As I sit here, and watch the sun go down I realise that I am going down with the sun. I feel as if something is missing in my life. which if you knew me you knew it would be the biggest jack *** thing ever. I cant help how i feel though I have the perfect job me and the boys as in my brothers from another mother are working on putting out a complimation of un-released songs, likes songs we recorded before and placed them on a album titled **Beneath the Exterior** So why did I lie Issabelle????
That question has been running through my mind since I first told her I was leaving for a couple of months to Austrailia to work with the boys on the tracks. She believed me with out another care in the world. She looked at me like she was proud of me, but shouldn't a wife look at you like they are going to miss you. I still remember thinking about **The Lie** as if it just happened yesterday.
**flashback**
I walked through the door, to instantly be met by my babies, my new brand new pug puppies, Isabelle doesnt like them much so she always keeps them locked in one room. I always find it sad that the first thing I look forward to seeing in my puppies and the last thing i look forward to seeing is Isabelle, Right then is when I made the decesion i need to get away.
After I played with the pups for a bit, I invoulantary shuffled my feet across the floor of our Extra clean house, Our house doesn't even looked lived in we are in our late 20's you think we would have late nights. But you know we dont and we havent in a year now ever since issabelle found out she lost the baby, and therefore she will never be able to carry children.
Nothings been the same, We used to party, we used to have sex in random places now Sex is a chore, she always says whats the point. I find myself wondering the same thing everytime i step through the front door of our overlysized house which is always freaking spotless and shiny. Which would be great sometimes, but its kind of freaky to come home every day to it, and see your wife in the kitchen baking, she never leaves the kitchen. Yes i have a home cooked meal every day when im home, but lately I have been making up excuses to not come home I find myself begging Brian to let me babysit Baylee just so I dont have to go home. Im miserable you want to know why im Miserable Cause I love her so **** much, you know how they say shes not the same person I fell in love with, well shes not.
So thats when I did it, I Took a deep breath " Hey Izzy" I smiled at her, and leaned down to give her kiss on the lips and she moved her head away, and I lightly grazed her lips.
"Nicholas, How many times do I have to tell you were not 17 anymore, please dont call me Izzy, Call me Isabelle." Issablle rolled her eyes at nick "Nicholas your wearing your shoes in the house take them off, i dont feel like cleaning."
I just shook my head at the girl I have known for so long, she lost herself since she lost the baby, not only me but everyone has seen it. I feel like a little kid when she talks to me like this.
" Im sorry Baby." Isabelle looked up from the the pot she was stirring, and glared at me. "Sorry Issabelle, I will take them off. "I bent Down to take my shoes off, I walked over to the door, took a deep sigh.
I have been talking it over with the guys and they said that they would cover for me. I always promised myself I would make my marriage work, but i have fallen out of love with Issabelle, who said marrying your best friend was a good thing. I shook my head and walked back into the kitchen.
"good thank you Nicholas." Issabelle smiled, you know its not even the same smile I fell in love with.
"Issablle, could you please call me Nick."
"Nick, sounds so immature, Nicholas has a better ring to it."
"You used to always call me nick." Nick sighed sitting down at the kitchen Bar.
"Yea, Well you used to come home for Dinner."
"Im here aren't I, and I was thinking issabelle maybe I can take you out for dinner. you know go out like we used to." This was my last attempt.
"Nicholas, I dont think thats such a good idea what if the fans recognize me?"
"Baby, were married remember they love me therefore they will love you, Please".
"Nicholas, no I dont want too."
"**** it Issablle, you never want to do anything any more it wasn't that fans fault that you lost the baby, you lost the baby cause you cant carry children. Isabelle its not your fault at all. Please can we just go out."
"How ****ing Dare You Nicholas, you know how much I wanted a baby."
"Yes i know you tell me everytime I bring up going out and we have this conversation over again, and over its like our life is on ****in repeat I dont want to live my life this way any more Issabelle we need a change I think we should go to couples counselling."
"I dont have a ****ing problem you do, if you dont love me for who I am than I guess you dont love me" she stirred the pot harder.
"Issabelle, your not the same Izzy that I fell in love with." I screamed back at her.
"Yea well, deal with it. Im not going out dinner is going to be ready in 2 mins, I hope your hungry."
I just stood them dumbfounded, and lost...
I sat down and barely touched my food " Issabelle did you not hear me, im not happy and you just told me to deal with it."
"yea well your recording again so we will talk when you get back." its impolite to talk with your mouth full.
I remember thinking, almost saying no we are staying here to record...
"Yea, well talk when I get back." I chewed my food in silence
we started sleeping in sepeate rooms, god what i would give to kiss her but i dont even find myself wanting to kiss her anymore.
"Bye nicholas have a safe trip".
****End of flashback***
Thats what she said when she dropped me off and here I am sitting on the sandy beaches in Australia never been more at home and im alone, what does that tell you?? I guess when its done its done.
***Well guys I hope you enjoyed let me know what you think!
please
luv ya,
oxoxoxo
~*manda*
Author's Chapter Notes:
I will warn you I have been writing this story for almost a year now. Its probably not the best story you have ever read. Its one i think you all will like though! so if you like it please feel free to read and reply!
