“Layla!” she shrieked when she saw the house.
Nick turned a questioning gaze towards Autumn, and she shrugged.
“I took her by the house a while back,” she explained, nervously twisting her engagement ring on her finger. “I, uh, met your sister BJ because she had brought Layla over to get accustomed to the place. Lily loves your dog.”
“Our dog.”
“Hmm?” Autumn reached out and grabbed Lily before the toddler could fling open the door and fall out of the car.
“I said Layla’s our dog now. We’re technically a family, so my dog is your dog.” He smiled a little. “Layla’s a little attention-starved anyway because I’m never around. She’ll love Lily. Obviously, Lily already loves her.”
“Nicky?” Lily heard her name and looked up at him with her big, big eyes. “Layla? Pease?”
Autumn chuckled, despite the tension that still raged in the car. Plucking Lily up, she pushed open the car door and stepped out. She stuck her head back in the car and looked over at Liz. “I’ll talk to you later. I hope that’s okay, Lizzie.”
Liz didn’t spare her a glance. “Apparently, I am here to serve. You can do whatever you want. Go to hell for all I care.”
As Autumn absorbed the shock and the pain of her best friend’s words, Lily piled back into the car and leaped into Liz’s arms, knocking the binder and notebook aside. “Bye bye, Auntie Wiz! Love you!” And she smacked a kiss on Liz’s cheek.
From where he was sitting, Nick could see the shock, the pain, and the pleasure run over Liz’s face, and he had to smile when he saw her gather Lily in close and press a kiss to her forehead.
“I love you, too, lil’ Lily,” Liz murmured before letting the baby slide out of her grasp. “I love you, too.”
When Lily had climbed into Autumn’s arms and mother and daughter stepped away from the car to head into the house, Liz picked up her scattered belongings and got busy with her schedules again. Several moments later, she looked up to find Nick still seated next to her with a curious expression in his eyes.
“Nick? Aren’t you getting out?”
He shrugged. “Listen, I think we both know that we need to talk. How about I send this car home and then drive you back to your office or apartment?”
“What makes you think I want to talk to you?” Liz knew she was being childish, but she couldn’t help it. He was breaking her heart, bit by agonizing bit.
Nick had figured things wouldn’t be easy, but he hadn’t expected a teenage-worthy resistance from her. “Please, don’t do that. I don’t want to leave things this way between us, so please just listen. Just this once and then you can do what you want afterwards. Please?”
She was quiet for long moments before finally sighing. “Fine. I don’t have too much time, but I can give this an hour.”
“Great!” He leapt out of the car and held out a hand to help her climb out.
Liz ignored it and stepped out. “You’re right that we need to talk, and I can’t promise to be absolutely sensible. But I can promise that I’ll listen.”
He nodded. “That’s all I need.” He looked back at the open front door and then at Liz. “Let me tell Autumn where I’ll be, and then we’ll be off.”
“Sure,” Liz murmured as he spoke to the driver of the chauffeured car and then headed towards the house. She’d felt in the dark about so much with Nick for too long, but, as she heard Lily’s delighted squeals from inside, she wondered if she was finally beginning to see the light.
They drove in silence to Liz’s apartment. As she lived on nearly the opposite side of the city from where Autumn and Nick were now located, the drive took nearly an hour with the traffic interfering. The silence was stifling, suffocating, and Nick wanted so badly to say something. Anything.
“How’ve you been?” he finally asked.
Liz continued to stare out the window at the cars that sat alongside them in traffic. “Busy. You already know that.”
Nick tried again. “Actually, I wanted to know how you’ve been besides work.”
There was a few moments’ silence before she spoke again. “Work is my life right now. I live, breathe, eat, and sleep work. I’m not just Autumn’s manager anymore. I’m her agent, manager, publicist, and spokesperson. So when you ask how I am outside of work…I’m not.”
“We never wanted you to give up yourself for us. For this,” he replied quietly.
And just like that, hearing the quiet apology in his voice, the tears that had been held off for weeks spilled forth. “I know,” she whispered, not trusting her voice.
Nick shifted his gaze from the road to her face and was horrified at the sight of tears. He didn’t take female waterworks too well. God knew why he still couldn’t handle them after all the years of hysterical women he’d grown up with. “Liz, please, please don’t cry. Look, I didn’t mean to hurt you with this publicity stunt. I never meant for everything to get so out of control. I care about you. I do, and so I can’t see you cry like that.” And yet, the helpless tears continued to flow, and Nick had to resist the urge to squirm. He didn’t even have tissues to spare. Ok, stupid thought, Carter. But how could he possibly prevent himself from hurting her when he’d already begun to do it?
The next ten minutes of Nick’s life were some of the most awkward, horrific, and painful minutes that he’d ever had. That included everything he’d been through with the Boys and his family. At least, with them, he hadn’t been the one hurting them first. With Liz, there was no one and nothing else to blame but himself and his lack of everything required to be a good boyfriend.
When he finally scooted his car off the highway and onto the exit ramp for Liz’s area of the city, he didn’t think he’d ever been so relieved. At least she wasn’t sobbing so horribly anymore. Now, she’d slid sunglasses over her eyes and just dabbed at her eyes every so often.
As soon as they pulled into a parking space in the apartment complex’s parking garage, Liz bolted out of the car and headed straight for her building. Nick, even with his long strides, had to hurry to keep up. He wondered who she was running from? Him or the conversation they were about to have?
“Well, what’d you really expect, Nick?” he questioned himself. “I mean, let’s be serious here. You ignored her for two months while you played hubby, even though you told her—you fucking promised her that you wouldn’t hurt her. That you’d always be by her side.” And then he realized he was muttering to himself aloud, and the little old woman that passed him in the hall was giving him weird looks. “Right. And now people will think you’re nuts, too. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
The last question was spoken as he stepped over the threshold and into Liz’s apartment. She’d obviously heard because the first words out of her mouth were, “You know, I was going to ask the same thing. And then I was going to ask what the hell is wrong with me?” She sat in an armchair, her back stiff and straight.
Feeling awkward and like a fish out of water, he sat on the couch opposite from her. “Liz, I don’t even know where to start to answer your questions. To tell you how sorry I am that I hurt you.”
“Hurt me? Do you really think that’s all you did?” Liz’s eyes widened. “Nick, you broke my heart!”
He knew he couldn’t hide from the facts, and so he looked her right in the eye. “I know. I’m sorry more than you would ever believe, and I know that it won’t fix anything, but I need you to know that first.” He paused and stared down at the rug, trying to figure out his next words. “I promised you that you’d always be with me, and that I would put you first. I broke that promise, and, while I never meant to, it doesn’t change what the result was. Going into this, I never expected your broken heart to be a result. If I had known…” he trailed off.
Silence reigned for long moments before Liz finally spoke. “I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to go out with you. I’d heard all the things people said about you and how you always cheated on every girlfriend. That he hurts them all. Don’t try to deny it, Nick,” she added when he opened his mouth in protest. “I know all of it, and I thought what every girl would think. I thought that I would finally be the one to tame the untameable Nick Carter. Holy shit, I was a moron.”
Nick had no idea how to respond to that, so he just swallowed the ball of shame lodged in his throat and waited for her to continue. It was long moments before she did.
“My heart is my responsibility. I knew what I was getting into, and it wasn’t only your fault that I hurt like this. It was every bit my fault, too. I agreed to date you, I agreed to the wedding scheme. Hell, I pushed Autumn into it.” Liz shook her head. “It’s not all your fault, Nick, and I should never have blamed Autumn. I just…When I heard the two of you had gotten married, I knew I’d lost you. I tried my hardest to pretend like it didn’t matter, that none of it would change what I thought was between us. Of course, it changed everything.”
“Marriage was a huge step for both me and Autumn.” Nick hoped that the right words would appear. “And when we were heading for that cheesy-ass chapel, all we could think of was ourselves. I’m sorry that I didn’t think of you; that you never once crossed my mind.”
“Who could blame you?” she countered. “Like you said, marriage is a huge step.” She slumped back in her chair now. “I doubt I’d have thought of anyone else either.”
There was a short silence again. “So…now what?” Nick wondered.
Liz bit her lip nervously. “I don’t know. I really don’t know what to do anymore, Nick. Like I said, my life doesn’t exist outside of you and Autumn. I have no idea where to go from here. All I know is that I hurt like I’ve never hurt before. I love you in a way that I’ve never loved any another man I’ve dated. And you’ve broken my heart worse than it’s ever been broken before. This is new territory for me.”
He wondered if it were possible for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He couldn’t stand to see the gleam of tears in her eyes and hear the sadness in her voice. He wished desperately that he could rewind the clock backward to Thanksgiving. That he could warn himself not to ask her out. That he could change everything that had happened since then. But he couldn’t. All he could do was move forward.
Taking a chance, he stood, moved around the coffee table, and knelt in front of her. One hand wrapped around hers. When she didn’t pull it away but simply met his intent gaze, he took a deep breath before speaking. “I don’t think telling you that I’m sorry is going to change anything, so I’m not going to keep saying it. I know you know that I am sorry, and that’s all that matters. I’m in the same boat with you, Liz. I don’t know what to do either. This isn’t exactly like any other break up I’ve been through.”
“Let me guess. No throwing random objects and screaming insults? No breaking dishes and cutting up your clothes? Hmm, maybe I should paint myself black and blue and tell people that you beat me.” But there was a small smile on her face.
Nick squeezed her hand comfortingly. “Yeah, pretty much. I’ve liked you since I met you, Liz. You’ve been a friend along with being my girlfriend, and I appreciate that more than you could ever know.”
“If you’re about to tell me that we can still be friends, I suggest you wait at least a month before you say that.” Her voice quivered with emotion. “I don’t think I can handle that, right now.”
He shook his head. “Actually, I was going to say that I care about you. A lot. More than you would probably believe. It’s just that the timing of this sucked. If it were any other time, this wouldn’t be happening.”
“Maybe. Or maybe it would have happened sooner or later, anyway.” This time, she squeezed his hand as her free hand rested on his cheek. “Don’t feel too guilty.”
His fingertips gently brushed away the tears hanging on her eyelashes. “You know that’s impossible, right?”
She was quiet for a few moments before letting go of him. “You should go,” she whispered.
“Liz-”
“Please, Nick. Go. Just go.” One lone tear slipped down her cheek and wrenched a hole in his gut. “Please.”
Knowing that he had no choice but to listen, he nodded and turned for the door. As he twisted the doorknob, he spoke over his shoulder. “I’ll call you. I know you won’t want me to, but I will. I care about you too much not to do something.”
“Goodbye, Nick.”
As the door shut behind him, he didn’t see the way she curled up into a ball and wept heartwrenchingly into her hands. But, in the rearview mirror on his way home, all he could see was his own guilty face. She didn’t want him to feel too guilty, but he knew he had no other choice. He’d broken his promise, and she’d had to pay for it.
When he walked into the house, he could hear Lily’s delighted laughter and Layla’s wild barking. Mixed with the two sounds, he heard Autumn’s quiet voice and wondered why just hearing all the noise made him feel so much more at home.
There were boxes stacked in the foyer, and more were in the living room. Frowning, he followed the sounds of life back towards the kitchen and family room. The sight that met him replaced his frown with a grin.
Lily was rolling on the floor with Layla, who sounded insulted. But Nick knew his dog, and she was totally thrilled with the attention. Autumn sat close by in order to keep an eye on both of them. She looked amused by the spectacle the little girl and the dog made.
“Hey.” His greeting was quiet, but Autumn’s head whipped around, and her eyes met his.
“Nick!” She stood quickly and laced her fingers together. “Is everything okay?” Of course, it wasn’t, and she wasn’t stupid either. Somehow, she knew that look in his eyes.
Nick shrugged. “Not really. What’s with all the boxes?” He didn’t want to talk about the mess he’d just been through, and he really didn’t want to say it out loud. He didn’t take failures too well. Anger was already seeping slowly through his veins.
She managed a grim smile. “My things. Apparently, Sherrie and Leah were nice enough to box things up for me in my townhouse while I was gone.”
“So that’s everything that’s yours? What about the furniture?”
“Storage.” She paused. “Nick, I know everything isn’t fine. All I have to do is look into your eyes and see it. Tell me what happened.”
Annoyed that she could read him so easily, he turned away and stalked into the kitchen. “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Autumn, though, was not to be dissuaded so easily. With one glance over at Lily and Layla, she followed him. In the kitchen, he was pouring a glass of dark red liquid. Drinking, of course, was never the answer.
“Nick, don’t use alcohol to ignore whatever’s wrong.” She reached out a hand to lay on his arm. “Please, tell me what happened with you and Liz.”
He shoved her hand away and scowled as he drank. Damn women with their constant need to know every fucking thing in the world, he thought angrily and drank some more. “It’s cranberry juice. And for the last time, I don’t want to talk about it!”
“You don’t scare me,” Autumn said simply, even though the anger was raging on his face. “And I’m not going to leave you alone until you tell me what happened.”
Nick was darkly satisfied at the wince on her face when the glass shattered against the opposite wall, and crimson splattered over the pristine wall. “Are you happy now? I told you I didn’t want to talk about it!” He paced the kitchen, every step furiously taken. “What is it with you women nagging a guy to death? Goddamn it, I can’t even have a minute to fucking think without you on my case! I didn’t marry you because I wanted a fucking shrink. Why don’t you go to your end of the house, and I’ll stay in mine. We won’t see each other, and everything will be so much better!”
As he paced and continued to mutter, now to himself, Autumn cautiously stepped around the broken glass and found a broom and rags in the laundry room. With one eye on him, she began to clean up the mess. Thankfully, the cranberry juice had only stained the wall and, because it was still wet, came off easily. She scrubbed it off and was turning to grab the broom when it was snatched out of her reach. Looking up, she found her eyes locked with Nick’s furious, and pain-filled, blue ones.
“Damn it, Autumn! Damn it!” He shook his head, one hand scrubbing wearily over his face. When he spoke again, his voice was quieter and gentler. “Step away from the glass. I’ll clean it up.”
“Nick-”
One look from him had her stepping aside and watching as he rigorously brushed pieces of glass into the dustpan. “I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said quietly as he worked. “I feel like I’ve been apologizing all day, but I’m sorry. I don’t really know what to do or think right now. It’s been a hell of a day.” He stuck the broom under the cabinets lining the floor. “Make sure you and Lily don’t walk through here without shoes on until we know all the glass is gone. I don’t have a vacuum right now, but I’ll get one. Soon.”
“I’m sorry I kept nagging,” Autumn replied after a long moment of silence. “I didn’t mean to piss you off. You just looked upset, and I wanted to help.”
Nick poured the contents of the dustpan into the trash and turned to see her leaning against the counter. “For me, it’s just another failed relationship. Nothing out of the ordinary.” He sighed. “Liz is the one who’s going to need someone. In fact, she needs you, right now.”
“She’s mad at me.”
He shook his head. “No. No, she’s not. I think you need to go to her. She’s going to need someone, and, knowing her, she probably won’t call anyone.”
“I…well, I, uh…” Autumn was at a loss for words. “Well, Lily needs to be fed, and all those boxes-”
“Autumn.” His voice quietly interrupted her. “Munchkin, Layla, and I will be fine. Why don’t you go spend the night with Liz? You, uh, you can take my car,” he offered. “We’ll be fine here.”
She seemed to be debating it with herself, Nick thought as he watched the struggle apparent on her face. Finally, she nodded. “Okay, then. I’ll go. But if anything happens or you need anything-”
“I’ll call. I know the drill.” He gestured towards the door. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Nick sent you?” Liz asked, incredulous, as she let Autumn in the door. She’d taken the rest of the day off and was bundled into her favorite robe and clad in her most comfortable pajamas.
“Yeah. He’s worried about you.” Autumn faced her best friend. “So am I.” She noticed the carton of cookie dough ice cream on the coffee table. “You beat me to the cookie dough.” She held up the carton she held in her hand.
Liz hesitated a moment before taking the box. “That’s okay. That carton’s almost out.” Both women settled onto the sofa. Liz handed Autumn a spoon and held out the opened carton of ice cream. “Thanks for bringing extra provisions.”
Autumn thoughtfully spooned out some of the ice cream and bit in. “Liz? I’m sorry about the mess that I made. I’m sorry that it cost you so much more than you’d ever bargained for.”
Liz finished off a giant spoonful of ice cream and dug in for another. “It’s not your fault. Seriously,” she added at Autumn’s disbelieving expression. “Everything just got a lot out of control, and it’s not really anyone’s fault. Don’t be sorry. Besides,” she paused as she licked off her spoon, “I knew that being with Nick was a huge risk. He doesn’t exactly have a great track record.”
“He was pretty upset. If that helps,” Autumn added.
“Really?” Liz reached for a tissue and wiped off the tears that continued to slide down her cheeks. “He shouldn’t be.”
Autumn sighed. “He is.” And she told Liz about the incident in the kitchen.
Liz shook her head when Autumn finished. “Poor guy. He’s got a good heart, Autumn.”
“I know. He acts like this arrogant jackass and a stuck up hot shot, but he’s not.” Autumn scraped the ice cream off the bottom of the first carton as Liz opened the second one. “It’s weird, but I see this insecure, love-starved side of him, too. You know?”
Liz sighed. “Like the arrogance is just a veneer? Yeah, I know.”
“Both of you need someone who’ll love you and take care of you. Maybe you can try again after all this is over,” Autumn suggested. “I mean, you seemed so good together.”
Liz shrugged. “I don’t think Nick and I will ever get together again.” But she watched Autumn carefully as Autumn scooped up another spoonful of ice cream. “But I have this feeling that we’ll both be okay. I think Nick is going to get all the love and caring that he could ever want soon. Very soon.”
