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Chapter 103

On Friday afternoon, Claire came home from work, happy to see the weekend arrive. She fixed herself a snack and was just sitting down on the couch with the novel she was in the middle of when her phone rang. Setting her book down, she jogged into the kitchen, where her cell was charging, and glanced at the caller ID on its screen. Smiling, she grabbed the phone. “Hey! I just saw you a few minutes ago,” she laughed. “What’s up?”

“Hey!” Laureen replied brightly. “I just got home and got online, and I found something I think you need to see – I just had to call ya!”

Claire could tell her friend was smiling on the other end of the line and was immediately curious. “Oh yeah? What is it? Where can I get it?”

Laureen gave her the name of the Backstreet Boys forum she’d shown Claire several times before. Claire had it bookmarked by now; she found herself going there every once in awhile now, especially when she hadn’t talked to Nick in awhile. Which she hadn’t.

I should call him, she thought as she turned on her computer, realizing she had no idea what he’d been up to lately. She knew he and the guys had been in Sweden a couple of months ago, finishing up the recording of their next album, which was coming out at the end of August, according to the last date she’d read. She assumed he’d been busy these last two months, but that wasn’t the only reason she had not called. A part of her still felt guilty about Jamie and the way Nick had found out they were back together, and though he’d told her they were “okay” before he flew back to LA the last time, she knew things were still awkward between them. How could they not be? She didn’t like it that way, but she understood. It was her fault anyway. She’d been giving him his space; if he wanted to find out what was going on in her life, he could always pick up the phone too.

“Okay, lemme get my internet fired up here,” Claire said to Laureen, once her computer had loaded Windows. She pulled up an internet window and immediately went to her Favorites folder, scanning the drop-down menu for the message board. She found it and clicked, waiting for it to load. “Which thread is it?” she asked.

“It’s called ‘Go Nicky, go Nicky, it’s your birthday…’” Laureen read off the heading of the thread, giggling. “It should be one of the first ones.”

Claire snorted. “Go Nickay… it’s yo’ birfday… we gonna party like it’s yo’ birfday…” she chanted as she searched for the thread. “Found it.” She clicked.

“It’s a video, from E! News Live last night – you gotta download it.”

Claire nodded, reading what Laureen had just told her in the thread. “Gotcha,” she said, as she clicked the link to download and sat back to wait. The percentage on the download rose quickly, and she smiled, grateful for the high-speed connection her new apartment offered. “Almost done downloading,” she told Laureen.

“Cool! Well, I’ll let you go so can watch it. I just wanted to let you know.”

“Okay… thanks, Laureen!”

They hung up, and Claire watched as the video finished downloading. When it was done, she opened it up and leaned forward in curiosity, eager to know what it was she needed to see. The brunette anchor of E! News appeared in her media player and started talking about the Backstreet Boys and the release party they’d held for their first single on Tuesday night. As she spoke, footage of the guys walking in to a club in LA was shown.

“… Also in attendance were Nicky Hilton… Carmen Electra…”

“Who cares?” mumbled Claire, watching the snippets of video that were shown for every celebrity name mentioned. She wanted them to get back to Nick and the Boys.

They did a few seconds later, showing clips of the guys singing their new song and being interviewed about the meaning behind it. Nick looks good, Claire observed, her eyes naturally gravitating towards him, even as Kevin rambled about who had written the song and why they’d chosen it as their first single. But she couldn’t figure out why Laureen had been so eager to show her this video; it really wasn’t all that interesting.

“Once the formalities were over, the Boys and their celeb guests really cut loose…,” narrated the anchor, and they cut to a clip of Paris Hilton’s barely-dressed sister and a few no-names Claire didn’t recognize dancing provocatively under twirling neon lights. That changed to a clip of Brian and Kevin sitting at a table with their wives, holding their drinks up for the camera. “You know what they say… there ain’t no party like a Backstreet party, baby!” Kevin shouted above the music, gesturing to the drink in his hand with a rather dopey grin.

Who says that again, Kev? Claire wondered, snickering. Little did she know they had recorded a song with those exact lyrics over a decade ago.

“… Even Nick Carter was spotted out on the dance floor with his date…” the anchor went on, and Claire blinked in surprise as she found herself watching Nick playfully grinding against a dark-haired girl, an expression of pure sex on his face.

She gaped in wonder, a smile creeping across her face. Well, I’ll be damned, she thought. He’s dancing! …And looking damn fine doing it too!, she added as an afterthought. She hardly watched the last few seconds of video, too amazed by what she had just seen. She remembered how self-conscious Nick had been all the times she’d gone to a club with him; the only time he’d danced with her was when she’d persuaded the DJ to play “Open Arms” for them that night in Maui. She smiled wistfully at the memory; so much had changed since then. Apparently Nick had gotten his confidence back; either that, or he was too trashed to care. And he was with a girl!

She wasn’t sure why she should be surprised, but she backtracked to the clip of Nick dancing and watched again in awe, smiling. He looked happy. He looked like he was having fun. He looked like he didn’t have a care in the world as to who was watching him or filming him then. And he looked incredibly sexy, dancing like that. Lucky girl, Claire thought, watching the back of his mystery date’s head. She wondered who the girl was and if they were really seeing each other. Nick hadn’t mentioned there was someone new in his life. But then again, she hadn’t talked to him in awhile, had she?

Wow, she thought, realizing she was dying to know more about this girl of his. I definitely need to call him. Picking up her cell phone again, she punched in the speed dial for Nick’s number. He was still number 4, after her parents, Kyle, and Dianna. Watching his name appear in the window, she put the phone to her ear and listened to it ring.

After a few rings, she was taken to his voicemail. “Hey, this is Nick Carter. Leave me a message, and I’ll holla back at ya,” came his familiar voice in the pre-recorded message.

She snickered; what a dork. “Hey, Nick, it’s me… Claire,” she said into the phone. “I was just calling to say hey, cause I haven’t talked to you in awhile. So if you wanna ‘holla back’ whenever you have a chance, that’d be cool.” Starting to giggle, she added a quick, “Okay, talk to you soon, I hope. Bye,” and hung up.

Still smiling, she set the phone back down and turned her attention back to the computer. She minimized the video on her screen and glanced at the forum thread that was still pulled up. Absently, she started scrolling through the rest of the posts, mildly curious to see what the fans had said about it.


LittleBlueSmurf: Aww, Nick looks so cute out there dancing! I missed seeing him like that. YAYY! I can’t wait for the album and the tour! =o) They better come to KC!!

CrZ4Kaos: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! =D =D =D im lovin the new single … and i cant wait for the cd to come out!!!!!!!!! =D its gonna rock sooooo much!!!!! im sooo glad the guys r back again!!!!!!!!! Nick looks like he was havin fun!! woohoo im soooo happy for him!!!!! =D =D =D

ParisHiltoNTampaBayFan: I wish they would have showed more of Howie, AJ, Brian, and Kevin dancing. Those four look so good doing it. :-) Nick is such a whore. He looks awful IMO. He needs to cut his hair and gain weight, he’s way too skinny lately. And I hate the new song. It’s never going to do well on radio. I can’t believe they picked it as the first single. I’m not even looking forward to the album now, if this is what it’s going to sound like. I wish Nick would start working on another solo album instead. We haven’t heard any solo stuff from him in YEARS!! I think the guys just need to go their separate ways for awhile and do their own thing… but I won’t buy any of their solo albums except Nick’s. I’m glad they showed Nicky Hilton at the party – she’s such a sweet, beautiful person, just like her sister was. RIP Paris. :’-(

InTheSky: HELLOOOOO NICKY!!! *dies* He looks great! I hope the Boys make it to Europe this year too so I can see him shaking his stuff like that in person!


Claire couldn’t help but scroll back up to the second-to-last post she’d just looked at. Cocking her head to the side, she read it over again. What the hell?? she wondered, then shrugged and kept scrolling. The thread quickly escalated into a fight, and she closed the window.

As she did, her cell phone started to ring.

***

“Your phone rang,” Veronica said, when Nick returned from the bathroom and slid back into their booth.

The two had met for a late lunch in downtown Hollywood during her break from work; Mary, who was also working a shift that day, had sweetly offered to cover for Veronica if she took longer than her allotted hour, but they’d gotten a table at a café down the street without any wait (sometimes it paid to be a Backstreet Boy) and had finished their meals with time to spare.

“Oh yeah?” replied Nick, picking his cell phone up off the table. 1 new voicemail, the screen announced. “Lemme check my voicemail real quick,” he said, pressing the button to dial his voicemail. He keyed in his code and waited for the new message to play.

“Hey, Nick, it’s me…” came the familiar female voice, and his heart flip-flopped; he knew who it was before she even said her name. “…Claire. I was just calling to say hey, cause I haven’t talked to you in awhile. So if you wanna ‘holla back’ whenever you have a chance, that’d be cool.” The message erupted into giggles, and he couldn’t help but smile as he listened to it. He loved hearing her laugh, even at his own expense. “Okay, talk to you soon, I hope. Bye,” Claire’s voice ended and then cut off. It was replaced with the droning automated message that told him how he could either save or delete the voicemail. He shut it off and looked up to see Veronica watching him from across the table.

“You’re smiling,” she observed, one side of her mouth turning up. “Something good?”

Nick set his phone down and shrugged. “It was Claire,” he admitted. “She was just saying hi. I haven’t heard from her in awhile… guess we need to catch up.”

“Oh,” said Veronica. She was quiet for a few seconds, then added, “It’s nice that you two can still be friends… even after she walked out on you the way she did. I don’t know if I’d be able to forgive someone for doing that to me.”

Nick shrugged, shifting his weight awkwardly. “Yeah… I-I know. It hurt, ya know, when she did it… it still hurts… but I think what we had is something that can’t be erased, even by a thing like that. You can’t help the way you feel about a person, you know?”

Veronica nodded. “Do you still love her?” she asked softly.

Nick hesitated. “I still care about her,” he said finally, though he knew he hadn’t really answered her question. Deep down, as much as he wished he could deny it to Veronica, he knew that he still loved Claire. The way his heart skipped a beat when he heard her voice on the phone… the way her laugh still put a smile on his face and a thousand good memories in his head… it was undeniable: he still loved her. But he couldn’t tell that to Veronica; he was afraid it would only hurt her, and he didn’t want to do that.

The waitress brought their check, and when Nick had paid, they left. He walked Veronica back to work and emerged from the deli a few minutes later, digging in his pocket for his valet parking receipt as he made his way down to where he’d dropped off his car.

A few minutes later, in the privacy of his BMW, he pulled out his phone again and hit the speed dial for Claire. She was still number 5, after Kevin, Howie, Brian, and AJ. As the phone call went through, he raised the phone to his ear and waited. She picked up after two rings. “Hey, stud muffin.”

“Stud muffin?” Nick repeated, snickering. “Why stud muffin?”

“Why not stud muffin? I just watched a video of you shaking your groove thang on the 4th of July – one of your fans taped it off E! News and posted it online. They sure think you’re a stud muffin. Well, except for one, who thinks you’re a whore,” Claire giggled.

“A whore??” Nick choked, with a sputtering of laughter. “You sure they weren’t talking about Veronica?”

“No, she did say ‘Nick is such a whore.’ But then she also said Paris Hilton was a sweet and beautiful person, so… ya know.”

Nick snorted. “O-kay… Since when do you talk to my so-called ‘fans’ online?”

“It was on a message board.”

“Oh… well, since when do you visit Backstreet Boys message boards?” Nick pressed, enjoying teasing her. “Don’t tell me you’re finally turning into a fan after you broke up with me.”

Claire laughed lightly. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far. But I do have to check up on you somehow, now that I never hear from you.” Her voice was teasing, but it turned sincere when she added, “And I gotta say… I really like the new single.”

“Really? You do?” Nick asked, not bothering to hide his delight. He’d wanted so badly for the single to go over well, and if Claire liked it, that was saying a lot. He knew she preferred rock to pop any day, and though the song had a rock edge, as many of the tracks slated for the new album did, it was a far cry from Linkin Park or System of a Down or most of the other bands she listened to.

“Absolutely. It’s beautiful… Your voice gives me chills.”

Nick narrowed his eyes, trying to detect a sign that she was teasing him again, but she sounded totally serious. A smile spread across his face. “Thanks, Claire,” he replied softly.

“Now… who’s this Veronica?” she asked, the playful quality returning to her voice. “Is that the girl you brought to the party the other night?”

“Yeah,” Nick answered without hesitation. “So what are they saying about her?” He grimaced, waiting to hear the worst, that the fans were already threatening her life, that domains for Veronica Peterson hate sites were being registered all across cyberspace. He loved his fans, but they could be a little possessive of him.

Then again, he had to admit, the girlfriends they were hardest on usually turned out to be the women who hurt him worst. The fans had made Mandy’s life miserable… and he sure hadn’t seen any of them in mourning after he’d broken up with Leah. Claire had fared better, from what he’d seen and heard… but of course, the fans didn’t know the whole story of how he and Claire had split. They’d called off their engagement for “personal reasons,” according to the statement his PR rep had issued once the rumors started flying, and he’d skirted away from giving up too much information when he’d been questioned about it since. “We’re still very good friends, but we didn’t want to rush into marriage” – he could deliver his answer like a line in a well-rehearsed play by now.

“Uhh, not much that I saw,” answered Claire, surprising him. “But the thread I was in had already turned into a brawl by the end of the first page, so I didn’t read much more.”

Nick chuckled, rolling his eyes. “What were they fighting about?”

“Hell if I know – your hair, maybe? So… tell me more about Veronica,” Claire said, changing the subject before Nick even had a chance to ask what was wrong with his hair. He raked his fingers through it a few times as he wondered what to tell her about Veronica.

“Well… she’s a really sweet girl,” he answered slowly. “I’ve been seein’ her for a couple months now.”

“Really? Wow… that’s great, Nick. I’m really happy for you,” said Claire, and again, she sounded sincere. But he couldn’t help but wonder, wasn’t she the tiniest bit jealous? Didn’t she hate Veronica just a little for being with the man who had once been hers?

Why should she? he thought glumly. She’s got her man… the man she’s really wanted all along.

Yeah, okay, he was more than a tiny bit jealous of Jamie. He hated the guy more than just a little, for being with the woman he’d once thought was his. Nick sighed… then faked a cough, hoping she hadn’t heard. “Thanks,” he said hoarsely into the phone.

“No problem; I mean that. You looked like you were having fun the other night, and I’m glad. I hope she makes you happy. You deserve someone who does.”

He cleared his throat and said again, “Thanks.” He wanted to say, “But you made me happy, Claire. I had fun with you.”

“Are your allergies acting up or something?” Claire asked.

Nick swallowed. “Nah, just something in my throat,” he mumbled.

“Gotcha. So… how have you been? Busy, I’m sure, with the new CD coming out and everything.”

“Yeah, my schedule’s starting to get crazy already. But in a good way – a record release is always really exciting,” he replied, feeling a flutter of anticipation deep within him at the thought of getting back out onto the road in another couple of months to perform their new material. That was his favorite part.

“Awesome. I’m really excited for you! I know you’ve been looking forward to this for a long time,” said Claire.

Nick smiled wistfully. He hadn’t been on an actual tour since his own solo one, over three years ago, before cancer had changed everything. But he and the guys had talked it over with their managers and decided that the time had come to start touring again. The management team was already in the process of setting up dates with venues across the US for that fall, and if all went well, they’d take the show to Europe in the coming winter. Though the last concert he’d done, the charity gig for sick children in Tampa, had ended in disaster, Nick was confident that, this time, everything would go well. It had to. He wasn’t about to let his past medical problems get in the way. “Yep,” he agreed.

“And... health-wise? Things all good there?”

He knew she had to ask. After seeing each other go through they had, and especially after watching Casey die from a late relapse of his own cancer that past winter, they couldn’t help but worry about one another just a little. “Yeah, everything’s great,” he assured her. “I had a check-up in June – no worries.”

“Oh, good. Did you have an appointment with a doctor out there, or-?”

“No, I saw Dr. Kingsbury. In Tampa,” Nick replied. As he said it, he realized why she was asking.

“Oh… I didn’t know you were back in June. We could have gotten together, done lunch or something.” Claire kept her tone even and friendly, but Nick could sense she was a little hurt that he hadn’t bothered to call her when he was in town.

“Sorry. I was only back for a couple of days, and I had a lot of stuff to do, with the house and my boat and everything. I dunno if I would have had time,” he fibbed. The truth was, after he’d gone over to her apartment to surprise her the last time and found a half-naked Jamie there instead, he hadn’t felt much like seeing her this time. She probably knew it too, but neither of them mentioned it. Wanting to get away from any more talk of it, he asked, “So how about you? Are you all sorted out, health-wise?”

“Oh… yeah, pretty much,” she answered rather vaguely. “Arm’s all healed and back to its normal shade of off-white instead of that gross cottage-cheese looking thing it had going on when I got my cast off.” Nick laughed, making a face at her nasty way of describing it. “Eyes are good,” she continued through the list of her year’s ailments. “Hormones are back under wraps, so I’m not acting like a crazy bitch one minute and bawling the next anymore. Had my own visit to the cancer clinic a couple months ago, and things are good there.”

“Good,” Nick murmured, feeling relieved. Claire had had so many scares in the past year, the last thing she needed was for something else to go wrong. He couldn’t fathom the possibility of her getting sick again and preferred not to even think of it.

“So, you got any plans for the weekend?” asked Claire, changing the subject again. They spent a few minutes talking about the upcoming weekend, which was strange to Nick. Less than a year ago, they would have been talking about what they were going to do together when Nick flew home from LA for a weekend to see her. Now they didn’t know when the next time they’d see each other would be, and their weekend plans both revolved around other people. Nick and Veronica… Claire and Jamie…

But Nick and Claire? As a couple, they no longer existed. Now they were just a memory, a memory they were each trying to move past, yet clinging to at the same time.

***