I choked back a sob as I sang along with Nick, Joel, and Annie:
Constant pain every day
I wonder when happiness will come my way
Days of sorrow
Days of tears
Hours of living all of my fears
Moments of weakness
Moments of shame
I wish it all would disappear
I wish it all would go away
Clouds of darkness all around
Cast shadows of insecurities on the ground
A thick black darkness blankets my life
As I continue to wander blindly searching for light
Where is there freedom?
I feel like I’m bound in chains
I cry out for salvation
But all I can hear is thunder and rain
The voice of failure taunts me inside
“Give up, stop fighting. Just lie down and die.”
Misery, it echoes with laughter so fierce
Robbing me of my strength
And reinforcing my tears
With each step I take, I stumble and I fall
And I find myself getting nowhere at all
I wish I could stop and no longer try
To keep on fighting this enemy eating me inside
When can I rest?
When will I find peace?
Where is that light?
Does it still shine somewhere within me?
God help me now
I feel weak and alone
The air is cold and suffocating
It chills me painfully to the bone
I’m blind with agony
I can no longer see
Your love and good grace
Long ago you bestowed deep in me
Slowly dragging
Can’t keep the pace
Lord I don’t think I can win this race
Don’t want to continue fighting
Don’t want to feel the pain
Just want to lay down and rest
And make it all go away
It had been one month since Benji was in the coma, and Annie and I were turning eighteen in two days. As we were going out of the house, the phone rang. “Hello, Jaynes residence.” I said, cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder. “Look on page six.” Nick said, and I said, “You okay baby.” “Yeah, but you gotta see this, page five of the Times.” I picked up the paper and turned to page six. A huge picture of Nick, Joel, Annie, Benji, and I graced the front page. “Is Benji Fading as Anne-Marie’s Star” was written in bold, and Benji was faded in that picture. “You gotta be kidding me.” I said, tossing Anne-Marie the paper.
Author's Chapter Notes:
i got the song from Monkey Abu-Misery, so thanks
