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Part IV:
By My Side


We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are
By my side

So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
Here I am with open arms
Hoping you’ll see what your love means to me
Open arms

- “Open Arms” by Journey


Chapter 151

It was 10:30 at night when Claire’s phone rang. She hurried to get it, thinking it had to be Jamie. He had called earlier to tell her that he was going to Happy Hour at one of the local bars after work with some of his co-workers. He had been gone all night.

She was surprised when she picked up the phone and saw Nick’s name instead. Surprised, but not disappointed. It had been nice to talk to him earlier, to know that he was still there for her, even if he wasn’t physically there. It was the most she could hope for, for now – the support of her family and friends, far away as they may be.

“Hey, you. Are you checking up on me already?” she asked when she answered the phone, a faint smile spreading across her lips.

“More than you think,” came Nick’s reply. She could picture him smirking as he said it and was mystified.

“What does that mean?”

“The Marriott Hotel in West Des Moines – you know where that is?”

“What??” Claire’s heart began to beat fast. He wasn’t… he couldn’t be-

“West Des Moines? The Marriott? Do you know how to get there? If not, I can send a cab…”

He’s here! she thought, and her heart flew into her throat as if it had just sprouted wings. How had he gotten here so fast? She had only just talked to him six hours ago, and she was pretty sure he had still been in LA then. Had she even asked? Her mind was racing. He had actually done it… jumped on a plane and come here, to Iowa, to see her, in just a matter of hours, just like he said he could. It was incredible. She couldn’t even think straight.

“Claire?” his voice cut in. “Should I just call a cab?”

“Um… y-yeah, could you? I don’t have a car…” she realized, starting to think logically again. With all of the drama since they’d arrived in Iowa, she and Jamie hadn’t had a chance to go car shopping to replace her Beetle yet. Not to mention, she knew vaguely how to get to West Des Moines, but had no idea where this hotel was.

“Absolutely. Can you be ready to leave in half an hour or so? If a cab comes to pick you up, will you be able to go?”

It was late, she was supposed to be resting, and she was a married woman – all reasons not to spontaneously jump into a cab to go see another man in a hotel room. But Claire didn’t care. She was wide awake and rested, and her husband was out – again. There was nothing that could keep her from jumping into that cab the minute she saw it pull up in front of the house.

“Yes,” she said breathlessly. “I’ll be ready.”

“Then I’ll call the cab. When it drops you off, come to room 731. Got it?”

“731,” she repeated promptly. “Got it.”

He hung up mysteriously, but Claire was no longer puzzled. A cab was on its way, and when it arrived, she would climb inside, and it would take her to the Marriott, where Nick would be waiting. She was sure of it, her heart already beating fast in anticipation. She couldn’t wait to see him, to get out of the house and escape to where Nick was, even if just for a little while.

Going back to her bedroom, she changed out of the rumpled t-shirt and baggy, mismatched shorts she’d been moping around in all day, replacing them with a fresh t-shirt and a pair of comfortable, gray cotton capris. They would have to suffice, because she wasn’t going to put on anything nicer. It was late, and besides, most of her more fitted clothes no longer fit. She really would need to start shopping in the maternity department soon. The thought would have excited her, had it not been for the fact that she had lost one of her babies twenty-eight hours ago.

She sighed and put her hand against her stomach, fighting back the tears that had threatened to spring to her eyes again. Was it going to be like this for the rest of the pregnancy, and even after the babies were born, with these sudden waves of melancholy coming out of nowhere to overtake her and leave her weepy and depressed? She couldn’t stand the idea. She hated crying. She’d never used to cry…

Shaking her head, she forced herself to keep moving, tying the drawstring on her pants and pulling a random pair of flip-flops out of the closet. The thin soles slapped against the floor as she made her way back to the front of the house to scribble a quick note for Jamie. She didn’t know if he would even find it or not. Maybe he would stay at a friend’s house again tonight, with the excuse that he had been too drunk to drive home.

Angered at the thought, she kept the note short and vague.


With a friend. Back later.

Claire


See how he likes it, she thought with a smirk, as she ripped the piece of note paper off its pad and stuck it on the fridge with a magnet of a small tiki figurine. She’d bought that magnet in Hawaii, when she was there with Nick, she remembered, giving it a second glance. He had been amused by her desire to stop in the little tourist shops and buy souvenirs, and downright baffled by her fixation on buying the weird little talisman. “It looks like the one from The Brady Bunch!” she’d exclaimed, holding it up. “You know, in that one episode when they go to Hawaii?” The blank look on Nick’s face had told her he hadn’t spent as many hours watching “Nick at Nite” as she had.

Jamie told her the magnet was hideous, but she let him display his Chicago Cubs magnet on the fridge with the rest of their random, combined collection, so the little tiki guy got to stay as well. Smiling wistfully at it, she wished she could fly away to Hawaii now and just escape for awhile. But the Marriott in West Des Moines would have to do.

When the taxi came, she grabbed her purse and hurried out, locking the front door as she left. “The Marriott, right?” asked the driver when she climbed in.

She smiled at his reflection in the rearview mirror. “That’s right.”

As the taxi pulled off into the night, Claire gazed out the window, watching quiet houses transform into brightly-lit office buildings as the driver transported her from the suburbs into the city. When the car came to a stop in front of the Marriott hotel, she leaned forward to check the total on the meter and started to retrieve her billfold.

“Fare’s already been taken care of, ma’am,” the cabbie said, turning around in his seat. He offered her a smile. “Compliments of Mr. Carter.”

“Oh.” Claire dropped the wallet back into her purse. “Cool. Well, thanks so much for the ride then.”

“No problem,” grunted the driver, as she climbed out. “Have a good night.”

“You too,” she returned, before slamming the door shut. Slinging her purse over her shoulder, she made her way into the hotel. She felt seriously underdressed as she walked through the elegantly decorated lobby in her grubby flip-flops and pajama pants, but she didn’t really care, and no one seemed to take any notice of her. She found the elevators and took one up to the seventh floor, following the small, gold-plated signs until she got to room 731.

Taking a deep breath outside the door, she raised her fist and knocked.

***

Nick was stretched out on the bed in his hotel room, flat on his back, his hands folded behind his head, when he heard the knock at the door. He immediately scrambled up and hurried to get it. Throwing the door open, he had just enough time for a glimpse of Claire’s face before she launched herself into his arms, nearly knocking him off balance.

“You came… you actually came!” she exclaimed, her voice muffled against his shirt, as she hugged him, her arms tight around his back.

“Who did you think you were meeting here?” he asked teasingly. “Guess I could have always sent Tim.”

She giggled, pulling back to smile up at him. But above the smile, there were tears in her bright eyes. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said softly. “I never would have asked you to come, but… god, I’m glad you did. I needed this…”

“What? Me?” he asked hopefully, offering a smirk.

She gave him a lopsided smile in return. “Just… this. A hug. Someone who cares. Someone who will actually talk to me.”

Nick had never seen her looking so needy. It was disconcerting, even alarming. “Well, c’mere then,” he said casually, opening his arms again to offer another hug. She came forward, and he pulled her into his chest again.

The hug felt different than he remembered, and as he held her, feeling her relax against him, he realized it was because her body had changed. He could feel her stomach against his hips, fuller and more protrusive than it had been before. When they separated, he took a closer look at her, and sure enough, he could just barely make out the curve of her rounded belly beneath her loose t-shirt. Whereas the pregnancy had barely been noticeable the last time he’d seen her, not even two weeks ago, he could definitely tell now.

He reached out and put his hand lightly on her shoulder. “You know I’ll always care about you,” he offered gently. “And for what it’s worth, I think you made the right choice. You’ve still got two babies to think about… and yourself. No one wants to see you get sick again.”

She nodded, though her face looked pinched and drawn, the emotional toll of the last few days showing in her weary features. “Thanks, Nick,” she replied, her voice subdued. “You know, it’s funny – everybody’s been telling me that. Everybody except my husband.”

There were so many things Nick wanted to say about her “husband,” but, just as he had been trained to do in interviews, he held them back, knowing he needed to take the high road and just be there for her, not help her trash Jamie. He certainly didn’t mind hearing her talk this way about him though; a part of him was practically glowing with smug satisfaction. He tried not to let that part show.

“So what was he doing tonight anyway?” he asked casually. “He didn’t have a problem with you leaving to come meet me so late?”

“Are you kidding?” Claire snorted. “He’s not home. He went out for Happy Hour with some guys from his new job and never came home. I’m guessing he’s completely trashed somewhere right now… but it’s just as well; you know he wouldn’t be happy to know you’re in town.”

Nick chuckled dryly; that was probably an understatement. He wasn’t surprised to hear Jamie was out of the house again, but he still couldn’t understand how the guy could leave his wife to suffer alone over what she’d just been through. “Yeah, well… he’s the one who went off and left you. If he can go hang out with his friends, you can sure as hell go hang out with yours.”

“Exactly,” Claire smiled.

Nick smiled back and beckoned her further into the room. “Come on in and sit down,” he said, putting an arm around her as he walked her over to the pair of cushy armchairs that sat near the TV.

She stopped. “You mind if we sit on the bed instead?” she asked. “I just wanna put my feet up. My ankles keep swelling – look.” He glanced down as she raised one leg, sticking her foot out to show him. He could see the puffiness in her normally bony ankle and toes.

“Yeah, no problem,” he replied, and they went to the bed instead. She climbed on slowly, positioning herself so that she was sitting with her back against the pillows at the head of the bed, her swollen legs stretched out in front of her. Nick took the same position on the other side of the bed.

It was weird to be sitting with her this way… weird, in fact, because it didn’t feel weird at all. It felt… comfortable, the same way eating his mom’s home cooking after coming home from a tour had been comfortable to him when he was a teenager. Comfortable, the way it always had, sitting with her like this, side by side in bed. The only weird part about it was that she was now married, to someone else.

He looked over at her, wondering what she was feeling. But she didn’t look at all uneasy, and in his mind’s eye, he could see her smiling weakly beneath eyes that were dull and red-rimmed…


“C’mere, Nick, come lie down on the bed.” Rolling over, she patted the empty space beside her and looked up at him expectantly.

Uneasy, he hesitated, and she laughed lightly. “Come on, it’s okay to lie on a girl’s bed without feeling like you have to have sex with her. We’re just friends; it’s cool, right?”

“I guess,” Nick smiled, the sound of her laughter comforting him…


Smiling now, Nick impulsively scooted a little closer to her and slid his arm into the space between her body and the headboard, lightly encircling her shoulders. She looked over at him, slightly surprised, but she didn’t tense. Instead, she relaxed against him, her head falling onto his shoulder. “Thanks for being here, Nick,” she murmured, her voice tinged with melancholy.

“No problem,” he assured her, rubbing her upper arm. “Someone’s got to, right?”

“I suppose,” she sighed. “I hate feeling like this, but I’m just at the end of my rope. Everything was going so great, and now… now it’s all falling apart. Jamie and I had all these plans and dreams – move into our new house, start a family, live happily ever after. But I should have known… nothing ever works out that way. Nothing’s ever that perfect. I’ve got a body that can’t carry three babies and a husband that won’t be there for me when I need him.”

Even as he listened with sympathy, there was a part of Nick, a small part, somewhere in the depths of his mind, that wanted to tell her, “I told you so.” But he kept the words at bay, knowing that he could never bring himself to say them to her, especially not now. She had come to him for support and comfort, not to have her mistakes rubbed in her face. She was hurting enough as it was.

He knew how she felt. Life was harsh that way; it never stayed “perfect” for long. Just when all of the stars aligned and everything seemed to be going well, something bad would happen – Nick knew the pattern well. Claire did too. And even though she was cured of cancer, the pattern continued for her. He wished he could do something to break its cycle, to take away her hurt and just make her happy, but he felt helpless. The pain she was going through now was much deeper than something a simple hug or a sympathetic ear could cure.

“I know,” he murmured, knowing that all he could do was to be there for her. “It’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to go through all of this, after everything you’ve already been through.”

She looked up and gave him an appreciative smile. “That’s life though, huh?” she sighed. “I guess I should stop complaining and count my blessings, be grateful that I’m alive at all… and that I’m still expecting twins… and that I have amazing friends, who will drop everything and fly halfway across the country to be with me when I just need a hug and someone to whine to.”

Nick returned the smile. “You’re not whining,” he assured her. “And it’s really not a big deal.”

“It is to me,” she countered seriously. “Yeah, I know you can afford it, but you’ve got the album to finish, not to mention you hate flying, and you still came. That means the world to me, Nick.”

Nick felt his chest inflate as his heart swelled with pride. Even though he couldn’t fix all of her problems, he seemed to have eased her pain, temporarily at least, and for now, that was enough. He felt good about it and was glad he had acted on his impulse and decided to come. She really had needed him, just as he had needed her so many times before.

He tightened his arm around her, wanting to make her feel protected and loved there at his side. “Well, you mean the world to me,” he murmured, his breath ruffling her hair as the words slipped out softly.

The top of her head disappeared as she tipped her chin up to look at him. Her blue eyes were large and round, and he was still trying to read the blend of emotions in their depths when she stretched upwards and placed a sweet and gentle kiss on the side of his neck, right at his jawline.

In a romance novel (not that Nick had ever actually read one), the gesture might have marked the cliched moment when the two lovers, torn apart, yet destined to be together, finally let go of all reserve and fell into each other’s arms, making up for lost time with their frantic kisses of passion and finally ending up in a tangle of limbs on the bed, their skin sweat-streaked and glistening, her bosom heaving, his manhood throbbing, their clothes scattered everywhere but on their naked bodies, and so on.

But, of course, nothing like that happened. The sensitive skin on Nick’s neck tingled pleasurably with the moist, soft touch of her lips, but he did not act on the desire to return the kiss. He knew hers had only been a friendly peck to show her gratitude at his words. It was not meant to have been taken any further; it would have been inappropriate. Like it or not, she was married, and he didn’t see Claire as the type to cheat on her husband, no matter how mad at him she was. Nor did he want to get carried away with a married woman, even though he loved her and hated her husband. Nick Carter was a lot of things, but home-wrecker had never been one of them. Claire had made her choice a long time ago, he was not it, and he had accepted that.

And so, he simply rubbed her arm again and kept his lips where they belonged, high above her head, offering words of comfort and reassurance when he could think of them.

They talked late into the night, and when they ran out of things to say, they simply fell into a peaceful silence, broken only by the syncopated rhythm of their quiet breathing. After awhile, Claire’s grew slow and deep, and when he glanced down to check on her, Nick found that she had fallen asleep.

A smile formed on his lips as he watched her for a few minutes; she was still snuggled up against him, though her head had fallen from his shoulder and burrowed into his armpit. He hoped it didn’t smell, but then again, she looked so dead to the world that she probably would not have noticed. She had always been a deep sleeper, and at the moment, she seemed to be out cold. She had to have been exhausted, both physically and emotionally. There were dark circles underneath her closed eyes, and her fair skin looked even paler than usual.

He had no intention of waking her, and so he let her sleep, knowing he would be soon to follow. Flying always made him feel tired, and he’d put in a full day’s work even before he’d got on the plane. It was late now, and he could feel the weariness creeping up on him too, making his eyelids feel heavy and sluggish. Before long, his chin was dropping to his chest, his head slumping to the side to meet hers as he, too, slipped into a deep, fitful sleep.


We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding me like someone broken
And I couldn’t tell you, but I’m telling you now

Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you, and we’ll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you, forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down under the warmth of the sun
Now it’s cold, and we’re scared
And we’ve both been shaken
Hell, look at us, man
This doesn’t need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you, and we’ll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you, forever in me
Ever the same

Call on me
I’ll be there for you, and you’ll be there for me
Forever with you, forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there to carry all your weight
But you’re no burden, I assure
You tide me over with a warmth I’ll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you, forever in me
Ever the same

Call on me
I’ll be there for you, and you’ll be there for me
Forever with you, forever in me
Ever the same

- “Ever the Same” by Rob Thomas


***