that they had about him. Mostly Kevin and Brian!
He didnīt hear it all but what registered his mind was that they thought he was immature and fucked up all the time. At least Kevin thought so. He was sick and tired of always having to please everybody. Always having to be PERFECT!
It was these feelings that left him feeling nauseous and having him vomit over and over again.
“Nick, come on dude. We wanna help you.” He could hear Brian's desperate plea for him to open up. Yet he ignored it, closing his eyes. Heat rushed over his body as he leaned over once more. His stomach was anything but calm and once more he gagged. The more that left his body the better he felt.
Totally exhausted, crying, he leaned back against the cool tiles when his stomach had nothing more to heave. The bitter taste of bile burned in his throat and his ears were ringing from the task he had endured. His “brothers” were outside and he could hear them talking to each other. Yet he didnīt care. A feeling of warmth was slowly creeping up on him and even if he was sick as a dog he still felt satisfield.
For the first time in life he was in control. Of his own feelings.
