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Chapter 165

“I’m… dreaming of a white… Christmas… just like the ones I used to know…”

As Bing Crosby’s smooth voice crooned through the condo, Claire looked out the window at the bay and the palm trees and laughed. She could dream of a white Christmas all she wanted, but it was never going to happen here in Tampa. She’d traded all hopes of a white Christmas for sand and sun, and except for the fact that her husband was still in blustery Iowa, she wasn’t sorry. Here in Florida, she could be with her family.

“Oh, Claire, was that the door?”

Startling out of her reverie, Claire looked over at her mother, who was standing on a stepstool in front of the artificial Christmas tree, her arms full of colored lights. She hadn’t even heard anything at the door, but suddenly, there it was, the distinct sound of someone knocking. Instinctively, she started to get up from the couch, but her mom quickly dropped the lights, held up her hand to stop her, and jumped down from the stool.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to get up,” she said. “Stay put; I’ve got this.”

Sighing, Claire stayed put, watching as her mother hurried off to answer the door. This bed rest thing was getting on her nerves already.

It wasn’t as boring as she thought it would be, for with Christmas less than two weeks away, there was plenty for her to do. She’d been writing Christmas cards, shopping online, and working on her knitting while the rest of her family collaborated on the Christmas decorations, making the new condo look festive and homey with the old tree from Claire’s apartment, some wreaths and garland, and even a bit of mistletoe, for when Jamie came back.

The hard part had been having to lie around and watch them put up the decorations. In all her twenty-eight years, Claire could not remember a Christmas in which she had not at least helped trim the tree. This year, she felt utterly useless because all she could do were things that involved lying down or sitting still. And while she had spent enough time sick in bed to be used to it, she didn’t feel sick or overly tired now, and that made it frustrating. She wanted to be up doing things, and she couldn’t. Doctor’s orders.

But at least she’d taken up knitting again. As she heard her mother unlock the door, she glanced down at the square of knitted yarn in her lap. It wasn’t very big yet, or very good, but she was getting better. She hadn’t knitted in a long time, not since she was twenty and too weak from chemo to do much else. That was when Grandma Ryan had taught her; it was the first time she’d had enough patience to learn. She’d come to enjoy it, although it was a hobby that fell by the wayside once she was back on her feet. She had decided that now would be a good time to pick it up again; she’d already decided she was going to knit some baby booties and a blanket for each of the twins. But until she got good enough to tackle those, she’d work on her practice project: a hat for Nick. It was going to be part of his Christmas present, she’d decided, and he was going to laugh because it would surely turn out ghastly.

Her smirk faded as she heard her mother say, “Well, hi, Nick! Come on in!” and she quickly shoved her knitting under the couch, straightening up just in time for Nick to come in.

“Hey!” she greeted him with a smile.

“Hey,” Nick returned, smiling, before he took a look around the room. “It looks great in here. You guys have been busy.”

“Still are,” said Claire’s mom, coming in behind him and immediately returning to her bundle of Christmas tree lights.

“You need some help with those?” Nick asked, as she climbed back onto her stepstool, struggling to untangle the strands of lights she had dropped.

“Well… sure, that would be wonderful!” She handed the lights over to him, and he untangled them as he went along, feeding her a few feet of lights at a time to drape around the top branches of the tree.

Claire smiled as she watched them work. Nick wasn’t the most skilled in tree-decorating – Claire wasn’t sure he’d ever put lights on a Christmas tree himself before – but he made up for it with his height, which came in quite handy for helping her mom get lights around the top of the tree. And his voice added to the Christmas spirit by blending in quite beautifully with Bing’s, as he sang along, “May your days be merry and bright… and may all your Christmases be white.”

She was still smiling at him when the song ended and he looked over at her, their eyes meeting. “Sorry to have to say this, Claire, but I don’t think your Christmas is going to be white this year,” he said, winking.

Claire giggled. “No, somehow I don’t think so. What a shame, missing out on all that lovely snow back up in Iowa.” She snorted, and he smiled; neither one of them was much of a fan of snow or cold, which was why they were both in Florida. But Claire had to admit, a part of her would have liked to see a white Christmas.

Still, she would rather be here with her family and her friends.

“I’ll be home for Christmas…” Nick sang, contentedly stringing lights with her mother, as the CD changed.

Claire smiled. This was home.

***

“You’re a mean one… Mr. Grinch…”

The Christmas music had changed, but it was as familiar as ever. It was her twenty-eighth Christmas, and Claire had still never missed seeing “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” on TV at least once per season. As her parents told it, she had even watched it when she was a baby, because Kyle was seven then. She hoped that Kyle had it on for his own son right now.

It was incredible how much things had changed, Claire thought, as she watched the Grinch sew his Santa suit. She had watched this same Christmas special every year of her life for almost a full three decades, yet in the course of only a year, just about everything else was different for her.

A year ago, she had still been single… engaged, yes, but not yet married... still living in her old apartment… working her old job in Dr. Somers’ office… and planning her wedding.

Now she was married to Jamie, living in Des Moines, Iowa but staying in this condo in Tampa, jobless, and pregnant with twins. By this time next year, she would have two babies to turn on “The Grinch” for.

It was incredible.

She rested her hand on her belly and rubbed it contentedly. Despite all the stress and worry and complications over the last few months, right now, she couldn’t have felt happier. This Christmas was going to be one to remember, and in a good way. It was going to be special.

***

“You’re a vile one… Mr. Grinch… you have termites in your smile…”

Across town, Nick sat on his couch with his arm around Laureen, smiling at the same Christmas special he, too, remembered watching as a child and thinking the very same thing as Claire.

Well, not the very same thing… but just that, after years of less-than-spectacular Christmases, this one was going to be special.

For one thing, it was the first time he’d had a girlfriend for the holidays since… Leah.

He shuddered slightly, remembering the Christmas he’d spent thinking he was going to be fathering her child in the new year. It had been a happy thought at the time… but now it just made him queasy.

As his body tensed, Laureen looked over. “You okay?”

Nick coughed. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a… chill…”

“A chill?” Laureen grinned at him in amusement. “How could you be cold? We’re in Florida. It’s never cold here.”

“It gets cold here sometimes,” Nick said defensively.

“Ha! I’m from Chicago, Nick. Trust me, it never gets cold here. You don’t know cold until you’ve spent a winter in Chicago.”

“Hey, I’ve been to Chicago in the winter. And… it does suck; you’re right.” He grinned, and she gave him a playful shove.

“Don’t knock my homeland! I love Chicago. Don’t exactly love the cold and the snow, but I do kind of like it around Christmastime. It’s going to be weird being here for Christmas…”

Nick cocked his head. “You aren’t going home?” He wasn’t sure why they hadn’t talked about it yet, but for some reason, he’d assumed she’d want to fly home to Illinois for the holidays.

She shook hers. “No. I usually do, but I was just there in October, and well… I thought maybe… since…” She looked up at him, anxiously winding the drawstring of her hoodie around her finger, and then she finished quickly, “Well, I was just thinking it’d be better if I stayed here this year. Christmas is never that great at home anyway; my mom always spends it in whatever bar stays open, and my dad’s got his own family to spend it with, my step-mom and my little half-sister and all, and I always just feel like I’m interfering when I spend it with them, you know?”

“Aw, I’m sure you wouldn’t be interfering… but yeah, I know how that goes. You know how awkward things with my family can be.” He made a face.

Laureen smiled. “It wasn’t bad at Thanksgiving. I liked meeting your dad and Aaron and Angel.”

“I’m glad you had a good time. Well, until our little red-eye back here,” laughed Nick, thinking of poor Claire. “But yeah, Aaron and Angel are good kids. And things with my dad have gotten better ever since he and my mom divorced. I hate to say it, but things are just easier without her around. Less drama.”

“That’s… understandable.” Laureen offered a tiny smile, and he nodded, chuckling.

“So yeah… if you’re not flying home, maybe we should just spend Christmas together then, huh?”

The tiny smile on Laureen’s lips grew into a big one that made her whole face light up. He could tell that’s what she had been hoping for, and that made him smile. “I would love that,” she said sweetly.

“Me too,” he agreed, and pulled her closer to him again. “My dad’ll probably invite us down to the Keys again… but I dunno… maybe we could just stay here and have a low-key holiday, just the two of us. What do you think?”

She rested her head on his shoulder, and her voice was muffed as she answered, “I would love that too.”

“Then it’s settled,” Nick said, and planted a soft kiss on the top of her head. “We’re gonna have ourselves a merry little Florida Christmas, right here.”

She giggled, and he smiled, suddenly realizing how much he was looking forward to it. A quiet Christmas, just him and his… girlfriend? He wasn’t sure if they’d really settled on that title yet or not, but he had called her that in front of Claire and Jamie, and, in this moment, that’s exactly what Laureen felt like to him. His girlfriend. And if she didn’t know it, then he’d just have to find a way to make it official, official.

Spending Christmas together would surely be a way to do just that.

***

AN: Thanks to Laureen for her ideas!!


Though she’d lived there for over three years, Laureen had never spent a Christmas in Florida before, and Nick was determined to show her a good one.

He’d promised to pick her up on Christmas Eve, even though they’d just be going back to his house, and he showed up outside her apartment building in style. The look on her face was priceless as she came outside and found him waiting for her in the back of an extravagant horse-drawn carriage. The horses had reindeer antlers strapped to their heads (the two in front even had red Rudolph noses), and the driver was wearing a Santa hat – those were all touches that had come with the carriage deal.

What had not been included was Nick in a Santa outfit of his own creation: a bright red Hawaiian shirt printed with white flowers and trimmed with white faux fur along the collar, sleeves, and bottom hem. He had a coordinating red, straw beach hat with the same white fur adornment. Claire had helped him sew the fur trim on, after she’d told him it would be retarded to hire someone to do it. She’d also sewn the sleigh bells onto the flowered lei around his neck, which he jingled proudly when Laureen walked up.

“Merry Christmas!” he called, as he climbed carefully down from the ‘sleigh.’ “This is how we roll here in Florida.” Grinning, he dropped a matching lei around her neck.

“Aww, Nick! This is awesome!” she exclaimed, her face shining with excitement. She gave him a big hug, their jingle leis jangling as they brushed against each other. “Did I ever tell you I love horse-drawn carriages?”

“No, but I’m glad you do, cause you’re about to go for a ride in one. Only, tonight it’s not a horse-drawn carriage. It’s a sleigh, alright? Work with me here.”

“Alright,” Laureen giggled, letting him take her hand and help her into the carriage. She sort of had to help him back in after her; it wasn’t so easy trying to climb up into a sleigh with a fake leg.

Once they were both in and the driver had started the horses – er, ‘reindeer’ – clip-clopping up the Tampa street, Nick started to sing. “Dashing through downtown, in a four-horse open sleigh… o’er the streets we go… laughing all the way-”

“Ha ha ha!” Laureen chimed in enthusiastically, and Nick grinned.

“Bells on bobtails – hey, what the fuck is a bobtail anyway? You don’t know? Aw, hell, me neither… how about this? Bells on lei-ays ring… making spirits bright… what fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight, oh-“

Laureen was laughing hard, but she managed to join in again for the chorus, and they both sang loudly, “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way… o what fun it is to ride in a four-horse open sleigh, hey!”

Passersby in downtown Tampa gave them curious looks as they trundled through town in their outlandish get-ups, singing raucously, but neither one of them noticed or cared. When they finished singing, Nick said, “Hey, I forgot! I have a sleigh blanket, in case you get cold.” He reached behind him and pulled out a large fleece blanket, made of a red-and-white Hawaiian pattern similar to his shirt. That had also been Claire’s idea, and she had helped him make it as well, showing him how to cut snips around the perimeter of two pieces of fleece and tie them together to make a fringed blanket. Claire got creative when she was laid up in bed with nothing better to do; he liked it.

She’d sewn some small bells to some of the fringe too, and they jingled as Nick wrapped the thick blanket around Laureen and himself. It wasn’t really cold outside – as Laureen had told him rather emphatically, it never got truly cold in Florida – but as it was dark and December, it wasn’t exactly sweltering either, and it felt good to have the blanket around him and Laureen’s warm body snuggled tight against his.

“This is amazing, Nick,” she murmured, relaxing against him as they enjoyed the bouncing rhythm of the horses’ hoofsteps. “I’ve never gone on a Christmas Eve carriage ride before… especially not like this.”

He laughed, pleased with himself. “I figured even if you had, it wouldn’t be quite like this.”

“You got that right,” she giggled. “I love it!”

“Claire helped… but it was all my idea.”

She kissed him on the cheek. “You’re a genius. I told you, I love it!”

Nick swelled with pride, glad she was having a good time. Christmas Eve was off on the right foot.

After a long ride, the carriage took them back to the park where it normally circulated and dropped them off there, where Nick had left his car. He and Laureen thanked the driver, and Nick slipped him an extra tip before he gathered their things and joined Laureen in the car. He turned on the heat and some Christmas music, and they sang along as he drove them back to his place. Laureen actually had a nice tone; her on-pitch voice blended well with his as they playfully sang with the radio. Then that god-awful NSync Christmas song came on, and Nick turned off the radio, and they sang “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells” a capella instead until they reached Nick’s house.

“We should record that as a single together, you know,” he teased her as he parked the car in the garage and shut off the engine.

“Hey, it’d be better than that ‘Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays’ crap,” Laureen giggled. He snickered, fumbling with his keys as he tried to unlock the door.

They went inside, where the house had been decorated elegantly for the holidays, thanks to the interior decorator Nick had paid to put all the stuff up. He hired her every year to do his dirty work; hanging tree ornaments and mistletoe wasn’t really his forte, although it wasn’t so bad when he’d helped Claire’s mom with it. It was more fun when you actually had loved ones around to help you decorate, he supposed. That was why he never bothered to do it himself; usually he was alone or with one of the guys’ families on Christmas. There was never anyone but him around to admire the decorations.

But this year, there was Laureen, and he was glad the house looked nice for her benefit.

“Mistletoe!” he announced, nudging her into a spot in the center of the threshold that divided the kitchen and living room and turning her chin up to see the sprig of mistletoe that hung there. Not letting go of her chin, he then used it to guide her face up to meet his, capturing her mouth in a long, festive kiss.

Laureen smiled, licking her lips. “I love mistletoe.”

“Yeah, me too. And I think after you’ve been standing under it for ten seconds, you have to kiss again. It’s the rule.”

“Well. If it’s the rule…” This time, she kissed him.

***

When he finally arrived in Tampa on Christmas Eve, Claire greeted her husband with her own sprig of mistletoe and a long, hungry kiss to match. Several, in fact. “Merry Christmas,” she managed to say in between. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” echoed Jamie, hugging her as best he could with her big belly in the way. “So… this is the place, huh?”

“This is it,” said Claire, smiling cautiously as she stepped back to let him look around the condo. It was the first time he’d been in it, though she’d sent him pictures the week after she’d moved in.

Jamie had been less than thrilled, of course, by Nick’s “gift” to her, but he had surprised her with his reaction. There had been no fighting, no cursing, no name-calling. Only a couple of snide remarks, and then he had handled it with grace, telling her he was glad she would have a comfortable place to live in while she had to stay in Tampa. It had come as a surprise, but also a huge relief, to Claire, who had expected a rampage of anger, bitterness, and jealousy.

But Jamie seemed to be getting better, and their relationship was starting to heal as a result. Maybe the time apart would do them good, Claire had thought, as they’d settled into a routine, talking on the phone for an hour or so every night so that he could hear about what was going on with her and the babies and she could ask him about work and how his day had been. Things seemed almost normal, as normal as they could possibly be under these circumstances.

Still, she was glad to have him here in person, not just on the phone. There was no way she and Jamie could spend their first Christmas as a married couple in different states.

“Come see the Christmas decorations we put up. Well, Mom put them up, actually; I laid around and watched. Bed rest sucks; it makes me feel so lazy and worthless…” Chattering away, Claire took his hand and led him through the kitchen and into the living room, where the tree was ablaze with lights and “A Christmas Story” was showing on the TV and, for once, everything seemed just about perfect.

***

“So I know that if you were up north for Christmas, where it’s cold, you’d probably hang up your stockings and then get cozy in front of the fireplace. But since we’re in Florida and I don’t have a fireplace, I came up with an alternative,” Nick explained, as he led Laureen to the French doors that led out to his deck. Down the steps they went, down to the beach, where, a safe distance away, Nick had assembled a small burn pile, just enough for the perfect bonfire, waiting to be lit.

“I thought we could just take off our stockings, dig our toes in the sand, and get cozy together in front of a bonfire on the beach,” finished Nick. “Whaddya say?”

Laureen beamed. “Sounds perfect to me!”

Using liberal amounts of lighter fluid, Nick lit the bonfire, and, once it was safe to come near it, he and Laureen took off their shoes and socks and curled up on a blanket he had spread out over the sand. He had brought the fleece sleigh blanket along too, and they draped that around their shoulders, just as they had in the carriage. It really was quite cozy.

“It is actually kinda chilly out here,” Laureen commented after awhile, pulling the blanket tighter around herself. “We should make hot chocolate over the fire.”

Nick laughed. “That would be awesome!! Will that work?”

“Sure, why not? All we need is water, heat, and hot chocolate mix. Do you have some?”

“I think so…”

Half an hour later, they had rigged two mugs of water onto roasting sticks, which they held precariously over the fire. It really didn’t work as well as they’d hoped; Nick’s mug slipped from its bindings and fell into the fire, and Laureen jostled hers so much that half the water sloshed out, and when she finally pulled the mug out, the bottom was so covered in ash that she didn’t really want to drink from it anyway.

“Um, maybe we should just make some in the house,” suggested Laureen, admitting defeat.

“Uh, yeah, that would probably be more… practical,” agreed Nick.

“I’ll go make a pot of it. You wait here,” Laureen offered.

As she started to get up, Nick frowned at her. “Is that really how you make hot chocolate in Chicago?” he asked.

She burst out laughing. “Uh… no, Nick. No.”

Still giggling, she walked back up to the house and returned shortly after with a hot thermos of cocoa and two fresh mugs. The hot chocolate she’d made in the microwave was excellent and didn’t have the sooty aftertaste the bonfire cocoa probably would have had. Together, they emptied the thermos and warmed themselves up from the inside out.

“Hey, when this wears off,” said Nick, giving her a suggestive look, “I know another way we can get warm.”

“Oh yeah?” Laureen raised her eyebrows, her expression matching his. “What’s that?”

“Allow me to demonstrate.”

Setting his empty mug aside, Nick took her in his arms and kissed her deeply, slipping his tongue into her mouth. The heat of their bodies came together, and he found that he really did feel a lot warmer. Hot, even. Boiling, he thought, as he forced himself to pull away and looked her over, hungry for more.

“That’s pretty effective,” admitted Laureen, her face close to his, her warm breath caressing his cheeks and forehead. “You better let me try.” She leaned in and followed his example, kissing him the way she had beneath the mistletoe. For someone who had been as awkward and nervous around him as she had in the beginning, Laureen had become quite smooth. She was learning just what it took to turn him on, and fast.

He lay down on the blanket, pulling her on top of him, and the kisses came faster and hungrier. Soon, her green top had ridden halfway up her back, pushed aside by his hands as they explored every curve, every dip, every inch of skin.

“You know what I want for Christmas?” he murmured, his voice husky with building lust.

She straightened, so that she was straddling his hips. “What?”

He took hold of her upper arms and pulled her back down to his chest for a kiss. His lips moved against hers as he whispered his answer. “You.”

She sat up again. His eyes followed her, lingering over her thighs, her stomach, her breasts, her neck, her lips… He stopped when he met her eyes and gave her a questioning look. She seemed to hesitate, pulling the sleeves of her shirt down over her hands. “I… me too,” she said, “but… there’s something I should tell you…”

Nick had sensed there would be a “but.” He frowned. “Okay… what is it?”

Laureen opened her mouth and then closed it. She repeated this several more times before she finally closed her eyes and blurted, “Nick, I’m a virgin.”

It took a few seconds for Nick to process what she’d said. He blinked and suddenly realized he was surprised. Not just that Laureen was a virgin, but that her confession was that and not something else. Something worse. Something like… genital warts, or (since he didn’t really think a girl like Laureen would have genital warts)… that she liked him, but couldn’t handle the idea of having sex with an amputee.

Claire would tell him he was being ridiculous for still worrying about that, and Veronica, if he called her, would probably say the same. So would all of the groupies he’d slept with on tour. But the insecurity had never quite left him; it reared its ugly head every time he found himself in this predicament, on the cusp of getting laid, wanting very much to get laid, but fearing the reaction of the girl he was with.

Yet, looking into Laureen’s eyes, which were open once again and fearful, he realized that his insecurities were nothing compared to hers. She was afraid he wouldn’t want to be with her, because of her lack of experience. He could see it in her eyes.

In that instant, he realized how young she really was. She had always had an innocence about her that he found endearing, but now she looked vulnerable, almost childlike. It wasn’t like she was a teenager; she was twenty-four. But that also made her almost five years his junior, and he suddenly worried he was pushing her into something she wasn’t ready for.

“So you’ve never…?”

“No,” Laureen said, her voice small. “I-It’s not like I’ve never had the opportunity. It’s just… it’s never felt right before. I’ve never been with the right guy. I wasn’t holding out for marriage or anything, just for... a guy I really like… and trust. And the perfect moment…”

Nick raised an eyebrow. “And now…?”

Her voice dropped to barely a whisper. “It feels right… but… but I…” She lowered her face, and though it was too dark to tell, he could guess that her cheeks were flame red. She was acting ashamed, and she had no reason to be. No reason at all.

“You won’t disappoint me, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Nick jumped in, sitting up. He reached out and gently took her chin in his hand, tilting it up until her eyes were aligned with him again. “It’s your call. I don’t want to push you into anything you don’t wanna do.”

“I do though,” she said, one corner of her mouth turning upwards into a smile. “I do. I just…”

“You have nothing to worry about,” he promised her again. “We’ll take things slow… nice and easy…”

She nodded, with a full-on smile this time. “Okay,” she said, and he realized that she did trust him. And apparently really liked him, too.

He was glad she had put it like that: “really like” as opposed to “love.” Because, while he really liked her too, Nick couldn’t say he loved her, and that made him question himself and what he was about to do. He hadn’t had sex in a long time, and he wanted her, badly. But he knew how particular some girls were about their virginity, and he didn’t want to take something that was precious to her without meaning, without commitment.

But then she kissed him, long and sweet, and he realized that there was meaning there. Maybe he wasn’t ready for the L-word now, but Laureen was special to him, and he was ready for a commitment. He was ready to make things official. And who knew… maybe the commitment would lead to love.

He took her in his arms, kissing her back, and when they finally slipped out of the kiss, he asked her again, “Are you sure?”

She met his eyes once before leaning in for another kiss, grazing his lips with hers. Her breath was warm and sensuous on his face as she whispered back, “I’m sure.”

***