Nick stood in the hallway outside Lou Pearlman’s hotel suite door. He kept balling his fist to knock and then would suddenly lose courage and drop his hand silently down to his side. He felt foolish but even more so, he felt like his request would be denied by the fat manager.

The elevator rang out, annoucing it’s arrival and voices of the passengers were filing out, giggling and talking. Nick jerked when he heard the giggles turn into hushed whispers. Glancing quickly over his shoulder, he saw the group of five young teenaged girls walking down the hall towards him.

Balling his fist, he literally pounded on the door, silently praying Pearlman would be awake and come to his rescue. Looking nervously over his shoulder, Nick debated on whether he should bail his attempt in getting the manager’s attention and make a run for the stairs. The girls were walking faster toward him and he was beginning to think that he would be cornered if he didn’t get into the manager’s suite or run away from the group.

Just as he started to turn away from the door, he felt the gush of air from the suction of the door. “Nick?”

Nick smiled paley at the sweaty manager. “Hi, can I come in please?”

With a sigh, Pearlman opened the door wider and motioned with his head.

The manager leveled a hard glare at the blonde. “I thought I told you boys that you needed to keep a low profile and stay in your rooms.”

“I know you did, but I really needed to talk to you.”

Lou quickly freshened his drink at the mini bar and lowered his bulky frame onto the small couch. “Okay, what’s the trouble?”

Nick wrung his hands in a nervous gesture as he stared at the floor.

”Speak up! I don’t have all day you know!” Pearlman growled.

“Well, um, you know how you’ve been telling me I have to diet and stuff, you know?”

The manager sighed loudly. “Yes, I know.”

Nick could feel the heat rising to his face. “Well, um, I don’t think I’ve been doing so great lately and I was um, wondering if I could get more of that diet drink or those pills.....I don’t seem to be losing the weight Kev...I mean I when I lost those pills....”

Pearlman cleared his throat. “And that is pretty much what I expected from you. I told you to eat like nothing was going on, and as usual, you made a pig of yourself, but rest assured, you need to take care of this on your own time away from the others. Your screw up made them suspicious....”

“Yes, I know and I’m sorry,” Nick interrupted.

“Well you’ll think twice from now on.”

“Yes sir, I will.”

Lou smiled at the blonde as he lifted his glass. “I will expect to be seeing less of you when the break is over.”

“I promise.”

“Is that all you wanted then? To tell me you’re sorry?”

“Yes, well that and I need those things.”

“Nick, you know I can’t give them to you.”

Nick faught the tears that welled up in his eyes. “But I need them, why won’t you give them to me?”

“Because everyone is suspicious about this and they’re watching you and me and I can’t risk it. I don’t want to discuss this matter with you anymore.” The manager motioned toward the door with a wave of his hand. “Go back to your room and rest up. We have a full schedule ahead of us tomorrow.”

Nick turned away from the manager and walked out of the room, the tears in his eyes blurring his vision. He kept his head bowed toward the floor as he walked, afraid to look up for fear someone would see him.

Suddenly, Nick ran into someone and immediately was grabbed by both arms. “Whoa...kiddo, watch where you’re going!”

Kevin’s voice almost sounded as close to soothing as he could get and for some reason Nick felt safe but not safe enough to look his older brother in the face.

“Sorry,” came the mumbled reply, followed by a sniff.

“Nicky? Is something wrong?”

Nick groaned inwardly. ‘How do they always know when something’s wrong?’ “Nope.”

“Look at me then....”

“Geeze Kev, I said I’m fine...”

“Bullshit, look me in the eye and say that then.........aww Nick, what’s wrong? You seem upset.”

Looking up at Kevin, Nick would have loved more than anything to come clean with what was going on with him and the manager, but he was scared by the threats that Pearlman had made toward him and his career with Backstreet. Closing his eyes as he swallowed hard, Nick mumbled his excuse, “I...I just have a bad headache.”

Kevin placed a gentle arm around the younger man’s shoulder. “Come with me, okay, let’s get out of this hall and talk.”

He didn’t object as his older brother guided him back into his hotel room, away from the prying eyes of the fans that had found them. Nick was mentally beating himself up, certain that the stares and the open mouths from the small group of girls they had passed in the hall was because of him and his weight.

“Kev, do you have any Tylenol?”

“Yeah, it’s in my shaving kit in the bathroom, hold on I’ll get it for you..”

“I’ll get it myself if you don’t mind...I have to use the bathroom anyway.”

“Okay......suit yourself. Hey, do you want a coke or something?”

“Sprite if you’ve got it,” Nick replied as he softly closed the door behind him. Sighing as he looked at his reflection, he was dreading the task he had to do. It had hurt him so much lately to empty his bladder and although he felt like he could pee gallons all he managed lately was a small trickle and each time it seemed less and less.

Instead of feeling relief, he always had excruitiating pains in the area where his kidneys were - that and pinkish tinged urine.

Biting his lip, Nick tried for a few minutes to relieve himself and after roughly five minutes of trying he was finally rewarded with sharp pains and a toilet bowl dark urine.

“Nicky? Are you alright in there?”

Groaning inwardly, Nick was able to choke out, “I’m alright.”

“You sure? I thought I heard you cry like you were hurting.”

“Headache.”

Pulling the tab on his beer and taking a gulp, Kevin nodded. “Yeah, you told me that...sorry.”

Focusing his attention toward the toilet, Nick noticed that this time his urine wasn’t pinkish, it was darker colored than normal. “At least it’s not bloody anymore,” he stated to himself as he flushed the toilet.

His eyes swept over the bathroom counter, stopping when he spied the black bag where Kevin kept his toiletries. Cautiously, he opened it up, not sure of what he would find in the bag. Kevin was always known for having odd habits and things, often making Howie look like a beggar instead of the herbal vitamin supplement King as he was nicknamed in their little inner circle.

Nick was relieved to see the red and white labled bottle of Tylenol laying in the bag, but there was one bottle that caught his eye.

The diet pills!

Grabbing the brown prescription bottle, Nick quickly slid it into his front pocket.

“Shit, dumbass he’ll know you took them......stupid idiot,” he quietly chastized himself as he pulled the wanted object from his pocket. Flipping the top of the bottle open, he quickly spilled a generous amount of pills into his palm. He was as desperate as a Herion addict needing a fix. Stuffing the bottle back into the bag, Nick slipped the pills into his pants pocket, only after he plucked two of the tiny pills and popped them into his mouth, swallowing them dry.

“God look how fat you’re getting,” Nick sighed as he looked at his reflection. He thought his face looked a little fuller to him and he could have sworn he saw a double chin developing.

“Nick who are you talking to?”

Nick opened the door and sheepishly walked out into the bedroom. “Myself.”

Kevin shook his head as he watched his baby brother slowly make his way over to the empty bed. “Oh? And what did you talk about?”

“How fat I’m getting.”

Kevin shook his head and sighed. He knew that Nick always had a case of low self esteem, but he also knew that the boy seemed to beat up on himself when he was homesick or just plain sick. “Nick, you’re not fat!”

Looking at Nick he did notice that he had been filling out some on this tour but there was no way he would ever tell him that. Ever.

“Kev, if it’s okay with you, I’m gonna go back to my room and lay down. I need to get rid of this headache.”

“You’re welcome to stay here buddy.”

“Nah, I’m fine, see ya later.”

Kevin sighed as his little brother left the room. Although Nick kept insisting that nothing more was wrong than a bad headache, he couldn’t help thinking that he was hiding something more.

He was going to find out before they left for their two week break. Whether Nick liked it or not.