"Three more shows and then I´m outta here. Kissing Europe goodbye!" AJ said with a wide grin as he slouched down on the couch at the venue. "God it’s gonna feel so good to finally be able to sleep in my own bed, with my lady at my side."

"That sounds like a plan," Brian nodded, being much too busy to get out of his stage costume so he could jump into the shower to really listen to what his friend was saying.

Howie, however, agreed, "Yeah that will be nice. Man this tour has been really stressful." He took a large swig from the cold water bottle before asking, "What are you guys going to do when we have downtime?" He was refering to the two weeks off that they had before going into the studio to record some new tracks and shooting a video.

Brian was the first to answer, "I´m going to see Leigh," he said with a wide grin accompanied by a dreamy look in his eyes. "I really miss her."

"Like we didn´t know that," Howie chuckled getting an irritated glance back."Ok what are you going to do besides that?"

AJ was the one to answer the question, "Nothing. Brian has no other life."

"I do too," the older man defended himself against the false accusation, "I´m going to shoot some hoops, be with my family and maybe hang with some friends."

"What did I tell you?" AJ said in triumph, "he doesn´t have a life!"

Now Brian was getting upset, "Like you´re the one to talk," he growled, trying to hit AJ in his head with his plastic bottle but not succeeding since the skinny man ducked away from the beatings.

"Ok kids..knock it off." Kevin was butting into the fight, "Try at least to act the age you are and not some freaking five year old!"

Both Brian and AJ turned back with a sour look, yet they said nothing as Kevin added, "Hey have any of you guys seen Nick?"

"No."

"Ok..hrm..strange," the older member muttered as he turned towards Howie, "What did you say?"

Howie repeated himself since he had been talking to deaf ears, "And you Kev, what are you going to do when we are off?"

"Me? Oh I don´t know. Probably go out with Kristin and then maybe go to some ball game." He yawned suddenly, "Do you guys mind if I hit the shower first? You know since we are going to ride the bus all night."

Howie couldn´t help but groan at the comment. Whenever he had tried to ask or talk something personal with Kevin he was met with an invisible resistance. It was like his private life remained private and Kevin was not someone that would spill his guts about his problems nor his thoughts to just anyone. Often his conversation was carefully planned which sometimes led to him being too tight for the rest of the group. Either that or too serious.

"No go ahead...I´m coming with you," Brian announced getting up to follow his cousin out of the room, "Do you mind if I borrow your shampoo since I left mine on the bus?"

"Nah it´s ok," Kevin opened the door and Brian followed after him as they both left the room.

"There they go," AJ exclaimed, looking at the door that closed after them then he turned back to Howie and asked, "You haven´t asked me what I´m gonna do. Don´t you wanna know?"

"No...not really," Howie was being honest but when he saw the pouting face his friend made he changed his mind, "Ok what are you gonna do then?" He knew AJ well enough to know what he would say so he just waited for the words to be said.

"I´m going to go to a museum and then I´m going to the library," AJ said looking dead serious.

For a brief moment Howie could see some hope and he said hesitantly, "Really?"

"Yes," AJ nodded before breaking out in a large grin, "Hell no! I´m gonna fuck and sleep!"

Howie groaned loudly. "I knew it!"

"Then why did you ask?" AJ retrorted.

"Because you told me to," Howie sighed, silently wondering why he was getting into such a stupid conversation. This was generally a thing he did with Nick, not with AJ. That last thought reminded him that something was missing in the room. Nick!

AJ was muttering something when Howie interrupted him, "Hey did you see Nick?"

"No!"

"You havent?"

"Not since the show..Why?"

Howie felt suddenly irritated at AJ´s carefree attitude. "Don´t you think it´s a little bit strange that we haven´t seen Kaos since then?" He looked at the skinny man who shrugged back.

"No..not really. It´s peaceful. Beside I´m sure that Kaos can take care of himself. He´s not a baby you know." the skinny man said, adding, "Even if he often acts like one."

"Bone, that wasn´t nice," Howie scolded. "So you really have no idea where Nick is then?"

"No..I said so didn´t I?" AJ stopped briefly, "and to tell you the truth I don´t care either..it´s actually pretty nice without him whining and bitching about everything."

"You don´t mean that."

"Yes I do."

"That wasn’t what I heard about you yesterday."

"That was different. Then he was sick, now he is just whiny."

"AJ!!!" Howie shook his head at his friend, "Nick would be sad if he heard you."

"But he isn´t here is he?" AJ said with a sigh, "Ok If you gonna keep on talking about Kaos all the time I might as well go and join the others in the shower." Picking up his towel, carelessly throwing it over his shoulder he walked out off the room.

"No wait!" Howie called back.

"What?" AJ frowned, "What do you want?"

"You have no idea then where he could be?"

"No..I told you didn´t I? Jeeze D' you really know how to bug someone." AJ felt irritated. God Howie could be so slow sometimes. "He´s maybe in the can or something..how should I know?."

"I wouldn´t think so," Howie added with a frown, "You know we are talking about Kaos. The one and only that needs someone by his side whenever he have to go to the restroom." It was true. Nick was so desperate when it came to being alone that he would drag any of the guys with him when he had to go to a public restroom, sometimes even at home too. He was like a girl or a small kid in that way.

"Then I don´t know..Damn D' if you´re that worried you have to search for him youself. Anyway I´m off now..see ya in a few." With that he left the room too.

While the others had left Howie still remained seated. The more he thought about Nick missing the more worried he became. Hadn´t Brian told him that Nick wasn’t looking well at all? And didn´t Kevin tell them to keep an extra eye on their friend? Howie often had a sixth sense when it came to his "brothers" and now that sense was kicking into overdrive. With a sigh he intended to find Nick simce this was not like his little brother to be missing.

Sticking his head out the door, he found that the hall was practically empty if you didn´t count the two broadshouldered bodyguards standing on each side of the hallway so no tresspassing people or screaming and hysterical fans could enter the premises. Seeing Nick and Brian’s bodyguard Jim standing a bit away he called out for the black man, "Jim!"

"Yes?" The man turned around and frowned when he saw Howie in the door opening, "Is something wrong?"

"No," Howie shook his head, "It´s just that I´m wondering if you know where Nick is? I can´t seem to find him since the concert."

"He went into the restroom, but I thought he had come out from there by now."

"The restroom? Was he alone?" There was doubt in Howie’s voice.

"As far as I know, but I’ll check it out for sure. Ok?" With that he opened the door to the restroom further down the hall, sticking his head in to scan the room. Meanwhile Howie waited patiently hoping that Nick had taken his refuge in the restroom like he did ever so often when he wanted to be alone for a while. Even if Howie thought there were better places to hideout in than the mens room. Just when he was about to go back inside again he heard Jim calling back, "No need to worry..he´s in here. And he is all alone," the bodyguard added with a chuckle

"Ok thanks," Howie breathed a sigh of relief and grinned thankfully towards the bodyguard who responded with a "No problem." The moment he was alone in the dressing room again disturbing thoughts kept popping up in his head. What was Nick doing for almost an hour in the venue restroom? Right after doing a show? Even if he didn´t want to think of it, the word ‘drugs’ crossed his mind. And the disturbing memory of Nick binge eating and then throwing up reminded him painfully about the stress that the young man was experiencing. He hoped that nothing bad had happened to send Nick over the edge. Whatever it was, Howie was more determinded than ever to find out what was wrong.

Nick let out a long and loud groan as he looked at the reflection of himself in the mirror. He looked like sheer and utter crap but that was nothing compared to what he felt like. He could swear that the pale face staring back at him was starting to look a bit bloated again and he wanted to slam his fist into the mirror. Shattering it all into thousand of pieces. It was clear that he was starting to gain weight, how, he had no idea since he barely ate anything anymore and it seemed like ages since he had one of those dreadful eating binges too. He had lived on nothing but Lou’s special flu drink and those disgusting diet pills for weeks now and still he looked as bloated as a pregnant woman. It made him sick to his stomach as well as sent tears to his eyes.

It didn´t help that he had difficulty to pee too even if he had downed liters of water the whole day due to the dehydration that the doctor had said that he was suffering from. To his dispair he found that he was having a hard time peeing too and there was still a slightly red tint in his urine.

Shit he was still peeing blood!

He knew that it was not a good sign still he tried to do his best to figure out where that blood could have come from. After all he hadn´t hurt his kidneys anymore and when he went to a doctors checkup a couple of weeks earlier he had been told that he was healing nicely and that there was nothing to be concerned about. Now however he didn´t know.

Maybe he should go and talk to Kevin or Brian and tell them about the blood in the urine to hear what their opinions would be, but judging from the way Kevin was guarding him these days he knew that all he would do was upset his friend and that wasn’t something they needed right now. They were in the process of ending the tour and in less than four days he would be on a plane back to the states and then when he could talk to his mom and his family doctor. Besides he had read somewhere that when you had the flu there could be cases when you could bleed a bit from the urine without it being serious at all. Especially if you had been dehydrated.

But ironically he didn´t think he was that dehydrated at all since all he did was drink plenty of water. Where all the water went was beyond him since he really had difficulties with urinating, almost like an old man.

"What a great life you have Carter," he muttered splashing his face with water. "Jeeze I wonder how many people that would like to trade places with you right now." There was sarcasim in his words since he really thought that life sucked at that moment. Suddenly he heard the door open which had him tense. Was one of the guys coming to look for him? According to his calculations they should all be wrapped up with the after talk in the dressing room. Relieved, he notice that it was his bodyguard Jim that came to ask if everything was allright.

"There you are," Jim grinned, "Howie was wondering where you went. "

Shit! Howie was searching for him? How long had he been inside the restroom?

Jim frowned, "Are you allright?"

"Ye..yeah why wouldn´t I be?" Nick asked doing his best to sound surprised.

"Just wondering..you know you have been in here quite awhile."

"Well I had business to tend to..after all this is a restroom..isn´t it?" Nick felt irritated that there was no where he could be alone, not even in the john.

"Ok," Jim grinned again and then called back to Howie that he had been found and that everything was allright. Then he left the restroom which Nick was greatful for. Now he had to leave the premises before it looked too gay what he was doing. With a sigh he tried to sharpen out his lifeless hair but it hung like a cap on his head, "Well Carter you better realize that no matter what you do you will look like hell." With that he stuck out his tongue and then left the restroom to go back to the others.

The second he opened the door to the dressing room he was met with Howie’s questioning. "Where have you been?" The Latino looked anything but happy, "How can you disappear before telling anyone where you went?"

Nick shrugged his shoulders, "Chill out dude, I´ve only been to the restroom."

"Really?" Howie looked like he didn´t believe a word what the younger man said, "What have you been doing there for almost an hour?"

"None of your damned business." Nick was getting more and more irritated. "I think it´s MY business when you go away like that..not telling anyone where you went." Howie sounded cold which startled Nick since it was rare that the older man had a temper or even raised his voice.

"Since when do I need a chaperone going to the bathroom?" Nick wanted to know. "besides," he continued, "I haven’t been in there for a freaking hour!"

Howie looked at him strangely but to Nick’s luck, the door opened and Kevin came inside, "There you are," he said pointing at Nick while he was rubbing his hair dry with a towel with the other hand. "We´ve been looking for you."

"So I´ve heard," Nick muttered glaring at Howie who still looked very annoyed over the whole situation.

"Where have you been?"

"What is this? Spanish Inquisition or what?"

Kevin stopped in his tracks, "What did you say?"

"Huh?" Nick was getting more and more irritated that his brothers were catching on so slowly and to tell the truth he really wanted to lay down again. His head ached, not to mention his back and joints.

"The Spanish Inquisition..how did you know that one?"

"Why? Do you think I´m stupid or something?" Nick looked pissed over at his oldest "brother", searching in his expression what he meant with the words he said.

"No..No.." Kevin held up a hand, "No I didn´t mean it like that..I just..."

He got interrupted by Nick who said in a sour tone, "No you just thought that I was too dumb to know something like that, didn´t you?"

Kevin, feeling caught in the act quickly changed the subject, "That is not the point. The point is that you´re running away without telling us where you went!"

These words had Nick feeling even more upset than before, "Oh my Gosh, I didn´t run away. I was just in the john." he drew back his breath, "God can´t I even take a dump without you questioning me?" To state his point he resolutely turned on his heel and started to walk out from the room.

" Where are you going?" Both Howie and Kevin called after him.

"Out!" Nick yelled sounding like a pre-teen. "Out from this fucking prison!" Slamming the door shut behind him he decided that he would NEVER tell his brothers about the hell he was going through. About Lou, the pills or even that he was peeing blood again. He would rather die than reveal those things.