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Chapter 30

AN: This one’s for you, Mary – I tried! ;)

It was not late when Claire got back to Nick’s house – home, she told herself, it’s not just ‘Nick’s house’ anymore – but she could feel the exhaustion creeping up on her and decided to follow Nick’s advice and turn in early. She walked around the house, checking to make sure all the windows and doors were locked, and then turned on the security system the way Howie had showed her earlier.

When she was sure the large house was secure, she went into Nick’s bedroom downstairs and found the box that contained her toothbrush, toothpaste, and face wash, among other things, and picked it up. She was just about to leave the room when she remembered pajamas. Not sure which box she’d put those in, she put down the box in her arms and walked over to Nick’s dresser, rummaging through it until she found one of his t-shirt drawers. She picked a rumpled shirt off the top of the pile and brought it to her nose. She smiled - it smelled like him, a familiar, comforting scent. She draped it over the top of the box and carried it upstairs to the master bedroom.

She set the box down at the foot of the king-size bed, which seemed to be calling to her. It looked so inviting, with its fluffy beige down comforter and mounds of pillows piled against the colossal headboard. She’d never slept in a bed that big before and was looking forward to all the extra room she’d have to sprawl. She was just about to climb onto it and test it out when she noticed a shallow, rectangular box nestled in the folds of the comforter. Cocking her head to the side, she reached for the box and pulled it closer to her. She pulled off the lid to find a piece of paper lying on top of tissue paper. Smiling, she picked up the note, tilted it toward the light, and began to read.

Claire,

Welcome to your new palace. I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant of me, calling it a palace, but now that you’re living here, it is a palace. Because to me, you’re a queen, and you deserve to be treated like one. I’d be there to pamper you if I could, but I’m trapped in this shithole, so I’ll just have to trust you to pamper yourself. Take a nice, relaxing soak in the jacuzzi and then go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.

Sweet dreams.

I love you.

Nick

Her smile was a mile wide by the time she had reached his signature, and her heart had swelled with emotion, bringing about a tingling feeling inside her. She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry - laugh because only Nick would use the word ‘shithole’ in a love letter; cry because all of a sudden, she missed him. She’d just come from seeing him, and yet… she missed him.

“I wish you were here,” she whispered regretfully, slowly setting the note down on the bed. Then she reached for the box, hoping to cheer herself up. She curiously pulled back the flaps of tissue paper and found herself looking at something lavender and satiny. She reached in and gingerly pulled the material out until she found herself holding a short, slinky chemise. She lay it out on the bed in front of her, running her fingertips over its luxurious, silky material. It was not something she would ever consider buying for herself, but she had to admit, it was beautiful - simple, with thin spaghetti straps, a plunging neckline, and no trim or accents, just plain, opaque lilac material.

On a whim, she glanced back into the box and was surprised to find another garment at the bottom, this one in black. She pulled the second piece of lingerie out and laid it beside the first. This one was more risqué, lacy and sheer in most parts. Grinning, she shook her head and looked back into the box to see if there was anything else. There was – a small note, laying flat on the very bottom of the box. It said, simply: You told me once you didn’t have any sexy lingerie. I thought it was about time I changed that.

She giggled, looking from his handwritten note to the two pieces of lingerie lying on the bed. “How did he-?“ she began to wonder aloud, but in mid-thought, it hit her. Howie. This had to be Howie’s doing. What a sweetheart. They both were.

The smile felt like it would never leave her face as she slowly folded the tissue paper back into the box and put the lid on it. Leaving the lingerie where it lay, she carried the two notes from Nick over to the nightstand on the left side of the bed – “her,” side, as it always was when she and Nick slept together, though they’d never slept in this bed before. She was surprised to find a vase sitting there, half-filled with water and holding two long-stemmed roses, one red and the other yellow. Again, she shook her head in amazement; she hadn’t even noticed it when she’d come in. She stopped to sniff the roses and then propped up the two notes against the vase, tucking the second one behind the first. As she did, her eyes roamed over his writing once again. Take a nice, relaxing soak in the jacuzzi and then go to bed, he’d instructed.

That sounds nice, she thought, tempted by both ideas. I think I will.

She wandered into the bathroom and found more surprises awaiting her there. There was another vase sitting on the bathroom counter, with an identical flower arrangement inside – a pair of roses, red and yellow. Along with the vase, there were candles on the counter, and when she glanced over at the large jacuzzi in the corner of the spacious bathroom, she saw even more candles. They were sprinkled evenly around the wide rim of the tub, ranging in size and color – all shades of purple, she realized, from the lightest of lavenders to the darkest of amethysts. They were not yet lit, but she found a lighter waiting for her on the counter. Flicking the lighter so that a flame sparked, she methodically lit the candles, until each wick held a dancing flame, and the room was filled with the sweet scent of lavender and lilac. She turned off the lights overhead and across the top of the mirror and stood in the doorway to simply gaze. She drew in a breath at the sight she was met with – a dim room, illuminated only by the soft, intimate light of candle after flickering candle. It was beautiful.

She pulled the door closed behind her and locked it, even though she knew no one else was home. Then she crossed the room and turned on the jacuzzi, filling the deep tub with hot, bubbly water. She shed her clothes and folded them neatly in a stack on the floor, a surprising deviation from the usual messy pile she left them in at her old apartment. Within a minute, she was sliding down into the hot water, expelling a gusty sigh as she landed on the seat, then inhaling deeply, breathing in the warm, flowery scents of the candles all around her. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back against the marble rim, and decided that this was surely heaven. Or close enough anyway. The only thing needed to make it perfect was Nick by her side, rubbing her neck and shoulders as she soaked, sprinkling her body with tender kisses, and making love to her upon that big, soft bed of his. But she was used to life being less than perfect, so she would have to make do without all that tonight.

After nearly an hour in the jacuzzi, she stepped out feeling totally relaxed, her aching muscles thanking her for the long soak. The warm water and scented candles had made her sleepy, and as she drained the tub and blew them all out, one by one, she thought about how wonderful it was going to feel to slip into Nick’s bed, lay her head down on something soft, and close her eyes. Sleep would carry her away instantly, she felt sure.

Wrapping a towel around her body, Claire left the now-hazy bathroom and walked back into the bedroom. As soon as she’d crossed the threshold separating the two rooms, her ears picked up the strains of soft music playing. Her heart skipped a beat, and she froze to listen, wondering with a slight panic who had turned on the music. The panic melted away seconds later, when she realized what she was hearing. “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers. It was one of her favorite songs.

Oh my love, my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time…

At first, she looked around the bedroom in confusion, wondering where it was coming from. She quickly traced the music to the alarm clock on Nick’s side of the bed and realized instantly that someone had planned this – put the CD into the clock’s disc player, set the alarm for it to begin playing at a certain time, when he was sure she’d be around. It had to have been Howie who’d done all the work, but she knew who had been at the heart of the plans.

And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me…

Letting the music play on, she sank down onto the bed to listen. It was not long before tears rose in her eyes, brought on by the familiar lyrics.

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
Lonely rivers sigh wait for me, wait for me
I’ll be coming home, wait for me…

A solitary teardrop slid down one cheek, and she sniffled, feeling silly, yet unable to stop the rush of loneliness and desire that had flooded her soul. Again, she wished Nick was home, and not just for her sake, but his as well. She knew it was killing him not to be there with her, and now it was killing her too. More than anything, she wanted to snuggle into his arms and hold him as he embraced her in return. She reached for a pillow instead, hugging it to her chest as another tear fell, leaving a small wet drop on the pillow sham.

Oh my love, my darling
I’ve hungered, hungered for your touch
A long, lonely time
And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me

A sigh and a small giggle escaped her lips almost at the same time, and she reluctantly stood, letting the pillow fall as she rubbed her eyes. I’m just exhausted, she told herself. That’s why I’m getting so emotional. I’ll just go to bed, and when I wake up, it’ll be morning, and I can bring Nick home.

As she walked around to the foot of the bed, she realized the song had started to play again. It must have been set to repeat. She left it playing as she let her bath towel fall and reached for the lavender chemise he’d given her. She carefully pulled the lingerie over her head and smoothed down the satiny fabric before turning to step in front of the wide mirror above his large dresser. She eyed her reflection with interest, turning her body and craning her neck to view herself from all angles. The slinky lingerie actually fit her well, although it did not do much to hide parts of her body she was less than thrilled to expose – cellulite on her thighs, that mole on her back, the small scar just below her collarbone where she’d once had a central line placed for chemo. But she supposed a bathing suit showed just as much, and Nick had seen her in a lot less. Nothing to fret over.

She cleared off the bed, folding the black lingerie with care and placing it back in its box, and then went back around to the left side to turn down the sheets. She did a double-take when she pulled down the comforter to find satin sheets in a rich shade of dark purple. She burst out laughing; had Nick actually told Howie to put purple, satin sheets on his bed for her? (And how had they known purple was her favorite color?) This is definitely princess treatment, she thought with a grin. Or I guess I should say queen.

She slid effortlessly beneath the covers, her silky new nightdress slippery against the satin sheets. After adjusting the pillows to her liking, she lay her head down and closed her eyes just as she’d fantasized of doing earlier. Her tired body relaxed against the mattress, but sleep did not come as instantly as she had hoped. For one thing, she’d forgotten to turn off the music, and still it played on. Oh my love, my darling… With a moan, she rolled over, the chemise twisting around her middle, and lifted her head. The clock on the other side of the bed suddenly looked so far away. She flopped back down and closed her eyes again, trying to let the music soothe her to sleep. I’ve hungered for your touch… When that did not work, she simply tried to block it out. A long, lonely time… Finally, she hauled herself up, her body protesting the sudden movement, and crawled across the wide bed, slapping at Nick’s clock until the music finally stopped.

But even after she’d crossed back to her own side, readjusted her sleepwear, and lain back down, the song played on… in her head.

And time goes by so slowly…

She tossed and turned. Finally she rolled out of bed and stood up, sick of the twisting of the lingerie every time she moved. She stalked to the foot of the bed and pulled it off, trading it for the t-shirt of Nick’s she’d originally brought up. More comfortable now, she crawled back into bed and again tried to bring on the sleep she craved. But it did not come. Still she tossed, still she turned, and still the song lyrics flowed melodically through her mind.

I need your love…

She exhaled sharply and inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of Nick that clung to the t-shirt on her body.

I need your love…

She rolled over, stretching her legs out to the side, frowning when her toes touched nothing, not the edge of the bed, nor Nick’s leg. Just empty space.

God speed your love to me…

Finally, she sat up, expelling a huge sigh. “I can’t do this,” she murmured aloud, the sound of her own voice oddly comforting in the silence of the large, empty house. She raked a hand through her hair and shook her head. “I can’t sleep here tonight.” Why, she was not exactly sure, but she knew it had something to do with Nick. She’d slept alone for years in her own apartment, but it just felt weird to sleep all alone in a bed that was not hers, in a room that was not hers, in a house that was not hers, without the man who owned them all, the man who had done all those wonderful, sweet things for her that night, the man who belonged right there by her side.

Without giving it another thought, she got out of bed, and within minutes, was downstairs and dressed in a loose-fitting pair of cropped sweatpants and one of her own t-shirts. She fetched her car keys, grabbed her purse, and walked out to her run-down old Toyota, which looked so out of place in the driveway of Nick’s sprawling home. A minute later, she was turning onto the road, her hands gripping the wheel tightly with determination. If he could not be there where he belonged, she would go to where she belonged – by his side.

***

Visiting hours were long over when Claire arrived at the hospital, and the halls of Nick’s floor were empty and quiet. She knew many of the nurses would frown on her arriving at this hour, but she didn’t care. She had been in and out of this hospital enough to know just the right cards to play, and she also knew that Nick’s celebrity status allowed him to pull the strings she alone could not. Between the two of them, she’d get in to see him. She hadn’t driven this far that late at night to be turned away.

She walked quickly down the hallway, taking the familiar route to Nick’s room. Just when she was beginning to think she’d gotten lucky, she reached then nurse’s station and was immediately stopped by a tall, middle-aged nurse who reminded Claire of a buzzard – bony and slightly hunched, with a thick brow and slightly beaked nose.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but where do you think you’re going?” the nurse questioned, leering down at Claire from behind the counter. “Visiting hours ended at nine.”

“Oh, I’m staying overnight,” said Claire easily, acting as if she’d been there the whole time. Watching the nurse’s sharp eyes drift to her purse, she added, “Just ran downstairs for a quick snack.”

“The cafeteria’s closed at this time of night.”

“Oh… I know. I meant downstairs and across the street. I went across the street to get something to eat.” She smiled briefly - a smile of innocence, she hoped. The nurse arched an eyebrow and continued her penetrating stare. Without giving her a chance to ask anymore questions, Claire went on quickly, “Well, I’d better get back to my brother’s room. Have a good night.”

She hurried away, hoping the nurse would not know she wasn’t Nick’s sister. She wasn’t sure why she’d felt the need to lie about that; somehow, it just seemed more acceptable than saying she was his girlfriend.

A security guard sat half asleep in a chair just down the hall from Nick’s room – the hospital had been good about providing security on the off chance someone figured out Nick was there – and Claire sucked in a breath, hoping she wouldn’t be grilled even more by him. He would certainly know she hadn’t been there since visiting hours, and he could also easily kick her out.

Luckily, when he looked up, Claire recognized him as a guard who had been on duty the day before when she had been up to visit, and he appeared to recognize her as well. He offered her a tired smile and a gruff “’Evenin’.”

“Hello,” she replied sweetly and walked past. He did not stop her.

At Nick’s door, she let out a breath and raised her hand to knock softly. She waited, leaning her ear closer to the door to listen for a response.

“Come in?” she heard him say finally. He sounded confused. She smiled knowingly; the nurses usually just breezed in and out when they came by for their regular vital checks at night. He would not be expecting her. She reached for the doorknob and turned it with difficulty; her palms were still clammy from her encounter with Old Buzz.

Pushing open the door, she stepped in slowly, letting light from the hall spill into his room. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she saw him lying in bed, his head raised to see her. “Hey,” she said softly. “Did I wake you?”

“What are you doing here?” Nick asked, ignoring her question. “Somethin’ wrong?”

“Not at all,” she smiled, stepping into the room and closing the door quietly behind her. She blinked in the darkened room and cautiously made her way over to his bed, perching on the edge and turning to face him. “I just wanted to see you, is all,” she said, sliding her hand into his so that their fingers intertwined. “I loved what you did for me tonight. Or what you had Howie do, I should say?”

Through the darkness, she could just make out his faint smile. “D’s great to have around, ya know,” he said.

“I know,” she agreed. “He’s a good friend. And you, my dear, are just sweet.” Smiling, she leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, letting her lips linger there for a few seconds, tasting his skin, breathing in the scent of his hair, relishing in his presence there before her. “I did just what you said – lit all the candles, took a nice long bath, and went to bed. I even wore the ‘sexy lingerie’ you got me.” She grinned, and he grinned back.

“Howie picked it out,” he admitted. “But he brought it by yesterday so I could approve it.”

“Howie tested, Nick approved?” she said, ripping off the Kix cereal slogan.

Nick wrinkled his nose. “Well damn, I hope D wasn’t testing those things.”

She burst out laughing. “Okay, never mind. That didn’t come out quite like I’d intended.”

“Eh, it’s late – I’ll forgive ya.” He smiled and squeezed her hand twice. “So, if you don’t mind my asking again… what are you doing here? Didn’t you say you’d gone to bed?”

“Ah, I did... loved the sheets, by the way. Also a Howie purchase?”

“Yep. Did he get purple?”

“Uh-huh. Since when do you like purple so much?” she teased.

“Ha ha. I don’t, but I know you do – so does he, actually. And anyway, it was supposed to seem royal. You know, purple? Royal color?”

“Sure,” she said. “It was a good choice. Purple’s my favorite color.” She smiled.

“So,” he pressed, “why aren’t you sleeping like a queen in your purple sheets? Not that I don’t like you being here, but… well…”

She laughed. “I know,” she said, “why am I at this damn hospital that we both see too much of anyway and not at home in your nice bed? Well, it’s simple enough - I couldn’t sleep.”

“How come? Miss me too much?” He was only kidding, but he’d hit the nail on the head.

“Actually… kind of, yes,” she confessed with a little laugh. “Your bed’s huge… I’m not used to all that space… I need somebody to share it with me.”

“Why, so you can kick me and hog all the covers?” he teased her, but she could hear the delight in his voice just as plainly as she could see the smile on his face. He was pleased with knowing that she had missed him, that she had been unable to sleep without him there.

“Something like that,” she replied with a sheepish grin.

“Well, come here, baby,” he said, scooting over to one side of his bed and patting the narrow space beside him. “I won’t let you hog all the covers here, but I will share.”

“Can I still kick you then?” she asked. He just chuckled. Smiling contentedly, she wedged herself in beside him, snuggling up against his chest with her head on his shoulder. It wasn’t exactly the most comfortable place to sleep, but she’d lain with him this way before, and it felt as if that was where she belonged. Not all alone in a big, empty bed, but side by side with him.

***

Lyrics: “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers