Dr. Susan Andersen accepted the thick patient file from her nurse and walked down the carpeted hallway leading to her office. She had gotten notification this morning that the results from one of her oncology patients was finally completed. As anxious as she was to review the results of the testings she had ordered for the patient, she was also dreading it. Once she entered her office, she closed the door and took a seat behind the large oak desk.

Reaching off to one side, Susan snatched the pair of reading glasses and perched them halfway down her nose. Carter, Nickolas G 012880. She fingered the edge of the file and took a deep breath before lifting the cover. All of test results were laying inside the file, waiting for her initials to be written - filed away in the designated sections of the thick chart only after her review.

The first result was of Nick's CT of his chest. His lung fields were as clear as could be expected but she took that as positive news meaning that there weren't any tumors that had grown in his lungs. The CT report on his abdomen was five pages in length and Dr. Andersen knew from experience that anything more than three pages generally wasn't filled with good news. The lymph nodes were still enlarged and he had a few new nodes that were present that hadn't been in the past. Not the news she wanted to be reading.

The lab tests were even worse - if that had been even possible! It showed that his kidneys were functioning at the lowest possible levels and his liver enzymes were in the high range and his platelets were on the cusp of Nick needing a blood transfusion.

Pulling her glasses off, Dr. Andersen sighed as she rubbed her eyes in a tired gesture. There was so much that could be going right for Nick but all that came back were the things that could be going wrong for the young twenty-two year old man.

It had taken such a long time for her to convince Nickolas to agree to be going through the testing that was necessary to begin the process of bone marrow transplantation and now the tests she had ordered came back with anything but promising results. How could she go in and tell him that he had failed the tests? She couldn't face another patient and tell him that he might as well plan his funeral.

'There has to be something that I'm missing,' she thought as she flipped through the pages again. Her eyes scanned the room, falling upon a picture of her and a colleague by the name of Dr. Gregory Santos. Greg was the man that had initially discovered Nick's cancer and he was a highly regarded physican in the oncology field.

Susan immediately grabbed her palm pilot and quickly keyed the directory section, stopping when she found the number. Without hestitating, she dialed Dr. Greg Santos. The phone rang only twice when Dr. Greg answered. Dr. Andersen was always a woman that got straight to the point, immediately plunged into the nature of the phone call.

"Hi Greg? Susan Andersen here, sorry to bother you at home but I needed to consult with you regarding a patient we had shared several months back."

The doctor cleared his voice before he spoke. "Oh, hi Susan....don't worry, what can I help you with?"

"Do you remember seeing Nick Carter?"

"The blonde singer? Hodgskins?"

"Yes.....that's the one."

"How is he doing?"

Susan sighed into the phone. "Not so good, thus the reason why I'm consulting with you. I've done just about everything I possibly can do for this kid to stop the cancer but it seems to be so damned agressive. He's done rad and several rounds of chemo and nothing had slowed the progression and he's looking at the final stage."

"You opting for a BMT?"

"Well that's originally what we were planning on but his pretests have come back so lousy I'm at the end of my rope trying to decide if we should go forward with it or not..."

"Can you fax them to me? I'll take a look at them while we're on the phone," Dr. Santos asked.

Susan quickly fed the papers into her fax machine, punching the fax number in as Dr. Santos read them off.

A few moments of tension filled air and Dr. Andersen finally heard a heavy sigh from the other line.

"Shit Susan.....these results are terrible....he's even had sepsis?"

"I know---"

"But I've seen worse..."

Dr. Andersen's heart skipped a beat. "You have?"

"I have.....there's still a couple more things you can investigate so you cover your license if you decide to proceed with the BMT."

"So you'd proceed?"

"I really don't know but what I do know is that you need to trust your gut instinct. You know this patient so you'd know how good his stamina is."

"He is an ornery young man, I guess you could say he's pretty stubborn."

"Then this is a good thing, especially with his test results."

"What do you suggest I do then before I proceed?"

"Definately do a PET and I then if you proceed I would have transfuse two units to bring up his RBCs before you start up with the intensive chemo."

Susan nodded and sighed.

"How has he physically responded to the chemo in the past?"

"Chemo with most of my patients has been pretty rough but with Nickolas he seems to handle it worse than others I've seen. It really wears him out and the side effects are the worst I've ever seen in my years of practice."

Dr. Santos shook his head. "He'll be in for one hell of a rough ride. I would recommend heavy sedation. It would easier for him....if that could be possible. Good luck.....that kid has one of the best and you know it."

"Thank you Greg."

"You're absolutely welcome....goodbye."

Dr. Andersen hung the phone up, leaving her hand to rest on the receiver for a few moments as she contimplated her next action. She had to tell Nick that he would have to endure one more test before she would decide on giving him a green light. She knew from prior experiences he would not be pleased. Gritting her teeth, she buzzed her nurse.

"Sandy, Clear my schedule for this afternoon. I will be at Tampa General with a patient."

"Sweetheart, can I get you something to drink?" Jane Carter asked her son as she smoothed the blankets across his chest.

Nick looked groggily up at his mother. He had only been awake for a few minutes and she was already intent on fussing over him! His only escape had been sleeping, for all he knew she was probably still doing things to him while he slept but at least he didn't notice!

"No thanks," he sleepily replied.

"I was hoping they would bring your lunch tray in so I could help you eat," she thought outload.

Nick groaned. "They usually don't bring that for another twenty minutes."

"You know what time they do?"

He closed his eyes before he mumbled, "Unfortunately, yes."

"Are you sleepy still?"

"Mom, why don't you take a break and go grab a bite to eat or better yet, go back to my house and put your feet up and relax."

"Baby, I can't do that....I promised you I wouldn't leave."

Nick opened his eyes. "Yeah I know you did but what you're doing right now isn't healthy.....not that I don't appreciate it but um, I'd really like some alone time if you know what I mean. Go back to my house and just chill. I promise I won't be hurt."

Jane looked at her son with apprehension. "I don't know Nicky."

Nick pulled a hand out from under the covers and lightly grabbed his mother's hand. "I swear I'll be fine. Having someone around with me 24/7 sometimes makes me feel like I have to entertain them. I know you mean well but Mom, please go home!"

Jane sighed as she squeezed her oldest son's hand. "Well I guess I could go and eat and maybe take a shower and wash some clothes. I'm sure your brother is about out of things to wear."

"See...thats good, give me a kiss and go!"

The older woman smiled at her son's insistance. "Alright honey, I'm stopping at the nurse's desk and telling them to call me if you need anything."

Nick threw her an exasperated look.

Jane quickly stood up and wrapped her arms around Nick's shoulders. "Love you sweetie."

"Love you too mom," Nick said as he lightly kissed his mother on the cheek. With a contented look, he closed his eyes, happy to hear the all-too-familiar clicking of her heels across the lineoleum floor.

Right now to Nick this was heaven.....as close to heaven as he could be allowed. He wanted to be alone and he finally got his wish. His joy was short lived when he opened his eyes and realized two things:

ONE - He had fallen asleep again because his lunch tray was sitting on the bed stand.

TWO - Dr. Andersen was sitting in the chair beside his bed and her facial expression looked sad.

Oh shit.

Nick ran a hand over his face in a tired gesture. "Hi Dr. Andersen, have you been here long?"

"No I just sat down. How come you didn't eat your lunch?"

"It's the first I've seen it," he replied as he pressed his bed up to ease him into a more comfortable sitting position.

"Honey.....I want you to wait on eating lunch."

Nick looked at the woman suspiciously. "Why?"

"I've reviewed your test results this morning and I've ordered one more test and then I can make a final decision."

"Another test?" Nick groaned.

"This one is pretty easy for you Nickolas. I promise."

Nick rolled his eyes. "You've said that before with the blood tests...nothing has been easy yet, why now?"

"I forgot to order a PET scan," Dr. Andersen lied.

"Another PET scan? I've already done that one!" Nick grumbled.

"Yes but that was four months ago."

"So you can use the results from that."

Dr. Andersen shook her head. "Sorry but you know that it doesn't work out that way."

Nick shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah but a guy can wish can't he? What time is this big event scheduled for?"

The doctor looked up at the clock on the wall. "The nurse should be coming in with the glucose in a few moments and then you'll need to lay still for about forty minutes..."

"Yeah I remember and it sucks."

"I know it does sweetheart but at least you can watch television while you wait for them to come and take you down for your scan."

Nick sighed. "Will the fun ever end?"

Dr. Andersen patted her patient on the shoulder as she stood up and took the lunch tray away. "I'll come back to talk to you later this afternoon."

He rolled his eyes. "Can't wait," he muttered. As if on que, the doctor left and his nurse arrived, syringe in hand.

"Hi, I've got the special med for your scan."

"Sweet," Nick replied sarcastically.

"Don't sound so thrilled," Cyndi replied as she pressed the button to lower the head of the bed so that he would be laying flat on his back. "Okay, just gonna stick you in the port...there done. You know you have to lie still so no unnecessary movements."

"Yeah....yeah...yeah, thanks Cyndi you're a treasure."

"Thanks Nick! How nice of you to remember!" With that, she winked and threw the syringe in the sharps container and left the room.

Nick stared at the television screen. Knowing that he wasn't suppose to move made the entire situation worse than what it was. He suddenly wished he hadn't sent his mother away. At least she would have been something to pass the time away with. Now he was stuck with the TV and his own thoughts. 'Personally not my idea of good company,' he thought as he stared at the white tiled ceiling. He didn't bother counting the dots in the tiles - he had already done that - six thousand four hundred five of those little suckers.

After a few minutes of trying to keep his body still resulted in Nick falling asleep. He was jerked awake when an orderly bumped his bed with the transportation cart.

"Heya Nick, I'm gonna raise your bed up so you can slide onto the cart."

The deep male voice startled Nick for a moment and he yawned as he tried to gather his bearings. "Huh?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, you musta fell asleep."

Nick grinned slightly as he looked up the voice. "Seems thats pretty much all I do lately anyways, you're okay Jamar.....what did you ask me again?"

The dark orderly started raising the bed as he re-explained what he wanted Nick to do for him. Once the bed was level with the transportation cot, Nick obeyed the directions and dutifully slid his body off the bed and onto the cart.

"I'm gonna go grab a few blankets from the warmer, don't go anywhere," the orderly advised as he quickly made his way out of the room.

Rolling his eyes, Nick laid on the cart knowing that Jamar had done a big no-no by leaving him lay like that. He quietly hoped that no one would walk by his room, he liked the orderly that came to take him down for the PET scan. He was one of the few that was halfway decent to him.

The orderly hurried back into the room his beaded dread locks clicking as he strode, unfolding the white, heated blankets across Nick's body. "There we go....all set?"

Without verbally replying, Nick displayed a thumbs up symbol.

"Alright.....here we go."

Jamar started pushing the hospital cart hastily down the familiar hall toward the bank of elevators. Nick assumed his familiar safety net of closing his eyes and wishing he was anyplace but in the hallway or the hospital for that matter. He hated see the curious stares of passersby in the halls or on the elevator for that matter.

"Coast is clear dude, no one is in here," Jamar stated as the elevator doors closed.

Nick grinned as he opened his eyes. "You know me all too well."

Jamar lightly rubbed Nick's shoulder. "I don't blame you. Some of them nurses are even kinda freaky."

"It's not the nurses.....it's kinda been my life I guess," Nick explained. "Back when I was touring I'd sorta fake sleeping or just not make eye contact if I didn't wanna be bothered. I guess that's kinda rude but a guy does what he has to I suppose."

The ride to the desired floor was short and when the doors opened, Nick shut his eyes once again.

"Nick...no one is in the hall, you can open your eyes," Jamar whispered as he guided the cart to the PET scan room.

"Hi Nick, I'm Neva......do you think you can walk over to the table...." the technician stopped her words when she caught Jamal's wave of his hand.

"I'll bring him into the room, you just have to raise your table."

Nick wanted to cry inwardly. He hated when he had to deal with technicians that didn't know his particular history. It wasn't that he didn't want to walk over to the table, it was more that he didn't have the strength to walk that far let alone lift his body up onto the table.

Once Jamar brought the transportation cot next to the PET scan table, Nick dutifully slid his body onto the table.

Before leaving the room, he bent over and whispered into Nick's ear, "I'll come back for you when they're done."

"Thanks."

Neva sighed as she approached the table. "I'm going to be injecting the dye into your port.....are you comfortable?"

"As good as I can be I guess," Nick replied quietly.

"Alrighty, have you had this type of scan before?"

"Yeah, several."

"Okay, so you know the drill.....just say talk to me if you feel any discomfort," Neva directed as she pressed the intercom.

Nick was grateful to finally be settled back into his room. Dr. Andersen had promised this was going to be the last test she would ordered and he was happy this was finally over. The only thing that bothered Nick about the tests weren't the tests themselves, it was the waiting for the test results that always had his stomach tied up in knots.

Nick's favorite nurse, Cyndi bustled into his room with a lunch tray in her hands. "Hey Nick, Dr. Andersen is letting you try a more advanced diet."

Nick eyed the untouched tray suspiciously. "Advanced?"

Cyndi playfully swatted her patient on the shoulder. "Yes advanced so don't give me any grief."

"I'm scared to even look."

"It looked like something I'd be interested in eating....so how about I raise the head of the bed up so you can take a gander at what I brought you."

"I know you'll torture me until I let you."

Cyndi started raising the bed before Nick gave permission. "Yep."

"Okay what the heck is this?"

"You don't recognize it?"

"It looks like mac and cheese.....but looks kinda funny...."

"Cafeteria mac and cheese my dear."

"Yum."

"Just eat it and drink your apple juice."

Nick took a bite and quickly spit it back out on the plate. "Ugh! This has no flavor! Where's the salt?"

"No salt for you....doc's got you on a potassium salt restriction."

"I'd rather have the jello diet then."

"Complaints...complaints.."

Just as Nick opened his mouth to object again, his phone rang.

"Ah....saved by the bell," Cyndi sighed as she reached around to retrieve the phone. "Here you are," she smiled as she handed the receiver to a glaring Nick.

"I'm not done with you yet, devil woman!" he muttered as he playfully stuck his tongue out. "Lo?"

"Is this Nick?"

"Yeah?" he replied suspiciously, trying to place the voice as he listened to the background noise in the phone.

"Nicky....it's Brian....I'm a daddy!"

"Huh? I thought Leighanne wasn't due for a few more months."

Brian laughed into the phone. "Don't let her hear you say that! She was overdue as it was!"

'Shit..,' Nick moaned inwardly. He lost all sense of days, weeks and months!

"I had a heck of a time finding you! I had to drag getting your number from Kevin.....he didn't really say much though, how are you?"

"Whoa.....wait, you just said you're a daddy," Nick interrupted, taking the focus away from him.

"Yeah, I have a son! Leighanne gave me a beautiful son!" Brian drawled.

"Gosh, that's great Bri!"

"Six pounds ten ounces......we named him Bailey, I can't wait for you to see him Nick....gosh he's so cute....wait til you see him!"

Nick smiled as his listened to his best friend babble on about his newborn son. Although his heart was bursting with joy it was also beating in fear. He was suddened slapped with the realization that he may never get to lay eyes on his best friend's child. During the midst of listening to Brian, nausea pooled in the pit of his stomach.

"Bri....Bri?"

"Sorry....I guess I didn't realize I was blabbering on....."

"I'm sorry but I need to hang up, I don't feel so good. I'll call you later."

The 1000 watt smile that was on Brian's face suddenly faded. "Sure Nick....call me when you feel up to it."

After the conversation ended, Brian rested his hand on the receiver as the tears welled up in his eyes. Kevin didn't say how bad his best friend was doing. The realization gnawed at him. Was his best friend going to see his son? He needed answers and he decided he should find out how his best friend was doing. He was after all, Nick's Patient Advocate. With trembling hands he pressed the speed dial number.