The closest you could compare Jane Carter’s entrance as she walked into the ward was a hurricane. She swept through the room as if she owned it and when she walked up to the desk she did it with firm determination.

"I'm here to see my son," she declared to the woman sitting behind the desk. The black nurse looked up from her paperwork.

"And who might that be miss?" the woman said with a southern accent.

"Mrs..." Jane corrected. "And it's Nick...Nick Carter."

The woman by the desk winced at the name being announced. "And you are?"

"I told you I was his mother. Jane Carter." Her voice went cold and Kevin who was following behind felt it was best to step up and clear up the situation.

"Shirley, this is Nick’s mom. Mrs. Carter."

"Oh I'm sorry," the woman said as she forced a smile on her lips. "There have been so many people trying to get access to see your son that I never know when anyone is a true relative."

Jane looked like she was going to reprimand the woman but then she changed her mind and said instead, "That's okay. Everyone can make mistakes, now can I go to my son’s room?"

"Certainly," the black woman stood up to follow but was stopped by Jane.

"No, don't bother. Kevin will show me."

The woman responded quickly that it would be just fine and Kevin thought that she actually looked relieved that she didn't have to spend anymore time with Mrs. Carter. And Kevin didn't blame her. Despite the conversation she had with Aaron last night and the words that AJ had spat out it was as if she hadn't taken in what had been said. He sighed. It took a lot for this woman to change and he hoped that she change, for her children’s sake at least.

Once they arrived at Nick’s door Kevin asked, "You want to go alone or do you want me to come with you?" Jane hesitated for a moment and to his surprise she said, "I want you to follow me...please." The last words were said out of fright and he felt bad seeing the distraught woman standing there. So that was it. Jane was acting like this because she was frightened of what she would see. Frightened of her own son.

Kevin could see her hesitating a second before opening up the door and then walking into the sick room. She stopped instantly and a gasp filled the room as she took notice of her son laying in bed.

"Oh my God!" The hands went up to her mouth and Kevin could see how tears sprung up in her eyes. Nick however didn't register since he seemed to be sleeping soundly.

"My baby..oh my God what have they done to him?"

Jane bit back a sob which had Kevin moving up to stand beside her. "He had sepsis," he explained, "and the chemo that they have been given him for months has taken him hard. He hasn't been able to eat anything solid for at least a month or more."

Jane acted like she didn't hear a word what Kevin said and instead she whispered, "My baby...my baby...he's so small. So pale." She moved over slowly to Nick’s bed.

Kevin nodded. "Yeah he's been pretty sick lately."

Jane gasped again as she saw all of the lines attached to her sons body. Then she turned towards Kevin. "Why wasn't I told?" There were accusations in her voice. "Why didn't you tell me that Nick was this sick?"

The younger man couldn't believe what he was hearing, still he did his best to stay calm. "We tried to tell you. I thought you knew..."

"Knew what?" Jane interrupted him, desperation in her voice. "That my baby was dying?"

He didn't want know how to respond. The whole situation was uncomfortable. Kevin wanted to leave, yet he stayed. Jane needed him. She was crying openly now as if it was the first time it was getting to her that it was her own son that was laying there in the hospital bed, dying. Putting a hand on the older woman’s shoulder Kevin did his best to comfort her. "Jane, I'm so sorry."

Kevin bit back the tears that were threatening to spill over. Nick was starting to wake up and he was moving restlessly in his bed and Kevin motioned for Jane to sit down on the chair closest to bed so she would be the first one Nick would see once he woke up. But she neglected it and instead stood by the door frame, looking like a stranger to the sick man lying in the bed next to her.

Suddenly Jane got a strange look in her eyes and then said with a shaky voice. "Oh God I can't stay here. I need air!" With those words she stormed out of the room, leaving Kevin standing there in surprise. This was not a way he'd expected Jane to act, yet the Carter’s never seemed to amaze him. They were all hot headed and Nick had inherited both his dad and mom in that way.

The package in the bed started to stir and then Kevin noticed a pair of blue eyes staring at him with a bleary look.

Nick swallowed several times before he whispered a hoarse, "Hi." He coughed to clear his voice.

"Hey there," Kevin smiled at him softly. "I didn't wake you did I?"

"Yeah you did," Nick laughed but then coughed again.

"I'm sorry." There were so many things to be sorry for and what ate Kevin up was that Nick didn't know that his mother was outside, crying her eyes out because she'd just come to realize how sick her son was and how close she was to loosing him. Forever.

"No prob dude, I was due to waking up soon again." Nick shrugged. "Tests you know."

"Yeah," Kevin went silent. "So how are you doing today then?"

"Okay..." Nick started but when Kevin gave him a look of doubt, he instantly changed his version. "I'm tired. Exhausted."

"Maybe you should go back to sleep then," Kevin patted on his bed. "You know that can actually help when you're tired."

"Yeah I know....believe me I know," Nick smiled. "But I've got something to tell you first."

"You do? What?" Kevin’s thoughts were still with Jane who was completely devastated outside of the hospital room and part of him wanted to go and comfort Nick’s mom while the other part wanted to be there for Nick. Oh why did the Carters always make things so difficult?

"Doctor Andersen talked with me yesterday."

Those words hit Kevin like a punch in the stomach and he had to do his best not to cry out. "She did?"

"Yeah. She told me that the sepsis was gone."

"Oh that is great news." Kevin hoped it was all that Nick was going to say. "See buddy you beat that. You're strong."

"Maybe." Nick smiled at him smugly. "She also said that I could try eating clear liquids and I did it today. I ate Jello."

"That's awesome!" Kevin was really happy for Nick’s sake. It was weird how small things could make him want to dance with joy these days.

"She also talked to me about my bone marrow transplantation..."

Those were the words that Kevin had feared would be mentioned. He bit his lip, not daring to ask what she had said.

"You know they have tested Aaron for a match?"

Kevin nodded. Looking at Nick he did his best to read if this was going to be good or bad news. Usually his young brother was like an open book and he could never hide a feeling. Today however there wasn't even one tendency of emotion on his face and it was completely blank.

"They have done some tests on me too and..." Kevin knew that Nick loved dragging out on suspence, even if he usually stank at that.

"Nick what did she say? You going through with the bone marrow transplantation?" Kevin had to know, he didn't want this being dragged out any longer.

"Aaron is a match!"

The older man had more or less ruled out that the information would be all that great and when the words were spilled he almost passed out. "Aaron did what? What did you say?"

Nicks face glowed from happiness. "Aaron is a match. She said that it was so good that it was as if she had tested me for my own bone marrow. Great huh?"

"Great?" Kevin burst out. "It's absolutely fantastic." He laughed loud as he hugged Nick who was laughing too. Normally he would have felt uncomfortable hugging Nick since feeling the skin and bones through the hospital gown reminded him even more about Nick’s situation, but today it was such great news that he would have hugged anyone that came in his way.

"Yeah and if my tests don’t come back too shitty and if Air hasn't contracted any STD then they can actually go through with the bone marrow transplantation." Nick grinned like a cat that ate the Canary.

Once Kevin had calmed down he felt that he had to share the great news with Jane too. Or even better Nick would get a real surprise when his mother walked in and he could share the news with her. Personally. With that he excused himself and walked outside the room. He expected to find Jane standing outside crying but to his surprise he found that she was nowhere to be seen.

"Jane?" He called out. "Mrs. Carter?"

Kevin searched in the corridor but when he saw no signs he walked over to the reception desk and Shirley was the one that on duty.

"You looking for that lady that came in here? Mrs. Carter?" she asked.

"Yes." Kevin nodded furiously. "You've seen her?"

"Yup, she ran out of here and towards the elevator.

"She did?" He felt disappointment dwell all over him. This was not something he'd expected Jane to do. She always proved to be a strong woman and the way she acted last night he had thought that she was ready to face the truth. Ready to face Nick. But he'd mistaken. Mistaken so badly.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Kevin had been searching high and low for Mrs. Carter and when he was ready to give up he'd went out to the car in the parking lot only to notice that Nick’s black Durango had a visitor. Walking up to the car he saw Jane Carter sitting in there, nervously smoking a cigarette.

"Oh there you are," Kevin did his best to remain calm when he in reality wanted to chew out this woman real good.

"Kevin?" Her eyes flicked nervously. "What are you doing here?" She squashed the cigarette out instantly and flicked it into the ashtray that was filled with several cigarette butts.

"Looking for you," he replied casually while taking a seat next to her in the car. "I thought you wanted to be there for Nick when he woke up." Kevin was on the verge of adding, 'I guess it became too much,' but refrained from doing that when he saw the mascara smeared face and the tears that were falling down the older woman’s cheeks.

"I did. I do." Jane’s voice was nothing but a sob. "Oh believe me I did, but when I saw my baby laying there it got too much all of a sudden. All the emotions I've had this past year just hit me and I couldn't take it." Jane Carter looked up at the dark man, her eyes filled to the brim with tears. "You have no idea how much guilt I feel right now. I knew that he was sick, you all told me, but it was as if it was too hard to take and I tried to act like everything was normal just to be able to survive." Jane placed her hands over her face. "You have no idea how much my heart aches when I see my baby lying there."

Kevin nodded.

"I just wish that I had been there when he wasn't this sick and now...and now..." The woman broke into more crying. "Now everything might be too late." She cried and talked over and over again about how much she had neglected her son when she suddenly drew back a shaky breath and looked over at Kevin, her eyes searching his for an answer. "You think I'm a bad mother, don't you?"

Surprised over the sudden question Kevin didn't know what to say first. "No," he said softly when he'd regained his composure. "You're not bad. Just confused. Hurting." With a warm gesture he hugged the older woman and she didn't shrug away but she didn't stay in his embrace longer than needed either.

"I guess you're right," Jane said, letting out a sigh when she felt done crying. "But what should I do then? I can't stand seeing my own son hurting this much and I can't be away from him either." She went on telling Kevin how much Nick meant to her and how much she loved him. Suddenly she stopped herself. "Maybe it would be better if I just walked out of his life. If I let him go?"

"NO!" Kevin heard himself shouting. "No don't you dare do that! Nick needs you." The worst thing that would happened was if Nick’s family turned away from him now. Now when he finally had a fair chance to make it. But then he remembered that Jane had no idea about the great news that Nick had just spilled and he was certain that if she knew those she wouldn't be as close as being a nervous wreck like she was now. Still he didn't want to be the one to reveal it. He wanted Nick to be the one that got to share the good news with his family.

"You think so?" Jane let out a shaky breath and there was hope in her eyes.

"Yes! He misses you a lot Jane."

"He does?" There was a warmth in her eyes that had been there years ago when they were still new on the market and unknown to the large audience. It was that warmth that Kevin knew that Nick had been searching for so long. The look that proved to him that his mother still loved him for who he was.

"Yes. He told me not long ago that he missed his family very much and that he hoped that you would be there for him." There were new tears glistening in the woman’s eyes.

"He did?"

"Mmmm-um.." Kevin nodded. He remembered the conversation like it happened yesterday.

"Kev?" Nick's voice had been so weak that Kevin had to bend over to hear what his friend was saying. It had been a bad day and the chemo had made Nick really sick and after the worst bouts were over the younger man had been really exhausted. He'd broken down to tears, something that was very usual when it came to Nick but unusual since he became sick with cancer.

"Yes?" Kevin softly asked.

"Do you...do you think I will ever see my family again?"

The words had come so unexpected that it took Kevin at a loss for words. Once he found his words he said as calm as he could, "Sure. You'll see them."

"When?" Nick had demanded.

For a moment it felt like they had been in a time warp and had been thrown back several years in time. Kevin had recalled one time when Nick had been sick somewhere in France and laying in his hotel bed had asked if Kevin thought that he would ever see his family again. That time Kevin had sneered something that he shouldn't be so weepy and this he regretted now. Nick had needed him, maybe more than he would ever tell and looking back Kevin had realized that he had been almost like a father to Nick. Even if there was only nine years between them.

"Soon." Kevin had done his best to try and change subjects. "So did you wanna watch a movie or something?" He knew that the question was stupid since watching TV was probably the last thing that Nick had on his mind, yet that was all he could ask.

"I really miss them."

The tone was so weak and sad that Kevin’s heart when he saw the tears roll down his brother’s cheeks. "I know," he said as he had stroked wet a towel and placed on Nick’s sweaty forehead. Usually his friend had on a bandana or a cap but that day he'd been too sick to even bother about his appearance and the baldness told its separate story. The effects of the chemo was bad and sometimes Kevin wondered if it did any good. If it would be better to let Nick live without the pain that it caused, but then he was reminded of his own dad. The way he fought the cancer even after it was too late.

"You know Kev, me and mom have had our indifferences but deep inside I love her and miss her so much." Kevin nodded as Nick had continued on. "You know I wish that she would call me, that she would come and talk to me and don’t act like I was some kind of stranger. I'm her son for crying out loud."

Kevin had seen how upset Nick was talking about Jane and he'd done his best to comfort him. Nick had broken down and had been crying and sobbing while Kevin had done his best to be at his side. Be his support. A position that he knew that the sick man would rather had seen his mom or dad be in. Once Nick had calmed down he had uttered the words that hurt Kevin so much. "I just wished that they would be here for me. I just wished that mom and dad loved me for who I am. Not for what I do."

Those words were etched in Kevin’s memory like a mark and he winced every time his mind was assaulted with them. "You know Kevin..." Jane said when there had been silence much too long.

"What?" he jerked out of his memory.

"There is so much that me and Nick needs talking about. We have had our indifferences for so long that I've actually forgot when we didn’t shout to each other or hung up the phone."

"Oh." This was much more than Nick had ever told him.

"I think it started years ago, over something stupid and then it was as if we were drifting apart from each other. Nick found that girl Manda." A clear tone of disgust could be heard in the older woman’s voice as she pronounced Nicks ex-girlfriend’s name as if she was talking about a venomous snake. "Anyway we fought about this and that and he accused me of feeding from his wallet when nothing couldn't be more wrong."

Kevin rose his eyebrows at that statement but didn't say anything.

"All I wanted for my baby was to be happy and I thought he was that being in the band with you." She let out a shaky sob. "If I had ever listened to him then maybe we wouldn't be in such a mess right now."

"Listened to what?" Kevin asked.

"That he wanted me to be his mom. Not his manager." Jane bit her lip. "And now everything might be too late. Now my baby is dy...dying!" She started to cry again, this time with so much force that Kevin didn't know what to do. He placed another comforting arm around her shaking shoulders.

"He’s not dying."

"Yea...yes he is." There were no way that Jane would listen to what he was saying and she went on, "I was being so stupid not understanding this and I got all upset when Aaron wanted to be tested for a bone marrow match." She sobbed as more guilt washed over her. "I can't understand how I could react like that." Looking up at Kevin she said, "It's all my fault."

"No." The dark man shook his head. "No, how can it be your fault Jane? Nick got cancer and it's not something that you could prevent."

"I know." At that moment Jane looked so forlorn. "I just wished that I had been there for him. Like a mother."

At that moment Kevin felt it was time to end this conversation. This led up to nothing but one giant guilt trip and he needed the woman to talk to her own son about this. They needed to clear up their own relationship and that couldn't be done with just her spilling all of her beans to him. "You can still be that you know."

"Be what?"

"Be a mother. Nick needs you to be by his side."

This time Jane didn't break out into more crying but actually looked up like with another glint in her eyes. "You think he really wants me to stay with him?"

"Yes." Kevin nodded furiously. "Yes, come on and let's go. His up and waiting."

"He knows I'm here already?" Jane asked with a suspicious look. "You told him already Kevin?"

"No." The younger man shook his head. "No I didn't tell him. That's up to you to do."

"I wish it was all that easy," Jane sighed as she run her hand through her hair in a tired gesture.

"It is that easy. Just tell him what you're feeling Jane and you see that he forgives you for everything. Nick loves you and he has always loved you no matter what. You’re his mother and he is your son."

A pale smile fluttered over Jane’s lips. "You're a good man, you know that Kevin? I've always told Nick that I would like him to grow up and be like you. Tall, handsome and good hearted."

Kevin blushed briefly before he added, "Well you got a great son in there waiting for you. A much better son than you can ever ask for, if you only start seeing who he is and be there for him when he needs you." He opened the car door as to state his point that it was time to leave the parking lot. They had this conversation far too long, even though he suspected that this was something the older woman had desperately needed.

"I guess you’re right. Come on then. We have things to do." A brief pause and then she added, "I have to go and see my Nicky. My son!"

With those words she stepped out of the car, Kevin following close behind. He always knew that the mother and son loved each other deeply, no matter what people said or thought about them. And today would be a great day for a reunion.