Brian let out a deep sigh as he laid on the bed beside his wife.

“Okay that is the fourth time in about fifteen minutes that you’ve sighed.....spill it Bri, what’s bugging you?”

Flipping through the channels on the television Brian could only shake his head in reply.

Leighanne draped an arm across her husband’s chest. “C’mon you’ll feel better about whatever it is that’s bugging you if you talk about it sweetheart.”

Brian gently rubbed Leighanne’s arm. “It’s nothing.”

“Brian Thomas Littrell I know you’re lying. Please honey let’s talk about it....are you worried about the baby?”

“I’m always worried about the baby’s health, it’s natural,” Brian agreed, hoping that Leighanne would drop the subject.

“Okay I can understand that but I know that there’s something more that you’re thinking about.”

“It’s nothing Lee, I told you,” Brian lied.

“Nick?”

“Huh?”

“It’s Nick, isn’t it? I can tell you’ve been kinda preoccupied lately and I know you haven’t called Kevin in a couple of days....”

“I’ve called him, but he hasn’t call me back,” Brian quickly corrected.

“Well try callin’ him again, I’m sure he’s just been busy with Nick or something.”

“Probably.”

“So.....”

Brian looked at his wife. “So what?”

“So why are you just laying here? Get up and call him!”

“Alright....alright I’m goin’,” Brian grunted as he got up from the bed. After handing the remote control to Leighanne, he slowly padded his way across the hall to the guest bedroom to place the phone call.

He closed the bedroom door softly and sat on the bed for a few minutes; cordless telephone cradled in his hands. As much as he wanted to call his cousin to check up on Nick, he dreaded the thought fearing that he would hear bad news instead of good news. It had become so common lately with Nick - too many curves in how his body was handling the Hodgekin’s Disease. One time he was good only to be handed a bad report or get struck down with nausea and vomiting or even worse pain the next time.

Sighing heavily, Brian hit the *8 on the keypad to speed dial the number to Kevin’s cell phone. After a few signals, and his heart beating rapidly, he was rewarded with his cousin’s Kentucky drawl.

“Hello?”

“Kev? Hey it’s Brian, gosh I didn’t think I’d ever reach you.”

“Been kinda busy lately, sorry I didn’t get back with you,” Kevin apologized.

“Oh,” Brian replied as he was trying to think of something to say to start a conversation before turning the topic onto the subject of Nick’s health. “Um....”

“I was just getting ready run up to the hospital to check in on Nick.”

Brian’s felt his chest getting tight. “Oh?”

“Yeah, he’s had a pretty rough morning.”

A wave of panic swept over Brian. “Rough? What’s going on with Nick?”

“He’s suppose to be starting chemo again last night last I knew so I bet he’s gonna be pretty sick today.”

Brian tugged a hand nervously through his hair. ”Starting chemo again-I thought everything was fine with Nick and he was getting better.

“Bri, calm down,” Kevin paused. “Dr. Andersen told Nick that they needed to get more agressive with the cancer and the chemo and his only chance for survival may be a bone marrow transplant. I thought I told you this already.”

“You haven’t called me back for a few days,” Brian snapped.

Kevin pressed his palm against his forehead. “Gosh cuz, I’m so sorry but it’s been a crazy week so far with Nick quitting his treatment and not wanting to---”

”He quit what?”

“Let me finish, he said he was going to stop his cancer treatments but AJ got through to him and he agreed to do the bone marrow option.”

Brian paused for a moment, letting the information digest in his brain. “Who did you say is the donor?”

“Nick.”

“Huh? He’s the patient.”

“Nick is donating his own bone marrow and they are doing something to treat the marrow to kill off any cancer cells and they will be doing another round of higher chemo to clean his system out,” Kevin answered.

“I’ve never heard of anyone donating their own marrow to themselves....are you sure Nick was telling you correctly?”

Kevin replied with a light chuckle. “Yeah I know Nick can be hard to believe sometimes, but his doctor told the family about it and they were going to start off with higher chemo and the bone marrow thing. From what she told us, it sounded like this may be one of his only options left.”

“Oh God,” Brian sighed.

“Hey, if it’s okay with you, I need to get going. Give Lee my love ‘kay?”

“Yeah sure Kev,” Brian replied, dully.

Sensing Brian’s concerns, Kevin quickly added, “Bri, everything will be fine with Nick. We have to put our trust in his doctor.”

“I hope so Kevin.....I really hope so.” Leighanne looked into her husband’s eyes when he re-entered the room; his face drained of color. “Oh my God, Brian did something happen?”

Brian sat down on the edge of the bed as he ran a hand over his face. “Something like that I guess,” he mumbled.

Leighanne waited for a few moments for Brian to fill her in and after a few minutes of complete silence, she couldn’t stand it any longer. “Well? Could you at least tell me what’s going on?”

“Kevin said that Nick’s gonna have to have a bone marrow transplant... god, this wasn’t suppose to happen....”

“What exactly did Kevin tell you?” Leighanne questioned as she tried to keep her voice calm.

Brian sighed and repeated everything that his cousin had told him and when he finished Leighanne only had two words to say to him.

“Call Nick.”

“What?”

“I said call Nick.”

“But I don’t have any idea what kind of shape he’s in or if he’s up to taking any calls.”

“Honey, you won’t know unless you call him. You said that Kevin was going up to the hospital to see him, so I can only imagine that Nick is probably up for some kind of visit. Call him.....I won’t drop this until you go and call him. I’m sure you’ll be happy you did...who knows, maybe it’ll make you feel better.”

“Or worse,” Brian muttered as he stood up to go across the hall to place the call.

“Stop being so negative.”

Once again, Brian found himself in the guest bedroom, seated on the bed with the cordless phone cradled in his hands. His index finger was poised over the buttons as he debated if he should call Nick. There were so many “what if’s” that he was about to put the phone back and not call when his eyes rested on a picture of he and Nick that had been taken last year before Nick had become sick.

The grin on his best friend’s face brought a smile to his own face as well as tears in his eyes. Time was so precious and he knew he would seize the moment when he thought of Nick or he may never have the chance to talk to him ever again.

”Stop it! Stop thinking like that!” Brian coached himself as he shook his head. Taking a deep breath, he pressed the number to the speed dial he had programmed to the nurse’s station at the hospital.

“Oncology ICU, Cyndi speaking.”

“Um yeah, this is Brian Littrell, I’m Nick Carter’s patient advocate and I was checking to see how he’s doing today.....” As he pressed the phone harder to his ear, Brian could hear some voices in the background and shuffling of papers.

“Brian Littrell? Could have have the verification codes?”

Brian panicked for a moment as his mind went blank as he tried to mentally think out the verification code. ‘Crap! Verification codes.....c’mon what were they? One twenty-eight.....no, it was one hundred eighty....’

“1980.”

“And?”

‘And? Shit what else was there.....some word, god what word was it? 1980 AJ is a dumbass and Nick is perfect?´

“1980 AJ is a dumbass and Nick is perfect?” He blushed after he said what he hoped was the verification codes that Nick himself had come up with for any family member or friend to use when they called in to check up on him.

“How can I help you now, Mr. Littrell?”

Brian let out a sigh of relief when he realized that he remembered the code words and mentally told himself that he needed to write that down for future reference.

“I wanted to see how Nick’s been today.”

“He’s in stable condition,” the nurse replied.

“Stable? Can’t you be a little more specific? I heard he was starting chemo again...”

“He hasn’t yet today, he just had a bone marrow aspiration----”

Brian’s eyes widened. ”Bone marrow aspiration? I-I thought that wasn’t going to be done until later on!”

“Doctor decided it would be best to do that this morning since he had a bad night with the anti-nausea medication and had an allergic reaction so she thought it would be best to do the aspiration first before starting the chemo.”

“Oh,” Brian replied in a shaky voice.

“I can check to see if he’s awake, I’m sure he’d like to speak with you.”

Before Brian could reply, the woman had placed the call on hold. Expecting her to come back after a few moments, he heard sound of the phone being dropped and then what sounded like being dragged across the floor.

“Whaddup dawg?” Nick greeted the caller in a hoarse voice.

“Nick?”

“Yessum.” “Okay, it sorta sounds like you.....how are you?”

“Me? I’m just chillin’ bro ain’t nuttin goin on here....”

“Nick quit talking ghetto, I’m trying to have a conversation with you,” Brian snapped in an irritated tone.

“Aye-aye sir...” Nick mocked loudly.

“Um, so the nurse told me you had a bone marrow aspiration thing today?”

Nick’s voice suddenly became quiet. “Oh yeah I got that done today and you shouldda seen the size of that dang needle they used on me.....holy shit Bri it was bigger than a garden hose and it was wider than my di----”

“Okay Nick I get the idea,” Brian quickly interrupted. “So I take it everything went well then?”

Nick yawned loudly. “Yeah it’s pretty sweet I guess.”

“Sweet? What do you mean by sweet?”

“God Brian they give you these fantastic drugs and I mean F...A...N....T..I..S..T...I...C.....motherfucking drugs. Dude, they just give them to me anytime I call. Hell they give me anything I ask for, seriously!”

“So are you on something right now?”

“Dude! You wouldn’t believe what they gave me! I’m on morphine! Isn’t that kick ass? Bone would be so jealous!”

Brian seemed to be puzzled at how Nick was acting in their conversation. He was suddenly starting to regret being transferred to Nick’s room.

“It’s the best shit I’ve had....and it’s free! Isn’t that cool?”

Suddenly Nick’s coversation turned. “Hey man, I was thinking we could meet later tonight and go over the songs and shit... you know rehearse? I know Lou is gonna be pissed off at me as usual since he’s been on my back since last week....”

“Nick what are you talking about?”

“Fatass Lou... you know. He just called me like right before you called and he was really really pissed that you weren’t up yet. He’s been waiting in the lobby for an hour he said and he found out that we went out for pizza and beer last night too. Can you believe that fatass is concerned about me eating? What an asshole...”

“Nick?”

Nick yawned loudly into the phone. “But it’s all good. He can’t push me around anymore...”

“Nick what are you talking about?”

“Oh shit I almost forgot.... I left Mikey outside, hold on a minute, okay I gotta let him in...”

”NICK DON’T LEAVE...STAY ON THE PHONE...NICK! LISTEN TO ME!” Brian screamed into the phone.

“Huh? I just gotta get the dog, jesus Bri...”

“Nick, you just told me a few minutes ago we were in a hotel and now you’re saying you gotta let the dog in....the one that has been dead for about four years!”

“Are you high man? I’m sitting in on my boat!”

“Sitting on your boat? Then how can you let a dog in? Would he be at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico by now?”

Nick breathed heavily into the phone as he thought about what Brian had just said. “At the bottom of the gulf? God did something happen to my dog?”

“No Nick, just calm down....are you alone?”

“Yessum.”

“Nick I need you take a look at where you are, just focus on where you are,” Brian stated in a calm voice.

“You are getting really weird.”

“Listen to me Nick, I want you to focus on what you see,” Brian urged as the panic was causing his heart to race. Nick was hallucinating on the medications and he was unable to stop Nick from doing something that would hurt himself.

“Okay and?”

“What do you see?”

“Judas Brian are you for real man?”

“Nick what do you see?”

“I see that my dog needs to be let in cause it’s starting to thunderstorm.”

“No Nick, you’re in the hospital.....don’t you see that?”

“Hey hold on I gotta close my windows....”

”NICK STAY ON THE PHONE WITH ME!”

Brian’s heart sank when he heard Nick grunting as he obviously was trying to sit up or worse get out of bed.

”NICKY! PLEASE! DON’T GO ANYWHERE TALK TO ME!”

As Brian waited for what seemed like an eternity between his panicked request he suddenly heard Nick cry out and the phone going dead.

”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!