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Chapter 109


AN: Thanks to V and BNCS – again! =D


When the concert was over, Claire cheered and cheered as the Boys took their final bows. Nick was in the center, his brothers on either side of him, their hands connected as they raised their arms overhead and bowed to each section of the amphitheatre in turn. Nick caught her eye once and winked; she grinned back, anxious to get away from the screaming crowds and find him backstage. She couldn’t wait to give him a big hug and tell him how much she’d enjoyed the show. He would probably tease her for it – it had always been a running joke between the two of them that she had never been a Backstreet Boys fan – but she didn’t care.

Maybe their kind of music wasn’t her favorite, but no one could deny the Boys were talented, and they’d just put on one hell of a show. She was so proud of Nick. He lit up the stage, singing with confidence and passion. Had he not been in the public eye, she doubted anyone would have guessed the personal trauma he’d been through in the last few years. The slight unevenness in his gait was hardly noticeable onstage, and his performance was filled with such vibrance that it was hard to remember him fighting for every breath in a hospital bed less than two years ago. It almost seemed like a horrible nightmare that she’d finally woken up from, though she knew that was not true. The scars hidden by his sweat-soaked t-shirt and the titanium prosthesis inside his pant leg were ample proof of that. They were also marks of all that he had overcome over the last few years. Smiling admiringly, she watched him take his place on the platform in the center of the stage with the rest of the guys and slowly sink below it as the stage lights dimmed.

The bright lights around the amphitheatre immediately sprang to life, illuminating the rows and rows of seats beneath the starless night sky. All around Claire and Laureen, people were starting to move, grabbing their belongings and shuffling towards the exit, talking animatedly. Claire and Laureen looked at each other, and Laureen sighed happily, her smile radiant. “That was amazing,” she cried. “Best concert yet!!”

“Really? Wow, make sure you tell Nick that – it’ll mean a lot to him.”

Laureen grinned. “He was awesome. They all were, but Nick… it was like he’d never been gone. Not that much has changed after all.”

Claire smiled, and all of a sudden she felt not just happy, but at peace. It was a strange sensation, hard to explain, but easy to figure out – it was as if all of the guilt and uncertainty she’d been feeling this entire year, ever since she’d left Nick, had evaporated, leaving a new clarity in its wake.

Breaking up with her fiancée through a letter had been a repulsive thing to do, and she had been struggling with the shame of it from the second she’d driven away from his house that morning. She’d admitted it and apologized for it already, but something more powerful than that had happened tonight, as she watched Nick sing “Siberia,” the song that had been written about her, and look down at her the entire time. She had known they would probably sing it and had prepared herself for it, but the song had still brought tears to her eyes. She’d let them fall, staring up at Nick as they trickled slowly from her eyes, and as their gazes had locked, some of her guilt had washed away with the gentle stream of tears. Nick hadn’t been staring down at her with hate, nor did he look as miserable as he had that day when she’d slipped her engagement ring off her trembling finger and set it down at his feet. In his eyes had been some sort of resignation. This isn’t the way I would have wanted it, they seemed to tell her, but this is how it is. It’s over and done with. No hard feelings.

He had every right to be bitter, but he didn’t hate her for what she had done, and as she’d watched him on stage that night, doing what he loved, she’d known that Nick was going to be just fine without her. What they’d shared had gotten them both through a lot of hardship, and they would always have that connection. She would always be there for him if he needed a friend, and she was pretty sure he would do the same for her. But he didn’t need her to lean on anymore. Nick Carter could stand on his own.

With that assertion firmly lodged in her mind, she leaned into Laureen and whispered, “Come on, let’s put these passes to good use.” She was excited to get backstage to see Nick; she’d give him a big friendly bear hug, and maybe things would be different between them. Maybe she could finally hug him again without feeling him tense up or start feeling weird about it herself, like it was something she shouldn’t be doing. Maybe they could finally just talk and joke around with each other, the way they had before they ever had any feelings towards one another.

In truth, her feelings for him weren’t entirely gone… they probably never would be. But whereas a part of her had been wistful for him all year, for what they’d had before it all seemed to fall apart, she wasn’t anymore. She felt okay about how they’d left things. They were over as a couple, but they had each found someone new, and as they moved on with other people, they could still share the friendship they’d always had.

Laureen grabbed her arm as they made their way over to one of the security guards, casting shifty looks at the other fans who were still streaming out. Claire didn’t want anyone to get wind of what they were up to, and she supposed Laureen felt the same way. They would be the envy of every fan there if they knew, and neither of them wanted the attention. She could tell Laureen was nervous as they approached the bodyguard; her hand was clammy against Claire’s arm, and even with all the noise of people talking and giggling in the background, she could hear her breathing, short and rapid.

Deciding she’d be the one to do the talking, she cleared her throat and said, “Excuse me – we’re friends of Nick’s; the guys are expecting us backstage.” She slid her pass out of her purse, turning her body to hide it from plain view, and handed it to him. Laureen did the same. The guard inspected them both closely, then nodded.

“Y’all follow me,” he said shortly, and, exchanging grins, Claire and Laureen followed in his massive shadow as he led the way around to a door in a plain, cinderblock-walled facility. Taking out an impressive set of keys on a large ring, he unlocked the door and ushered them in. They found themselves in a hallway. “Go through the double doors, hang a left, and keep going straight until you see the door that says ‘Dressing Rooms.’ Those are the dressing rooms.” The guard paused to give them a playful smirk, then added, “The guys’ll be back there. Enjoy.”

“Thanks so much,” chirped Claire, and she and Laureen went through the doors. Walking down the hall, they passed closed doors labeled Green Room and Production
Offices and, once they’d turned the corner, Stage. “This is so cool,” Claire commented, as they continued down the hall. At the end of it was a door that said Dressing Rooms A, B, C, and on the wall was a sign that said Dressing Rooms D, E, F, with an arrow pointing down a hallway to the right. The two women looked at each other, then looked around, wondering which set of dressing rooms to try. Claire supposed it didn’t matter; the five guys probably took up most of them, so they were bound to run into one of them either way.

She was just about to reach for the knob on the first door when it turned, startling her. She jumped back as the door opened and smiled in anticipation, expecting to see Nick or one of the other guys. Instead, it was a woman – but one that she knew.

“Mary! Hey,” she said, smiling at AJ’s girlfriend. It had been close to a year since she’d seen Mary; the last time she remembered hanging out with her and AJ was the night they’d all attended the Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion in Hollywood. That seemed ages ago.

Mary’s lips curved up in return, but her smile was much tighter and a lot less warm. “Hi, Claire. I forgot AJ said you were coming tonight.”

Claire smiled awkwardly, catching the vibe that she was not as welcome among them as she had once been. “Yep… surprise!” she said, forcing a laugh.

“You like your surprises, huh?” Mary’s voice was flat. “Never mind the fact that Nick has been moping around for the last few days cause he thought you were going to be romping through the fall leaves up North with your boyfriend this week. Never mind the fact that Nick always treated you like a queen – if you gotta move out of the palace without warning, you just gotta, right? What a fun surprise that must have been for him. And now, look, you’re surprising him again by doing the exact opposite – coming, rather than leaving! How cute.”

Claire blinked in dismay, momentarily stunned by Mary’s unwelcoming sarcasm. She’d always known Mary to speak her mind, a quality she admired, but she truthfully hadn’t expected that kind of reaction; it hadn’t even occurred to her that after ten months, Nick’s friends would still resent her. Of course she understood why – she’d hurt him; it was only natural for them to jump to his defense, the way Dianna and Jamie had jumped to hers the night Nick had ran out on her a year ago. Still, it stung. She and Mary had always gotten along very well when she and Nick were together.

However, she was not about to let the other woman knock her down and spoil her mood. She plastered a big smile on her face and replied brightly, “Well, thanks, it’s great to see you again too, Mary! Think you can point me in the direction of Nick’s dressing room, please?”

“Down that way,” said Mary, vaguely waving her arm to the right. Then she brushed past Claire and Laureen and disappeared into one of the bathrooms they’d passed.

As soon as she was gone, Laureen asked incredulously, “Was that AJ’s girlfriend??”

“Yeah. She’s cool… used to be real sweet to me too, but… I guess a lot of things have changed,” Claire said and made a face. She was trying to play it off, as if Mary’s comments hadn’t bothered her, knowing full well Laureen would be able to tell they had. But her friend didn’t say anything else, and they turned the corner and continued to the second set of dressing rooms, hoping they’d be met with a better reception there.

***

Nick’s high when he came off the stage that night was incredible. He’d felt great after every show of the tour so far – drained, but still filled with the thrill of performing. But this time, it was even better. He’d never expected to look out and see Claire in the audience that night, but there she had been! It felt good to know she had cared to come and see him after all, that she’d been planning to surprise him this whole time. She hadn’t chosen Jamie after all, not on this particular night anyway. The old Claire, the one who had supported him through everything, was still there. And now she’d finally been to one of his concerts. He couldn’t wait to see her.

Howie had told him he’d arranged for her to get backstage, so when Nick followed the guys back to the dressing rooms, he looked all around, wondering how long it would take her to make her way there. The backstage area was still largely empty, except for their bodyguards and the venue staff, so Nick went on into his dressing room. He helped himself to a chilled bottled water, downing half of it in one swig, and ran his fingers through his damp hair. He was practically dripping with sweat, as usual; even without all the dancing, he still sweated buckets every night under the hot stage lights. His t-shirt was sticking to his skin, and he pulled the sweat-stained cotton away from his stomach. He had just started to peel it off his body when he heard the soft knock on his door. Smoothing his shirt back down, he moved quickly to open it, smiling at the expectation of seeing Claire there.

Instead, he found Veronica, and his smile temporarily faded. Shit, he’d almost forgotten about her; he wasn’t sure he’d even made eye contact with her in the second half of the show. He wondered if she’d noticed. “Hey!” he exclaimed, forcing the smile back again, watching uncertainly for her reaction.

She broke into a smile in return, and he felt a wave of relief; she didn’t seem to know anything was amiss. “Hey! The show was outstanding, as usual,” she beamed up at him, touching his arm.

“Thanks,” he said and reached out to hug her, reminding himself that she – not Claire – was his girlfriend.

“Eeek, no, you’re all sweaty!” she squealed, ducking away from his impending embrace. She offered him a sheepish smile. “You can shower when we get back to your place; then we can cuddle all you want.”

Nick laughed. “I don’t smell that bad, do I?” he teased, lifting one arm above his head and pretending to sniff his armpit. He probably stunk and didn’t blame her for not wanting a hug, but he had to give her a hard time about it.

“You’ll smell better after a shower,” she smiled sweetly, winking. “Hey, I’m going to go hit the ladies room; I’ll let you get changed.”

“Alright. Catch ya in a few,” replied Nick, and Veronica left the dressing room, closing the door behind her.

*666*

Following the sign to the second trio of dressing rooms, Claire and Laureen passed through a lounge area that was lined with vending machines and arcade games. “Of course Nick would get one of the dressing rooms on this side of the building,” Claire commented with a smirk, pointing out the video games. Laureen laughed.

Ahead of them was another door that said Dressing Rooms D, E, F, and it opened before they could get to it. Again, Claire looked up in anticipation of seeing Nick, only to find that, once again, it was just another woman. At first Claire did not recognize the short, curvy brunette, but all of a sudden, she realized who it was. She’d never seen this girl in person before, but she’d seen her image in paparazzi and fan photos posted online and that video of Nick dancing at the single release party.

“Veronica?” she asked, breaking into a smile as she approached Nick’s girlfriend.

At first, Veronica looked wary; Claire could see her eyes move up and down, giving her the once-over. Realizing she was still decked out in Laureen’s Backstreet gear, Nick’s name scribbled across her forehead, Claire blushed, though it was probably not noticeable beneath the blue paint on her cheeks. “I’m not a crazed fan, I promise,” she said quickly, whipping off the bucket hat and squashing it in her fist. “I’m-“

“Claire,” Veronica said softly, her eyes widening as a startled look of recognition crossed her face. “You’re her, aren’t you?”

Claire smiled awkwardly, suddenly wondering what kind of things Nick might have told Veronica about her. “Yeah,” she said and stepped forward, stretching out her hand. “I’m ‘The Ex’ to you, I guess. But I don’t want it to be like that. It’s really nice to meet you finally.” She meant what she said; she had been curious about Veronica for months. “And this is my friend Laureen.”

Veronica shook both of their hands, but not with much enthusiasm. Seeming flustered by Claire’s presence, she said, “I’m sorry; I didn’t know you were coming tonight. Nick… Nick said you were going to be in Iowa.”

“Yeah, he didn’t know I was coming either,” replied Claire with another sheepish smile. “See, I missed a concert of his a couple years ago because I was in Iowa – it was kind of an emergency, and I got snowbound and couldn’t get back in time… Anyway, I… I just wanted to surprise him this time. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Awesome show, huh?”

Veronica gave a short nod and an absent smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Yeah… well, I was just heading to the bathroom. I guess I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah, definitely! We’re on our way to find Nick right now… I guess he’s back there, where you came from?” Claire asked. She watched Veronica closely, realizing Nick’s girlfriend was less-than-thrilled about her presence. She wasn’t about to ask her permission to see Nick, but she did want to let the other girl know she wasn’t trying to take away her man.

But Veronica had already started walking away, and before Claire could say anything else, she answered curtly over her shoulder, “Yeah. He’s in E,” and kept walking, disappearing around the corner in the direction Mary had gone.

Claire and Laureen exchanged uncomfortable looks, both thinking the same thing, but neither of them expressed it out loud. They both shrugged, and Claire led the way through the door leading to the rest of the dressing rooms.

***

When someone knocked on his dressing room door a second time, Nick turned around abruptly, thinking it was Veronica back already. He hadn’t made much progress in changing his clothes; in fact, he was still dressed. Nonetheless, he called, “Yeah, come in!”

The door opened a crack, and an all-too-familiar voice called, “You decent, Carter?”

Nick broke into a smile and strode over to the door, throwing it open wider to reveal Claire standing on the other side, Laureen’s eager face appearing over her shoulder. “What, Iowa too cold for you this time of year or something? Decided to beat the snow and come back early?” he chided her with a smirk.

Claire batted her eyelashes at him with mock innocence. “You know me; I just like to give you a hard time,” she retorted, slugging him playfully in the arm.

Nick stared at her, taking in her appearance. For the first time, he noticed the smudged blue paint on her face and snorted as he made out the smeared words. “I take it you like that Nick cat, huh?” he commented, tapping his finger to his own forehead.

Claire started to giggle, looking briefly at Laureen as her hand went to her forehead, grazing across his name. “’Course. He’s my favorite Backstreet Boy,” she replied with a smile.

Nick laughed, looking between the two of them. Laureen had matching paint on her own face, and her freckled cheeks flushed pink beneath the blue scrawls. Smiling at her, Nick said, “How are ya, Laureen? Thanks for coming.”

“I’m great!” Laureen chirped, beaming. “Oh my God, Nick, the concert was sooo so awesome!! I’ve been to five other ones before, but this was the best ever!!”

Nick felt a tugging at the corners of his mouth, unable to hide his pleasure at her review. He knew Laureen was one of the old die-hards, and if she liked it, that was all that mattered to him. “Thanks!” he said with gratitude.

“Well, I don’t have any older concerts to compare it to,” Claire spoke up, and Nick’s attention moved back to her; he was eager to hear what she’d thought of it. “-but if you want the opinion of a convert…” She paused and smiled up at him. “It was incredible, Nick. I mean that,” she added, her voice losing its bantering tone and turning serious. “You were amazing. And to think, just a couple years ago, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to tour again. Well, you’re doing it!” She grinned, and Nick could not help but smile back.

“Thanks,” he said, feeling himself blush with pride from her praise. He remembered all too well how uncertain his career had seemed two years ago, when, six months after he’d lost his leg, no one knew if he’d be able to hold up through an entire concert, let alone a full tour. But Claire was right. He was doing it alright. Two weeks in and going strong, he felt like he was almost on top of the world again. Almost. His life wasn’t perfect; it never would be. But at least he was finally back to doing what he loved, doing it all. It almost kept him from missing the woman now standing in front of him.

Almost.

“C’mere, I gotta give you a hug,” said Claire, starting towards him with her arms outstretched.

Nick held up his hands, temporarily blocking her. “Uhh, you might not wanna, I’m still all sweaty, and I probably stink.”

“Psh,” Claire scoffed, waving her hand to the side. “I don’t care. This is Laureen’s shirt, not mine, and I’m sure she won’t mind a little Nick Carter sweat on her Bsb t-shirt, will ya, Laureen?” She shot Laureen an impish smile, and Laureen just grinned, blushing redder.

“Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya,” Nick joked and pulled her into a big bear hug. He felt her arms come around him; she squeezed him tightly, running her hand firmly up and down his back before she released him.

“It’s good to see you,” she said softly when she pulled back. “Thanks for inviting me to come.”

“Thanks for coming,” Nick replied with a laugh. The whole idea of her being with Jamie in Iowa again seemed funny now that he knew it was never true. “I guess I should thank Howie too, or I never woulda known you guys were here.”

“Yeah, where is Howie?” asked Claire, stepping back into the hall to look around. “I need to give him a big hug too.”

“Yeah, can I meet the other guys?” Laureen added, her eyes lighting up.

Nick chuckled again. “Sure. Actually, I think we’re all gonna head back to my place and order food – there’s more room there. You guys wanna come over?”

“Sure!” Laureen replied quickly, and Claire nodded, smiling a little awkwardly.

“We’ll go back to Laureen’s and change first,” she said, looking to Laureen, who nodded in agreement after glancing down at the Backstreet Boys concert t-shirt she had on.

Nick smiled. “Okay, cool. I really gotta get changed out of these nasty-ass clothes too; I’m sure the other guys are way ahead of me. Um, you wanna just meet me back at my house? I’ll make sure the fellas are there to meet you,” he added, winking at Laureen. “And hey, you haven’t met Veronica yet, have you? She’s around here somewhere…”

“Actually, we did run into her,” said Claire, catching Nick off-guard. “She seemed… surprised to see me.”

Nick could tell by the expression on her face that she was phrasing that lightly. He grimaced, realizing he probably should have warned Veronica Claire was there. “Well, she wasn’t the only one,” he said lightly, in Veronica’s defense, offering Claire a half-smile.

“I know,” said Claire, nodding understandingly. “Well, hopefully we’ll be able to talk more at your house. We should probably head out though; I’m sure it’s gonna be a zoo trying to get out of the parking lot.”

Nick nodded. “Yeah. I’d offer to walk you out to your car, but, uhhh…”

“You’d get your ass mobbed,” Claire laughed knowingly. “It’s okay; we’re fine.”

“Lemme call someone from security to walk you… I don’t want anyone to see you coming from backstage and flip out,” Nick insisted, imagining the two of them getting mauled by a herd of teenyboppers who’d recognized Claire as his former fiancée.

Claire rolled her eyes, but let him call for one of the security personnel. When the uniformed guard arrived, Nick impulsively pulled her into another hug. “Thanks for bein’ here,” he whispered into her ear, catching a whiff of her familiar, tropical-scented shampoo. A lump rose in his throat as the sweet scent filled his nostrils and reminded him of the months he’d spent living with her, but he made himself swallow and pull away.

Claire nodded, smiling up at him. “I told you, I wouldn’t have missed it.”

He forced a smile back and cleared his throat. “See you two in awhile,” he called as the bulky security guard escorted Claire and Laureen up the hall. He had just turned to go back into his dressing room and change when he heard the guard’s deep voice say, “Oh, ‘scuse me, ma’am.” Pausing, Nick glanced back just in time to see Veronica squeezing past him, her cheeks stained dark.

“Hey,” Nick said awkwardly when she came up to him. “Uhh, so I guess you saw Claire. I swear, I didn’t know she-“ He hurriedly started to explain, but Veronica shushed him just as quickly.

“I know; I already talked to her,” she interrupted him simply, and that was really all she said. She didn’t look particularly pleased, but not pissed either, and so he let it drop.

Veronica was quiet when they rode back to his house, after he’d changed, but Nick didn’t think much of it. The concert and the rollercoaster of emotions seeing Claire had put him through had tired him, and he drove contentedly through the dark, in a bit of a stupor, completely oblivious to the torrent of thoughts and images swirling through his girlfriend’s mind as she sat beside him.

***