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Chapter 194

Claire swam in her dreams all night, and when she awoke in the morning, she felt as peaceful as still water on a windless day. She was smiling even before she opened her eyes, her mind filled with images from last night’s fantasy. She hadn’t dreamed of Nick in so long, but now that she had, she realized how much she’d been missing out on. Just the thought of making love to him in the dark water, illuminated only by torchlight, filled her with warmth and happiness.

A few months ago, she would have felt guilty for finding such pleasure in being with another man in her dreams, but there was no longer a wedding band on her finger, so what did it matter now? A girl could always dream.

She opened her eyes, unprepared for the bright sunlight streaming in through the window. Her first thought was that she must have slept in late; why else would the light be so bright? Surprised that Caitlin or Delaine hadn’t cried and woken her up yet, she sat up, anxious to go and check on them. As the sheets tumbled off her naked body, she froze… and suddenly remembered.

This wasn’t her condo. One look around confirmed it: she was in Nick’s downstairs guest room. And there, conked out next to her, the sheets twisted around his bare torso, was Nick.

It hadn’t been a dream at all.

“Holy shit,” she cursed under her breath, pulling the sheets back up around herself. She stared at Nick through wide eyes, struggling to sort out the events of last night that had led up to this moment. Waking up next to him… naked…

Once she got her bearings, she remembered everything – the party, the drive home, the pool… She hadn’t been that drunk. Drunk enough to give it up to Nick though. Did it count as a one-night stand if it was with a man she’d once been engaged to? She would argue “no.” A one-night stand sounded so… slutty. And she was not a slut. She’d only been with a few men in her entire life, and one of them was Nick. And she had loved Nick. She still loved Nick. Where was the wrong in that?

The thing was, while the situation of a newly-divorced mother getting drunk and hooking up with her old boyfriend had the word “WRONG!” stamped all over it, it felt so… right. As Claire sat there in bed, watching Nick sleep, she couldn’t say she regretted last night. She was a tad hungover and rather sore from all the exercise she’d gotten in the pool, but she felt oddly relaxed.

If it were a one-night stand, she would be scrambling for her clothes right now, trying to get out without waking Nick, desperate to escape the embarrassment of having to face him, yet still facing the walk of shame home. But instead, Claire just lay down again, snuggling back into the warm hollow her body had created the night before. It was incredibly comfortable. She rolled onto her side, facing Nick, her head very close to his bare shoulder. With the sun to her back and the sound of his deep breathing to soothe her, she closed her eyes against her headache and drifted back into a tranquil sleep.

***

When Nick awoke, his first thought was that he must still be dreaming. Why else would Claire be there, sound asleep in his bed, her nude form swaddled in the covers.

And then he remembered last night.

That seemed like a dream too, but after contemplating it for a few seconds, he decided that, no, it had really happened. He’d barely been buzzed the night before; he remembered everything, from the party to the pool, and it had most definitely not been a dream. It only seemed like one.

He reached over and, very lightly, touched her cheek. She was as real as he was. A dream come true.

Nick remembered Claire to be a deep sleeper, but she must have been on the brink of waking anyway, because she stirred at his touch. Turning her face in his hand, she kissed his palm, and her blue eyes fluttered open.

He withdrew his hand, still moist from her lips. “Morning,” he whispered, unsure of what kind of reaction to expect from her, though the kiss left him hopeful.

A smile stretched across her lips. “Good morning. Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah. Sleep well?”

“Mm-hm, very. Comfy bed, warm body, no crying babies to wake me up… best sleep I’ve had in months.” She yawned contentedly, seemingly in no hurry to lift her head from the pillow.

Nick didn’t blame her. He could have lain there in bed with her for hours. But a nagging question kept burning in his brain, and he had to get it out in the open. Pillow talk was pointless if it didn’t mean anything. And he needed to know… what did it mean?

“So… this isn’t, like… weird to you?” he asked her.

“Not really ‘weird,’ no. If it was weird, I wouldn’t still be here. I woke up two hours ago; I could have left then,” answered Claire matter-of-factly.

“But you didn’t.”

“No.” Claire smiled. “Because it’s not weird. More, like… unexpected. I didn’t expect to be waking up with you this morning.”

“But now that you are…?”

She shrugged her exposed shoulder, still smiling, and burrowed her cheek deeper into her pillow. “It’s kinda nice. Like old times. It’s not weird when it’s you and me. Does it feel weird to you?”

“No,” he murmured, in awe of the words coming from her lips. “It feels right.”

He felt her hand take his beneath the sheets, as she laced her fingers through his. “It feels right to me too.”

And there they were. The eggshells were smashed, the walls demolished, and all that separated them now was a wad of rumpled linen.

But Nick knew it wasn’t that simple. It could never be, even with them. After everything that had happened in the last few years, how could they expect to just pick up where they’d left off? And would she even want to? Or was this still just a one-night thing? A nice, but temporary fling?

“So… where do we go from here?” he finally asked, not wanting to ruin the leisurely morning, but anxious to find out where they stood and what this meant. He wasn’t about to get his hopes up if it turned out she wanted nothing of him.

Claire sighed and closed her eyes. “Honestly… I don’t know.” She was silent for a moment, and then she added, “I guess it depends.”

“On what?” Nick asked, trying not to be impatient. He knew this was a delicate conversation; he needed to be gentle with her. He couldn’t push.

She opened her eyes and looked into his. “On you. On your feelings. Do you want another try at a relationship? And if you do, are you willing to wait for me? To take things slow, until I know I’m ready?”

He gazed back into her eyes, wishing they could penetrate into his soul and see his true feelings. But for now, it would take words to tell her how he felt. “Yes, and yes,” he answered quickly, but honestly. “I would wait for you till… till the end of time, if I knew I could have you in eternity. I love you, Claire. I’ve never stopped. I never will.” Though he was still lying down, his heart was pounding, and adrenaline was coursing through his body and mind, carrying his words. If he’d had a pencil and paper handy, he felt he could have written amazing lyrics that morning, with her as his inspiration.

The words seemed to touch her too; suddenly, her eyes seemed extra bright. Blinking a few times, she sniffed and said, “But you can’t say stuff like that. It’s too soon. If we’re going to do this, we have to start fresh and take it slow. I don’t want to rush it this time.”

“Rush it? Last time, it took us four months just to have sex,” Nick said incredulously. He didn’t think he could wait that long this time. Especially after last night.

“Well, gee, whose fault was that?” Claire teased, sticking out her tongue. “I’m not talking about sex anyway. Seems like we’ve already taken care of the sex part. Casual sex is one thing. I’m talking about the commitment part. I want a relationship, but I don’t know if I’m ready for another serious commitment yet. I just don’t want to move too fast and mess things up again. This time, I want to be sure. I need to be sure.”

Her eyes bore into his, and he could still see the hurt in them, the scars left from Jamie and even, just maybe, from him. But he had scars from her too. And that was why he understood. This was their last chance. An unexpected opportunity to see if they could heal their relationship and make it work. They couldn’t blow it this time. If he lost her again, he would lose her forever.

Like a butterfly, he had once let her go, and finally, she had come back to him. Now all he had to do was hold onto her and show her that what felt right was truly meant to be.


So you lost your way
But that’s yesterday
And I don’t care where you’ve been
Cause every step you’ve taken since you left
Has brought you back again
And I hope you see it clear
My love’s always right here
(I’ll be right here)

You’re home now
Not alone now
These arms are here to hold you
You don’t need to be afraid
So come in
Cause I’ve been
Waiting for the moment
To open up this door
And I know that it’s not much
But welcome to my heart

- “Welcome to My Heart” by the Backstreet Boys


***