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Chapter 110


AN: Thanks to UBR and V for listening to me whine and giving me ideas for this chapter! LOL


Claire pulled her Beetle into the circle drive and parked behind a large, black Escalade. She killed the engine, but hesitated before moving to unbuckle her seatbelt and climb out of the car. Staring up at the sprawling mansion in front of her, she felt a lump rise in her throat.

She had not been to this house in ten months, not since she’d broken off her engagement with Nick. It was going to be weird walking in there tonight, the place where she’d spent six months of her life, the home that held so many memories of her and Nick together.

Laureen seemed to understand. After a few seconds, when Claire still made no attempt to get out, she looked over and asked softly, “Are you okay?”

Realizing she was acting silly, Claire forced herself to laugh. “I’m fine,” she said, smiling sheepishly at Laureen. “I just feel weird being back here… like I don’t belong here anymore, you know what I mean? I gave this all up.”

“I know what you mean,” replied Laureen with an understanding smile. “You need a minute?”

“No,” said Claire, deciding this was stupid. “Come on, let’s go hang out with some Backstreet Boys.”

Laureen laughed, as they both unbuckled and clamored out of the car. Claire locked it behind them, and they walked up the drive to the front entrance. After ringing the doorbell, they stood inspecting their reflections in the narrow windows on either side of the large front door. They had both changed clothes and washed the paint off their faces in Laureen’s apartment so that they looked respectable again, though they’d laughed on the way over to Nick’s about what Mary and Veronica must have thought of them, looking about half their ages in their teenybopper gear.

They heard footsteps and voices, and then the door swung open. “Howie!” Claire cried, grinning widely at the one Backstreet Boy she knew didn’t resent her for hurting Nick. She wasn’t sure about the others, but Howie had been wonderful, reserving her tickets and backstage passes without hesitation and assuring her that Nick would be glad to see her there. She gave him a hug. “You guys were awesome!” she said. “I’m so glad I finally got to see a concert. Thank you so much for the seats and the backstage passes.”

Howie grinned widely and winked. “No problem,” he said. “Nick’s happy you came; he was so surprised!”

She laughed, pleased. “I’m just glad it was a good surprise! I would have felt awful if he’d just gotten annoyed with me.” Remembering Mary’s comments, she suddenly lowered her voice and, leaning into Howie, asked in a whisper, “Is Mary here with AJ?”

“Yeah, they’re inside with everyone else,” answered Howie, his brow furrowing with confusion. “Why?”

Claire grimaced. “I ran into her backstage; she wasn’t too happy to see me. Do you think…-? Are the other guys… okay… with me being here?” she asked hesitantly, biting her bottom lip. The awkwardness she’d felt both backstage at the concert and the moment she’d pulled onto Nick’s property returned.

“Ohh…” Howie’s expression changed; he suddenly understood. Claire stood chewing on her lip as she watched him closely, waiting for his reply. She was relieved when his lips stretched back into a smile. “Listen,” he said, his deep brown eyes boring into her, “what happened between you and Nick was between you and Nick. It shouldn’t affect the rest of us. Any friend of Nick’s is a friends of ours, and despite what happened between you two, I know he still thinks of you as a friend. And so do I. You’re welcome to hang out with us. Come on in.”

Claire returned his smile with gratitude, a warm feeling bubbling inside of her. She wasn’t sure she deserved Howie’s compassion, but she certainly appreciated it. Knowing Mary and Veronica weren’t thrilled to be in her company, she needed as many allies as she could get.

Glancing over towards Laureen, Claire quickly introduced her friend to Howie before they came inside the house. “Nice to meet you, sweetheart,” Howie greeted Laureen with a warm smile, giving her a hug. Laureen’s face gleamed with happiness as she returned the sentiments, gushing to Howie about how amazing the concert had been. This continued as they entered the house and met up with the other Boys. Claire was relieved to find that most of the group didn’t seem to resent her presence; Brian, who was always a sweetheart, hugged her, Kevin asked how she’d been, and AJ told her it was good to see her, all three seeming sincere. Leighanne and Kristin were there too, and both of them seemed glad to see her and happy to meet Laureen. Only Mary seemed cool towards her, but even though the atmosphere of the group was not quite what it had been when Claire and Nick were together, it wasn’t as awkward as Claire had feared.

The mood at Nick’s house was generally good; the guys were acting silly, still on a high from performing, and it was hard not to get caught up in the carefree fun. Claire’s good mood from seeing Nick performed return, and Laureen, of course, was on cloud nine. The guys were cool with her, talking to her not like she was just a fan, but a friend of a friend, and thus, as Howie had said, a friend of theirs.

They stood around the island in Nick’s kitchen for a few minutes, just talking and goofing off, before Claire started to wonder where Nick was. She hadn’t seen him yet since she’d gotten there, though she suspected he must be around somewhere. She was just about to ask Howie when she heard his familiar voice call, “Hey, you guys ready to order some grub?”

In came Nick, dressed in a fresh t-shirt and track pants, his hair wet from the shower. Veronica was right behind him, still in the skirt and top she’d had on at the concert. She looked around and immediately spotted Claire, even before Nick did. Noticing Veronica’s eyes on her, Claire smiled and said, “Hey, guys!”

“Hey, you’re here!” Nick exclaimed, breaking into a smile as he made his way over to her. “And you washed my name off your face.”

“Yeah, I didn’t wanna leave it on there too long… I’d probably wake up tomorrow with ‘NICK’ in zits dotted all over my forehead,” she laughed.

Nick cracked up. “God, I think I’d pay money to see that.”

“Oh yeah? How much?” Claire challenged.

The banter came easily, and they kept it up all night, using it to cover up the awkwardness that they each must have felt about being in this house together. Not much had changed inside since Claire had left; everywhere she looked, there were memories. The only real difference was that all of her things were gone – all of the little knick-knacks she’d added to his shelves here and there, all of the pictures of the two of them she’d framed and set out. She’d left many of those behind for him, taking only her most cherished, but she noticed he had removed them. In some places, he’d put new pictures – pictures of him and Veronica or him with the guys. In others, there was only dust.

Veronica was very quiet most of the night. Claire wondered if it was because she was there or if the other woman was just shy by nature. Once, she’d tried to get her into a conversation, but the two hadn’t gotten very far, and after that, she’d given up. It was still too awkward, the whole ex-girlfriend/new girlfriend dynamic. And Nick was in the middle, his attention split between them.

They ordered pizzas, and when the delivery guy arrived, a stack of hot, greasy boxes in his arms, they all gathered together to eat – five Backstreet Boys, two friendly wives, two frosty girlfriends, one giddy fan, and Claire. And that was when the real awkwardness set in.

At first it was fine – the guys joked around together the way Claire had seen them do many times and talked about the crazy things they’d seen on tour so far, and the women chattered in between bites of pizza, except for Laureen, who barely touched her food. Her cheeks in a state of permanent blush, she was much too nervous to eat, though it didn’t keep her from talking. Laureen wasn’t the type to clam up; she was making the most of this night, talking animatedly and giggling at the guys’ antics. Claire smiled as she watched her friend, glad to see her having a good time.

“… So Nick here, after trying to make us all feel sorry for him, managed to prank all four of his nice, unsuspecting friends,” Howie said, and Claire and Laureen both laughed hard as he went on to tell the group about each of Nick’s pranks from that year’s April Fool’s Day, the others occasionally jumping in to add details, while Nick sat with a shit-eating grin on his face, obviously relishing in his notoriety. They’d gotten onto the topic of practical jokes the guys played on each other during tours, which had quickly turned into a list of pranks Nick had pulled on the others, since he was the self-declared “master” at it.

“We got him back though,” added Brian with a devilish grin in Nick’s direction.

Nick stuck out his tongue, then smiled sheepishly. “Y’all totally got me,” he conceded. “Took me forever to get that damn nail polish off my foot.”

“Did you guys paint his toenails??” Laureen asked incredulously, giggling at the mere thought. “How did you manage to do that? Drug him and do it while he was out?”

The guys all laughed, exchanging wicked looks. “Nah, we got Howie to sneak up and do it when he had his leg off. One of the perks of having a leg that isn’t permanently attached,” said AJ with a cackle, looking over at Nick with a good-natured smile.

Laureen’s face went red.

“Hey, made it easier to get the stuff off,” shrugged Nick, offering her a smile. “Although, Jesus, that nail polish remover stuff reeks. How do you women use that stuff without getting high off the fumes?”

All the females in the room – along with AJ, whose stubby fingernails were painted black – laughed knowingly.

“I heard about what you did to Claire last year,” Laureen spoke up again, addressing Nick. “She told me… about how you came into work with-?”

“Ohh yeah!” Nick exclaimed, his face lighting up. He caught Claire’s eye, and they exchanged smiles, both thinking of the same memory. Claire would never forget the sight of Nick staggering through the waiting room, his hand clamped over his mouth, fake blood oozing between his fingers.

“Yeah, so he came into the dentist’s office where I work with a mouthful of fake blood and his front teeth all blackened out, pretending he’d fallen and knocked his teeth out!” she explained. “And I totally fell for it and got all freaked out, thinking he really had! It was awesome,” she added as an afterthought, snickering. She cast Nick an appreciative look for having fooled her. He nodded in return, shooting her an impish smile.

“I guess you got him back for that last year, though, didn’t you?” spoke up Mary, staring across the table at Claire with one eyebrow cocked. “Moving out of this very house behind his back, pulling the whole ‘note on the stairs’ prank. Good one. Oh, no, wait-“

Claire set her soda can down on the table firmly, causing brown liquid to splash onto the rim. “Well, thanks, Mary – glad you were amused by that one. I know Nick thought it was a riot too, didn’t you, Nick? Hey everybody, isn’t this fun and not at all awkward?” Claire asked dryly, looking around the table at the very uncomfortable expressions on everyone’s faces. Their eyes kept shifting towards each other, exchanging nervous glances. “Look, I can be sarcastic too, Mary. Isn’t that special?”

“Hey, y’all, not tryin’ to interrupt, but can we just enjoy our pizza and not bring this up right now?” spoke up Kevin, looking down at the two women from his end of the table, his eyebrows furrowed. His low, drawling voice was calm, but Claire recognized that he was stepping into “father” mode, trying to police their spat before it escalated.

She had hoped to avoid getting into anything with Mary in front of everyone else at Nick’s house, but now that Mary had brought it up again, she was finding it hard to take the high road a second time. Clearly, it hadn’t worked the first. The sarcastic jibes had riled her up, and Claire had never been one to take that kind of shit from anybody. “Kev, I’m sorry,” she said quickly, meeting his eyes before she turned back to Mary. “Listen, Mary, I know you’re the kind of chick who speaks her mind. So why don’t you quit it with the underhanded little digs at me and just tell me how you really feel?” She raised her eyebrows at the brunette, challenging her.

Mary arched her eyebrows higher, her eyes very cool. “You’re right, Claire,” she said. “I thought the same about you too – I never took you for the kind of woman who would dump her man by letter. I just assumed if you wanted to end things with Nick, you’d be the type to just tell him, to his face, not go behind his back that way. I think what you did really sucks, and I’m not the only one in this room who does. But everyone else just seems to be acting like it’s no big deal, having you here.” She looked around briefly at the others, who were watching her in stunned silence, no one daring to speak yet. Even AJ, who was sitting next to Mary, looked at a loss for words. He was staring at his girlfriend as if she’d just grown a second head, his eyes flitting to Claire every now and then.

“Well, I can’t do that,” Mary went on. “I can’t just pretend like nothing happened, and I don’t know how you can either. Or you, Nick, for that matter,” she added, her eyes sliding over to Nick. “Is it really working out for you, this whole ‘being friends’ thing?”

Claire’s head immediately whipped towards Nick, but he was staring at Mary, his jaw clenched. “Look, I’m with Kevin on this one,” he said, his voice low. “This isn’t the time or place to be gettin’ into this, and no offense, but it ain’t really your business anyway, Mary. What happened between me and Claire was between us. I don’t wanna talk about it, and I’m sure she doesn’t-“

“No, I’ll talk,” Claire interrupted suddenly, the words slipping out of her. Nick stopped abruptly, and she could feel her eyes boring into her, but she was busy looking around at everyone else. “Listen, what I did last winter did suck. You don’t have to snipe at me or sing a song about it to tell me that – I already know. I’ve known all along, and don’t think for a second that I didn’t regret it. I’m not even gonna try to make excuses for myself because Nick didn’t deserve the way I handled things, plain and simple. But in all honesty, when I did it, I wasn’t in a good place in my life… I just felt like I needed to get out, right then.”

“You just made an excuse, right there,” Mary snapped. “What you did was cowardly and weak – why don’t you just say that? Let that be your excuse. Because no other excuse warrants disrespecting your fiancée that much. You were right when you said Nick didn’t deserve that – he deserved a lot better.”

Before Claire could even reply, the whole table shook, there was the sound of metal scraping against tile, and then there was an enormous crash. Everyone flinched visibly, and Claire looked over in shock. Nick had risen to his full height, pushing his chair back so quickly it had toppled over backwards. “I don’t need you to fight my battles for me, Mary,” he said, his voice still calm, but unusually sharp. “And don’t call Claire a coward. She’s not weak.”

Claire felt a lump rise in her throat at Nick’s firm, yet gentle defense of her. She gazed up at him, admiring the fierceness in his features as he stared stonily at Mary. And then she reached up and took his wrist, lightly tugging until he broke his gaze with Mary and looked at her. She looked pointedly at his upturned chair, then back at him. The mutual understanding they’d always shared came into play; he got the point. Wordlessly, he leaned over to pick up his chair and sat back down.

Once he had, Claire turned her attention back to the table of people watching her and Nick, their eyes still wary, and continued where she had left off. “What I did… It… it was an impulsive, insensitive decision to make, but… once I did, there was no going back. All I can do now is apologize for it – and I already have, to Nick.” She glanced over at him; he offered her a tiny smile. Reassured by this gesture, Claire looked away and went on, “I guess I didn’t realize how much it would affect the rest of you too, but apparently it did, if Mary still resents me this much. So I’ll say it now – I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting someone you all obviously care a lot about, and I’m sorry if my being here has made things awkward tonight. But Nick invited me over, and I wanted to come. We are still friends, and I would like to think the rest of us can still be friends too.”

With that, she closed her mouth. And before his girlfriend could jump in again, AJ took the silence as an opportunity to referee. “I guess I can’t speak for everyone here, but you and I are just fine, Claire, babe. I know Nick’s a big boy; he’s strong, and he doesn’t need my protecting, so his love life is really none of my business. Doesn’t affect who I choose to be friends with at all. You did what you did, you apologized for it, and it’s been months and months since then anyway, so I think it’s time we all let it go. Unless you two ladies wanna duke this out in a vat of jell-o in your bikinis, can we just move on and get back to our pizza now?”

“AJ,” Mary hissed, jabbing him in the ribs, her face annoyed.

Claire just smirked, grateful for AJ’s ever-present comic relief. “I’ll opt for moving on and pizza,” she said. “I’d rather wear a one-piece for jell-o wrestling anyway.”

When the others laughed, Mary stood up. “I’m gonna use the restroom,” she mumbled and quickly left the room.

“I’m sorry for that,” AJ muttered in a low voice once she had gone, shaking his head.

“It’s alright, man,” replied Nick, glancing from AJ to Claire to the others. “Anyone else have anything to add, or are we all cool now?”

“I think AJ pretty much said it all,” spoke up Kevin, nodding to Claire. Howie, Brian, Leighanne, and Kristin all nodded their agreement, while Laureen still looked stunned by the entire scene that had just played out in front of her.

Nick smiled tightly and said, “Awesome. ‘Cause I wanna finish eating; my pizza’s getting cold.”

“Mine too,” Veronica echoed softly from Nick’s other side, finally speaking. Claire knew she had to feel especially awkward, as Nick’s girlfriend, sitting in the midst of all this drama over his ex. She felt like she was just causing trouble by being there.

As the others went back to eating, she leaned over to Laureen and whispered in a low voice, “I think I’m gonna wanna go in awhile… if you want to stay, I can come back and pick you up, or-“

“No, it’s okay; I’ll go with you whenever you’re ready,” Laureen replied in a hushed voice. Claire nodded.

After they were done eating, they both helped Nick clear the paper plates and pizza boxes away. In the kitchen, Claire touched Nick’s arm and said, “I think we’re gonna head out in a minute.”

“Oh… okay,” said Nick. He hesitated for a moment, looking torn between protesting that she should stay longer and admitting that it was probably best she left, before anything else could go down. Then he pulled her into a one-armed hug and murmured into her ear, “Thanks again for coming tonight. To the concert and over here.”

Claire smiled. “I’m glad I came,” she said. “It was great to see you and hang out for awhile. Sorry for all the drama over here though.”

“No need to apologize. I’m glad you stood up for yourself… that’s what I like about you,” replied Nick. Then, smirking, he added, “Remember that one time at Dairy Queen, when you dumped ice cream in that girl’s lap for talking smack about me?”

Claire remembered. She smiled wryly, recalling the way her hand had “slipped” on her way out of the restaurant, causing her Blizzard to wind up upside down in the teenager’s lap. That after she’d told the little twit off for gossiping about how “awful” Nick looked on chemo and then having the nerve to ask for his autograph. It had been a triumphant, if not exactly mature, moment for her. “How could I forget?” she mused.

“What happened?” Laureen wanted to know.

Just then, Mary walked into the kitchen and grabbed a can of Coke from the case on the counter. Watching her out of the corner of her eye, Claire said, “I’ll tell ya in the car. Let’s go say goodbye to the guys.”

Laureen nodded, and they went into the living room, where the others had congregated again. “We’re gonna take off,” she announced. “Are you guys leaving town tomorrow?”

“Yep, we’re driving to Orlando first thing in the morning,” answered Brian.

Claire nodded. “Well, I hope the rest of the tour goes well,” she said with a smile. “Take care of yourselves.”

Hugs and goodbyes were exchanged, and then a voice said, “I’ll walk you out.”

Claire turned to see Nick leaning against the doorframe. She smiled. “Okay.” She and Laureen gathered their purses, and Nick followed them out the front door.

“Thanks for inviting us over. It was great to see you, Nick!” Laureen said, turning to him on the front porch.

“You too, Laureen,” replied Nick, giving her a hug.

Laureen smiled shyly. “I’ll let you guys say bye; I’m gonna go on to the car.” Before Nick or Claire could say anything, she practically skipped off the porch and walked out to Claire’s Beetle, leaving the two of them standing alone on the steps.

Claire looked up at Nick, and he looked back. For a moment, neither of them said anything, their silence interrupted only by the occasional chirping of crickets. Then Nick said, “Well, we shouldn’t keep her waiting. Drive safe, okay?”

“Thanks, I will. Hope you have a safe trip to Orlando and wherever you’re going after that,” Claire replied.

“New York.”

“New York,” she repeated with a nod, smiling as she studied him. Florida one day, New York the next, and God-knows-where the day after that. She couldn’t imagine traveling that much, but this was his life. This was what he loved. And he looked good doing it. He looked healthy and happy, and that was all she wanted for him. “Take care, Nick,” she said, hugging him tightly. Rising up on her tiptoes, she planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “Give me a call next time you’re in town if you want to hang out or anything,” she said as she pulled back.

He nodded. “Alright. You take care too. Say hey to your family for me.”

She smiled, making a mental note to do just that. Her family, her mother especially, had always liked Nick. Sometimes she got the impression her mom had been sad to see their relationship end, although she had never come out and said it explicitly.

“I’ll see ya,” she said, stepping off the porch.

“See ya,” he echoed, and as she walked out to her car, she heard the front door close as he went back inside. She sighed, a little wistful, knowing it would be months before she saw him again. She missed him. She loved Jamie, was content with her life here, but she couldn’t deny that sometimes she missed being with Nick. He’s one in a million, she thought, smiling to herself as she pictured him singing onstage earlier that night. He could make any girl weak in the knees.

Lost in thought, she didn’t hear the soft footsteps coming down the driveway behind her. She was almost to the car when a voice said, “Claire? Can I talk to you a minute?”

Claire jumped, her heart threatening to leap out of her chest. She whirled around in shock to find Veronica standing there, half-hidden in the shadow of the massive SUV parked in front of Claire’s little Volkswagen. “Oh god, you scared me!” she laughed shrilly.

“Sorry,” apologized Veronica with a hint of a smile.

“It’s alright. I just have this thing about people sneaking around in the dark… ask Nick,” Claire explained, sticking her tongue out. “Not that you were sneaking around… I just meant-“ She stopped herself and shook her head. “Sorry. What were you gonna say?”

Veronica sighed. “I know it’s probably not my place, but I’ve kept quiet all night, and I just really wanted to say something to you.”

Claire waited, wondering if she was in for yet another condescending jab for hurting Nick. You should be happy I did, she thought, or you wouldn’t be with him now. But Veronica wasn’t about to echo her friend Mary.

“I just… I wanted to tell you… I think you walked out on a really good thing when you left Nick,” Veronica said, her voice hushed. Licking her lips, she continued quickly, “Maybe you don’t realize it yet, or maybe you’ve been regretting it the whole time. If not, you should. Some girls spend their whole lives waiting for love… searching for the kind of man who will love them unconditionally… and they never find him. But you… you found him, and you let him go.”

Claire swallowed hard, her heart hammering against her ribs. Her palms had started to sweat. “Why are you telling me that?” she asked in a whisper, staring at Veronica. “If I hadn’t let him go, you wouldn’t be with him now. And no offense, but you weren’t there when we were together… You don’t know.”

“Maybe not, sweets, but I was there tonight. I saw how you two were around each other… how he acted whenever you were in the room. There are probably millions of girls out there – myself included – who would give anything to have Nick Carter look at them, the way he looks at you.”

Claire could feel the emotion and confusion swelling inside her. “What do you mean?”

“Are you really that much of a naïve doughhead? He still loves you! It’s obvious.”

Claire shook her head. “No, Veronica, I know he really likes you,” she insisted. “Maybe he just needs some time yet. He’s been through a lot; he’s still insecure. But you’ve been great for him, and I think the two of you really have something good-“

“I thought we did too,” sighed Veronica. “But I know now that he’s never going to love me the way that he loves you.”

Claire just kept staring at Veronica, in disbelief. Why would Nick’s girlfriend be telling her this? “What do you want me to say?” she asked softly, overcome by a wave of sudden melancholy. Veronica seemed so sad, so resigned. Maybe she and Nick hadn’t had such a good thing going after all.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just take what I said, put it in your pipe, and smoke it, toots.”

Claire blinked, but before she could respond, Veronica turned and started to walk back up the driveway. Claire knew instinctively that following her would be a lost cause; she had already said what she came to say.

Slowly, she turned and reached for the door handle of her car, climbing inside. Laureen was waiting for her, her expression eager and questioning. “What did Veronica say to you??” she grilled Claire immediately.

Claire sighed, running her hands across the steering wheel. She felt oddly numb. “She told me Nick will never love her the way he loves me,” she mumbled, shaking her head. “I’m glad we came to the concert tonight, but God… I think my being here just screwed a lot of things up.”

“Oh jeez,” whispered Laureen, her eyes widening. She twisted her hands around in her lap. “I’m sorry, Claire. That was so awkward in there.”

Claire snickered, remembering Mary. “Ohhh I know,” she groaned. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing they’re all leaving town in the morning. They’ll have plenty of time to sort out their own drama without me around. I’m sorry for bringing you into it too.”

“Are you kidding?? This was like the most incredible night of my life!” exclaimed Laureen, giggling.

Claire smiled. “I’m glad you had a good time,” she said and stuck her key into the ignition. As the car revved to life, her CD player automatically kicked in where it had left off, track number three on the Black & Blue album. “Get Another Boyfriend.”

“Listen, I mean it, there’s nothing that he’s worthy of… he’s just another-“

Claire quickly punched a button, and the CD skipped on to the next track. Bobbing her head along to the rhythm of the song that played, she threw the car into gear and pulled out around the SUV, whipping her little car around the circle and up the long, curving driveway.

***

Lyrics: “Get Another Boyfriend” by the Backstreet Boys