Kevin Richardson stared at AJ questionably; eyebrow arched. “What was that phone call all about?”

Before answering his older band brother, AJ moved from the phone to a kitchen cabinet pulling a mug down. “I needed to clarify info from Kaos, that’s all.”

Kevin watched as AJ poured the coffee into the mug and then proceeded to doctor it up with three teaspoonsful of sugar and two teaspoonsful of creamer. “You know you should just skip the coffee and go for just the sugar and cream, it would be much cheaper.”

AJ’s reply was a thrust of his middle finger as he slid into an empty chair at the table.

“So what info did you need to clarify from Nick?”

“I don’t wanna say anything until I’m positive that he’s gonna do what he says he’s gonna do.”

Kevin’s face lit up. “You got him to change his mind about the chemo?”

AJ sighed. “I hope so but you know about Kaos, he’s kinda flighty about stuff....one minute he says yes and the next he says no.”

Kevin placed a hand on AJ’s forearm, AJ immediately jerked it away when he heard footsteps approaching the kitchen. “But you got him to change his mind!”

“For now,” came a firm reply.

Jane Carter breezed into the kitchen. “Good morning boys, you sure are awake early. Is this a common thing? I thought you’d be like my Nicky, sleeping in until way past noon.”

Kevin watched the older woman open and close numerous cabinets before finding the one that held the coffee mugs. “My goodness, Nicky doesn’t have things organized very well, I should re-arrange his kitchen while I’m here,” she mumbled to herself, loud enough for the two men at the table to overhear. “So don’t you sleep in boys?”

“No ma’am,” Kevin replied.

“After the bad moods you boys seemed to be in yesterday I kinda figured that you’d be sleeping late today. You were up pretty late last night talking and all.”

“We’re sorry, we just couldn’t sleep I guess,” Kevin apologized, giving AJ a dirty look when he rolled his eyes.

Jane sat down at the table with her coffee. “Can I join you?”

“Looks like you already did,” AJ rasped.

Jane tentatively sipped the strong black coffee. “So what are you boys talking about that was so important at seven o’clock in the morning? About a new tour I bet.”

The angry glare that AJ cast should have sent chills down Jane Carter’s spine. “How the hell could you sit there and think that life is so fucking fine and dandy when your son is laying there fucking dying in a fucking hospital?!”

Jane could only drop her mouth open as she listened to AJ verbally berating her.

”AJ!” Kevin gasped.

“You don’t get it,” AJ continued, ignoring Kevin. “It’s all about the money Jane all about the goddamn money. Always has been. Your Nicky would lay in his bed when we were on tour and cry himself to sleep because you would lay into him when you’d read bad reviews. That kid shouldn’t have gave a shit about them but you always wanted to rub it into him. He ended up wanting to go home with Brian cause he had parents that gave a shit about him and not about what he was doing when he was in freakin Europe. That kid would cry thinking about going home!”

”AJ that’s enough!” Kevin whispered harshly as he clamped a hand on the tatooed man’s forearm.

AJ brushed the grip away. “No she has to hear this! I’m not backing down!” He bore his gaze onto the older woman as he continued. “What Kevin and I were talking about last night was your son. Do you even know that Nick was giving up? He was refusing anymore treatments to save his life?” He laughed sarcastically before continuing. “Nah bet you didn’t even realize that. How could you when you’ve got your entire exsistence wrapped up around AC?”

He paused for a moment to see if this was sinking into Jane Carter. She sat motionless as he continued.

“You see that’s where Nick is different from Aaron. You tried to mold Nick into your perfect little performer and when he finally told you to fuck off you switched gears and went after Aaron cause he was more vulnerable than Nick---”

”AJ THAT’S ENOUGH!” Kevin interrupted gesturing towards a crying Jane. “Can’t you see what you’re doing?”

“Getting through her arrogant mind?”

“I-I’m sorry if it seems to you like I was more worried about the money than my children, but that’s not true,” Jane stated in a hushed whisper. “I love my children more than life itself.”

“Then prove it Jane,” AJ taunted. “When was the last time you saw Nick? You blew into his room, saw how sick he was and couldn’t hack it. I know that one for a fact. I overheard the nurses.”

“That’s not true,” Jane protested.

“That’s bullshit!”

“AJ that’s enough! Can’t you see what you’re doing to her!?”

“You said Nick is going to do the treatments,” Jane sniffled.

“Yes I did and do you know why? Because he didn’t want to let his little brother down. He doesn’t give a fuck about you Jane, he cares about Aaron.”

”AJ that’s uncalled for!” Kevin bellowed.

“It’s true and you know it Kevin. He doesn’t give a fuck about her. Nick would jump off a cliff for Aaron and you know it. I convinced him to change his mind because of his little brother and nothing else. At least I hope he sticks to it.”

Aaron Carter sleepily entered the kitchen. “What’s all the yelling about?” He paused as he looked at the faces at the people seated at the kitchen table. “Mom why are you crying? D-did something happen to Nick?” he asked tearfully.

“No...no Aaron,” Kevin quickly offered. “AJ just got off the phone with your brother, everything is okay,” he added.

Aaron looked at the group with suspicion. “Then what is it?”

“Nothing for you to worry about honey,” Jane lied.

“I hopefully have Nick’s mind changed about the treatments,” AJ said with a wry smile.

Aaron looked at AJ hopefully. “You did?”

“Yeah squirt I did. I took off and I sat down with him and had a heart to heart talk. He’s doing this for you!”

Aaron seemed to balk at the thought. “I don’t want Nick to do it for me, I want Nick to do it for himself.”

“Well he’s doing it for himself but he’s thinking about you too AC,” Kevin filled in.

“He loves you honey,” Jane stated softly. “He loves all of us. He wants to do what is best for himself and try to keep on fighting for his family and his fans.”

AJ shook his head in disbelief. Here he had just finished yelling at the woman and she is acting like nothing was said to her. He scooted his chair back, causing the legs to scrape noisly on the tiled floor. “I’m going out for a smoke.”

“That’s always his way of dealing with stress,” Kevin muttered. “Don’t you ever take up smoking kiddo or I’ll have to kick your butt,” he added with a smile at Aaron.

Although Kevin tried to lighten the mood, tension still filled the room.

“Hi Nick,” she said in a cheerful voice as she laid the burdens she carried onto the bed tray.

“Hi,” Nick replied monotoned.

“Awww, now you’re making me feel sad.”

“Sorry.”

“I know this stuff sucks, all my patients seem to hate seeing me when I come into their rooms,” the nurse explained. “My name is Cyndi, I’m the IV nurse for oncology. You’ve probably never seen me before today but lucky you happen to start a new round of chemo yesterday and now you’re on my shift.”

“Lucky me,” he remarked flatly.

The nurse snickered at his response as she busied herself with setting up the IV lines for the theraputic meds. She patted him gently on an arm. “So how did you do last night?”

“Well after they stopped the allergic reaction to that god awful nausea med I guess fine and they didn’t start the chemo yesterday,” Nick corrected before frowning. ‘Didn’t that nurse read his chart?’

“Sorry, misspoke myself, and you’re right you didn’t get any chemo yesterday.”

Nick sighed with relief. ‘At least she read my chart,’ he thought to himself. He looked at the bags on the table with aprehension. “So what’s all that stuff there?”

“Dr. Andersen ordered a bone marrow test for this morning and this is some of the meds you will have to take once you’re finished with the testing.”

“So you mean to tell me I’m gonna get stuck this morning and then puke my guts out for the rest of the day? Just peachy.”

“I know it sucks but from what I heard, bone marrow aspirations aren’t as bad as they make it out on the internet.”

“You only say that because you’ve never had one,” Nick snapped.

Cyndi looked at her patient sympathetically. “No, I haven’t but many of my patients have and the only complaint I’ve gotten from them is the nasty ache they get from the donor site and that’s about it and we can give you narcs to help with that.”

“I was hoping she’d put me to sleep during this crap,” Nick muttered.

“Sorry, it’s a lot better for you to be awake. Don’t worry, you’ll get a strong anesthetic to numb your hip.”

“Yippee,” Nick grumbled.

“Aww now that didn’t sound very genuine,” Cyndi teased as she winked.

“Sorry, I’m just a little nervous about this procedure,” Nick admitted.

“Well you’ll have a friend here to be by your side during this,” the nurse replied.

“Um, no I won’t.” Nick was quiet for a moment, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. “Um, Cyndi? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure hun.”

He licked his lips nervously. “Would it be possible for you with me for this thing?”

The brunette rubbed her patient’s shoulder. “I was planning on it, I’m your nurse for this and I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”

Nick sighed a relieved sigh. “Thank God.”

“I’m going to leave you to go get ready in the surgical suite---”

Nick’s eyes grew wide. “Surgery?”

“Relax, it’s not really surgery...well, I guess you could say it’s a surgical procedure but anyway, you need to be in an antiseptic environment. I need to gown up and I’ll be waiting for you when you get to the room, don’t worry.”

“Swell,” Nick grimaced.

Nick didn’t have to wait long before a female orderly entered the room with a gurney. “Mr. Carter, I’m Alicia from transportation,” she announced as she guided the gurney next to the hosptial bed. Without hesitating, she raised the bed so that it was level with the gurney. “Can you scooch over here?”

Nick obeyed her orders and with a great deal of effort moved his body slowly onto the gurney, closing his eyes to fend off the wave of dizziness that appeared from his movements.

The orderly quickly unfolded a warming blanket and spread it over his body. “There you are, bet that feels good. It gets pretty drafty in the halls,” she stated as she unlocked the wheels at the head of the gurney.

Nick closed his eyes for the trip to the elevator; he dreaded seeing the faces of people in the hall, fearing they may recognize him or worse look at him with pity in their eyes.

“How yah doing? Still with me?” the young woman questioned as she punched the button to call the elevator.

“Fine,” Nick mumbled.

The elevator signalled and the doors opened. The cart bounced as it crossed the threshold. “Sorry about that,” the girl appologized. “I always forget to tell patients the bump is coming.”

Nick managed a faint smile. He was too nervous thinking about the bone marrow aspiration to even think about anything else.

“Hey, I forgot to mention to you that my baby sister has been a fan of you guys from the beginning, well her and I have to admit I have too.”

A tap on the shoulder snatched Nick from his thoughts. “Huh?”

“I said my baby sister and me are huge fan of you guys.”

“Oh? Thanks.” ’Thanks? What the hell is this woman saying to me? I am laying here in a paper thin dress shivering my ass off and going off to God knows where to have a freakin bone marrow thing to see if there is any chance that Dr. Andersen can save my life,’ Nick thought darkly as he ran a hand over his face.

“Here we are, basement level, pool supplies and yard goods,” the girl announced as the elevator car lurched to an abrupt stop.

Despite the warm blanket, Nick could feel the cool draft as the gurney was guided down the brightly lit hallway. The woman stopped outside of a painted double door, punching numbers on a keypad before the doors swung open.

“Here we go, suite nine.”

Looking around the unfamiliar room, Nick’s eyes were open wide with fear. The smell of rubbing alcohol hung in the air and the bright lights made the stainless steel equipment shine.

“Hi Nickolas.”

Nick jumped when he heard the familiar voice of Dr. Andersen.

“Okay Nick, I need you to move yourself over to this table please.”

Looking up, Nick was relieved to see Cyndi standing next to the gurney. A slight grin crept upon his lips.

“I bet you thought I was lying to you, didn’t you?” Cyndi winked.

“Nah, I’m just relieved to see you,” Nick grunted as he moved his body onto the table. He waited for a moment until the orderly had left the room. “That girl that brought me here was a real psycho.”

“What did she do?”

“Nothing, just kinda odd I guess. I don’t get out much so I suppose I’m not used to strangers anymore.”

“Okay hun, I need you to lay on your stomach for me, okay?”

Nick could feel his heart leap into his throat. This was it, there would be pain involved in a few minutes.

“Okay this is gonna feel a little cold,” Cyndi announced as she rubbed Betadine onto Nick’s hip and mid thigh area.

Nick jumped slightly, screwing his eyes shut. “This is gonna hurt like a motherfucker,” he mumbled to himself not caring about his use of profanity infront of the women.

“Okay, now I’m going to give you a local anesthetic, this will sting for a few seconds but it will go away,” the nurse warned.

Biting his lower lip, Nick prepared himself for the “sting” he was warned about. “Sonofbitch!”

“Sorry hun, but that should be the last pain you’ll feel. It should be getting numb in a few minutes.”

Nick wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand as he nodded.

“Okay Nick, I need you to raise your hips up for a moment, I have to place this underneath so your hips will be raised for Dr. Andersen to get at.”

Nick obediently raised himself up for the woman to slide the rolled object under his hips and thighs.

“Okay,” Cyndi stated after she snapped off her latex gloves when she stood by Nick’s bedside. “Are you ready to take my hand?”

Swallowing nervously, Nick took the nurse’s hand with a firm grasp.

“Okay Nickolas, can you feel this?” Dr. Andersen questioned from behind him.

Scrunching his eyes closed, Nick concentrated to find out what Dr. Andersen wanted him to feel. “No?”

“Is that an answer or a question?”

“No I don’t feel anything,” he corrected.

“Slow down your breathing hun, take deep slow breaths,” Cyndi said in a soothing voice.

“Okay Nickolas, you’re going to feel some pressure here,” Dr. Andersen stated in a calm voice as she prepared to plunge the long syringe into the hip.

Tears started to well up in Nick’s eyes, blurring his vision. He tried to concentrate on slowing his breathing down but realized it wasn’t working too well when Cyndi reminded him once again to slow down his breathing.

“Squeeze my hand if you have to Nick.”

Nick nodded mutely and closed his eyes as he gripped Cyndi’s hand tighter. He could hear her soothing voice as she softly rubbed his back in small circles. It reminded him of what his mother used to do for him when he was younger and needed comfort.

His thoughts drifted toward the memories of when he was younger and his mother as he tried to focus on something other than what was going on at his hip bone.

“Nick I told you that there’s no playing baseball with the other kids......you need to practice your vocals and besides I have you scheduled for a picture session and you might hurt your face or heaven forbid break something.....”

The memory caused Nick to shudder and his breathing started racing again.

“Nick, hun, are you feeling okay?” Cyndi asked as she stopped rubbing his back, lowering her masked face down by his.

“I’m okay,” he whimpered.

“Nickolas, I need you to hold very still, this next part is going to be a little painful,” Dr. Andersen warned with a soft voice.

Cyndi noticed Nick’s grip on her hand had intensified to the point of cutting off the circulation in her fingers. She bit her tongue to displace the pain he was placing on her hand as she continued to try to soothe her patient with rubbing his back.

”OH GOD IT FUCKING HURTS!” Nick yelped as the marrow was being suctioned out. He moaned and panted as the doctor continued the procedure, apologizing for the pain.

“I-I’m gonna be sick,” Nick panted. Within seconds the all-too-familiar curved plastic basin was laying next to his face. His stomach twisted into knots as the wave of dry heaves constricted his body as he wretched, producing only a small amount of bile.

“It’s okay hun......it’s almost over,” Cyndi coached in a soothing voice as she wiped Nick’s mouth with a cool compress.

“You’re doing good Nickolas,” Dr. Andersen offered softly. “Just a few more minutes.”

”A few more minutes?” Nick whimpered. ”God I want this over!

“I know hun.....it sucks,” Cyndi soothed.

“Fuck......” Nick couldn’t finish his thoughts when another wave of dry heaves twisted his stomach once again.

“Doctor can we give him some Zofran yet?”

“Four milligrams,” the doctor responded.

Cyndi took her hand away and walked over to windowed cabinet pulling out a small vial of medication and a syringe. With an alcohol swab, she cleaned the port and expertly injected the anti nausea medication. “Hun this should start working for you in a few minutes,” she promised as she finished with the injection.

Nick nodded mutely as he tried to take his mind off of the intense pain he was feeling from his hip.

“Nickolas, I’m done drawing the marrow, you did a wonderful job in holding still for me,” Dr. Andersen announced. “Cyndi, I need a eight by eight for pressure bandage.”

After a few minutes, the doctor declared that her young patient was ready to return to his room. He was not only happy to hear that they were finished with the tortorous procedure but that he could go back to his room and to the security of his hospital bed and his familiar surroundings.

Once Nick was settled back in his room, Cyndi did checked his vitals once again. “Hun you must be hurting a lot? Your blood pressure is way up.”

Nick tearfully nodded in agreement.

“I’ll be back in a minute, doc has orders for pain meds through an IV.”

Wiping the tears with the back of his hand, Nick finally gave in and let himself cry. It hurt and he was tired. He decided he didn’t need to keep up a good front. He hurt and he wanted it to stop. It was the worst he had ever felt in his life and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

He had gone through complete hell. Little did he know that this hell was only the beginning.