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Jo woke up, not knowing where she was or what day it could be. A new hotel, new view outside the window. All she knew was that Alex was holding her and giggling in his sleep. 'That must have woken me,' she thought, smiling to herself. Gently she nudged him to wake him up.

“What?” He looked around the room, obviously a bit confused himself.

“You were giggling like a little girl. Funny dream?”

“Guess so. Jo, it’s five thirty. Why are you awake?”

“Dunno. What day is today?”

“Friday. We’re in Chicago, remember?”

“Oh, yeah... right.” she furrowed her brows.

“Life on the road getting to you?”

“Guess so. It isn’t exactly something I’m used to. I’m homesick. Not Sweden- homesick, but Atlanta- homesick.”

“I know. Lina’s there, and not coming to visit this weekend.”

“Yeah, but you’re here, and so is Baylee, so this is where I wanna be.”

“Oh, honey.” He pulled her close, kissed her forehead.
They lay in bed for half an hour without talking, just holding each other, then decided to get up and get some breakfast. Jo got dressed and called room service to order something to eat, while Alex was in the shower. When he got out, there were pancakes, eggs and bacon on the table, and Jo was pouring coffee into two large mugs. They were eating, reading the morning papers, when someone knocked on the door. Jo opened it, and Nick stumbled in, his breath oozing with alcohol.


“Nick? What happened to you?” Jo asked, as she tried to stop him from hitting the floor. She dragged him up to the couch, made him sit down on it. Alex came out into the living room, ran up to them and kneeled in front of Nick, who was leaning over the armrest.

“Nicky. What the fuck? What have you been doing?”

“Drinking. Just got in. Fun clubs around here.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Lina happened.” He laughed a short laugh, that ended in a hiccup.

“Jo, see if you can find a bucket or something. Don’t want him throwing up on the carpet.”

“Yeah.” She went into the bathroom, and there, in a cleaning cupboard she found a bucket. She returned to the boys. Nick was crying and yelling, and Alex was sitting next to him, listening with a grim expression on his face.

“They had a fight over the phone last night.” He explained to Jo.

She nodded, gave Nick the bucket, just in time. As soon as he got it, he threw up in it, over and over again. Jo sat down next to Alex, trying not to listen to the sound of vomit hitting the bottom of the bucket.


Fifteen minutes later Nick was asleep, snoring like crazy on the couch. Alex had emptied the bucket and placed it next to Nick’s head, then he had gone to Brian’s room to talk to him. Jo was sitting by the table, solving a crossword-puzzle and finishing her coffee. Then she got an idea, jumped out of her chair and got the phone. She dialled Lina’s number, and waited for her friend to answer.

“Ello?” Lina’s voice was sleepy.

“Hey, it’s me. Did I wake you?”

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“It’s Nick. He came in here half an hour ago, drunk, and said something about you two fighting. Then he threw up and fell asleep. You tell me what’s up with you guys?”

“Well, the usual I guess. He wants to control me, and I don’t want to be controlled.”

“Slow down, he wants to control you? Lina, you’re not with Dan anymore. This is Nick, a totally different person. He doesn’t want to control you at all.”

“Oh yeah? What about those tickets, huh? And how he’s always nagging me to be where he is, to give up my life for him.”

“The tickets were a sweet gesture, a sign that he wants you to come be with him whenever you’re able to. Not to give up your life, he would never ask you to do that.”

“Fine, if you like him so much, then you might as well be with him. Be pregnant with his child if he’s such a sweet, caring person.”

“What? Lina are you...”

“Yeah. I am. But don’t you dare tell him. I’ll kill you if you even think about telling anyone.”

“I won’t. God. How long have you known?”

“Since I didn’t come to Buffalo.”

“And how far along are you?”

“Like five weeks.”

“You’re... going to keep it?”

“Yeah. You know I could never have an abortion...”

“I know... Oh, darling. A baby! But when are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know. If he keeps being an ass, never.”

“But...”

“No, Jo. Don’t push this. What if he’ll use it as another way of controlling me? What if he doesn’t want children? What if he doesn’t want me?”

“Sssh Lina. He just spent ten minutes crying about you on our couch. Of course he wants you. The other things I don’t know anything about, but I’m dead sure he wants you.”

“Whatever. Gotta go. DON’T tell anyone. Not even Alex.” Lina hung up her phone, and Jo was left sitting in her chair staring at the phone in her hand.


'I’m not a good secret keeper. I suck at keeping secrets. How the heck am I going to be able to keep this from Alex?' Jo’s head was pounding so she hid her face in her hands to keep out the morning light. She heard the door open, made an attempt at a normal face, smiled at Alex and felt the secret pulsating in her chest. She was afraid that if she opened her mouth, it would just fly out. So when he asked if everything was ok, she just nodded, and went into the bathroom to take a shower. When she came out of there, Alex was force-feeding Nick with coffee. He saw the surprised look on her face and laughed.

“Better get some coffee into him. Interviews all afternoon, can’t have him looking like this. I’m thinking about trying to get him into the shower, too, but that’ll have to wait until he actually wakes up. You working today?”

Jo nodded and headed out the door, across the hall, knocked on Brian and Leighannes door. When Leigh opened it, she stepped inside and fell down on a couch.

“You ok, Jo?”

Jo nodded again.

“You look like you’ve been hit in the head with something.” Leigh sat down next to her, patted her leg.

“I kinda have. Oh, I hate secrets.”

“A secret?”

Jo nodded again.

“And you’re not supposed to tell anyone?”

Jo shook her head.

“Well then, I won’t ask you. But you know, you’re gonna have a really sore neck if you keep doing that nodding thing.” Leigh laughed.

Jo laughed too, and felt some of the tension relieve. “Ugh. I hate keeping secrets from the people I love. But she asked me, and how could I say no?”

“Lina?”

Jo nodded. “Yup. Big one, too. Geez. My head is killing me.”

“You want some aspirin? Bay is kinda wild today, so I guess you’ll need it.” Leigh got to her feet, got a glass of water out the bathroom, and some pills out of her purse.

“Yes, please. So, today. What’s happening?”

Leigh gave Jo the pills and a glass of water. “Well, the boys are being interviewed in Howie’s room from noon. So I’ll be back by then. Me and Brian are doing some kind of interview together at ten. Bay’s playing in his bedroom, he’s entertaining himself, but keep an eye on him. I’ve bought a collection of magazines and tabloids, you can enjoy yourself with them. We can eat when I get back, we had a late breakfast. Give him a snack if he’s hungry, though.”

“Ok. Good luck on the interview. See ya noon.”

Leighanne nodded, and went out into the hall to get her husband. Jo went into Baylee’s room, played with him for a while, then went back out into the living room. She was restless, couldn’t focus. Her thoughts were with Lina. Lina, who was going to be a mother. She went into the kitchen and made a cup of tea, sat down on the couch with the magazines and started reading one of them. But no, she couldn’t focus. When she gave up reading and sat staring into nothing, she realized why she was feeling this way. Lina hadn’t wanted a baby for several years. Lina hadn’t fought with her boyfriend over having one. It wasn’t fair. 'She doesn’t deserve this.' Jo thought, but was instantly ashamed of herself. 'No, this is what she doesn’t deserve. I should be happy for her. She didn’t ask for this.' She picked up the magazine, flipped through it until she found something interesting to read.


After the show that evening they were instantly installed in the tour buses for an 8 hour drive to Minneapolis. Jo put Baylee to bed, he was already asleep, then curled up in her own bunk to read. Brian and Leigh were watching a movie in the back of the bus, she could hear Brian laugh from time to time. She’d refused to go with Alex on his bus, knowing that if she was to spend eight hours in a confined area with him, she would go crazy and tell him everything, and she wasn’t ready to do that. He’d been surprised and looked a little hurt when she told him she would be going with Brian and Leighanne, and she was worried that he would think that she was mad at him. Her cellphone rang with a soft buzz, and she saw it was Alex calling. She pressed the “silent” button and let it ring. 'He’ll think I’ve gone to bed and is sleeping,' she said to herself. She missed him though. The bunk felt empty, even if it was barely large enough for one person. The phone stopped ringing. She called her voice mail to see if he’d left a message. He had.

"Hey Jo, it’s just me. Calling to see how you are, say goodnight. Well, you’re not answering, so I guess you’re asleep. Sweet dreams then, princess. I miss you. Good night.”

She flipped her phone shut with a terrible gut-feeling. She wished she’d answered the phone, but she knew it would have been impossible to talk to him. She needed to let the secret sit for awhile before she could act normal around him again, no matter how much it hurt her to keep away from him.