Nick spotted them when he arrived at the baggage check. AJ lifted a hand to wave to him, and, relieved to see that someone had come to pick him up, Nick ambled over to where AJ stood with Howie and Brian.
“Hey! Boy, am I glad to see you guys!” He smiled and knew it was true. During the last four days of his two and a half weeks of hospital stay, everyone but the nurses and doctors had deserted him. It felt good to see a familiar face.
Brian patted his back carefully. “We couldn’t wait to see how you were. Do you feel okay? Are you tired? Do you want to sit? You should sit. Let’s go find you a chair while we get your bags.”
“Brian!” AJ shook his head. “Dude, he’s not falling over. I’m sure he feels fine.” But AJ’s eyes were trained on Nick’s face, looking for the smallest signs of pain or discomfort.
“Guys, seriously. I feel fine. My side started to hurt a little with all the sitting. Six hours on a plane is obviously a bad idea when you’ve got a recovering liver.” He cracked a smile when the guys continued to look serious. “Lighten up! I’m the one who got shot, not you. If I say I’m fine, it’s because I am.”
After one long look, Howie nodded. “Okay, we’ll get your things then. You’re not allowed to lift anything,” he added.
“Okay, boss.” Nick did a little salute that made Howie roll his eyes. The first, and heaviest, of his two bags came around on the conveyor belt, and he watched Brian struggle with it. When Brian made no snarky comments about Nick packing like a girl, Nick frowned. They were taking things too seriously. He was fine now, wasn’t he? Why were they still treating him like an invalid? “Wow,” he began. “I should get shot all the time if this is the kind of royal treatment you guys give me.”
“Nick!” AJ looked angry. “Don’t joke about it! You almost died, and now you want to make it all out to be some funny joke? It’s not funny!”
“Nope.” Nick nodded. “It’s not funny, but I’m alive. I’m alive, and I’m feeling a billion times better. I’m not going to feel all that better if you guys act like I’m still dying or something.”
Brian’s eyes narrowed. “Well, excuse us for worrying and caring about you. Obviously, you don’t need our help.” He gestured to the suitcases rolling around on the belt. “Go ahead and get your next bag. Since, you know, you’re fine and can do it yourself.”
Nick scowled but, when he bent to grab his last bag, Howie stopped him. “Nick. Don’t. Look, we’re your friends. We love you, and we care about you. I guess we have been a little too nervous because we did almost lose you.” He glanced at AJ and Brian. “Maybe we could try backing off a little. But only if you let us take care of you for a little longer. We need to do it,” he added.
“Fine,” Nick said after a moment. “Thank you, Howie, for being so reasonable instead of yelling at me.”
“Hey-” AJ and Brian both began and were cut off by Howie’s glare.
“Drop it.” Then, Howie bent and grabbed Nick’s bag. Heaving it off the conveyor belt, he shot Nick a disgusted look. “What the hell did you pack in here? Bricks?”
When Nick began to giggle and then full out laugh, the other three exchanged glances. Had Nick lost his marbles with all the chaos the past few weeks had been? Or had there been weird side effects of the two surgeries he’d undergone? None of them knew what was so funny, but they shrugged it off.
Nick stopped laughing when a small group started gathering near where they stood. It was mostly young women, but there was one man in the group, too.
“Um, Nick Carter?” One of the girls, seemingly a teenager, approached him. “Wow, I didn’t think I’d ever get to meet you in person.”
Nick figured he should’ve known that his hat wouldn’t have disguised anything. He managed a friendly smile for her. “Well, stranger things happen every day. It’s always nice to meet a fan. What’s your name?”
Within seconds, the group had descended on Nick, and Howie, AJ, and Brian were completely overlooked. Nick was bombarded with questions about the kidnapping, about his surgeries, and, of course, Autumn.
“Where’s Autumn?” One of the girls looked around, as though Autumn were hiding somewhere. “Isn’t she with you?”
Nick shook his head. “Nah, she went back home with Lily. It’s been a couple weeks actually.”
“She just left? While you were in the hospital?” another young women asked, incredulously. “How could she do that?”
“She didn’t have to stick around,” Nick tried to explain.
“Of course, she did!” The young man spoke up now. “It’s like the rule! If someone you love is in the hospital, especially if it’s your husband or wife, you’re supposed to take care of them. Why would Autumn just leave you like that?”
Nick wanted to tell them that Autumn didn’t exactly love him, but he knew he couldn’t. “We wanted Lily to get back to normalcy in her life, you know? Staying in a hotel or in the hospital was not a good idea, so Autumn took her back home. The guys came to pick me up, so we can head back to my place to see Autumn and Lily.” He gestured to his friends, who managed smiles and waved at the crowd.
Some fans migrated from Nick to the other Boys, but the rest stayed and demanded better reasons than Nick had for why Autumn hadn’t stuck by his side the way he’d stuck by hers.
“After all, you got hurt dealing with her sister. The least she could do is show some gratitude,” one of the women said.
Nick never loved Brian more than he did at that instant when Brian came swooping in to save the day. He grabbed Nick’s arm and smiled at the women. “Sorry, ladies! We’d love to stay and chat, but we gotta go! There’re some pretty important people waiting for him. It was great to meet all of you, though.”
“Yeah,” Nick echoed and, smiling and waving, let himself be pulled away.
In the car, Nick laid his head back and sighed. “Thanks for saving my ass in there, Brian. I didn’t think they’d be so pissed that Autumn left me at the hospital.”
“Please.” AJ rolled his eyes in the back seat. “All the news people kept saying how you’d tried to save Lily and Autumn and almost died in the process. They made you out to be a real saint, Nick.” He paused. “Get it? Huh? Saint Nick? Like Santa Claus?” He cracked up at his own joke.
Now it was Howie’s turn to roll his eyes. “Ha ha. But he’s right, Nick. Everyone’s suddenly a Nick Carter fan, so they probably feel really offended that Autumn didn’t stick around to kiss your feet.”
Nick wiggled his toes in his shoes. “My feet are pretty gross. She probably wouldn’t want to kiss them anyway.”
“Nick, that’s disgusting!” Brian made a face as he navigated his car through busy traffic.
“What? It’s true.”
“And to think we all actually thought that coming back from the edge of death would change you,” Howie scoffed in the back seat.
Nick turned around, looking insulted. “Hey! That was mean! I did too change. You guys are just mean and don’t understand me.”
“Right.”
When they turned onto his street, Nick’s stomach began to fill with butterflies. He was definitely nervous about seeing Autumn again. Would things be different between them with everything that had happened? He was almost certain that they would. She would’ve withdrawn behind a wall that he wouldn’t be able to get past. Knowing her, she would feel guilty about his injuries, and she would probably keep him from getting too close to her again.
Well, she’d better think again, Nick decided. He wasn’t letting her get away. Not without a fight. He’d felt hopeless in the hospital, but his resolve was strengthening again. Now, more than ever, he knew he would have to fight to keep from losing her.
Brian pulled through the gates of Nick’s house and stopped at the bottom of the driveway.
“Why’d you stop?” Nick asked.
In response, Brian turned to AJ, who handed him a folded bandanna. “It’s a surprise, Nick. I have to blindfold you, so turn around.” When Nick just stared at him, Brian waved the blindfold in Nick’s face. “Let’s go, Nick! I ain’t got all day.”
Rolling his eyes, Nick shifted, allowing Brian to tie the blindfold on. In the dark now, he felt the car move again and, when it stopped, he fumbled for the door handle. AJ leapt out and helped him walk to the door.
“What’s going on, guys? Is this going to be some silly-”
“SURPRISE! WELCOME HOME, NICK!”
Nick whipped off the bandanna and stared, shocked, at everyone gathered in the front hall. His siblings, his father, Leighanne and Baylee, Kevin, Kristin, and Mason, Leigh, Chris, and a few of the management crew he was friends with all grinned at him gleefully.
“Wow!” He smiled hugely. “Thanks, everyone!” He turned to the guys, who’d followed him in. “You kept this a secret the whole time?”
Howie shrugged. “Of course! We thought you deserved the welcome home party.”
At the words “welcome home,” Brian sang, “Welcome home you! I know you by name, how do you-”
“Okay! I get it!” Nick shook his head. “This is great!” But, even as everyone gave him hugs and asked how he was feeling, his eyes scanned the room.
“Nick!” Leslie threw her arms around him. “Glad you’re feeling better! Does it still hurt?”
Nick shrugged. “Not too much. I don’t think I can handle alcohol for a long time because of my liver, but I feel better than I thought I would.” His eyes searched the room again.
Leslie noted that his gaze kept wandering. “Listen, Mom couldn’t come. She, uh, said some stuff that wasn’t too great about you and Autumn. But, she decided it was best that she not come. Sorry, Nick.”
He kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry about it. I bet I know what she said, and I’m glad she’s not here. Too bad me almost dying didn’t change her at all.”
“Nick-”
“Look, we’re going to celebrate today, Les. So let’s not let any negative stuff get in the way, okay?”
She nodded. “I love you, Nick, and I’m glad we didn’t lose you.”
Nick had to agree. He wasn’t quite ready to give up on life yet, either. After searching the kitchen and a few other rooms, he frowned. “Hey, guys?”
Everyone looked over at him. “What is it, Nick?” Howie asked. “Is something wrong? You feeling okay?”
“Yeah. I was just wondering where Autumn and Lily are?” He glanced at the stairs. “Is Autumn putting Lily down for a nap?”
No one said anything, but their expressions turned somber. Fear filled him then. They didn’t have to say it, but he could see it in their eyes.
“No,” he whispered, not wanting to believe it. “No. No, no, no.” Terror gripped him, and he dashed up the stairs, hoping beyond all hope that he’d find his wife and child in the nursery.
Every room was empty. In the nursery, the toys were all stacked neatly, but, when Nick opened the chest of drawers, Lily’s clothes were gone. Panicking, he rushed down the hall to Autumn’s room.
The instant he walked in, he knew she was gone. All of her cosmetics, the little pots and tubes, were gone. There were no random pieces of clothing tossed haphazardly over the chair, in a corner on the floor, or piled up on her bed. He tossed open the closet doors and felt his heart break.
It was empty.
Nothing.
Nick sank to the floor, curling into a ball. Autumn and Lily were gone. He could still smell the perfume that Autumn always wore, but the scent was faint. Why? Why had she left him like this? She’d known how he felt about her, but she’d still disappeared. He’d expected her to distance herself from him, emotionally, not physically. How could he fight for her, for them, if she’d already cut him off?
His heart felt as though it had shattered into thousands of tiny shards, and he didn’t know how he’d ever repair it.
Slowly, he walked back down the stairs. “She’s gone,” he said quietly to no one in particular. “They’re both gone. Just like that.”
“Nick, I’m sorry.” Kevin stepped forward and put his arm around Nick’s shoulders. “Kris and I dropped by to see her last week, but there was no one around.”
Nick blinked back tears and cleared the ball of emotion clogging his throat. “Did she tell anyone where she was going? Have any of you heard from her?”
There was silence.
“I called Sherrie, her publicist,” Leighanne volunteered. When Nick’s eyes whipped to her, Leighanne managed an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Nick. Autumn just sent her an email, saying that she needed to get away. She didn’t say where she was going or for how long. That’s all anyone knows.”
Kristin spoke up. “Kevin and I did find a letter addressed to you, though.” She dug through her bag and pulled out an envelope.
Nick snatched it out of her hand. On the front, his name was clearly scrawled in Autumn’s handwriting. “Where was this?”
“Taped to the front door,” Kevin told him. “Maybe you should read that in private.”
Nick stared at the envelope. Maybe the letter held the answer to where she was, but he wasn’t stupid. Autumn wouldn’t have left him a single clue as to how to find her. She didn’t want to be found. Especially not by him.
“Yeah.” He stuck the letter in his pocket and managed a smile for everyone. “I’ll read it later. Right now, we should have a good time. All of you showed up because you’re glad I’m okay, and I didn’t mean to make everything depressing.” He sighed a little. “So, where’s the food?”
When everyone began to chuckle, Kevin squeezed Nick close. “Trust you to think of your stomach first.”
Not first, Nick thought as the letter weighed heavily on his heart, his mind, and his pocket. Autumn and Lily were the first things on his mind. The first chance he got, he was going to read it. Then, maybe he’d find some balance.
***
So I lie awake another hour
Just like the one before
The shadows play a game with my head
I can’t take this anymore
I hear the sound of my own breathing
It makes me miss you more
Wake me up when it’s over
After the ending
When the damage has all been done
I don’t wanna be somewhere
Where you can watch me as I bleed
Just leave me here in pieces
Late that night, Nick sat out on the back patio next to the pool. Moonlight shimmered on the surface of the pool, and he stared at the reflection. He’d read Autumn’s letter almost an hour earlier, and he felt no better than he’d felt when he’d found she was gone.
He turned his head to look at the picture frame that he’d found on his bedside table. At least, he thought, she’d left him that much. It gave him a small glimmer of hope that she’d felt something for him because it was the picture of the three of them together. It had been her favorite, and, secretly, he’d adored it, too.
Now, it was all over.
He held up the letter to read it once more in the glow of light from the house.
Dear Nick,
I know you’re probably going to be angry with me as you read this, but I’m doing what I have to do. I’ll be forever grateful to you and eternally in your debt for the fact that you went to such lengths to help Lily and me. You almost died, Nick, and I would’ve never forgiven myself for having a hand in it.
I have to go away, I need some space. So much has happened in the last several months, and I just need some time to think. Lily and I will be fine, though I know she’ll miss you like crazy. I know this is going to hurt you, but I know you’re better off without us. If there was any other way…Well, there’s not.
You mean so much to me, and the last thing I want is to hurt you more. I know I’d do that if I stayed, which is another reason why I’m leaving.
Nick, you know, somewhere deep down, that this is for the best. Please, please be happy and safe. I wish you all the best and will never forget you.
Yours,
Autumn
Nick crumpled the paper in his hand and, with a frustrated string of curses, he ripped it to pieces. As the shreds of paper drifted into the pool, he opened his clenched fist. In his palm lay the rings he’d given Autumn. The bronze ring with its mother of pearl lily and emerald center and the matching bronzed wedding band gleamed in the dim light. He couldn’t throw them away, and he knew it.
There were going to be some definite changes in his life, he thought, but he wasn’t going to toss out the rings he’d found next to the picture frame. They were all he had left to remind him of what had been. It would take him a lifetime to get over Autumn, but he knew there was no point in waiting for her.
If there was one thing he’d learned about her, it was that she always did what she meant to do. Always.
***
I can't take the chance
Of running into
You running into me
So lock the door
And close the window
I just wanna see
Until the day
Inside my future
When I'll be on my feet
Maybe it was running, Autumn thought, but she didn’t care. She was through with hurting the people who mattered to her. Maybe she’d hurt Nick by leaving him, but it was the last time that she would hurt him. Who knew how he would have suffered if she’d stayed?
Besides, he seemed to be moving on. In the past month and a half, she’d heard that Nick had returned to Tampa to recuperate, and the other Backstreet Boys had done radio interviews in which they assured everyone that he was doing well. And he was. Hadn’t she seen the interview he’d done for Access Hollywood for the Unbreakable promotions the week before? He’d looked healthy, happy, and had obviously moved on. Of course, the interviewer had asked about her, and he’d responded by saying that they were both moving on from each other.
“It was great while it lasted,” Nick had said, “but, after the dust had settled, we realized we had different goals in mind.”
“So this isn’t because of the kidnapping?” the reporter asked.
Nick shook his head. “Of course not. All that was crazy and surreal, but it’s over now. What happened between Autumn and me was inevitable. We got married so fast that we didn’t really think it all through. There were stars in our eyes, but, once they cleared, well, that was it. We’re still on good terms, though,” he added.
Oh, yes, Autumn thought. They were on great terms because she’d left them no choice but to be on silent terms. Which was great.
She caught herself staring out the window and blinked back to the present. There were dishes to be done before Lily woke up from her nap. These days, Lily was running her ragged. The only peaceful time Autumn had was when her little girl was sleeping.
As she moved around the kitchen, gathering up the dirty dishes and dumping them in the sink, her gaze landed on the thick envelope that sat on the worktable. It stood out from the rest of the mail and paperwork surrounding it because of what it held. It had arrived nearly a month before, and Autumn couldn’t bring herself to take care of what it entailed.
Her lawyers had known that she’d moved to Monterey, north of Los Angeles, and far enough away from Hollywood to assure that no one would come looking for her there. So, when they’d received the paperwork from Nick’s lawyer, they’d sent it to her immediately.
Divorce papers, Autumn thought. She still couldn’t believe it, though she’d known it was inevitable that she would receive them. For all his talk about loving her, Nick sure had been quick to file for divorce. Of course, that had been all over the news, too, along with the fact that no one seemed to know where she was.
Autumn Evans had disappeared, and she quite simply wished that people would stop talking about her. It would make it easier on her to give up the lifelong dream that she’d just reached. She couldn’t go back, and she knew it. Acting had been a dream come true, but she wasn’t sure she could handle the lifestyle again. Not after everything that had happened.
Now, she thought, the only way to completely get away from it was to sign the damn papers. Then, she would have completely cut all ties with that world, that life.
Brushing away the tears that clung to her lashes and slid down her cheeks, she turned away from the envelope. She’d wept for hours when it had arrived, and she refused to put herself through that again. Whatever she and Nick had had was over, and she’d made sure of it.
When the phone rang, she reached for it as she began to load the dishwasher.
“Hello?”
“Ms. Evans.” It was the security guard at the gates to her neighborhood. “You have visitors here to see you. You hadn’t mentioned that there was anyone coming, so I thought I’d call ahead and clear it with you.”
Visitors? Autumn frowned. “Thanks, Don. Who are they?”
“There’s a Mr. Richardson and a Mr. Littrell.”
Autumn’s heart bounded into her throat. “Uh, that’s fine. Clear them in, please.”
“Sure thing.”
Setting the phone down, Autumn sank into a chair. How had they found her, and why had they come? She didn’t know, and she could only imagine the words they would say to her. She’d hurt Nick, and they must hate her for it.
The doorbell rang, and Autumn hurried to open the door. Kevin and Brian stood on her porch, their faces expressionless.
“Kevin, Brian!” She sounded breathless and nervous and she knew it. “What—I mean, come in. Uh, this is a surprise.”
They followed her into the house and sat on the couch across from her. For a few moments, no one said a word.
Then, Kevin broke the silence. “So, how are you? How have you been? We barely saw you after everything happened, and then you disappeared. No one really knew how you were doing.”
Whatever she’d thought he would say, the last thing she’d expected was for Kevin to ask how she was and be seriously concerned about her, too. “Uh, I’m okay. I’ve been better, but being away from the city has definitely worked wonders for me.”
“How’s Lily? Is she around?” Brian asked, his eyes studying her face.
“She’s napping. She’s been so active lately that the only way I get any peace is when she’s conked out.” Autumn managed a smile when they both continued to look solemn.
“So she’s okay then? No lingering trauma or side effects from the kidnapping?” Kevin wondered.
Autumn shook her head. “Nope. It surprises me constantly, but she’s fine.”
“And you?” Brian asked again. “You’re sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. No.” She sighed. “I’m as good as I’ll get.”
Kevin leaned forward, his eyes on hers. “But you could be better.”
“Sure, I could. If I went back a year and didn’t have to worry about all the things I’ve done that have hurt the people I care about.” Then, because she couldn’t hold it in, she blurted out, “How’s Nick? Is he okay?”
The cousins exchanged a look before Brian spoke. “He’s doing as well as can be expected. He bounced back from his injuries better than anyone expected. Physically, anyway. Emotionally, mentally? Not so much.”
“You destroyed him by leaving the way you did,” Kevin continued. “If you’d just stayed and talked things through with him-”
“He would’ve convinced me to stay, and he wouldn’t be okay.” Autumn shook her head. “I couldn’t stay.”
Brian reached out and gripped her hand. “Autumn, he’s doing horribly. He’s just not Nick anymore. He says he’s fine, but he’s not. There are times when one of us finds him just staring off into space, and he won’t talk to any of us. He’s closed himself off, and it’s painful to see him like that.”
“No.” Autumn tugged her hand away. “No, that’s a lie. I saw him, on TV, last week. He was fine, better than fine. You’re just lying.”
Kevin shook his head. “Autumn, you of all people should know that a good actor can hide his true feelings behind a perfectly believable mask. He’s not the same.”
“So you came all this way to tell me that? What, did you want me to feel guilty?” She stood and began to pace. “Well, I do feel guilty. I feel guilty that Nick ruined his life trying to protect me. He was nearly killed by my best friend! We all know he would be fine if he’d never gotten involved with me.”
“I don’t think so,” Kevin replied calmly. “Nick loves you, and, loving you, his life was much better. Believe me, I know. We came because we wanted to convince you to come back. To see him. Even if it’s one last time. If for nothing else than to give both of you a sense of closure.”
When she just shook her head, Brian stood and, gripping her shoulders, looked her in the eye. “Why did you leave him, Autumn? Why couldn’t you have just waited a while longer? If he meant nothing to you, you could’ve hung around a little longer. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
Autumn pulled away from him. “I can’t tell you. I can’t.” Her voice was a broken whisper as tears began to spill down her cheeks. “There are some things that I can only say to Nick. I can’t tell you.”
“Then tell him,” Brian said gently. “Please, for his sake, just tell him. Let him move on with his life, Autumn.”
Kevin stood now, too. “If you cared for him at all, you owe him an explanation. Until you do, neither of you will be able to go on with your lives. So think about it, Autumn. Do you really want to condemn both of you to miserable lives? Or do you want more for yourself and for Nick?”
She said nothing as they stood quietly for a few moments, studying her. Then, they hugged her, murmured goodbye, and moved to the door.
At the door, Brian stopped and turned back to her. “Oh, and one more thing. The necklace you’re wearing?” He waited until she lifted her hand to touch the birthday present Nick had given her at the beginning of the summer. She’d been unable to part with it and never took it off. “Nick picked out that stone specifically for you. You should find out what it is. It might help.” With a last smile for her, he left.
When the door shut behind him, Autumn gripped the necklace in her fingers and couldn’t think. Sinking into an armchair, she rocked herself as her mind whirled.
If you want you can find me
On the dark side of the sun
Babe I don’t wanna see what we've become
The damage has all been done
Lyrics from “In Pieces” Backstreet Boys
Author's Chapter Notes:
We're so close to the end, and I want to thank you all for sticking by this story for the last 18 months! Enjoy this chapter, and I'll post the ending by Tuesday!
