Jo sat in the hotel suite she shared with Alex, she was furious with him. How could he just expect her to have sex with him after what had just happened to her? And she didn’t care much for his romance-rambling either. It was obvious that romance wasn’t what he had in mind. She rummaged through her bag, found her i-pod, turning on whatever music she could find that wasn’t BSB, and turned the volume up so loud that she could feel her eardrums begging for mercy. Singing on one of her favourite songs by Looptroop, a Swedish hiphop-group, she went into the bathroom, stood in front of the sink watching herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and red from all the crying, plus she had a black eye and her temple was swollen. She removed her shirt. She had no bra on underneath it, she couldn’t wear one because Andy’s desperate tearing on the one she wore when she met him had made it cut into her skin, causing open wounds all around her back. Her breasts were covered in bite marks, as was her entire upper body. Trembling she removed her pants, saw the bruises on the inside of her thighs and once again broke down into tears. She sat down on the toilet, sat there crying her heart out. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder.
She looked up into Alex’s face unable to read his expression. After staring at him for awhile she realized what it was. He was angry. She pulled away from him, covered herself up with her hands as she got to her feet.
“Let me see you, baby.” His voice was trembling with something that was breaking loose any minute. “Let go of yourself.”
She did as she’d been told, let her arms hang along her sides. Her tears were still running, but she bit her lip and tried to stop.
“Turn around. Let me see your back.”
She turned around escaping into the music that was blasting in her ears. Then she turned around, took a few steps closer to him while taking the headphones out of her ears. His face was cramped up, he looked disgusted and angry, and Jo knew it was her he was mad at and disgusted by.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized to him.
“You’re sorry? What are you? Insane?” All the anger he’d been holding in broke loose.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I’m not insane. I see how you look at me.”
“How do I look at you?”
“Like I’m disgusting and horrible. And I don’t want that. I don’t need that right now.”
“You are not disgusting. Not horrible either. It’s Andy who is.”
She trembled when she heard his name. “And when will you stop seeing him when you look at me? Will everything be ok as soon as the bruises are gone? Or am I contagious forever?”
“I don’t know, ok? All I know is that I love you and want to kill him for doing this to you.”
“That’s not enough.” Jo started to get dressed. “It’s not enough.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that it’s not enough. I can’t have you staring at me like you’ve been doing all day today. Think about it. We’ll talk tomorrow. You’re supposed to be at the venue in thirty minutes. I’ll be at Brian and Leigh’s.” She put her i-pod on the bathroom counter.
“But...” he stretched his hand out to grasp her as she passed him, but she was too quick. She was out of the door before he knew it, and he could do nothing but stare after her. He heard music playing softly, she’d forgot to turn the i-pod off. He was going to turn it off, but the lyrics and the beautiful melody caught him, so he inserted the headphones into his ears and listened. A beautiful female voice was singing.
You're a half a world away
But in my mind I whisper every single word you say.
And before you sleep at night
You pray to me, your lucky star, your singing satellite.
I follow the winds that bring the cold, baby,
I light a fire in your soul, baby.
The lightest touch of feathers falling
My love may be invisible
But I inspire the dreams that guide you, baby
Something about the song touched him, and before he knew it, tears were falling down his face. He had a sneaking suspicion that this wasn’t as bad as it was gonna get. Worse things were to come. When Kevin knocked on the door to tell him it was time to go, he wiped his cheeks and put on a pair of sunglasses.
“You ok, man?” Kevin asked, looking at Alex.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Let’s go.”
Jo was sitting in the living room of Brian and Leighanne’s suite, a blanket wrapped around her and a cup of tea in front of her. Leighanne was sitting next to her, patting her on the knee.
“It will be ok, Jo. I promise.”
“When?”
“As soon as you decide not to let Andy, and what he did to you control you. You need to just let him go. When you’ll be able to do that, I have no idea. Maybe after the trial? When he’s tucked away in some prison somewhere? Maybe sooner, maybe later.”
“I tried to let him go before. We both know what happened then.”
“Yes, but he won’t be doing that again. You know now. What he’s like. He’s showed his true face to you.”
“The sad thing is that I still don’t believe that’s his true face. I’ve lived with him for loads of years, and I’ve never seen any sign of violence in him. Not the least. I guess I just wanna know why things got so out of hand.”
“I understand you, but know that that’s a dangerous point of view, Jo. What would be your advice to a woman who’s being abused in any way in a relationship?”
“Get out. Get away. He did it once, he’ll do it again.”
“See? You’ve been abused, Jo. Physically as well as mentally. Now you need to get out. Let him go. He doesn’t deserve a second more of your time. He did it once, he can do it again.”
“Maybe it’s easier the second time. Maybe it doesn’t feel so bad...”
“Jo? What are you saying? JO? Snap out of it! Oh, sweetheart.” Leigh put her arms around Jo and hugged her. “You need some sleep. Come on. Get to bed.”
“Leigh?” Jo asked when she’d crawled into bed.
“Yes?”
“What about Alex?”
“He loves you. Would never hurt you.”
“I know, but...” Jo fell silent. Leigh stroke some hair out of her face and turned off the lights on her way out.
The next day Jo woke up late. When she looked at her watch she couldn’t believe her eyes. She’d slept for fifteen hours straight, without waking up once. She was hungry. When she got out into the living room there was a note on the table.
Morning Jo!
Hope you slept well. Boys are in Kev’s room – interviews.
Me and Bay are going out for a walk.
Love, Leigh
Jo smiled and lifted the phone to order some breakfast. After she’d ate, she showered and got dressed, choosing something that covered all the bruises. Her heart felt lighter than it had since that night in Sweden. When Brian got in through the door she smiled at him.
“Now that’s a sight for sore eyes. A smile from our dear Jo. You feeling better today?”
“Yes. Alex?”
“In his room. Not himself at all. Go talk to him.”
“I will!” she gave her employer a hug and a kiss on the cheek on her way out, discovering that body contact with a man didn’t feel that bad today. She whistled on her way across the hallway, and knocked Alex’s door. To her surprise he didn’t answer. She went through her pockets trying to find the key, but had to go back and get it from the clothes she’d worn yesterday. She knocked again, but still got no answer. She unlocked the door and opened it only to see Alex sitting on the couch listening to her i-pod. Tears were running down his face. She kneeled in front of him, took his hands and tried to meet his eyes. But he continued to stare into nothing. She reached up to get one of the headphones putting it in her own ear to hear what he was listening to.
“Satellite. I love it.”
He was still silent.
“Ok, Mr. McLean. Talk to me.”
“I’ve got nothing to say to you. You think I’m mad at you for getting raped, you storm out... I can’t take it.”
“Yeah, right. Like that’s the reason. Andy’s touched me again, and it’s killing you because you’re JEALOUS. You don’t care about the fact that he forced himself onto me. You don’t care about the fact that I was crying for you to come save me from him. You don’t care about how I feel, you haven’t asked me since it happened, and when I told the cops what had happened you left. You’re jealous of a guy that raped me. He tried to kill me. He tried to strangle me. Look around my mouth. Those blue marks are from him holding his hands across my nose and my mouth so I couldn’t breathe. And you’re jealous of him. Go to hell, Alex. I don’t want to see you ever again. I guess I have to, but don’t you dare talk to me. Don’t you dare look at me or even breathe anywhere near me.”
Alex looked thunderstruck. “What? Jo, you’re so wrong... so wrong...” he could just as well have talked to a wall. Jo stormed out of his suite slamming the door shut behind her and almost knocked Lina over.
“Oh, sorry babe.”
“Whatever.”
Lina frowned. “I’ve been calling you. Where have you been?”
“In there, breaking up with that idiot excuse for a boyfriend.”
“WHAT? Jo, please tell me you’re joking or something?”
“Nope.”
“Why? What happened?”
Jo all of a sudden broke down into tears. “I don’t know. I don’t know, Lina. Oh, God, help me.” Her legs went weak and she slammed down onto the floor, unconscious.
On the other side of the door sat Alex, he’d pulled out a picture of him and Jo from his wallet that he held in his hand. He’d found a song on her i-pod that reminded him so much of her that the pain he felt was no longer emotional, it was physical, and all over him. Crying he sang along with the song, his voice broke, but he didn’t care.
“There must be an angel, with a smile on her face,
When she thought that I should be with you
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.”
As the music faded out he sighed to himself. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be...”
Author's Chapter Notes:
I've quoted some song lyrics in this one. I don't own them, nor did I write them, so no props to me, and all of it to the people who did!
The songs the lyrics are from are:
Ocean Lab feat. Justine Suissa - Satellite
and
James Blunt - You're Beautiful
The songs the lyrics are from are:
Ocean Lab feat. Justine Suissa - Satellite
and
James Blunt - You're Beautiful
