[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Microsoft Word
- Text Size +
Author’s Notes: WARNING! This fic is weird and will confuse you at first, but you’ll understand it as you read on. Trust me. This is for fun to release my frustrations. Hope you enjoy this! I wouldn’t mind hearing what you think, either. Review!



************************


Have you ever gotten the notion that if you dropped off the face of the earth, no one’d miss ya? Well, hell... I ponder that question a hell of a lot. I work and slave all damn day, goin’ without a break for hours, even stayin’ up to a better part of the day and get nothin’ for my troubles! Jeez, they even make me work nights to no end! Come to think of it, dang near all my jobs are at night!

And what do I get in return for all my hard work??? Jack squat!! That’s what! Just get up, start yer engine and go, go, go. The only damn time I get a break, I get stuck with a bunch of yahoos that don’t know common sense to a hole in the ground! They just sit there and that’s it. The only conversation they muster up has absolutely NO point whatsoever!

Oi, Carumba!! What I’d do if I could jus-

Wait... Okay, I’ve gotta calm down or I’ll end up overheating. Huh, wouldn’t that just dampen their diapers! Ha!! Maybe I ought to just let myself go, then we’d see what they’ll do! ... ... Whoa, wait a sec. It ain’t worth it. If I give out, they’ll take me in to “that place” to get me all fixed up and I don’t want that! Do you have any idea what that’s like??!! A bunch of snobby strangers feelin’ you up and down, inside and out.... I shudder at the thought. Then they get to using those, those... instruments to fix me up and that just irks me even more. No, I better not get bad off or I’ll sure fire’d be goin’ to “that place”. No, thank you.

Crash! ...thump...

Ouch!!

My new floor! My precious, brand new, VERY expensive- linoleum floor!!! Why I oughta...

If those brats don’t settle down soon, I’m just gonna turn around and take this whole circus back to the garage!! I mean it!!! .... ....Humph! Who am I kidding? No one listens to me, no one even acknowledges me. So why the hell would they listen to me making threats?

Sigh...

Honk! HONK!!!

Oh, just great. As if I don’t have enough problems already?

HONK!!

Oh, will you shut the hell up? I’m gettin’ a headache as it is and this is all I need right now, some damn convertible drivin’ close by... too close if you ask me. What’s the point? Just what the hell do they want from me??

Honk!!

SHUT UP!! I’m tryin’ to think here!! It’s times like these that I wish I could glare, I never could manage it. I never was muc-

HONK!! HONK!!!

Oh, for the love of MIKE!! Will you shut the hell up already??? Just what do you hope to accomplish by making that obscene and just plain aggravating noise???

Honk!! Hooooonk!!

Oh, don’t make me come over there. Do that one more time and I’ll-

HON- HOOOOOONK!!!

Gasp!! Oh, you did NOT just honk MY horn! Oh, you better run for your life you tattooed punk! I swear I’ll run you down, if it’s the LAST thing I do...

.... ....rrrrrrRRRRRRRiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggggooooooooooooo!!!!!..... ......

Dear GOD!! Now we got the damn cops?!? Oh, this is just great, wonderful!! How’s my headache, you ask? Oh, fine. JUST fine!!!

Please, someone put me out of my misery... PLEASE, have mercy on me! Now there’s cops all around the place, ugh! I hate cops. Don’t ask me why, I jus’ don’t like ‘em. They think their all high and mighty, struttin’ around... Well, I guess some good came out of them. That damnable convertible is gone.

Thanks for small favors... Yeah, right.

Ahh... We’re finally at the city. Thank you sweet Lord! All right, coppers, beat it! I know where I’m goin’... Hey! I said, “BEAT IT!”

Sigh.

Again, no one listens to me. Maybe once I get to the cursed stadium, I’ll be all right.

...stupid, cop. I KNOW I have to turn here!... ...idiot...

Ah, finally here. Now I just gotta turn into the parking lot...

SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL!!!!

Nope, changed my mind. Let’s go back... PLEASE??? I can’t take much more! ...Oh, fine! I’ll go, but you’ll be hearin’ from my lawyer if I get just ONE scratch!!! ...Wait, I don’t have a lawyer... Erm, well... You’ll be DAMN sorry!!!

...stomp, stomp... klunk, thump... ...stomp, stomp, STOMP...

Hey! Take it easy!! What’s the rush in there??? You don’t have to get all violent in there. Jeesh. What? Do they think I’m a friggin’ dance floor that they can stomp the daylights out of???

Okay...

Will someone PLEASE tell me where the HELL all these screaming girls come from all the time?!?!?! Everywhere I go, there they are. What? Am I THAT good lookin’? ...Well, I’ll admit that I’ve turned a few heads in my time, but THIS? This is ridiculous!

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! ...

OW!! Sonofa-... Watch the paint!! Damn it! I mean it. That paint job cost a LOT of greenbacks, so back off!!

.....Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!.....

Damn, these chics must work out! Will ya quit poundin’ me??? Ouch! ...OW!! I’ve been dented! I’ve been DENTED!!! Ow, OW!! There’s a couple more! ....OUCH!! ...ooooohhh, yer in for it now. NO one kicks my tires. NO ONE.

...Finally!! That’s it! Get yer scrawny, good fer nothin’ butts off! Good riddance! Don’t ever come back!! You here?? Okay, that’s one, two, three, four... .... .... ....HEY!! Where’d the other one go??!!

All right, which one is it?...

Growl.

Blondie.

If he don’t get off in the next minute, someone is gonna be VERY angry!!!...

...54, 55, 56, 57- OW! Hey!! What the hell are ya doin’ in there??.......

....Oh, for the love of Mike.

A hat? I friggin’ HAT??? He subjected me to further pounding by these hellions in teenage clothing for a HAT?!?!?! Somebody hold me back, I’m gonna KILL him!!!

Yeah, as if I could, but it’s the thought that counts. Right? hehehe

Well, I sure ain’t sorry at seein’ them bozos leave! Finally, some rest. I’m still brewing over this whole NOT FAIR deal. I mean, I get absolutely NO respect!! Here I lug their sorry butts all over the friggin’ country, just so they don’t have to fly... chickens... and do I get just ONE thank you???

NO!!!

Grrrrr.... I’m gonna blow a gasket if I don’t settle down some. Okay, one thing that’s gettin’ irritating...

WILL YOU QUIT GLARING AT ME?!?!?!

I’ll never understand it. All the other buses look at me as if I’m a piece of dirt or somethin’. I mean, it’s like they’re jealous! Of WHAT?? Hey, you want this detail? Here, take it. See if you can survive it! What’s so damn important about my job that they get jealous??? I just drive around, transporting five way to active guys from one place to another. Big deal.

Did you know that one time I had to be cleaned inside AND out after a little incident with a blonde, a southerner, and a microwave with the WRONG kind of substance being heated within it??? The damn thing exploded!?! Blew a big ass hole in the side of me as it shot through the opposite window. Do NOT ask me what they put in the stupid thing, ‘cause I haven’t the faintest. Now, the thing that irks me is that the rest of them were all frettin’ over the two idiots and IGNORING me. HELLO?!?! Friggin’ huge hole in the side of me!! Hell-O!! ...One thing was kinda funny though, those two dummies are the ones that had to clean me and pay to get me fixed. Man, that tall dark one can get pretty scary when he wants to.

Anyway, back to my point. They are jealous of THAT???

Puh-leez.

Sigh.

This can get... well, BORING! I sit here for about 12 hours, well into the night, with NOTHING to do! It’s times like these that I wish I had thumbs so I could twiddle them. HEY! It’s somethin’ to do!!

Right now the Jeopardy theme comes to mind... Hmm, hm, hm, hm, hmm, hmm, hmmm... hm, hm, hm, hm, hm! Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm...

Yeah, that gets old...

BORING!

Hell, I’m gonna go to sleep. Check ya later.

...snore...

...

...

...

...

...-Thump, thump, thump... BANG! BANG! BANG!

-snort... Huh? Wha- what? What’s goin’ on?!

BANG! BANG!

OUCH!! Who the HELL is hitting my door?!?!

Oh, it’s tattoo boy. What is it he’s yellin’?

“Who the hell locked the bus?!” he screamed, hitting me again.

The Spaniard answered with a tired sigh, “I don’t know, man. Just wait ‘til security comes with the key.”

The tattooed one kicked me, “This sucks!”

I’m gonna throttle that kid if he hits me ONE more time. I swear it.

The tall, dark one speaks, “Relax, AJ. We’re all tired. We want to get to sleep as much as you.”

The blond and Southerner appear to be leaning on each other, holding one another up. The Southerner groaned, eyes closed, “Sleep... so nice... Want... to... sleep...”

A soft snore came from the Southerner and the blond hit him in the gut, “Not yet, Frick... In a few minutes-” yawn “’Kay?”

“Hmm?” was the Southerner’s only reply.

The tattooed one leaned heavily against me, “I swear I’ll kiss this bus’ floor if we can get in as soon as possible and sleep.”

Dagnabit!! Call me whatever you want, but... Damn it! ...I felt sorry for the poor guys... Man, I must be coming down with something. Hmm... When was my last oil change?

Sigh.

I could tell that there was no one coming for a while so... I was struck down with a vile disease called pity. Grumbling under my breath, I triggered the door to unlock. There. Happy? Don’t ever say I never did anything for you.

The tattooed one straightened, “You hear that?” He turned and tried my door and it came open. He thrusted an arm into the air, “Wahoo!!”

Within seconds I was bombarded by five sweaty human bodies, then I felt the tattooed one stop ...I can tell which is which by their weight... I felt him kneel and...

Ewww!!!

Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, YUCK!!!

Somebody clean that up! The damn boy kissed my floor! Blegch!

“AJ, that’s gross,” said the Spaniard, disgust in his voice.

I agree, whole-heartedly.

“Well, I said I’d do it. Can’t go back on my word, now,” replied the tattooed one with a laugh.

That’s real moralistic, but... still... ...EWWW!!!

“Yeah, whatever,” said the tall, dark one, “I’m hittin’ the sack.”

“Me, too,” replied the Spaniard.

“Yeah, I guess I will too,” agreed the tattooed one. I felt them all go to the bunks.

Okay, two to go.

“Hey, Frack,” said the now oddly awake sounding Southerner, “You hungry?”

“Sure,” replied the blond, “What should we make?”

I know that Southerner was smiling, “Wanna microwave somethin’?”

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

No respect, I tell you!

NO RESPECT!!!



The end.