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Chapter 147


Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit restless
And I dream of something wild
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit helpless
And I’m lying like a child in your arms
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit angry
And I know I’ve got to get out and cry
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified
But then I see the look in your eyes

Turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
Turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart…


Claire had felt better after talking to Nick, more confident and reassured. She was going to talk to Jamie, and they were going to figure this out, once and for all.

But the hours ticked by slowly, and Jamie didn’t come home. The house was empty when she crawled into bed alone, all except for Bright, who prowled in the darkness, perhaps looking for her master. Just as restless, Claire tossed and turned, like she had every night that week. It was hard to find a comfortable position. She had always liked to sleep on her stomach, but that was impossible now; it was getting too big, and she was afraid of hurting the babies. She flip-flopped from one side to the other, wishing her body could relax enough to let her mind follow. Maybe if she slept, Jamie would be back when she woke up.

Eventually, she must have dozed off because when she opened her eyes again, the room was lighter, and the bed was full. She smiled in delight when she saw him there, sound asleep beside her. His face was slack and peaceful, his lips pressed together in a pout. He was adorable when he slept, so sweet and innocent-looking, like a little boy. Despite everything that had happened, she couldn’t resist the temptation to roll closer and kiss him.

His lips moved instinctively against hers as she kissed him gently, and his eyelids fluttered. Within a few seconds, they opened to reveal a pair of sleepy blue eyes. The anger that had burned in their depths the last time she had seen him had extinguished, leaving him with his look of boyish innocence for a little longer.

She smiled. “You’re here,” she whispered.

For the first time in days, she watched him smile back. “I’m here,” he repeated, his voice thick from sleep. Having not slept in the same bed as him for so long, she’d almost forgotten how sexy he sounded when he had just woken up.

“I didn’t expect…” she started to confess, and then shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. You’re here; that’s all that matters.”

“I know,” he murmured, leaning forward to plant a kiss on her forehead. “Sorry if I surprised you. I know you weren’t expecting me to be here, but… I couldn’t stay away any longer.”

“That’s okay,” she whispered back, nuzzling closer to him. “You know I like surprises.”

“I know. You always have.” Smiling at her from his pillow, he reached out and put his hand on the side of her face, lightly caressing her cheek. “You wanna know something?”

“What?”

His smile grew. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. All these years, and I’ve never stopped.”

She smiled back, a warm feeling growing inside her. “I already knew that, silly. I love you too. Nothing you could do could make me stop.”

“Then what are we doing, Claire? Why have we been staying apart, sleeping in different places, when we love each other? Love is supposed to conquer everything; love should be the only thing that matters.”

The emotion that had been building up within her began to release itself through the tears that sprang to her eyes. She smiled through them, so happy to have him there. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “We’ve been living a lie, Nick.”

He took her in his arms, so sweetly, so tenderly, and kissed her again. “We don’t have to anymore. I’m here now. I told you I’d come if you needed me.”

“Oh, so you thought I needed you, huh?” she asked, as she burrowed into his chest. She didn’t care what his answer was; now that he was here, she did need him, and more importantly, she wanted him.

“I know you need me, as much as I need you. You just haven’t realized it yet,” he whispered into her ear, running his fingers through her hair. “I hope you will soon though. I’ve missed you.”

“Mmm…” She snuggled closer, hugging him tightly. “I missed you too…” She sighed against him, hearing his heart beat in her ear, steady and strong. It was a soothing sound; it made her feel safe and protected. He was her strength, the strength she so desperately needed. With his life force pulsing against her cheek and his warm arms wrapped around her, she felt like nothing bad could touch her. Even then, she knew it was all but a moment’s fantasy, but she enjoyed it nonetheless.

The fantasy was interrupted by the muffled wail of an infant. “One of the babies,” she whispered, starting instinctively to sit up, but Nick was already rolling over.

“I’ve got it,” he said, motioning for her to stay put. His leg was on in an instant, and he was walking out of the room, on his way to the nursery.

It was only after he’d gone to tend to the crying baby that she realized… What baby?? I don’t have a baby yet. I’m still pregnant…

And why is Nick here??

Oh no. That means this is just a…

“Nick!” she cried in her dream, even as her conscious mind tried to pull her out of it, back into wakefulness. “Nick!! How many are there?? How many babies are there??”

But he didn’t answer her. The last thing she heard before her eyes popped open was the sound of the baby’s midnight screams dwindling into soft hiccups…

A dream, she concluded, looking around her dim bedroom, which was just beginning to brighten with the first light of dawn. Though she knew now that it had been a dream, she couldn’t help but reach across to other side of the bed, where Nick had lain. It was empty and cold, the sheets unmussed, except for where she had sprawled onto Jamie’s side. She was clutching his pillow, her arms wrapped around it… in her dream, it had been Nick’s chest… broad, firm, yet with just enough cushion to make it perfect to snuggle into…

What am I doing?? She suddenly tossed the pillow aside and jerked into a sitting position, breathing fast. I’m a married woman. I shouldn’t be dreaming I’m in bed with another man… let alone still wishing I am when I wake up…

But she had to admit, she preferred how she’d felt in the dream to how she felt now – loved, comforted, and protected, rather than alone and afraid.

Her hand instinctively moved to her stomach, feeling her baby bump. There had been a baby in the dream… at least one, but maybe more. She wished she could have followed Nick and seen the nursery for herself. Maybe it would have given her some answers about what she should do…

She sighed. She felt more unsettled than she had when she’d gone to bed. She still didn’t know what to do about the triplets or how to talk to Jamie, and now there was this issue of dreaming of Nick…

It’s only because I talked to him last night, she told herself. He made me feel better, and that’s why I dreamed he was here.

But the part of her that liked to contradict herself added, Yeah, but why was he in bed with you? Why were you kissing him? And telling him you loved him?

Because I do love him… I-I love him the way a woman will always love an ex-boyfriend… and I love him like a friend…

Friends don’t kiss like that and enjoy it.

She sighed again, annoyed at herself. Stop thinking!! She was wide awake now, and restless again. Besides, she had to go to the bathroom, and her throat was dry – some water would be good. Or maybe a glass of milk.

She climbed out of bed and padded into the bathroom. I wonder if Jamie’s home? she thought as she did her business, flushing and running her hands under the tap on the sink. She left the bathroom and crept up the hallway, stopping to peer around the corner, into the living room.

The couch was unoccupied, her book lying on the coffee table where she’d left it. Everything else looked equally untouched.

Jamie hadn’t come home.

She sighed a third time. Even though she was angry at him, a little part of her was worried, and she knew she wouldn’t get back to sleep until she knew he was at least safe. She walked into the kitchen and poured a tall glass of milk, dropping a couple of ice cubes in to keep it extra cold. While she was putting the jug of milk back into the fridge, she grabbed for the pickle jar on impulse, helping herself to a couple of dill spears. Pregnancy had started to give her weird food cravings, but pickles at random times of day or night – that was something she’d always liked.

She took her early-morning snack into the living room and sat down, picking up the remote control. She turned on the TV and start channel surfing. It was all news and little kid shows, lots of Saturday morning cartoons. They made her smile, as she pictured herself up at this hour with little ones who would be engrossed in such shows in a few years.

As quickly as it had come, the smile vanished. How many little ones? Or would she be so lucky to even be here with her children? What if something horrible happened, and she never got the chance to enjoy a lazy Saturday morning with her kids?

She quickly flipped past the cartoons and came to Vh1, which was showing its early morning lineup of music videos. She was momentarily distracted by the video that was playing. Surely even Jamie, who didn’t think much of her taste in music, would agree that this Justin Timberlake song had no detectable melody? And just because the latest James Bond was a blonde did not mean Justin would qualify, yet there he was, dodging bombs and bullets and making out with scantily clad women in alternating scenes like a regular 007.

She wrinkled her nose at the TV screen, feeling a pang of nausea that was probably not yet morning sickness. She flipped the channel quickly. Too much Justin Timberlake “music” surely could not be good for an unborn fetus. His albums should come with a disclaimer.

Giggling, she made a mental note to repeat that to Nick sometime. And then the laughter died, and she felt another pang, this time of longing. Nick…

She closed her eyes briefly, imagining his arms around her, as they had been in her dream. It wasn’t right, but the dream seemed so much better than her real life did right now. At least in the dream, she’d had a man who could show he cared about her… and their babies…

She smiled sadly, remembering how he had gotten up to go to the baby, without protest, like a good husband…

As the sun rose upon Clive, Iowa, Claire Turner sat alone in her house, wondering where the man she’d married could be and wishing, with a guilty conscience, that the one she’d left was sitting by her side once again.


And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you’ll only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don’t know what to do, and I’m always in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight

Once upon a time, I was falling in love
Now I’m only falling apart
There’s nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time, there was light in my life
Now there’s only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

- “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler


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