A new day was dawning. A day filled with events and meeting people. A day that could turn into a total success but also a sheer failure and it was all in the eyes of the beholder. A day that could come and bring new meaning to life. A day like any other day if it weren’t for Nick being in hospital, batteling a terrible disease that was slowly eating him up, little by little.

Pulling the white sheet over his head like a cocoon, he did his best to block out the disturbing thoughts and images that were there to choke him. Wanting to go back to sleep he hoped he would wake up, realizing that it had all been a dream. A nightmare. When he opened his eyes Nick would be there by his side, healthy with tousled blonde hair, smiling at him. They would wrestle and then his big brother would tickle him and ruffle his hair in that same gesture that he came to both hate and love at the same time. Then Nick would be laughing, taking him in his arms and give him one of the biggest hugs there were. And then he would say that he loved him and would be there for him all the time, no matter what happened.

But this was just another dream that was shattered by reality.

The vision of Nick laying there in bed, looking pale and all skin and bones was etched in his brain. It seemed like an eternity since he had seen him laughing and acting like the brother he was used to knowing. Now days all Nick did was take small naps and be sick. The mere thought of having to spend his time with his brother made him feel positively ill.

He felt so bad for having these strange and mixed feelings but couldn´t help it. The person that was laying in the hospital bed attatched to all kinds of tubes and wires was not his brother. It was a stranger, a shadow of the Nick that he used to know and love. The warm feeling that he felt thinking about his brother was replaced with a mixture of sadness and anger. The latter surprised him since he knew it was wrong to be mad at someone that was as sick as Nick was yet he couldn´t help it. He felt angry at his brother for doing this, for making him feel so small and alone. For not being there when he needed him the most. Aaron knew he was being selfish but he couldn´t stand to see Nick in the condition that he was in. It hurt too much.

This was the reason why he hadn´t gotten up from bed although his parents had called for him several times already. He knew that he was late, yet he didn´t care. Instead he pretended to be asleep. It had been some time since they had called out for him and he was starting to think that they had finally forgot about him when he heard his mother’s voice in the staircase.

"Aaaaaarroooooon...Aaron honey, it´s time to get up now. We´re going to be late going to the hospital to see Nick."

Ignoring her call, he drew the sheet closer to his body so tight he could barely breathe. The thin veil was choking him yet he didn´t care since he wanted to feel the pain. It was the only thing that made him know that he was alive.

'I don´t want to go,' Desperation crept upon him. Tears were close to spilling on his cheeks and even though he knew he was acting like a baby he couldn´t help but feel like this.

His mother’s voice broke through his thoughts. "Aaron didn´t you hear what I said??? Aaaarrooonnnn??" He could hear his mother’s fast steps coming towards his room. Closing his eyes hard he tried to block it out, willing himself to sleep, but the next thing he knew he felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him. "Honey, it´s tome to get up and get ready." The tone was soft, almost a whisper which resulted in his eyes tearing even more.

"I don´t want to go," he mumbled thickly still not looking up from underneath the sheets.

"How come?" The bed shifted when his mother sat down next to him.

"I don´t wanna go," Aaron mumbled thickly not looking. Heavy tears rolled down his cheeks yet there was little he could do to stop it. His mother tugged at the sheet.

"How come?" she asked, "Is it about your brother?

He nodded, the tears made his throat hurt for him to talk.

"Oh honey," she stroked his back in small circles in that way that only a mother could do. "I know it´s hard. It´s hard on all of us."

"I feel so angry at him." He was surprised that the words came out so cold almost like a cry for help. Afraid that his mother would be angry at him for bursting out like that he curled into a ball like a fetus.

To his surprise no such explosion happened instead she said calmly,"I know that you don´t feel like that, not deep in your heart." Aaron was about to object when Jane went on, "It´s ok really..it´s ok to feel this sad."

This time Aaron couldn´t be quiet, "I didn´t say I was sad. I´m pissed!" Glancing up from his sheet he was met with this mother’s concerned eyes. Shaking her head she continued,"No, it´s NOT Nick that you´re mad at. It´s the situation." Aaron rolled his eyes until she said, "It´s the cancer that is breaking it all up between you and Nick. Am I right?"

Suddenly it all was becoming too much and he wanted to end this conversation, but his body had other decisions, "Yes..yes," he choked out. "It´s true. I don´t want to see him this sick anymore." The emotions inside of him suddenly became too much and he began crying silently. His heart ached more than his whole body and it felt like he would explode, getting strangled. He had a hard time breathing and had to gasp for air.

Shaking her head Jane whispered, "Neither do I." Her eyes were filled with pain and tears and Aaron wanted to wrap his arms around his mother, comforting her since he knew how devistated she felt deep inside. Even if she did her best to hide it. "We have to be strong..strong for Nick!"

The despair took over. "I don´t want to be strong," he yelled. "He is slowly dying and he is leaving us..leaving me." Biting back the tears he felt like his heart was being ripped open as he came to the conclusion that the words he said could be true. For real.

"Sweetie." Tears rolled down her cheeks. He wanted to slap his face. Now he had made his mother cry too. He felt so bad for hurting her in the way he did and now he wanted it all to be over with. Feeling like there was no end to his pain he was on the verge of yelling. Screaming!

"I know it´s tough," she stroked away a strand of hair from his face that was glued to his skin. "No matter what we can´t loose our hope. Can´t loose faith." Turning to her son she continued, "We have to have faith in God. That He will make our son better. She wrapped him up into a tight hug, "No matter what," she went on, "No matter me and dad will be there for you."

The affection and love that his mother was sharing had him breaking out in a cry for help. "Moom," he said, "Mom I feel so bad. It is wrong not wanting to see Nick, I know..but I can´t help it. I don´t want to see him this sick again but there isn’t any choice." He knew that he sounded whiney, yet there was little he could do about it. The pain was too great.

Smiling through shed tears she said, "You don´t have to go if you don´t want to."

Startled, he looked up. What was she saying? Putting a finger to his mouth to silence him she added, "No listen. I´m sure that Nick wouldn´t mind if you wanted to stay at home today."

"Really?" There was doubt in Aaron’s voice.

"Um-hm. He will probably be asleep anyway, but when he wakes up I´ll tell him that you´re busy and that you will come with us tomorrow instead. He will understand."

"You don´t think he will be mad at me then?"

His mother made a small laugh, "Nick? No never..you know that there’s nothing that you can do that would make him upset."

"That’s not true," he commented, his mom frowning at him.

"What do you mean?"

"You said that Nick would never be mad at me and that´s not true."

A deeper frown was seen on Jane’s forehead, "Huh?"

"I know for a fact that the time I decided to shave his beanie collection he was VERY mad." He stated.

Jane started to laugh at the memory, "Yes honey..ok he is ALMOST never mad at you. Is that better?"

Ignoring her question Aaron continued, "And he was pretty pissed at me when I cleaned out his wallet and "accidently" threw away all of those names and phone numbers to the girls that he had received."

Jane raise an eyebrow, "Oh I didn´t know that one."

"No, but he was very angry at me for that, just as mad as when I decided to clean all his CD´s with steel wool."

"THAT time he was really mad," Jane laughed at the memory. "OK," she held up her hand, "Ok Nick DOES get mad, but not about you not coming."

"Ok."

Rising from the bed his mother said, "Ok then, I´ll tell Howie that you are going to stay at home with him."

"Howie? Why him?"

"Because he is staying at home today. There will be enough people anyway and Nicky really need to rest."

"Oh," Aaron stopped his mother who was almost at the door, "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Mom?" he asked, "Mom do you think that he will be fine again? You know so he will be the Nicky that we use to know." He said the words fast like it hurt to spell them out. A shadow of sadness swept over his mother’s face.

"I hope so," she whispered, "Oh God I really hope so." With that his mother walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. Leaving him all alone to ponder the situation.