"You did what?" Nick sneered when Brian carefully tried to tell him about his meeting with Dr. Andersen in the morning. He also told his friend that Nick was scheduled for a biopsy the day after tomorrow and his news had not been met well. The young man was upset to say the least. "How the fuck could you go behind my back?"
"I didnīt go behind your back," Brian defended, feeling hurt over the harsh reaction and the false accusations.
"You didnīt?" Nick hissed, spit flying between his teeth. "Then what the hell do you call having a meeting with MY doctor, without MY knowledge?" He glared angrily towards his older brother. "Isnīt that going behind my back?"
"I only did it to help you." Brian felt lost. Tears pricked in his eyes and he was fighting a mixture of emotions dwelling up inside of him. Here he was just trying to do everything that was in his power to help his best friend and instead he was getting the cold shoulder. Brian shook his head in defeat. "I did it because I'm your patient advocate... remember? I have the right to go over your treatments. You designated me!"
Not listening Nick ranted on. "I donīt fucking believe it. Here Iīm telling you guys that Iīm dying and that I feel ready to admit it and then you go behind my back, arranging treatments and shit." His face was red with anger. "I thought I told you that I was done with chemo and that crap. Done!"
"Shh, calm down," Kevin said walking over to the young man, patting his back, "Take it easy."
"Donīt," Nick hissed, jerking away. "You had no right butting into MY life without MY consent."
"I..i just did it for..for your sake," Brian stuttered, feeling lost.
"My sake? The hell you were." He didnīt spare his bitter words. "You’re always butting into my life, thinking that I canīt do jack shit on my own. And now you are even taking over decidíng my treatments too." He glared angrily at the group. "Man you sure are something else." He spat out the words like they were venom.
"Nick.. man, chill out." Now it was AJīs turn to try to get his friend to calm down. "Man, you and me had such a great talk and now youīre doing this. Whatīs the matter with you?"
"Whatīs the matter? " he mocked, a wild look in his eyes. "You have the nerve to ask me whatīs the matter?" The tone was so loud that his two dogs scrambled out of the room, scared of the angry tone in their master’s voice. "Iīm fucking dying. Thatīs the matter! If you donīt think thatīs something, then tell me another story!"
Brian swallowed hard then he said softly after regaining his composure. "Dr. Andersen didnīt say that. She said that the lump in your liver COULD be cancerous, but it could be benign also." He knew very well that he was stepping on Nick’s territory, yet he couldnīt just sit back and watch while his friend was more and more loosing his will and strength to live. Nick was a fighter and now he needed that side in him.
"Like you would know that!"
Desperately, Brian tried to do his best to get Nick to realize that they were doing this out of love and nothing more. He was their little brother and they cared about him so much it hurt. They all did! "Nick, you need to do that biopsy to see if it is benign or malignant."
"I told you before that Iīm finished with doing surgery." Staring at the bunch he continued, "Itīs MY body and MY life and I can do very well as I please."
There was a brief silence in the room as Howie pleaded, desperation in his voice, "Please Nick do that biopsy. Do it for your family, for Aaron, and even for us!"
The room was filled with tension. They awaited for their friend to make the next move, almost like a chess player that was in for the last round. Nick could either throw another tantrum, showing off his hot temper, running out of the room or he could start crying. The young man’s mood were so up and down lately that they didnīt know what to expect anymore.
Nervously the men’s eyes darted towards each other, waiting for the big explosion to come.
Brian nervously bit his nails, a habit that he had kicked a long time ago but rose when he was feeling stressed out and unsure how to handle a situation. Howie on the other had licked his lips, avoiding to look at Nick who sat like a statue on the airmchair. The thoughts that were assualted him were dark and scary and the mere thought that his young friend wouldnīt make it was too hard to bare. He missed his sister and didnīt want to lose a "brother" too. Kevin, the always so calm and relaxed adult, fidgeted nervously in his seat. His inside was as stormy as an hurricane, yet he didnīt let this on. AJ, was the only one that dared to look at Nick. Transfixed.
Suddenly it looked like all the air had gone out of the the sick man, like a balloon that popped. All the color drained out of his face like he was on the verge of passing out. His lips were a bit cyonic, and for the first time they saw how tired and worn out their friend really was. The sickness was taking itīs toll on his body and he was getting skinnier each day. Sweat pearls beaded on his forehead.
"Nick man?" AJ asked with concern. He didnīt like the route that this disease was taking. It made him nervous and uncomfortable.
Not answering Nick set his hands up to his face, not wanting anyone to see how upset he really was. Suddenly his shoulders started to shake as he began crying. Silently.
Uncomfortable, and not knowing what to do, they watched their little brother breaking down in front of them. Kevin was the first that broke the tension with giving away a comforting hug. Knowing Nick, he expected to be pushed away the next second, yet took the chance. Not changing his positions, the blonde didnīt look up, but he didnīt shrug off Kevin’s arms either.
"Whatīs worng?" The tall man asked, hunching down beside him. "Tell me."
Nick sobbed, "I don't know if I can do this." The words were more like a whisper and for a moment he looked so lost and sick that it made the heart ache for the rest of the guys. They didnīt like seeing Nick like this.
Usually Nick was the most cheerful one, always having a practical joke up his sleeve. Joking when everyone was down, keeping the spirits up. Ever since he found out about the disease, he had become silent and withdrawn. He rarely smiled and he was acting more and more depressed.
Sometimes it was like he had almost given up on life. Giving up the fight!
"I know itīs hard, but you have to do this..for yourself..you have to try, donīt give up on us. Not yet."
Kevin was the person that Nick had grown to respect more and more throughout the years. Since they were pretty much alike, they were often in a fight, especially in the younger days, but Kevin held a wisdom that Nick admired so much. He was often cool in situations when he needed to keep his head leveled. Cool yet warm. Stronghearted.
"I know," the blonde whispered a bit muffled. "But itīs so hard." Looking up from his hands his face was red and swollen with tears. "It hurts so bad and I donīt think I can stand to go through another chemo session." He shuddered, looking with pleading eyes, "I don’t want to get so sick again. I hate feeling helpless." He looked at each of them, hands folded out in a defeated gesture. "Donīt make me go through this again..please."
They didnīt know what was worse; Nick’s pleading eyes filled with tears or the defeat that filled the young man’s voice. Yet they couldnīt let go. Nick had a chance for survival and he had to take it. They had to convince their brother to go on with the treatment. To continue the fight!
"Is he asleep?" Howie asked when Kevin came into the living room after he and Brian had helped their friend to bed.
"Yeah, I think so," Kevin said tiredly.
A memory of when he was helping Nick when he was younger, back in Europe, flashed infront of his eyes. Nick was 15 and he was sick as a dog, and still he had to do the concert. Afterwards he had been so ill that he didnīt know what was the roof or the floor and Kevin had ended up carrying him to his bed. Tucking him in. At first he had felt annoyed, getting stuck with a teen was not his cup of tea, but Nick had needed someone by his side and he was the one that was most mature of the bunch. Usually Nick traveled with his mom or dad or uncle, but this time he was alone and that was when he fell sick too. Since that day, a certain bound was tied between them and the young man often turned to him when he was in trouble or not feeling one hundred percent. To tell the truth Kevin had felt a bit hurt that Nick hadnīt come to him and told him about the cancer at first, but then he also knew how close Brian was to him.
He could just hope that Nick had enough faith in Brian these days too to listen to him when it came to his own health. After Nick had broke down in the living room they had all talked and finally he had agreed to have the biopsy. Even if he was reluctant. They had even got their stubborn friend to think of doing treatments again. But they all saw how much effort Nick was putting into this and how much it hurt him. Pure torture. Before the conversation had ended Nick had taxed himself out and he was starting to answer less questions until finally falling asleep in his armchair.
Time for another nap.
"Poor guy," Howie said with a sigh. "I canīt understand why he has to suffer like this. Hasnīt Nick been through enough in life?"
"I donīt know anymore," Kevin said hoarsly running a shaky hand through his short chopped hair. He felt low and missed his wife as the days passed. Kristin would have known what to do. This was starting to hit too close to home for him to handle since it was all the reminding him of his own life. His dad and death.
Being the little brother that Nick was to him, he felt protective over the young man, even if the blonde had a habit of getting on his nerves with his childish behavoir and carefree attitude. But he also knew that deep inside that immature "boy" were a philosoftical and deep person and even if he didnīt wnat to admit it, it reminded of himself when he was young. Before his father died.
"You think that he can go through with this? I mean tomorrow. The press conference?" There was doubt in the Latino’s voice.
"God, how I wish I knew." The older man let out a shaky breath. During the years Nick had a knack of dealing with tough situations in a way that he admired. He could be totally burned out, exhausted even on the verge of collapsing, yet when there were the press or fans he seemed to have some energy in store which he used with fantastic results. His smile could melt thousands and yet thousands of teen hearts and he was often considered to be a perfect match. That was to people that didnīt know. Nick had a much darker side, but that was not something Kevin wanted to think too much about. Not now anyway.
The press conference tomorrow would rock their world. In a not-so-great way, he was afraid. There was no telling how the fans or the media would react. They were in for a real challange!
When they had announced that AJ was going into rehab it had been such a riot. Press from all over the world had snapped pictures, wanting to get the scoop first. It had been all over the news. They had been in hot water. The whole incident had shook them up and it had taken some time for them to recover. Especially for Nick who looked up to AJ like an idol. He was his big brother and whatever AJ did it was cool. Nick had cried on live televison and he had been emotionally ripped apart. Looking back, Kevin wished that he had been there for him so much more than he had been. But he and Kristin had been in for some marriage problems and he didnīt have the strength to deal with a moody Nick again. If he had known that the man was seriously depressed, drinking way too much it would have been another matter. Nick had been heading the same road as AJ, and if it werenīt for the disease he didnīt know where his friend would be now.
For a while they had all drifted apart but right now they were closer than ever. He just wished that it could have been even if Nick hadnīt become this sick but somehow Kevin doubted this. The cancer had been a wake up call for them all!
Now it was time for another pressconference again and this time the subject was even more serious than before. The media would predict that this would be the end for the group and to tell the truth Kevin didnīt know if there was any substance in that assumption. Nick was getting weaker each day and he often spent the day either sleeping or resting. If he would go through with the aggressive treatment program Kevin feared that he would get even sicker. And weaker. Telling the fans that their youngest member, the heartrob, had cancer, was not an easy task. They would be in for a shock and even more when they had to tell the press that there was a great risk that Nick could die. Deep inside Kevin felt scared that the young man didnīt have the strength to go through this and he had started to regret having the press conference. Nick was very private as a person and maybe this was not something that the whole world needed to know. It was his life. His privacy.
Yet Nick had pressed on, wanting his fans to know the truth. Kevin smiled to himself. If someone was honest it was Nick. Sometimes way too honest for his own good.
"You think weīre doing a mistake telling the press about this?" Howie frowned, like he was reading Kevin’s thoughts.
"I hope not," Kevin shook his head, trying to clear his mind. "No," he said after a while, "I think weīre doing the right thing. The fans know that we dont like to hide important information for them and we cant hide this much longer anyway. It would leak out sooner or later." To tell the truth he was a bit surprised that the media hadnīt been on their case more than they had. Maybe they showed some respect for the situation. Knowing the press he knew that it was far fetched, but he could always hope couldnīt he?
"Ok, I guess you’re right." Thinking for awhile, Howie added, "I never thought that he was this bad off. It came like an surprise today when we talked to him." " I know what you mean. Nick has done his best to keep his posture up as long as possible." Letting out a small sigh Kevin continued, " Man I feel so sorry for the kid."
Howie couldnīt help to smile. Nick would always be "the kid" for him and Kevin, even when he was eighty years old! The last thought made his heart ache. He became serious again. Doubting that Nick would ever reach that high of an age. As tables were turned Howie wasnīt too sure that Nick would even live to celebrate his twenty-third birthday...
