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Author's Chapter Notes:
A/n: This is a product of me being unable to find sleep at 3am. I apologize for any grammar, tense etc mistakes you will definitely find in this one. Also, unlike most of my short fics, this might have another chapter or two; although the deciding factor in that one depends on whether I will find another sleepless night with nothing better to do, lol.

Nick vs The Universe

Sometimes I think the world is set to go against me. Like, today, the entire universe woke up on the lets hate Nick and make him feel like a total loser side of the bed. You know, one of those days where a series of events happened right one after the other, getting worst by the moment and it just create a chain reaction, which could possibly end up with my head exploding. Or me ending up drunk and yelling at random people from the balcony of my hotel room. Or me acting like a dick to the guys and fans. Or, me in my bus, awake at three in the morning writing this.

God knows where our next stop is; I would have asked God but I am mad at him. When I said the universe is set to go against me, God is included, and going up to him and asking where our next stop is, just beats the purpose.

It all started early this morning – I wasn’t exaggerating when I said this whole lets hate on Nick fiesta started the moment I woke up – I woke up to Brian singing Jingle Bells. I mean come on, it’s October for crying out loud, last I check, we were on to Halloween, which by the way, is THE best holiday in the world!

AJ of course sort of made it better a little when he walked by and sang along to another version of Jingle Bells. It was one that I fondly remembered as the lyrics we both created yonks ago on a sleepless night in some hotel.

I know by now, you’re either going who the fuck says yonks? Or you’re going, oh oh, what’s this lyrics, I wanna read it!

For the first, I’m going to say, the British people usually use that word, yonks. It's another way of saying 'a long ass time' gives or take the word ass. For the latter, well, ok, here’s the lyrics, enjoy!

Jingle bells, batman smells, Howie lays an egg. For some reason, Howie wasn’t proud that we had mentioned him in this song. And I would have quoted more but I don’t feel like writing too much, I don’t particularly like my handwriting. Fine, I hate it. With a passion.

So why was Brian singing Jingle Bells on an October morning equals to the universe hating on me? Relax; I’m coming to that. I just feel like I need to write more than a page. By right, the entire thing could be done with a simple summary of not more than 100 words, but what’s the fun in that? Also, since I have nothing better to do other than toss around in my bed at three in the morning; why not just write a long ass letter that will most likely never land on anyone’s hands anyway?

Ok now I'm on the 2nd page, we can continue with this story.

So anyhoo, after that, the five of us cramped on what we called the living room area of the tour bus and had our breakfast. It was liqourice with a little spread of honey for me, cereals for Kevin and Howie, baby crackers for Brian and a double cheese Mac for AJ. Now you must be wondering why I bothered to write down these miniscule details of our breakfast and if you weren't bothering why, might I suggest you skip the next few paragraphs although that really isn't necessary since no one is going to read this; so that brings back to the point as to why should I even bother to explain in the first place, why I bothered with our mini tiny details of our breakfast. And then again, why do I even bother writing this whole thing down since no one is going to read it right? But I NEED to DO something or my head will explode and writing this down seems a lot saner than thinking about this in my head.

Where was I?

Oh ok.

So yeah, see, Kevin and Howie decided to eat cereals for breakfast because their asses are anal like that when it comes to eating healthy. I also would like to remind you (or nobody since no one is reading is) that cereals requires no cooking whatsoever, which was the best when it comes to Kevin and Howie and a moving bus. You know what, make that the Backstreet boys and a moving anything.

Before I go on, I need to explain why the five of us were in the same moving bus when we all have our own tour bus for this leg of the tour. We had an urgent meeting, one that will ultimately be the reason why I declared waking up and having the universe going against me, but we will get to that later. Second, it was decided that the meeting will be held in Nicky's room, i.e. that would be yours truly. And you know it's Howie's fault cause he suggested it. And he called me Nicky. The nerve of some people. I would like to also point out that the deciding factor in this decision was based on the fact that I was still dead asleep at 11am and waking me up and making me get out of my bus would take double the effort as compared to having the remaining Backstreet boys hauling their asses into my bus. I seriously DO NOT agree with this reason and if you had paid attention (which you wont cause, lets hear it, no one's reading this letter), you'll see that I did not have any say in this decision making. I would like to point out that it was NOT a fact that I was...oh hell, who am I kidding? They were right, lets be done with it.

Now, by the time I woke up and was at least half awake to make any sense, it was already almost 1pm. I remembered this cause Kevin made sure to point it out 4 times while we were having breakfast. I remembered he point it out 4 times cause that's what AJ said. Yes, always go to the point of origin, which in this case, is AJ. Going back to point of origin is always a smart way to go, cause in future, or in the next five second, if people point you and blame you for it, you can point it to AJ, the originator of the counter to How Many Times Kevin Pointed Out It Was Already 1pm When We Started The Meeting Because We Have To Wait On Nick Again.

Brian had left Leigh and Baylee on their tour bus, which was very considerate of him since well, this is a Backstreet boys meeting and last I check, Leigh and Baylee aren't fit in the decision-making when it comes to the group. Leighanne however does the decision making when it comes to what Brian wears, eats and do. But this morning though, she will not be held responsible for her husband's choice of breakfast. Brian claimed he had found the packet of baby crackers in his pocket. Brian also did not explain further as to why such a food item was found in his pocket. I let it go since well, at least Brian had the decency to bring his own food after nicely taking over my bus (which i have no part in the decision making, just a reminder). The same cannot be said for Kevin and Howie (and they took coco puffs, my FAVORITE!) as well as AJ! He had found my secret stash and ate it to his heart content after getting approval from Kevin.

Now here's the thing. I KNOW I’m supposed to be on this diet and all but come on people, I've been to Livedaily, I've been stopped (or mauled, whatever) by fans saying I should eat more now that I'm left with skin and bones and Iooked about ready to fall off the stage at any time - some of the fans contributed this sudden loss of weight to my vigorous extra curriculum activities at night which includes club hopping, drinking and bringing groupies back to my bus or hotel room, to this I say nothing but smirk and wink, what they didn't know though was that I was giving them the screw you, you have NO idea what goes on in my fucking life secret look - so technically, I believe having a freaking double cheese Mac will not harm me right? But NO, Kevin the almighty was VERY disappointed that I wasn’t sticking to my diet (liqourice layered with honey every Tuesday morning, which was today) and as a punishment, I had to sit facing AJ as he devoured my burger.

Yes I do realize saying AJ devouring my burger sounds very pornish but see, again, NO ONE will be reading this. So do I care? NO!

So anyway, we were having breakfast...actually they were having breakfast while I swallow my honey layered Styrofoam...and Kevin started with the meeting.

"How about a Christmas album?"

Drop the bomb.

To be fair, the idea of making a Christmas album has been tossed and thrown and tossed back again ever since our Millennium album came up. How about a Christmas album after this, we'd say. NO say Jive. You have to make another album while you're still famous! So Black & Blue came a rolling. Black & Blue passed. How about a Christmas album after this, we'd say again. NO, say Jive. You're releasing a compilation album since Nick decided to go solo so don't blame us blame Nick. Compilation album came out, Nick went solo, was blamed on, alienated for awhile and then forgiven and everything was fine and dandy and this time we sat in Kevin's room, stripped to our boxers, sat in a circle and did a little séance together and decided we're going to make another album. Jive was very happy. We love making people happy, even people who just wants us for the money and fame. Now all I need to do is add 'related by blood' and you'll have my dysfunctional family. But at this point, they couldn't care less if Backstreet Boys got back together or if I'm getting a new album out with these guys. Blah to them. Here's my freaking resume, take them to your job interviews and nail the job oh dear family. Nice to be of a service, come again!

Right, where was I?

Oh yeah, so after Never Gone was released, and after 4 months of touring (and still going), we ended up in my bus, tossing the Christmas album idea back to the table.

Brian was all for it. He already had a 10 set list of songs he'd like us to sing. Silent Night, Jingle Bell and what is that other song...the one that goes on the 12th day of Christmas my baby give to me...lalalalalala...I personally loved the 3rd one. In fact, I told them we should parody my family and have each of us play a Carter and sing on the 5th day of Christmas, my brother Nick gave to me a porche, a huge huge house, 3 dogs, 5 cats and a lot of money! Of course 'my brother' will be changed to 'my son' for the person who does my mom and dad. To this, I suggested Brian to be my mom cause he's blonde and Kevin to be my Dad cause they both have deep voice.

This idea wasn't well received at all. Howie told me to be serious and really give an input that actually benefits the meeting. Kevin ignored me. Brian actually tried to sound like mom and sing. I think only AJ appreciates my creativity. He was laughing and patting me on the back and going 'that's a good one bro!' But the idea was tossed in the end, even AJ didn't feel like backing me up when we took a poll, which I suggested (or made) them do. By a show of hands, who wants Nick's idea? There were 2 hands raised, and they are both mine. AJ sucks monkey butt.

Anyway, Howie said he loved the idea (the Christmas album, not my Carter parody) but pointed out that we would be on the road touring till end of November and if want the album out before Christmas, we're running out of time and recording will have to be done while on the road. AJ pointed out that in this case, most likely our list of songs will have to be remake of old Christmas songs and he said it'd be better if we could pen some originals in there as well.

'Cause if they want old Christmas songs remade, they can get Nsync's Christmas album.' That was me and my big mouth. I couldn't help it. They did release a Christmas album out back in like 1998 or 1999. I lost a bet and Aaron made me go buy the album and listened to it for five hours. That bet was made in the month of June.

After about another hour of discussing about our time line, schedules and picking out list of songs considered for the album plus writing original compositions and hoping that Jive will stop being an ass and let them be in the album, Kevin closed the meeting and put a KIV on it. I was glad for that.

Of course now the five of us, sitting there with nothing more to discussed on the subject of Christmas album, on a moving bus, could not escape each other. I personally wanted to go back to my bunk and sleep it off but getting a Kevin look would be too much for me to handle. I might throw myself out of the bus and to an incoming traffic. If I were lucky, Baylee would be looking out the window, just in time to see me got run over by Kevin's bus, to this, he would clap his hands, jumps up and down and excitedly begins to chant 'again! again!'

So I remained in my seat and started to tap my fingers on the table.

"So I’m going back to Kentucky for Thanksgiving." Brian said. That was so random of him but whatever. I mean, Halloween is around the corner and he's already thinking Thanksgiving? Come on! We need to carve jagged teeth and eye sockets on pumpkins! "What about you Kev?"

Kevin shrugged. "Haven't talked about it yet with Kristin." Yes, cause unlike some people, Kristin has her own life and career. She doesn't have time to tag along wherever husband is touring.

Okay now I seriously hope Leighanne and Brian never get this letter! I know I’m mean but it's...almost FOUR in the morning and I'm feeling like shit!

"Most likely Kentucky though since we spent the last one with her family." Kevin added.

"Oh great cous, we can have a big one this year, together!" Brian grinned. I could already imagine Brian dressing Baylee up like a turkey. Awww, he's so precious, I love that kid to death! Of course every time I had a great time messing around with Baylee, I got multi trips of guilt that came with a voice of my dad going 'nice Nick, play with Baylee but you hardly know your own step brother! Kayden is not even a year old and how many times have you come visit?'

I hate it when that happens. I know it's not my fault. I hate my dad for it. For getting married so fast after the divorce and getting his new wife (my step mom whom I REFUSE to call mom! for crying out loud she's younger than my step sister Ginger, yes, Ginger from Dad's first marriage before he met MOM. And how freaky is it that his new wife is also called Ginger? Creepy! ugh, welcome to Carter Crazy Central!) pregnant and now, another Carter is born. And I hate it when I found myself hating that innocent kid. He did nothing. It's not his fault he is born into this Carter Clan. Am I a bad person?

Right, I’m going way off tangent. Where was I?

Oh right. The Kentucky cousin were having a conversation about their future Thanksgiving plans while the 3 of us sat there and listened.

"If anybody wants to know, I'm bringing my family to LA and celebrate it there." Howie said.

"Oh you're not going to Florida D?" AJ asked.

"The house is a little messed up from the hurricane and all. I thought it'd be different to celebrate it in LA for once."

"That's cool D." I said. What else was I supposed to say?

"How about you J?" Brian asked.

"Not sure yet. Might visit my mom and dad, we'll see."

I honestly am glad that AJ finally had someone to call dad. He didn't have to actually, since Denise just remarried like what, 3 years ago? I can't remember, but AJ and his step dad, while they were nice to each other, AJ doesn't really hang out much with him to know a lot about him but AJ, being AJ, he welcomed this new man with opened arms, happy to see his mom so happy and embraced him like his own father. It would be nice for him to go back and have thanksgiving and know the family is complete.

"What about you baby?" Kevin asked, patting my arm softly to get me out of my thoughts. I wondered if Kevin would ever stop calling me baby. Or Brian. Or AJ. Or Howie. Honestly, I like them calling me baby, it's nice to feel pampered even when you're a 25 year old fart. But it sure sounds weird to outsiders to hear him call me that. Oh the gay rumor central will have a field day!

"I'll be in LA." Smile.

The conversation moved forward to an interesting angle. The food we have for Thanksgiving. Howie had a lot to say for this one. The guys exchanged recipes or simply suggested another way of cooking a dish to make it taste better. I just found it funny seeing how they would be far from the kitchen on Thanksgiving morning and will only bring their empty stomach for dinner. Men.

And then we hit Christmas. Brian would be going over to Leigh's family. Kevin most likely to Kristin’s. Howie still in LA with the entire Dorough clan. Aj going back home to mom. I'll be in LA.

So you should know now why today isn't a good day for me. Everywhere I turn, I'm stuck with these holidays conversations. I have nothing to show for it. If nothing else, it just reminds me of how alone I’ll be on those days. Sometimes I wish we have shows on those days, work is my life, I yearn for them. But I know I am holding on to empty hopes. The reason why we even argued with Jive back then was because they made us work during holidays. Now that we're getting somewhat, more control of our own group, we're not about to say we're willing to work on the holidays now do we? Nope.

There is one thing I’d like to point out though. Yes I’m aware no one is reading this letter but I guess I figured out why I even write this in the first place. I need to assure myself. This letter is for me. No one is going to tell me what to say or do, so I'm doing it, for me. I'd like to point out that despite the fact that I have a screwed up family and living on my own, I am NOT lonely, just alone.

Come to think of it, I'll just park myself under mistletoe in the middle of a busy street for Christmas. That should be fun.

Now to the Universe, I have a message to you before I end this.

You have your field day with me today, now go bother someone else.

Almost passed out,
Nick
4.05am

Note: In summary of not more than 100 words, this letter will look like this:

Today sucks! Everywhere I turn everyone is talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas. I feel like I'm in Twilight Zone. Maybe that's it, Halloween is near and is messing with my head. Universe sucks! They're all going against me to make me feel bad! So while it's Universe 1 and Nick 0, I have one thing to say to them, *shows middle finger* .