Jo was sitting in her room thinking about the days that had passed since her discussion with Alex. 'How did things turn out so wrong?' she asked herself. Didn’t he understand what she was saying when she told him she couldn’t make any promises? He’d come into her room beaming and told her that he’d broken things off with Ashley, then expected everything to be back to normal. When she told him it wasn’t that easy he’d gone crazy and yelled at her, calling her every foul word known to mankind, including some Swedish words she’d taught him. She had of course been pissed at him, because she hadn’t promised him anything at all, just said that maybe, in the future, things could be back to normal between them. But at the moment she was happy with Ryan, he was her support through all of the crap that was going on, even if she knew their relationship wasn’t going to really last. A head peeking in through the door disturbed her thoughts.
“Lina! Hi! Come in!”
“You busy?”
“Nope. Bored though.”
Lina came in and closed the door behind her. “So, how are things with you and Mr. Jump-To-Conclusions?”
“The same as last time. Haven’t talked to him, haven’t seen him, nothing. Not since he stormed out of here.”
“Geeez, he’s really acting grown up.” Lina threw herself on the couch.
“Yeah. But I understand him too. I just can’t see what I did that made him think that everything was ok again.”
“So what are you gonna do?”
“I don’t know. Man. How did it get into this mess?”
“Well, it all started when someone decided Sweden was too small...” Lina smiled, starting with her best know-it-all tone, which made Jo throw a pillow at her.
“Just shut up, would you? I know it’s all my fault. I got us both into this mess.”
“Hey, it’s your mess. I have you to THANK for where I am today, don’t you dare make excuses about that, even if it had some side effects, like this crazy bitch. Get a grip on reality, Joanna Marlene Ericks.” Lina’s tone was sharp, and she stared at Jo.
“Ok, I’m sorry. I know you’re happy.”
“You’re damn right I am happy, and you could be happy too, if you just let yourself.” Tears began rolling down Lina’s cheeks, and Jo got out of her chair to go sit next to her. As she put her arms around Lina she asked: “Hey... why are you crying?”
“Damn these hormones. I can’t control my temper at all,” came the answer, through the sobs.
Jo burst out laughing. “You can’t blame the hormones for that. You’ve never been able to handle your temper. Ever.” She patted Lina on the back.
“I know. But I like blaming it on the hormones.” She smiled and wiped her cheeks. “So, what are you going to do? You can’t chicken out on this.”
“I know. I was hoping I could, though.” Jo laughed, but Lina remained serious.
“You’re doing it again. STOP IT!” she yelled.
“Sorry. Can’t help myself. Thinking about the future makes me panic.”
“You love Ryan?”
Jo sat silent, staring at the carpet between her feet.
“Do you?”
Jo slowly shook her head. “No. I wish I did, this would be so much easier if I just...”
“Come on now. I’m the one who takes the easy path. You don’t. You’re not a quitter, not a chicken.”
Jo tried to protest, but Lina cut her off. “No. I don’t do it as much anymore, but I have in the past. You’ve always struggled. I’ve always been proud of you for that. Been wishing I was more like you. Then maybe I wouldn’t have ended up in these terrible depressions.”
“Look at me. You remember my breakdown just a couple of weeks ago? Do you?”
“Yeah. But you got through it.”
“Because of you. I knew just what to do, thanks to you. Don’t go making me into something I’m not, Lina. You know what a terrible thing it is trying to live up to that.”
“Yes. But this is different. Damn, Jo. Why can’t you just accept the fact that I’m proud of you?”
“Because I’m nothing to be proud of. I’m...” Jo felt the pressure from the tears that wanted to come out. She gave up and let them fall. “Thank you. I love you. I would never have gotten through this if it wasn’t for you. I’m so proud of you, mommy.” She smiled through the tears and patted Lina’s belly.
“See, you’ve got me started again.” Lina had tears streaming down her face. She laughed and sobbed and hugged Jo. “I love you too. Oh, sweetie. Go find Alex. Tell him you love him. Make up. Oooh, make-up sex. That’s not bad at all.” When Jo looked at her, eyebrows raised she continued “Hormones.”
Jo laughed again. “Oh.”
“Go on now, you lazy woman. Alex. Find. Fuc... Make up...” Lina smiled mischievously.
“Alright. I’m going, but I have something else I have to do first. And I have to do something about my face. I can’t go to him looking like this.”
“You’re right. Put on some make up, then go make up.” Lina laughed. “I have to go take a nap. We like to sleep.” She rubbed her belly.
“Go sleep. I can handle this.”
“Tell me all about it later?”
“Of course!”
Lina walked out yawning, and Jo took a look in the mirror.
“Geez. I look like crap.” She decided to take a shower before she left. She got dressed in a short black skirt and a white finely knitted sweater. She let her hair hang in it’s damp tousled way, knowing Alex liked it like that, and put on some make up to hide the last traces of tears. She also put on the black boots he’d given her for her birthday, then nervously walked out of her room and up to the door. When she lifted her hand to knock she realised it was shaking.
“Joanna Marlene Ericks, get a grip...” she heard Lina’s voice in her head and gave the door a hard knock.
For a moment she thought he wasn’t in, but then he opened the door. His eyes went up and down her body, then he looked her straight in the eyes.
“Hello gorgeous.” He grabbed her and pulled her close, but she put her hands on his chest to stop him.
“Ryan, stop. I need to talk to you.”
“Oh? Well then, come in!”
She sat down on his couch, waited until he’d sat down, then looked at him. “Ryan, I can’t do this. I like you, you are so much fun to be around, but this dating-thing... It isn’t working.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know... I don’t feel for you in that way, I guess. I like you, but as a friend. For a moment I thought I might fall for you, but no.”
“It’s Alex, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. It is. I love him.”
“I knew it. Well, it was worth a shot. If you love him, go be with him. Best of luck to you. Both of you.” He gave her a hug.
“Thank you, Ryan.”
“Another life, another place maybe?”
She let go of him and smiled. “You know it.”
Five minutes later she was standing outside another door. 'This is it.' she thought as she knocked it. She could hear his voice from inside his suite.
“Coming!”
She smiled. Then he opened the door, and looked at her.
“What are you doing here?”
“I...” she took a deep breath, felt her voice shake. “I wanna be with you. I love you.”
He kept looking at her, but didn’t say anything.
“Alex?”
“Yeah. I heard you. Let’s see. You break up with me. I come crawling to you, but you refuse me. Now you’re coming to me? Well. Let me just say HELL NO! I’m not having this.”
“Look, I’m sorry... I don’t know what else to say.”
“Leave me alone, please. I’ve got company.” He slammed the door in her face, and she remained standing outside, the tears began falling again. She sobbed quietly for a while, then walked slowly back to her room.
Author's Chapter Notes:
You didn't really think it was gonna be that easy, did you now??? :)
