"I think i want to get a abortion Nick, like I should of all those years ago."
Nick couldn't believe the words that were comming out of Kerias mouth. He knew he wasn't being as supportive as he should be, with all do respect he has only known that he was going to be a dad for not even a day. The Words stung him. That was a sentence he never, not in a million years expected Keria to say.
Nick thought back to the day where they were sitting at the beach watching the sunset and nick had his arms wrapped around Keria. They were talking about everything from their favorite kind of Jello, To the Death Sentence. one of the topics they got on to was pregnancy and abortion and what their views were on it and Keria's View on it was strictly No, but as she said she was never put in the positon to do so. which now Nick knew were purely lies. He just never thought he would hear her say those words ever.
Keria watched as she saw the look of shock wash him over " Keria, you dont mean that." Nick stated with a shaky breath.
"Nick, Dont tell me what I mean and what I dont. When you clearly dont have a clue. Im not even 26 yet and I already have one child with another on the way. Im not even married I dont even have a steady job right now. Im barely functioning myself I go to therapy 3 times a week to sort out my problems. how in the hell can I bring another innocent being into my crazy little fucked up world." Keria said through her tears and her shaky breath her whole body was trembling.
Nick walked closer to her and sat down next to her and forced her to look him in the eyes " Look Keria you may think I dont know you, But I do. We may have not known each other for as long as you knew Maddies father. I know you, I know how much you love your little girl. I know how when she smiles you smile right along with her. I also know she is the one that makes you get up in the morrning. You may not have the picture perfect life. But what is picture perfect anyways."
"nick trust me when I say, you don't know me. In all honesty you don't know the first thing about me. If you did im pretty damn sure you wouldn't be sitting here talking to me. As for maddies father I knew him for about the same amount of time as I knew you."
Nick wrapped his arms around her "Keria, stop trying to push me away, because Im not going anywhere. as for you wanting to have an abortion I dont think its the right thing to do. Seeing as I want to be a father and this baby is as much a part of me as it is you. If you do have an abortion you will regret it im sure of it. Your not cold and heartless if you were, we wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place. You would of just done it without even talking to me. Its your body, its your life, and your decesion. Im just asking you not too."
With that nick kissed the top of her head and walked away" Im going to go and get showered and ready and packed we have a wedding to go to if your still interested."
Keria looked up at him with red puffy eyes and saw nicks hand was outstretched, she looked up and grabbed it. "Nick Im sorry, im just really confused and well pregnant and I really dont want to go through this alone again. I just don't feel right being with you like this, when i haven't been 100% honest with you. you deserve more than that, than this. Than us. Then me you Deserve more than me." Keria whispered as they walked with nicks arm around her.
"Babe your not going to go through this alone, im going to help you, not only help you. Im going to be with you 100% of the way. I will go to doctors app. with you, I wont miss a single one. I will do the late night cravings, Baby I will do it all if you let me. Just please give me a chance to be a father. The chance I was robbed of with Issabelle. Please Keria." Nick said with the utmost concerned and pleading voice.
Keria stuttered " Okay, Nick we can have this baby." Keria had tears streaming down her face, and Nick had his own tears he was holding back. Nicks reasons for tears and Kerias reasons were completely different.
Nick picked Keria up and spung her around and kissed her hard on the lips. something he has wanted to do since he first saw her get off the plane " Baby, this is a new begining for us. One where we can be truthful and honest and up-front with eachother. Not afraid of our past, only of our future."
"Nick what was that for?" Keria asked trembling as she touched her lips. "Nick you can't just go and kiss me like that, where not together and after what I tell you after the wedding because I dont want to to ruin this weekend for you.We will never be together okay. Your the dad and I am the Mom. Thats all we will ever be, were not going to be a family."
Keria walked away and left Nick stunned, Nick grabbed Kerias arm and swung her around " Keria, why dont you let me be the judge of how I feel for you, stop pushing away from me and just let whats meant to be, be. Nick said as he moved the hair that was falling into her eyes.
"Why dont you just let me love you, the way I do. Keria I love you god help me I do. Somedays I dont know why I do, I dont how it happened but it did. After Isabelle you were the thing that made me get up in the morrning, you and the boys. But mostly you, you showed me how to love again. I fell in love with you Keria Marie. So why wont you just let yourself go, why wont you say 'I love you too.'" Nick asked pleading with her
Keria took a deep breath
"Nick there are lots of things you dont understand. I can't let myself love you again nick. To only be words. I need love to be more than words Nick. I dont mean a ring, I need to know that after what I tell you this weekend if you will still love me and want to be with me. Do you have any idea what its like to keep a secret Nick and knowing that if this secret gets out, your life will never be the same again?"
Nick moved away from her and shook his head "Why are you pushing me away, Keria?"
Keria bit her lip to keep the tears from falling, so she could remain strong. " Because Nick I dont want to hurt you more than I already have."
Nick spoke up " Don't walk away from this Keria. we are going to spend all weekend together its already going to be awkward just answer me this. Do you love me?"
Keria looked at him and kissed his cheek " Of course I do Nick, more than you will ever know."
"Nick im afraid of you saying the words and then taking them back. Trust me you need more than me."
"Keria, I might need more than you. Im a grown man let me be the judge of what I need and what I dont need." Nick was through being nice and calm he was hurt he finally told her how he felt. She knows from previous conversations how much being a father meant to him.
"Nick please, just please drop this. This isn't the right time or place to tell you. Trust me their are more people at risk here than just me and you. Im not going to give maddie a father for a few days and then him turn around and walk out on her just because he is pissed off at her mother.
Nick shook his head and shouted " KERIA WHAT IN THE HELL DOES MADDIES FATHER HAVE TO DO WITH ME ANYWAYS." Nick softend his voice a little seeing the look of shock written all over kerias face. Getting pissed off at a pregnant lady wasn’t going to help matters any better. “Im not maddies father Keria okay, I will never try to be, and trust me I wouldn’t just waltz into her life and out of it just because of a mistake you made. That’s not fair to her shes a sweet kid and to be honest someday I would love it if she was to call me dad and make me a fathers day card.”
“Okay Nick you know what this conversation is over to much for me in one day you confessing you love me is one thing, you saying you want to be a father to my children is another.”
Nick shuts his eyes in frustration “ I can’t let you walk away from me Keria I love you, and I am going to do everything in my power to prove it to you. That its more than words, I love you is more than words to me.
“Nick I really hope your right because I can’t lose you again for a 3rd time” with that Keria left nick with his thoughts and went to go pack for a weekend in a fairy tale dream.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey guys thank you so much for reading and replying I would love to know what you all are thinking so far. so please if you are reading please reply!! =) *thank you*
For those of you that have been replying you are GREAT!!
Thank you so much, I will try to reply back to each and everyone of you personally.
To my Werid worlders!! I LOVE YOU GUYS *mauh* Thank you so much for still reading and replying. We are getting very close to the Well, were just getting close *lol* I miss reading and talking to all of the great wondeful people their soon enough, eh?
Luv ya lots,
oxoxoxoxoxo
~*Manda*
For those of you that have been replying you are GREAT!!
Thank you so much, I will try to reply back to each and everyone of you personally.
To my Werid worlders!! I LOVE YOU GUYS *mauh* Thank you so much for still reading and replying. We are getting very close to the Well, were just getting close *lol* I miss reading and talking to all of the great wondeful people their soon enough, eh?
Luv ya lots,
oxoxoxoxoxo
~*Manda*
