Howie woke with a jerk. Sitting up in bed he peered through the darkness. An unfamiliar noise, coming from downstairs, was what woke him up. Rubbing the sleep away from his eyes he decided that he had to be dreaming, when he heard it once again. Something slammed down in the kitchen and curious to see what was going on this time of night, 3.13 am to be precise, he decided to go downstairs to check it out. With that on his mind he set his bare feet on the wooden floor and then slowly walked down the stairs. It was pitch dark and the only light that shone in was from the outdoor lightning. He refrained himself from turning the light on since that would only wake the guys up.

Opening the door to the kitchen he saw the shadow of a man standing in the darkness by the cupboard. He appeared to be searching for something and Howie’s first instinct was that it had to be a burglar doing a break in. Quickly he scanned the room for something to use to protect himself if worse came to worse, but then more mature thoughts overcame him and instead he turned on the lamp.

“Oh shit!” The figure jumped, dropping what he held in his hand. Turning around he yelled, “Dammit D. You scared the shit out of me!”

Startled to see that it was his younger bro standing there, alias the owner of the house, Howie said with surprise, “Nick? What are you doing here?” This was not the first person he’d expected to see even if he was standing in his own kitchen.

“What am I doing here?” Nick snarled. “I don’t know but the last time I checked it was still my house.” He glared at Howie who fidgeted uncomfortably.

“I didn’t mean it like that..I just heard some noise so I went downstairs to check if everything was ok.” He laughed embarrassed. “I thought you were a burglar. His facial expression changed into a frown, “What are you doing here standing in the darkness?”

Nick didn’t answer; instead he shielded his hand with his eyes. “Damn! Can’t you shut off that light? It hurts my eyes.”

Ignoring the comment Howie had a sudden wave of déjà vu. He was thrown back eight years in time, to when they were standing in the small kitchen of the apartment he and Brian rented back in Orlando. At that time he’d woke up, just like now, by a strange noise coming from the kitchen and when he turned on the light he’d found Nick standing there in the pitch black kitchen raiding the cupboard. What was funny was that his only comment had been “Shut it off! It hurts my eyes!” That time however his hands had been full with all kinds of assorted goodies, like candy bars, chips and popcorn. After more interrogating it turned out that he and Brian had planned a whole night eating snacks and playing videogames, although they had tried to be as quiet as possible. Howie had went berserk and called in Kevin to the scene and then there had been repercussions

That old. Memory brought a smile to his face. Noticing this Nick asked a bit confused, “What’s so funny D?”

“Oh nothing. I just remembered something. You know when I caught you after you had raided the kitchen in that apartment me and Bri rented back in the days. I had a vision of you back then, standing with all those candy bars in your arms, looking like I caught you off hand.

A smile lit up Nick’s face too, even if it was only for a few seconds. “Oh that time. God. Yeah I remembered it. You raised all hell and even got Kevin up.” He looked at his friend suspiciously, “You’re not gonna do that again are you?”

The older man frowned, “What?”

“You know get Kevin to come. Because if you are since I can’t afford being grounded again.” He grinned.

That comment had Howie laughing. “Nah I don’t think so Nicky. You’re a grown man now even if you rarely act like one.”

“Hey!” Nick swatted him on his arm. “I’m 22, not some kind of kid you know.” His eyes gleamed from being mischievous and Howie noticed with satisfaction that his friend still had that weird sense of humour that had more or less become his trademark. Even if he’d been lacking it lately.

He was about to say something witty back when Nick asked, “D can you please turn off that bright light? “ He pointed to the ceiling. “The chemo makes my eyes a bit sensitive you know.”

The subject had gone serious again.

Quickly Howie sprinted into action. “Of course, but why didn’t you tell me that?” He lit the light in the window instead, giving away a cosy feeling in the kitchen.

“Nevermind

Sensing that it would be a good time to change the topic Howie asked, “So tell me. What you’re doing up at this kind of hour then?”

“Nothing much. I felt a bit hungry so I came in to see if I could find something to eat.” Nick opened the refrigerator. “You don’t happen to have anything left from that pizza do you?”

“Pizza?” surprised but also happy over the fact that his friend had mentioned something similar to having an appetite Howie looked at the young man as he went on.

“Yeah Pizza. Jay told me that he was going to get me some but I took a rain check since I wasn’t that hungry. So you saved some for me or not?” There was a bit of accusation in his voice and Howie flinched with his eyes.

“Eh..uh.. We didn’t order any..” Before he could end the sentence he was cut off by Nick.

“You didn’t get any? How come? You had no dinner?” He frowned in disappointment.

“No, It’s not that. We had shrimp instead.” Howie motioned with his hand towards the plate. “I think there might be some left for you. Kev saved you some.” Instead of digging into the dish like he was used to seeing Nick do, at least a year back, the young man scrunched up his nose in disgust.

“Shrimp? No thanks.”

Confused over the sudden change in attitude Howie asked, “What’s the matter? You used to like seafood.” The Latino’s brown eyes looked searchingly at his friend. He lifted the lid to tempt his friend. “See it’s your specialty.” “Um.” The younger man covered his mouth quickly, “Close the lid!” He looked like he was going to get sick so Howie did as he was asked to do.

“You ok?”

“Mmmm.” Nick nodded, while swallowing hard. “It’s just that the chemo is doing a number on my stomach again. It’s kind of weird. The things that I liked before the treatment can make me sick, especially the smell of fish, while other stuff that I didn’t like before I am crazy about. Like Brussels sprouts!” He smiled a bit embarrassed.

“Brussels sprouts?” Howie had no idea that Nick liked that kind of food. He was going to make a funny comment when he noticed how the younger mans hand had travelled to his stomach, holding it in a tight grip like it was his only chance to stop the pain from creeping any further.

All of a sudden Nick got a blank look on his face. He acted like he was dizzy and like he was on the verge of passing out. Instantly Howie was there with a helping hand. “You sure that you’re all right? ‘Cause you looked mighty green there for a second. Like you’re going to pass out.” He gestured over to a chair by the table. “Maybe you should sit down for a moment.”

“No, I’m fine.” Nick did his best to steel himself but then did as Howie suggested and planted his butt on the chair. He was taking several short breaths, like he was in pain.

“You ok? You feeling sick? You want me to get something? Someone? Kevin?” Panic dwelled up inside the older man.

“No!” Nick’s tone as sharp, much sharper than he’d intended it to be. “Not Kevin!” His only reply was another frown out of Howie like he was asking why. Then he went on, “I’m fine. It’s nothing. This damned sickness comes sneaking up on me when I least expect it.” He breathed out, “Just like right now. It usually helps if I sit down for a moment.”

“Ok.” Howie had gone silent and it looked like he didn’t believe a word that his friend said.”

Noticing this Nick added, with a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry D. It’s nothing, besides I’m fine again.” He chuckled, “You got something else besides shrimp to eat? I think I’m hungry again.

“You are?” His friend was acting weirder than a pregnant woman.

“Yes!” Nick laughed. “For crying out loud D, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He waved with his hand in front of Howie. “Heeeloooooo…It’s me Nick and yeeeeessss I’m hungry. Again.”

Howie wasn’t so sure that Nick was telling the truth. The blonde had a habit of always pretending like everything was fine and dandy when in reality something was eating him from inside. This came with being on the road for some many years and he’ d tried to muster up strength to go through the very pressed schedule they all were living by. They had all been afflicted by it but not as severe as Nick had, being the youngest and the most sensitive one in the group. This had lead to Nick dealing with problems with a joke or a prank, to brighten up his own miserable days, but also to make everyone else laugh. Especially if they showed concerned for him.

The older man was about to suggest that he eat a bowl of cheerio’s or maybe some toast. It would be gentle on his stomach. But that was not his friend’s idea of a meal.

“No..nothing like that. I’m sick and tired of eating that bland crap, not to mention that nasty stuff they fed me by the line.” He made a face before his eyes suddenly lit up. “Let’s do something wild D! Let’s order pizza!”

“At this time of night?” Howie frowned, “Isn’t that a bit too late?” He didn’t want to spoil the younger mans good mood but eating when it was practically dawn sent his stomach into contractions. It didn’t help Nick much that the Latino was a picture of health and he wasn’t the one to pig out on fast-food.

“Let’s get crazy and do like we did when we were back in Europe. Order a pizza and just talk. Or even better let’s play a game.”

Howie smiled. “It was you that did that. You and Brian. Not me. I went to bed.”

“Bed?” Nick blurted out. “My ass!”

The Latino laughed. “Yes I did.”

“You did not.” Nick pointed at his stomach. “You dude..You went out partying; don’t think that I didn’t know where you guys went when you said that you were going to your room.” A smirk. “I even followed you once.”

“You did?” This time Howie’s chin dropped.

“Yup!” A grin spread out on his face. “Dude I never knew that you could drink that much. It was like you were a freaking mushroom.”

“I didn’t drink that much!” Howie felt he had to defend his honour.

“Yeah right! You can kiss my ass. You,” he pointed at Howie’s stomach again. “You my friend were so smashed at times that it wasn’t even funny. And don’t you think that I knew that the “flu” you and Jay contracted over in Spain was due to that heavy party you guys had. .” Nick laughed. “I might be blonde, but I’m not that stupid!”

Howie had no chance to object before Nick said with a smirk. “But that’s not the worst part.”

“What? There’s more?” The older man became suddenly very eager to find out what he was talking about.

“There sure is.” Nick looked mischievous.

“ Spill it. What did you see?”

“Patience. patience,” Nick’s eyes danced with laughter. When he knew that he’d reached what was the limit,” You and those girls! You were making all those sleazy comments to them. And they fell for it. That you were Mr. Nice guy.”

Howie feigned hurt. “I didn’t make any bad comments and I was the nice guy.” He didn’t like where this conversation was going, yet he was curious what would be spilled.

“Yeah right!” Nick grinned and then pretended with his voice to be a young Howie Dourough. “Oh your eyes are as blue as sapphire. You’re the only one for me.” The younger man laughed loudly, “God! I can’t believe that they fell for that crap!”

“It wasn’t crap!”

“Yeah it was.” Nick laughed. “Pure bullshit and you told that to every girl.” He grinned. “Dude I can’t believe that you never got caught.”

Even if Howie felt a bit bad he couldn’t help but laugh. Not for what his friend was saying, no it was more the fact that he’d never seen Nick so happy for a long time. “Yeah, maybe it was a sleazy thing to do,” he agreed, before adding, “but the girls liked it.”

“And so did you.”

“Yeah I guess…but then I think we all took advantage at that time. We were young and we didn’t know better.”

“Uh huh.” Nick went serious for a moment. “You ever think back to those times Howie?”

“What do you mean?”

“On those times when we had just started? When we were travelling all around the world? When there weren’t so many problems?” At once there was something sad in Nick’s face. Something that made Howie feel uneasy.

“Mmmm..Sometimes. Do you?”

Nick nodded. “Yeah…you know I’ve had some time to think when I’ve been cooped up in the Hospital and I want you guys to know that if something happens to me….”

Howie cut him short. “Nothing will happen to you.” He didn’t like it when Nick talked like that. When he was that serious. He had an idea where the blonde was taking this and he didn’t want to be a part of it. The whole situation with Nick having cancer had bothered Howie more than he ever let on. He’d experienced a life treating illness with his sister and he’d always had a tough time dealing with things like this. To Howie everyone next to him was close and the mere thought of loosing another member of his family sent him into fright.

If he didn’t like the last topic because of embarrassment he thought that this topic was downright scary. Howie had always been a person that was close to his feelings, at least on the outside, but when it hit too close to home he had a habit of shutting them out. Dealing with cancer, with sickness, with death, hurt too much and he had no real tools to deal with that kind of matter. Just by looking at Nick he saw that his friend was about to spill something serious. Something that would stir up those feelings that Howie did his best to control. Did his best to hide.

“No let me go on,” Nick held up his hand. When he was certain that Howie wouldn’t interrupt him again he continued “As I said before. If something happens to me I want you guys to know that being with you has been the best time of my life. Without you I don’t know how I could have handled things. You’re the one that taught me what it means to be a caring and genuine person and you’re the one that set me straight when I had those fallouts. I love you guys and no matter what happens in the future you will always be my brothers.”

Howie felt his eyes go all wet. The words Nick said hit him straight in the heart and he knew that it wasn’t something the blonde said just for fun. It was something that came straight from the heart. It was the truth and it was an act of love.