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Chapter 15


AN: Thanks to Diana for her suggestion! :)


Claire shook her head slowly as she watched Nick’s car speed away. So he really had left her.

Much to her own mortification, she felt her eyes began to prickle, as stinging tears threatened. Ohh no you don’t, she thought fiercely, fighting them back. You are not going to cry over this. What was wrong with her? She was not known for crying, especially over a stupid fight with a boyfriend.

Thoroughly irritated, both with Nick and now with herself, she reached for her purse and yanked her cell phone out of it, punching in the speed dial for Dianna’s cell. Please be on lunch break too, she begged silently, as the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Di,” she said with relief, and the tears began to rise in her eyes again at the familiar sound of her best friend’s voice. “Um, are you… are you on break right now?”

“Claire? Is that you? Yeah, I’m on break – what’s wrong??”

Claire let out a laugh through her tears; Dianna knew her so well. “Well, I’m… I’m kind of stranded here… at Leonardi’s. And I need a ride back to work… d’you think you could come get me?”

Dianna paused. “Are you crying??” she asked. Sounding alarmed, she went on, “Claire, what happened?? Are you okay??”

“I’m fine,” Claire said quickly, clearing her throat. “I’ll explain when you get here… that is, if you can-“

“Sure thing, girl, I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay?”

“Thanks, Di,” Claire sniffed. “See you in a few.”

They hung up, and Claire shook her head, hoping she hadn’t given Dianna too much of a scare. She could just imagine her friend leaping out of her seat and speeding over, all because of a silly argument between Claire and Nick.

It was silly, she thought. He didn’t have to get so pissy… and he definitely didn’t have to go off and leave me, for god’s sake. But that was just how Nick was… he was a big baby sometimes, acting immature like this, going off to pout instead of just talking it out with her like an adult. She let out a shuddering sigh, her anger with him returning as her eyes dried.

The pizza arrived about a minute before Dianna did. The waitress was just setting out two plates when Claire saw Dianna’s Cavalier pulling into the parking lot outside the building.

“Um, could you bring a box for the pizza?” she asked the waitress quickly. “I think we’re actually going to take this to go…”

“Oh, sure,” said the waitress, disappearing to go get a box, just as Dianna hurried in. She looked around, spotted Claire, and rushed over.

“Claire!” she exclaimed, her eyes searching Claire’s face. “Okay, spill – what’s going on? How’d you get stranded here?”

“I don’t want to talk in here,” said Claire. “The waitress is bringing a box for the pizza, and then when we can go eat it in your car.”

“Okay…” said Dianna slowly. “As long as you don’t get pizza goo all over my seats.”

Claire rolled her eyes, but didn’t say anything – Dianna was doing her a huge favor here; the last thing she wanted to do was make her mad too.

The waitress returned with a box and the check for the pizza. Claire paid and then carried the pizza out behind Dianna, who led the way to her car. They climbed in and rolled down the windows, and then Dianna said, “Okay… now spill. The story, I mean, not the pizza!”

Claire laughed. “There’s not really that much to tell,” she said lamely. “Nick surprised me at work, and we came here for lunch, and he had a present for me…” She thought of the velvet box she’d unwrapped and shook her head, chucking ruefully. “He had it in a velvet jewelry box, and I swear to God, Dianna, when I saw the box, I thought it was a ring. I thought he was gonna propose.”

“Ooh!” Dianna’s brown eyes lit up, then darkened. “But he didn’t?”

“No. Wasn’t a ring. It was a key, a key to his house. He asked me to move in with him.”

“Oh. What’d you say?”

“I guess I didn’t really give him an answer… I just said I needed to think about it. And he got the wrong idea and flipped out on me. It was like everything I said, he totally misunderstood.”

Dianna’s forehead creased. “What do you mean? Like what did you say?”

“God, I dunno…” Claire rubbed her temples warily, trying to remember the specifics of the whole conversation. It was all sort of a blur now. “I was just trying to point out that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to just pack up all my stuff and move out of my apartment yet… because, who knows, we could break up a few months from now, and I’d have to move out again and find a new place to live. Not that that’s going to happen, but you never know – it could. That’s all I was trying to get him to see, and he took it like I wanted to break up with him, which of course I don’t – I love him. But ahh, I’m so mad at him right now!”

“So what happened, he got pissed and left?”

“Yep. That’s exactly what happened,” said Claire. “This is what he does – he pouts. He just runs away and keeps everything to himself instead of sticking around to talk it out.” She sighed, then went on, “But I guess people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, because it’s not like I’ve never done the same thing.” She snickered. “I did do the same thing – to him, last year, at this very place. Got pissed off and walked right out on him. But-“ she added defensively, “-he at least had a car so he could get home. I didn’t leave him stranded.”

Dianna laughed. “Well, I don’t even need to say anything, you just said it all yourself. But forget what you did last year – that’s ancient history. It doesn’t make it right for him to do it to you. He’s being an ass.”

“Thank you,” said Claire, pleased to hear someone else voice what she had been thinking. Of course, she had expected it from Dianna – Dianna was loyal; she pretty much always sided with Claire, as Claire always stood up for her.

“He probably doesn’t get it though,” Dianna said after a moment. “I mean, he’s a celebrity – he’s probably used to women moving in with him right away, and then different women moving in to take their place when they move out. And then there’s you, who has never lived with one of your boyfriends before. You guys just have such different backgrounds and different lives… you gotta expect arguments like this to come up from time to time because of that.”

Claire nodded. “I know,” she said. “I thought the same thing, about how his girlfriends probably all just moved in with him without a second thought. But I’m not like them. He’s used to sluts who use him for his money and his fame, and of course they’re not going to have a problem moving in with him. But jeez, I’m not like that, and he knows that. I tried to point that out, but that’s when he got all pouty. He was trying to make me feel sorry for him, and I was just like, ‘You know, you can feel sorry for yourself all you want, but I’m not going to.’” She rolled her eyes. “That’s when he left.”

Dianna frowned. “Hm… so you don’t feel sorry for him?”

Now it was Claire’s turn to frown. “No,” she answered.

“Really? Well, I do. God, what happened to him sucks. I can’t even imagine…”

Claire sighed. “I know… it does suck, no one’s denying that. And I guess I did feel sorry for him right after he… lost his leg – cause that’s what this is all going back to. But I don’t anymore… and he doesn’t want me to pity him! He only wants it when he wants something else from me – like making me feel sorry for him so I’d say I would move in with him. But most of the time, he doesn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him – he just wants to be treated like a normal guy. He is a normal guy. And see, this is where we’re going to have a different take on things, Dianna… because – and I’m not trying to be a bitch here – I understand him, and he understands me, in a way that most people – including you – couldn’t. It’s because we’ve been through kind of the same thing… we have a perspective that no one else has. When I was sick, I didn’t want pity… you remember me telling you that. All I wanted was to be treated the same, and you were one of the only ones that could do that. And Nick is the same way. I think that’s a big reason why we got so close – we went through hell together, and we both just understood each other. You know what I mean?”

Dianna nodded slowly. “I get you,” she said. “Well, I think you just need to give him a chance to cool down, and then go talk to him. If you understand each other so well, he’ll come around and see where you’re coming from.”

“I hope so,” said Claire. “That’s the thing, though… we do understand each other so well, on one level… but then there are areas where we just don’t get each other. Like you said, we’re just different.”

“That’s okay though… opposites attract, right?” Dianna smiled.

Claire laughed, returning the smile. “Right…”

“Don’t worry about this, girl, I’m sure it’ll all work out. Nick’s crazy about you, and I know you love him. You’ll talk it out and be just fine.”

“Thanks, Di,” said Claire, and let Dianna pull her into a hug across the armrest between their seats.

“You’re welcome. Now, can we dig into this pizza? Because you interrupted my lunch, and I’m starving, not to mention it’s gonna get cold if we keep talking.”

Claire laughed again and pulled open the greasy pizza box. “Of course,” she said, passing a slice to Dianna. “After all that drama, I need some pizza.”

***

I am a little bit of loneliness
A little bit of disregard
A handful of complaints
But I can’t help the fact
That everyone can see these scars

I am what I want you to want
What I want you to feel
But it’s like no matter what I do
I can’t convince you
To just believe this is real

So I let go, watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I’m not
But I’ll be here cause you’re all that I got


Sitting alone in his car, the windows rolled down, the engine turned off, Nick felt miserable. Sweat ran slowly down his back, just between his shoulder blades, and the growling of his stomach seemed almost louder than the birds that chirped outside. “Way to go, Carter, running out before you get your pizza,” he muttered to himself, slamming his hands down on the steering wheel in frustration. He must have accidentally bumped the horn, for it honked loudly, startling him. He slumped lower in his seat, hoping he hadn’t attracted too much attention to himself. He didn’t want anyone to know he was there… especially not her.

How pathetically weak was he? He had stormed out of the restaurant in a huff, too angry and hurt to think clearly. All he wanted was to get away. He had climbed into the Jag, slammed the door as hard as he could, gunned the engine, and sped off. But he had barely gotten out of the parking lot before the guilt set in. What kind of boyfriend was he, just ditching his girlfriend and leaving her there, without a care?

Well, the truth was, angry or not, he did care. He was too stubborn to turn back, knowing he’d only look like a fool, so instead he had pulled into the parking lot of the Dairy Queen on the other side of the street, two blocks down from Leonardi’s. He decided he’d wait there for awhile, and see what happened. He assumed she’d call someone to come get her, but if no one came, he knew he would go back for her, whether he really wanted to or not.

There had been no sign of Claire the whole time he’d been sitting there, but all at once he noticed a bright red Cavalier drive past. His eyes narrowed; he recognized that car. Sure enough, it slowed and turned into the Leonardi’s lot, and when it had parked, the driver’s side door opened, and a dark-haired woman emerged. He let out a sigh. Just as he’d thought, it was Claire’s best friend, Dianna.

His mind at ease that she would at least have a ride back to work, he jammed his key back into the ignition of his car and turned on the engine. Putting up the windows and cranking the air conditioning, he tuned the radio to a rock station, turned up the volume, and blasted out of his parking space, wanting to be far away from that area by the time Dianna and Claire left.

His mind was blank the whole way home, but once he’d pulled the Jaguar into his long, circling driveway, and shut off the engine, all of his thoughts and feelings began to surface. He climbed slowly out of the car and staggered wearily up to the house. Once inside, he went straight to the living room and collapsed onto the couch. He picked up the remote, then dropped it again without bothering to turn on the TV. Who needed the noise? He just had to think.

He felt like such an asshole… and he knew he had been, for walking out on her like that. But besides that, he couldn’t figure out why he felt bad. He hadn’t done anything wrong. She was the one who had started the argument. She gave him such a hard time about everything. It would have been so much simpler if she’d just said yes to moving in with him. What was wrong with that idea? They’d practically been dating half a year already… and they loved each other. Moving in together just seemed like the next step. So why was she so unsure about it?

His worst fear was that maybe she didn’t really love him, at least not as much as he loved her. All her talk about breaking up scared him. It scared him because he loved her… and also because she, in turn, made him feel loved. She was the only woman he’d gotten close to since cancer had taken his leg and come close to taking his life, and he felt complete when he was with her. If she left him, who would be with him? If she stopped loving him, who would?

Tormented by the idea of losing her, he decided he needed to talk to her, as soon as possible. Needed to find out what was going through her head, what she was feeling. Needed to make up with her, before it was too late.

He looked up at the clock on the wall. It was going on 1:30. She’d be back at work by now, and she didn’t get off till three. An hour and a half to go…

***

An hour and a half to go, thought Claire, as she stuck her timecard into the clock at work, punching back in for the afternoon. She couldn’t wait for the day to be over. It had started out a nice one, but quickly dissolved into the day from hell. All she wanted to do now was go home, crank up her loudest, angriest music, and let out her pent-up frustration with Nick. She had done some of that already, ranting to Dianna in the car, enough to where she could return to work, dry-eyed and composed enough to finish out the day.

When she got back to her exam room, she found Laureen already sitting there, waiting for her.

“Hey!” Laureen greeted her brightly. “How was lunch with Nick?”

Wincing inwardly at the sound of his name, Claire pasted what she hoped looked like a pleasant smile onto her face and replied, “Oh, it was fine…” She hated to lie, but there was no way she was going to let slip what had happened, not to someone she barely knew, who also happened to be one of his fans.

She had two patients left to see for the day, with a break for clean-up and set-up in between. When she had turned over the last of them to Tim to examine, she told Laureen goodbye, grabbed her purse, and clocked out for the day, eager to go home and be by herself. But as soon as she had stepped out, blinking, into the bright sunlight and scanned the small parking lot, she saw it was not going to be that easy. For right across the lot, there sat a shiny silver Jaguar, sparkling in the afternoon sun.

She stopped in her tracks, putting her hands on her hips. Damn him, she thought, groaning when she realized he was parked right next to her old Toyota. Not even that, but he had backed into his space, and was so close to her car that there was no way she could squeeze into the driver’s seat without brushing her ass up against driver’s side door of the Jag. Ass.

Knowing he was sitting there right now, watching her every move, she was half-tempted to just turn around and go back inside. Would he follow her?

No… he would probably just sit there and wait. Wait until she had no choice but to come out and go to her car. It would be a battle of wills then – who could hold out the longest, her holed up in the office and him sitting in his car? It was not a battle she wanted to fight – she was stubborn, sure, but so was he. They’d both be there all night.

Screw him, she thought, making up her mind and stalking across the lot towards her car. I’m getting in my car and going home, and he can’t stop me. And if she happened to put a nice big dent in the side of his car in the process, it would serve him right.

As soon as she neared the back of her car, he stuck his head out of his window. She stopped, glaring at him for a moment before expelling an annoyed sigh. Putting her hands back on her hips, she demanded, “What are you doing here?”

***


I can’t feel
The way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal
This damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored


What am I doing here? Nick thought with a sigh as he sat waiting, his eyes trained on the door of the dentist’s office, out of which Claire was due to come any minute. It had probably been a mistake to come here and wait for her like this, but he was desperate to talk to her, to apologize for ditching her earlier if nothing else. But what he was really hoping for was something from her in return – an apology of her own, for the things she had said before he walked out, or at least some small sign that she still loved him. That was all he really wanted; that was what he needed to know.

His heart skipped a beat as the front door of the office swung open, and Claire emerged. He sat still, holding his breath, waiting for her to look up and notice his car. He knew she would – he had purposely parked right next to her, and had backed his car in so that he was on the same side as where she would get into her car. Whether she spoke to him or not, she’d at least have to walk past him, unless she was going to be difficult and crawl across the passenger seat instead… which, now that he thought about it, would be a very Claire thing to do. He hoped she’d just be mature and talk to him instead.

She sees me, he thought, watching as she stopped and put her hands on her hips. She stood there for a moment and then started walking toward him, every stride bursting with defiance. When she got close, he stuck his head out the window, determined to get a word in before she blew him off, if that’s what she was going to do.

She stopped again and sighed loudly, her hands returning to her hips. “What are you doing here?” she asked, none-too-kindly.

Inwardly, he winced, but he kept his expression neutral, refusing to let it show. “I want to talk to you,” he said evenly.

“Oh, now you want to talk?” she spouted, her eyebrows raised, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Funny, when I was trying to talk to you in Leonardi’s, you walked off and left me.”

Okay, so he deserved that one. Bowing his head guiltily, he acknowledged this. “I know. I’m sorry… that was a shitty thing to do.”

“Damn right it was. Really shitty.”

“Really shitty,” he echoed glumly. “I wasn’t thinking… I was just mad. You know how it is. But I’ve had a chance to think now, and I… uh… can we talk?”

She hesitated, then shook her head. “I don’t think so, Nick. Not right now.”

“Claire-“

“Not. Now,” she repeated firmly, narrowing her eyes at him. “I haven’t had a chance to think about it yet. Unlike you, I’ve been working.”

Was that meant to be a slam? He chose to brush it aside and instead looked up at her pleadingly. “Claire, please,” he begged.

But she blew him off. “Leave me alone," she said, squeezing between the two cars, her upper body coming temptingly within his reach as she sidled past his open window. But he kept his hands to himself and looked down at the steering wheel, not wanting to piss her off again. Let her go, he counseled himself. Give her some time.

“Might want to work on your parking skills,” she said loudly, as she unlocked the door of her car. “You’re almost on the white line. Better watch out, or you just may get your precious car dinged, parking so close like this.”

He craned his neck to look back at her. “You wouldn’t,” he said in a low voice, his palms sweating as she held her door open, just inches away from the side of his Jag.

She arched an eyebrow. “Me? Well, not on purpose… just like I know you didn’t park this close on purpose. But gee, you didn’t give me much room to get in…”

He looked away. “God damnit, Claire,” he muttered under his breath and glanced back to see her sliding into the driver’s seat of her car, her door open just enough for her to squeeze in. He breathed a sigh of relief and waited until he heard her door slam, then turned the key in his ignition, rousing the Jaguar. No sooner had he put the car into gear than her Toyota revved to life beside him and shot out of its space before he had even taken his foot off the brake. He watched, smirking, as she lurched to a stop in the aisle, threw the car into drive, and sped off, leaving him in her dust, so to speak. So like her, trying to show him up and beat him out of the parking lot.

And god, did he love it.


I am a little bit insecure
A little unconfident
Cause you don’t understand
I do what I can
But sometimes I don’t make sense

I am what you never want to say
But I’ve never had a doubt
It’s like no matter what I do
I can’t convince you
For once just to hear me out

So I let go, watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I’m not
But I’ll be here cause you’re all that I got

- “Faint” by Linkin Park


***