The doctor’s face softened as she looked down at her young patient. Her heart ached for the young man that reminded her in so many ways of her own son. Her mind was reeling with the words that Nick had uttered moments ago. ’Before I died....’

“Oh Nickolas.....,” the doctor sighed as she settled back down into the chair next to the bed. For all of the years of experience as an Oncologist, the words that Nick had spoken left her speechless.

“I’ve made my mind up.”

Dr. Andersen shook her head. “Just like that? You’re giving up?”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Giving up? No, it’s more like ending a stupid game thats going nowhere with no chance of winning.”

“You can’t win anything if you don’t even try.” She waited for a reply from Nick only to be met with silence and a look of exhaustion from her patient. “Nickolas, I realize this has been hard on you.....”

“Hard on me? How could you even possibly know what this shit feels like? I’m feeling sick to my stomach all the time, not being able to eat because things taste like someone dumped a whole shaker of salt on it or even worse - like metal? Losing my hair in handfuls or being so weak I couldn’t even wipe my own ass!”

“I meant what I said sympathetically and you know that,” Dr. Andersen snapped; upon seeing Nick flinch when she spoke, she immediately regretted her tone. “I’m sorry I spoke that way to you, but don’t you realize that all of the efforts that you’ve done up to this point would be a waste of time?”

“I’m sorry it has but I think what happened to me was for a reason and it’s become much clearer to me than ever since I died....”

Dr. Andersen paled at Nick’s words. “Please don’t say that, you can fight this and you know it, don’t give up.”

Nick locked eyes with Dr. Andersen’s. “My mind’s made up.”

The older woman stood up and softly rubbed Nick’s shoulder. “I’ll be back later after you’ve had some time to really think about this.”

Nick watched as his doctor left the room. ’My mind’s made up,’ he whispered as the woman slipped out of view.

Aaron swallowed hard as he peered into the hall window that looked upon his brother’s ICU room. Initially he was thankful that Nick was sleeping but at the same time a part of him was filled with regret that he wasn’t awake.

After a few tense moments of debate, Aaron slowly made his way into the hospital room, setting himself quietly onto a chair in the corner of the room.

He glanced over at Nick, not certain if it was really Nick that was sleeping in the bed; hoping that maybe he had been mistaken about which ICU room he was in. In his head he tried to rationalize that maybe he had made a mistake, there was no way that this could be his brother - the person that lied in this room was much too thin and fragile looking. Aaron looked down at his own hands trying to summon the courage to leave quickly and find out if he had made a mistake and was in the wrong room.

“Hey squirt.”

Aaron’s head jerked up. “Did you say something?”

A small smirk playfully tugged at Nick’s mouth. “Is anyone else in here?”

“No, I came by myself...” Aaron stopped in midsentance when Nick laughed softly. The young teen felt the hair on his arms prickle when he heard his brother’s attempts at laughter. This was in no way sounding like the Nick Carter he knew.

Nick softly patted the empty spot on his bed. “C’mere AC.”

Aaron didn’t move, content to stay in the ‘safety’ of the corner chair.

“Y’all know I’m not contageous, don’t cha?” Nick murmured calmly.

Aaron nodded, quickly pushing the strands of his blonde hair out of his eyes.

Nick studied his brother for a moment, his heart aching, he knew that he was making him feel uncomfortable. He decided to try and make conversation to ease the tension. “Who brought you here?”

Aaron shrugged his shoulders in reply. He was afraid if he opened his mouth to speak, he would start crying.

Nick chuckled slightly. “You don’t know who brought you here?”

“Kevin did,” the young blonde mumbled after a few moments.

After several minutes of listening to the various monitors and watching Aaron do everything possible to avoid looking up, Nick sighed.

“Can we talk about this?”

“About what?”

“You know I’m not gonna die on you here, why are you acting like you’re freaking out? I’m still the same, um, well not the same, but I’m still Nick you know. I know I don’t look the same, but you know what I mean, don’t you?”

“I know.”

“Please, talk to me Aaron, tell me whats going on in your head.”

Aaron could only shrug his shoulders again in reply.

“Would you stop with the shoulders thing? Do I have to get out of bed or something?”

“No,” came the reply along with another shrug of the shoulders.

Grabbing onto the blankets, Nick hap-hazardly tossed the covers aside, Aaron’s eyes widened in horror.

“Nick what are you doing?” he yelped as he caught a glimpse of the thin, pasty white legs that belonged to his brother.

“I’m gonna get out of bed.”

“No....please....you can’t do that,” Aaron pleaded.

With stubborn determination etched on his face, Nick raised himself to a slight sitting position, instantly regretting the movement when a wave of dizziness washed over him. “Oh yes I can,” he stated through gritted teeth.

Aaron stood up quickly and rushed over to his brother’s side. “Please, just lay back down, okay? I’ll talk.....just lay down.”

“Mr. Carter! What on earth are you doing?” a nurse questioned as she rushed into the room.

“Just gonna sit up,” Nick sheepishly replied.

The woman firmly pressed her hand on Nick’s shoulder, guiding him back toward the bed. “Not on my shift. You had your monitors going crazy and for a moment I was worried that something was wrong but now I see it was only your male pride that was going haywire.”

Nick gritted his teeth as the nurse drew the blankets up toward his chest. “I’m getting tired of being treated like an invalid. I can sit up,” he weakly protested.

“You can sit up when Dr. Andersen says you’re good and ready to sit up, until then don’t pull anymore stunts like that, you could have fallen out of bed and God only knows what could have happened.”

“Nothing would have happened,” Nick defended.

“You could have broken a hip,” the nurse replied.

“A hip?” Nick snorted. “That only happens to old people, I’m twenty-three not eighty-three!”

“Twenty-three on chemotherapy,” the nurse corrected. “Chemotheraphy weakens bone mass and believe it or not Nick, you can break something very easily.”

Aaron could only listen quietly to the nurse lecture Nick and watch as his usually outspoken brother laid quiet; embarrassment was evident by the red blush that stained his cheeks.

“Is there anything you need before I go back to the nurse’s station?”

“No thanks,” Nick softly replied. He watched the nurse leave the room before he picked up on the conversation he was trying to have with Aaron. “So do you want to tell me what’s bugging you?”

“I don’t wanna to talk about it...”

Nick rolled his eyes in exasperation. “For crying out loud AC, you’re wearing me out with your ’I don’t wanna talk about it’ attitude. Spill it!”

“Hey guys are you having a good brother-to-brother talk?” Kevin questioned as he walked into the room.

Nick shot a tired look at his bandmate. “We were trying to have a good talk but Aaron doesn’t seem to want to say too much.”

Kevin messed up the young teen’s hair - a gesture that Kevin had done to Nick so many times and Nick had done to his brother; he wished that he could jump out of bed and do that same thing to Aaron right now.

“Well you know he’s probably still tired from the flight and the time difference,” Kevin apologized for the teen.

“Oh for chrissake Kev, it’s only a three hour difference,” Nick muttered.

“I’m sorry but you need to leave for a little bit, Mr. Carter has to get his medication started,” a nurse announced as she entered the room.

Nick shot a look at the woman. “Clara? Medication? I already talked to Dr. Andersen about that.”

“Your chart says medication at 10:30 am and it’s 10:30....”

Nick folded his arms across his chest in a defiant gesture. “Better check the chart again.”

“What are you talking about Nick? She said you have to get your meds at 10:30,” Kevin questioned.

“Just nevermind Clara, I think she’s looking at someone elses chart, right?”

“I’m gonna humor you and go back and check your chart again.”

Kevin and Aaron exchanged glances as the nurse left the room. Clearing his throat, the older man studied Nick for a moment. “Okay kiddo, what’s going on?”

“Nothin, I think she got stuff screwed up or something,” Nick lied as he adjusted the blankets on his chest. “Um, if you guys don’t mind, I’m gonna close my eyes and rest, I’m starting to feel a little tired.”

“You just woke up like a half hour ago Nick,” Aaron stated; worry evident in his voice.

”Nick! Stop avoiding my question, what’s going on?” Kevin demanded quietly.

“Mr. Carter,” Clara called out as she re-entered the room, chart in hand. “It clearly states that you are supposed to be starting up with your chemo at 10:30 this morning, Dr. Andersen’s orders.”

“And I told Dr. Andersen I was stopping it,” Nick replied icily.

“I will have to get a signature from Mr. Littrell then,” Clara stated nervously.

“He’s not here,” Kevin offered.

“I can sign.......just bring the form over here,” Nick replied.

”Nick you can’t do this! Please let them give you the stuff you need! I need you!” Aaron pleaded, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

Nick ran a hand over his face in a defeated gesture. “AC, I’m sorry but I just can’t do this anymore, it makes me sick.”

“Please.......you don’t understand Nick, I need you to get better,” Aaron whimpered.

“We’ve been over this a million times Nick, you know you have to do this,” Kevin agreed.

Nick shook his head from side to side. “I can’t.”

“But you have to,” Kevin replied desperately.

Nick looked tearfully at Aaron and Kevin. “You guys just don’t understand....I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry.”