His body was completely dissing him and if feeling this sick was the price he had to pay to stay alive he didnīt know if he wanted it. Sometimes death seemed like his only option.
Glancing to his side he found his mother sitting there in the armchair with her laptop on her knees. She was taking the opportunity to work and judging by the frown on her forehead she was engrossed in writing some kind of business deal. For Aaron no doubt since Nick knew that it was out of the question for his part. His dream of making a solo album was slowly going down the drain together with the new BSB record.
He knew that the fans were expecting another album out in the fall and he felt bad for disappointing them. But right now his first priorites would be to concentrate on surviving. Wouldnīt it?
Brian had told him yesterday that the fans were sending him get well cards and that there were girls sleeping outside his hospital to hear how he was doing. Kevin had also filled in that they had put up a donation to victims of Hodkgins Disease and Liver Cancer in his honor and lots of fans were supporting him all the time.
They were showing him all their love and yet he couldnīt return it.
His thoughts were making him dizzy from all the rumbling inside his head. Maybe he should have given them a speech, telling them all that he was still hanging in there, if only by a loose thread. He should thank them for all the support they were giving him and that they were sticking by even when he had his worst moments. Yet he knew that an official speech was out of the question. He knew that the way he felt he was too weak to do such a thing, hell he was too weak to even wipe his own ass.
"Mom?" he croaked out, his voice hoarse and weak from the previous nights dryheaving. His lips were parched and his breath tasted like a rat had died inside. In short terms he was still feeling like hell.
Instantly his mother stopped her typing, looking up from her work, "Yes? What is it? Is something wrong?" Not waiting for an answer she asked, "You want me to call for a nurse?"
"No." He shook his head. God, why did she always assume that something was wrong when he wanted to talk to her?
"Then what is it honey?" She put the computer down on the floor. Suddenly her tone changed, "You donīt feel sick again do you?" He could see the fright in her eyes when she asked him that. He couldnīt blame her.
The sickness had been pretty bad and heīd been sick on and off throughout the night. The medication he’d received had done little good and every time he thought he kicked it and 'This is it!' he was proved differently and his body had wracked him with another set of spasms. Heīd dryheaved so badly that he ended up with a nosebleed and between all the vomiting he was also suffering bad bouts of diarrhea which resulted in embarrassment but also that more energy was being sucked out from him.
It had been hell!
"What day is it today?" It was taking him all the strength he had to talk and his throat felt so dry. Oh how he wished he could have something to drink.
"Thursday..why honey?" She sounded puzzled.
Thurday? Wasnīt it today that the guys were going to have that big meeting with the record company. he sighed. Another meeting that he couldnīt attend.
"How long have I been here?" His thoughts were blurry and he could feel exhaustion setting in. It annoyed him since all he did these days was lay in bed, being sick.
"Since Monday when you had surgery." Her eyes were following him like she was trying to figure out in advance what her son was thinking of.
"Damn that long." She shot him a disapproving look, but he ignored it. "Iīve been cooped up here for three days?" Shit it was slowly sinking in to him that there had not been a day when he had been nothing but sick. Although he knew that his prospects were not good he hoped that today would be the first when he didnīt feel like he wanted to stick his head down the toilet and flush.
"Are you feeling any better now?"
Looking at his mother he thought for a while. How was he feeling? The nausea that had lingered there like a mean enemy was not as bad as it had been. Yet he knew that it could sneak up on him when he least expected it. Like a killer in the night, making his life miserable.
"Mmmm..a bit better." It wasnīt entirely a lie since he was actually doing better than what heīd done for the past 24 hours even if it didnīt prove much. Not wanting to talk about his health he changed subject. "Do you know if dad or one of the guys are coming over today?"
"Yes they will be here later," his mother looked at him, "But do you think you are well enough for having visitors?" There was doubt in her tone.
"Uh huh," Nick felt annoyed. Why did she have to act like he was a cripple? "I said I was fine didnīt I?" God she could make him feel so small.
Jane sounded hurt, "Nicky I didnīt mean to question you..itīs just that youīve been so sick and I donīt want you to overdo it."
He felt bad. Why did he have to sound so irritated with her when he knew that all she wanted was to make him feel good, even if she had a strange way of showing it. The memory of her yelling at the nurses and telling him to get transfer was still in the back of his mind. Even though heīd been as sick as a dog she had been very persistant. Telling him to go to LA to some specialist.
"I know what my limits are...thank you." He sneered a bit too hard than he intended to and once again his mother got hurt.
"Nick you think that I donīt want the best for you..but that is not true. It hurts me so much to see you in all this pain." A tear trickled down her cheek which she quickly wiped away. "I know that I have not been the best of mother for you in the past..but Nicky I love you and I want you to get well again."
Now he felt really bad.
"Iīm sor..sorry mom," he choked out, voice thick from emotions and sickness. Why did he have to be such a monster? Doubting his mother and her intentions when all she wanted was to comfort him, making him feel good again.
"Nick youīre being way to stubborn for your own good and youīre taking the words all wrong. Seeing just what you want to see." She sighed, "Just like your dad."
He looked away, not wanting to get into another discussion with his mom. There had been so many lately and he didnīt know if he had the energy to do so.
"Nick I donīt like that attitude towards me when all I want is to help you out." She shook her head, "Iīm just doing all of this for your own good and I want you to have the best." There were a brief pause before she continued, "Even if it means that you have to move to LA with me."
That last sentence he could have done without. So all this sweet talk was just to get him to change his mind to go with her back to the city of angels? Man that kind of affection he could do without. "How dare you tell me that you care about me when all you want to do is run my life?" His voice was very shaky and so was his body. He shivered from anger.
His mother’s hand was instantly there on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. "Sweetie take it easy..itīs not good for you to work up a temper."
"No leave me alone." He shrugged her hand away, "Get off me. I donīt want you here if all you want to do ís running my life."
"Nick you have to listen to me..Iīm doing it for your own good, getting your transferred."
If the young man had been upset before, it was nothing compared to what he felt now, " Youīre what??"
"Honey..I talked with the management and as soon as youīre feeling better you will get transferred to LA:" She smiled at him. "I know that youīre mad at me but you have to trust me. I know what is the best for you...after all Iīm your mother."
He didnīt know if it was the last months tension or the fact that his mother was one more time trying to control his life, but something inside him suddenly snapped. "Get out!!! Get the hell out of my room!!! he cried, tears rolling down his face "GOO!!!I donīt want you back!! EVER!!!"
His mother looked at him like sheīd seen a ghost. Saying nothing she ran out of the room, slamming the door in the process. Leaving a sobbing son in his bed.
