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Chapter 11


AN: Big thanks to Veronica, Susan, and Mary for the burst of inspiration that led to this chapter!


The view from the cruise ship was breathtaking. Looking off into the distance, it seemed as if the world had been bathed in lavender. The sun had almost sank beyond the water line, leaving a light golden aura shining around it, but above that, the sky darkened to soft, yet rich shades of mauve and violet, the low wispy clouds resembling tufts of pink and purple cotton candy set against a background of warm pastel colors. The gorgeous sunset reflected in the ocean, giving the deep, sapphire blue waters a sparkling amethyst cast.

Taking a few steps back, Claire was able to include Nick in her panoramic view. He complimented the pretty picture perfectly, as he stood gazing off into the distance, for once seeming totally oblivious to her. He leaned slightly against the side of the ship, one hand resting loosely upon the rail, the other hanging at his side. Her eyes followed it up to his broad shoulders and onward, to his face. It was hard to make out of his features, for the shadows fell over him, blackening his silhouette. Moving closer to him, she again set her eyes upon his face and smiled in admiration. He looked irresistibly sexy right then, the way the dying sunlight played off his face, giving an amber glow to his already bronzed skin. The streaks of gold in his dark blonde hair gleamed, and she longed to run her hands through the flaxen strands. And then to kiss his soft, coral lips, which were slightly parted as he stared dreamily into the sunset, appearing deep in thought, yet at peace.

She liked seeing him that way, looking relaxed and content, his smooth forehead free of the lines of worry that often creased it. Although he usually tried to hide it – for Nick was a man who tended to keep his feelings bottled up, she had learned – she knew he worried a lot. About his health… about her health… about his career… about his image… about his body… about how his body had changed… about his abilities, or how some of his abilities had been compromised… about his relationship with her… even about her feelings for him.

She wished he wouldn’t worry about that last bit. Hadn’t he realized by now that she loved him, no matter what, and that she was there to stay? Despite her attempts to show and finally even outright tell him exactly how she felt, she knew he still had doubts. It almost irritated her, the way he was so down on himself sometimes, but she understood. Celebrity or not, he was still a cancer victim and an amputee, and in society, both of those things made him physically imperfect - as if anyone is “perfect” to begin with, Claire thought with anger. And unlike her, for him there was no hiding it. Even though he could look perfectly normal on the outside, everyone knew his plight because he was in the public eye. Most of his fans had accepted and supported him, but of course some had turned their backs, unable to handle the changes that had befallen their idol. She knew how it was. Some of her friends had done the same after her initial diagnosis of leukemia. She, too, had felt the sting of rejection, and it had been a painful sting, but in the end, it had made her stronger. Stronger, and more empathetic. She knew what Nick had been going through for the past year or two, for it was similar to what she too had endured, only on a much larger scale.

And yet, when she looked at him, she didn’t see what many of those nameless fans must see. She saw not a Backstreet Boy, nor a cancer survivor, nor an amputee. It had been a year now, and when her eyes glossed over him, they did not even consider the fact that there was not a real flesh and blood limb filling his left pant leg. They saw an ordinary man who was beautiful and perfect, perfect for her. She saw Nick. Just plain old loveable Nick.

Maybe having had cancer had done that to her as well – opened her eyes further than some and allowed her to see the whole picture, his inside as well as outside. She wasn’t sure she would have accepted him so easily in the days before she got sick (nor would she have been caught dead dating a guy who was part of a boyband), but the Claire before cancer was not the same Claire as the one who stood there by his side now. The disease had changed her, just as it had changed him and probably everyone else who faced it. Many of the changes had been upsetting – it had lost her some of her friends, ruined her college plans, permanently altered her body, and stolen away the last fraction of her “childhood,” forcing her to finish growing up in as much time as it took to say the word “leukemia.” But looking back now, she felt she was a better person for having gone through with it. A person who knew what was important in life, and at the same time, knew how to live that life to the fullest. Someone who was more mature, more compassionate, and more open-minded. She knew it had done the same to him, or they probably never would have become friends and certainly would not be standing together there now, as a couple, drifting along the coastline on the Maui Princess cruise ship.

The dinner cruise had been part of the “few things” Nick had booked “for later in the week.” After their relaxing first few days on the island, the rest of the week had been busy, but unforgettable. They had flown to Oahu for a day trip to visit Pearl Harbor, which pleased Claire - how could you go to Hawaii on vacation and not see Pearl Harbor? Though she had always liked history herself, she had never seen Nick as a big history buff. He had surprised her though, by actually having some knowledge of the site. They had taken a whale-watching trip the next day, and although they had only seen dolphins, the day cruise had been fun – especially for Nick, who loved anything on the water. He had surprised her again the day when they went scuba diving. She had been unsure about scuba diving – she’d done it once in Florida, the summer after her senior year of high school, but it had been awhile since then. She was more worried about him though, wondering if he’d be able to do it. Swimming with one leg was one thing, but scuba diving was quite different. But he’d proven her wrong. Even though he hadn’t been on a dive in over two years, he was still far more experienced than her, and he had managed it just fine, except for the slight problem of maintaining balance in the water, which he’d quickly learned to compensate for.

The dive may well have been his favorite out of everything they had done together in Hawaii, but as she stood beside him now, watching the last bit of the sun dip below the horizon, she decided that this evening cruise was her absolute favorite. It was entirely romantic, and yet not too fancy or extravagant. The brochure for the cruise ship had stated the dress to be casual, although Claire had gone casual dressy, wearing the light turquoise, flowered dress she had bought with Dianna. Nick had put on a pale blue Hawaiian shirt printed with faded green palm trees – fairly tame compared to some of the shirts she’d seen around – and a loose-fitting pair of khaki cargo pants for the night. They had been served a full dinner on the deck of the ship, and now there was live music and dancing inside the cabin. AJ and Mary had ventured in there after dinner, but Claire and Nick had chosen to remain outside to watch the sunset.

Now that the sun had set, the last traces of its golden rays still lingering to light the purple sky, she reached for his hand. He looked over at her, drawn out of his thoughts, and smiled slightly. “Pretty, huh?”

“Beautiful,” she exhaled, smiling up at him. “Thank you, Nick. This whole night has been… magical.”

The corners of his lips twitched as he snickered softly. “Aw, don’t go getting all cheesy on me.”

“I’m not being cheesy!” she cried, swatting his chest… and then extending her hand further, wrapping her arm around him. “I’m serious,” she said, pulling him close to her, snuggling herself up against him. “This is so romantic.”

He grinned, obviously pleased with himself. “Well, good,” he said sincerely. “I’m glad you’re having a nice time.”

They usually didn’t do much that qualified as traditionally “romantic,” for neither of them were really the type… Nick tried and did manage to come through once in awhile – like tonight – but he was not normally particularly suave, or classy, or romantic. Which was fine with her, for she was no girly-girl, never had been, and usually didn’t go for the schmaltzy type. But once in awhile, everyone needed a little romance in their lives, and at that very moment, there was no other place she would rather be. Wrapped in Nick’s warm embrace, she wished the night would last forever. Especially since by the time the sun set the following day, she and Nick would be on a flight home.

“I wish we weren’t leaving tomorrow,” she murmured, resting her head against his chest. She could hear the soft beat of his heart and feel its steady pulse beneath her cheek, and when he spoke, his voice was amplified as it vibrated at his throat.

“Aww, I know… I think I could stay here with you forever-“ She smiled to herself, noting the words ‘with you.’ “-but we gotta get home… back to our old lives. Back to reality.”

“Yeah,” she echoed dully. “Back to work on Monday.”

“And to Gainesville on Saturday to visit your parents,” he added to the following week’s itinerary.

“Yep,” she said, smiling again. She was glad he had agreed to coming to her parents’ house for the weekend. She knew the whole “meeting the parents” thing could be awkward, but he seemed to be okay with it, and of course, technically he had met her family before. Since Gainesville was a good two hours away, they had decided to stay overnight and come back on Sunday, not wanting to spend over four hours in a car on one day if they could avoid it. Claire had to admit, she was looking forward to the visit – she hadn’t seen her parents since around her birthday in March, and it had been almost as long since she’d hung out with her older brother, Kyle. She just hoped Nick would have a decent time as well.

“Looks like we’re turning around,” observed Nick. “Time to head back to shore.”

“Mm…” she murmured, not wanting it to end.

“What do you wanna do when we get back?”

“Stay in,” she replied. “Just enjoy the house and the beach for our last night here.”

“Yeah, me too,” he agreed. After a short pause, he added, “We’ve already sort of dedicated the house… or at least our part of the house... if you know what I mean-“ She smiled, knowing exactly what he meant – “our part of the house” – their bedroom… and the bathroom… “- but we haven’t dedicated the beach yet…”

She giggled. “I think AJ and Mary already took care of that for us.” He snickered briefly and then fell silent. Pulling away to the point where she could look up and see his face, she asked, “So you wanna go play on the beach when we get back?” She raised an eyebrow suggestively, watching the sexy little smirk tug on his lips.

“I think we should. It’d be the perfect end to our trip, right?” Now it was his turn to waggle his eyebrows. “Besides, I’m still working to make up for that first time.” He smiled good-naturedly, but she quickly jumped to his defense.

“What are you talking about? It was fine,” she stressed. Okay, so it had started out being just about the most awkward sex of her life, second only to her first time ever. But once they had worked out the areas that had proved slightly problematic, such as the matter of positioning, he hadn’t left her disappointed. And the times since had gone much better. He had nothing to make up for, and she hoped he knew that. Some of his insecurities had been buried after that first night, but they still surfaced from time to time, and she figured it would probably be that way for him for a long time

She wrapped her arms around him again and pulled him into a tight hug, lightly rubbing his back as she held him. “I love you, you know that?” she murmured.

“I know,” she heard him say and felt his hands slip around her as well. “I love you too.”

***

These words were repeated hours later, as they lay together in the sand, nestled in a spot a ways down the beach from their rented house that they had “dedicated” as theirs. The candles they had brought with them had extinguished, and they had made no move to relight them, enjoying the darkness and unwilling to leave each other’s warm embrace for even a minute.

“So,” Nick’s voice cut through the night, soft and husky, “you ever done it on a beach before?”

Claire smiled in the darkness. “Once,” she answered, giggling at the memory. “Senior prom… there was an after-party hosted by one of the rich kids in our class; he had a house on the bay. Yeah, I think there was a lot of sex on the beach that night.” She paused while he snickered and then turned the question back to him. “So, how about you?”

“Yeah, I have,” he replied with a chuckle, “… but never in Hawaii.”

“Well, whaddya know,” Claire said with a smile, “I guess we just lost our Hawaii beach sex virginity to each other then.”

“Guess we did,” agreed Nick, and she could hear the smile in his voice. She felt his hands on her back, lightly caressing her skin. It felt so good. She nuzzled closer to him, pressing herself up against his bare chest and tilting her chin up to tenderly kiss his neck. He answered by dipping his head to meet her lips, capturing her mouth with his. As they kissed slowly, passionately, he pulled her closer and drew the large beach towel that half-covered them tighter around their bodies.

“I’m so glad we came here,” he whispered.

She didn’t know if ‘here’ meant this part of the beach, on this particular night, or Hawaii in general. She figured maybe it was a little of both. “I am too,” she replied genuinely. “It’s been good for us.”

“Yeah,” he said, and again, she could tell without even looking at him that he was smiling. “I love you, Claire.”

Her heart swelled; she never tired of hearing those words. Not since the first time she’d heard him say them – in the hospital the previous December, before the very risky surgery to remove the part of his lung that cancer had attacked. The memory of that horrible night was enough to bring her to tears if she thought long enough about it, and she didn’t want to do that. Tracing a finger along the slightly-raised scar that wrapped around his left side from back to front, she stopped at his chest and rested her hand there, content to feel it steadily move up and down with each breath of life he took.

Bringing her thoughts back to the beach in Maui on which they lay – far, far away from that gloomy hospital room in Tampa where she’d faced the prospect of losing her love and her best friend – Claire repeated the same words she’d said back then. “I love you too.”


In the still of the night
I held you, held you tight
Cause I love, love you so
Promise I’ll never let you go
In the still of the night

I remember that night in May
Those stars were bright above
I’ll hope, and I’ll pray
To keep your precious love

So before the light
Hold me again with all of your might
In the still of the night

- “In the Still of the Night” by The Five Satins


***