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Chapter 39

The following night, Kevin and Kristin invited everyone over to their house for dinner. Kevin worked the grill while the women chatted and AJ, Howie, and Brian hung out in the luminescent in-ground pool. “Are you comin’ in, Nick?” asked Brian, who was sliding a pair of inflatable water wings onto Baylee so he could get in the pool too.

Nick looked up from his spot at the edge of the pool, where he sat sideways, one leg dangling in the water while his artificial one stretched out in front of him. “Nah, I don’t think so,” he answered Brian. He didn’t really feel like wearing swim trunks, not with everyone around. As much as he didn’t like to admit it, he was still somewhat self-conscious about his body… the ugly scar that wrapped around the left side of his chest, and of course, his leg. Some of them – especially Claire, AJ, and Howie – were used to seeing it, but he still felt awkward and slightly uncomfortable around the others.

“Okay,” Brian said, and for awhile, Nick thought he would let it drop. But after dinner, when the women were inside cleaning up, and AJ, Howie, and Kevin had gotten back into the pool, Brian pulled Nick aside. “Hey, I wanted to ask you… you’re not embarrassed to go swimming in front of everyone or anything, are you?”

Nick felt himself starting to blush as he realized Brian had hit the nail on the head. Knowing his best friend could read him like a book in situations like this, Nick had no choice but to shrug and grudgingly admit, “I dunno… maybe a little.”

Shaking his head, Brian put a hand on Nick’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I figured as much. I’m not tryin’ to lecture you, but… you know you really shouldn’t be, bro, not in front of us. No one here cares about your leg.”

“I know,” Nick said with a nod, “but…” He shrugged. “I still feel kind of awkward sometimes. I know it’s stupid, but-“

“It’s not stupid,” Brian interrupted him. “I understand. Believe me, I do. I felt kind of self-conscious about this thing at first too.” He ran a finger down the thin scar in the center of his bare chest, a souvenir of his open-heart surgery.

Nick looked at him in surprise. “Really? I don’t even notice your scar anymore, B.”

“There, you just proved my point,” said Brian with a grin. “We don’t notice your leg is missing anymore either. We’re all used to seeing you the way you are. So don’t worry about what any of us are going to think. You should get in the pool if you want to; I don’t want you to be left out. Did you bring trunks, or-“

“They’re in the car,” Nick answered, looking away sheepishly. Kevin had told them all to bring swimsuits, and his was packed in a bag with Claire’s, lying on the backseat of their rental.

“Go get ‘em then. And tell those women to get theirs too. Talk about being self-conscious - Leigh still complains that she has leftover baby weight. You’re not the only one who doesn’t want to be seen in a bathing suit.” Brian flashed him a quick wink.

Nick chuckled. “Okay.” As he passed through the kitchen, he leaned into Claire and said, “I’m getting our swimsuits from the car, and you’re coming in the pool with me.”

“Oh, am I?” replied Claire as she turned around, one eyebrow raised.

“Yes.” He kept walking, not giving her a chance to argue. He got the bag with their suits and changed into his trunks in one of the bathrooms, leaving his prosthesis on until he got out to the pool.

“You comin’ in, Nick?” called Kevin as Nick sat down at the edge of the pool.

“Yeah, in a minute,” Nick replied, pushing up the left leg of his swim trunks so that he could take off his artificial leg.

“Hey, Nick?” a voice yelled, and Nick stopped and looked up to see Claire leaning out the sliding glass door. “Where did you put my suit?”

“Oh, sorry, it’s in the foyer.”

“Thanks.” She ducked back inside, and a moment later, Leighanne appeared, Baylee at her side.

“Are you gonna swim, honey?” Brian bellowed from the pool when he saw his wife.

“I guess so. Will you watch him while I change?” Leighanne called back, laying a hand on her son’s head.

“Sure!” Brian climbed out of the pool and walked past Nick to get Baylee.

“Go simming?” Nick heard the toddler ask.

“Sure you can go swimming again. We just gotta put your water wings on first, little man,” Brian replied, taking Baylee’s hand. “Nick’s gonna come swimming with us too,” he added, as he led Baylee past Nick to where they had left his water wings earlier.

“You gonna show me some cool tricks in the water, kiddo?” Nick asked as Baylee walked past. Baylee just stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. Nick chuckled, knowing better than to take it personally by now. Little kids were just funny like that.

He went back to work on his leg, releasing the valve that kept it suctioned to his stump and pulling it off. Setting the prosthesis aside, he stood up and got his balance before bending down to pick up the artificial leg so that he could move it away from the water. He was startled when Baylee suddenly burst into tears. Whipping his head in the direction of the screaming sobs, Nick found Baylee red-faced and wailing… and looking right at him. Immediately, the toddler’s sobs elevated, and he turned away, twisting his whole body around so that his back was to Nick, much to the exasperation of Brian, who was trying to cram on his second water wing.

Nick was bewildered at first. Then he glanced down, at the robotic-looking leg in his hands and the empty pant leg in his swim shorts, and felt his own face turning red as he realized. Baylee was just scared. Scared of him.

Looking over his shoulder at Nick, Brian must have figured it out at the exact same time. All of a sudden, his expression turned stricken. He opened his mouth as if he were about to say something to Nick, then reached for his son’s shoulder, trying to get him to turn around. Baylee just kept sobbing, and Brian looked completely flustered.

Nick had had enough. Mortified, he hastily jammed the artificial leg back on and limped into the house as fast as he could, desperate to get away from the sound of Baylee’s screaming. He nearly barreled into Claire, who was dressed in her bathing suit and on her way outside.

“What’s wrong??” she asked at once, grabbing his shoulder. He tried to push past her, but she held onto him. “What happened??” she demanded, her eyes wide and worried. “Is that Baylee crying? Is he all right??”

“He’s fine,” Nick muttered quickly. “Just scared.”

“Of what?”

Nick clenched his jaw and looked away. “Of me!” With that, he twisted out of her grip and stormed out of the kitchen. He heard Kristin and Leighanne’s voices coming down the stairs and hurried to get away from them. Ducking into the small half-bath, he closed the door and started to lock it when it was thrust back open, almost hitting him in the face. Without hesitation, Claire breezed in and shut the door again behind her.

“Sit,” she said, pushing him down onto the closed toilet seat. “Now what do you mean, he’s scared of you?”

Nick took a shaky breath, his face burning hot. “I was taking off my leg to get in the pool, and he freaked out. I think I scared him,” he explained miserably.

“Oh…” Her face fell, much as Brian’s had outside. “I’m sorry, Nick… I didn’t think of that. You know it’s not you though… he’s just a kid; he doesn’t know any better. He doesn’t understand. I’m sure Brian’s trying to explain to him right now. You should go back out there.”

“Yeah, and make him start crying again,” Nick mumbled.

“Just go show him. If you show him your leg and let him know that it’s okay, that it’s nothing to be afraid of, I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Claire insisted.

Nick was just about to protest when there was a light knock on the door. “Nick, is that you in there?” came Brian’s voice.

Claire opened the door. “Hey,” she said quietly, standing back so Brian could come in.

“Hey, Nick… I’m so sorry about what happened out there,” said Brian, shaking his head apologetically.

“Is he okay?”

“Oh sure, he’s fine! Leigh’s out there talking to him now. Look, I really am sorry… I didn’t expect this. I guess we should have talked to him about you before now, but he’s not even three yet; I didn’t know if he’d understand…”

“It’s okay,” said Nick. “He’s just a little kid; I wouldn’t expect him to understand either. I’m just gonna change back into my clothes… maybe if I’m wearing long pants, and he can’t see it, I won’t freak him out.”

“No, no, you don’t have to do that. Come back out the way you are. I want him to see that it’s okay.”

Nick shook his head uncertainly. “Nah, I don’t want to make him cry again.”

“You’re his godfather, Nick. I want him to get used to this so that he’ll feel comfortable around you. And I don’t want you to have to hide your leg around him. Will you come back outside with me, please?”

Nick sighed, but reluctantly stood up. He followed Brian and Claire back outside, where Leighanne sat in one of the deck chairs, holding Baylee in her lap. The little boy’s cheeks were still tear-stained, but he was perfectly calm again.

Nick sucked in a deep breath. Here goes nothing, he thought as Brian led him over to Baylee.

“Hey, Bay, look,” said Brian. “Here’s Nick. See, he’s fine.”

This time, Baylee did not cry or turn away when he saw Nick. Instead, he whimpered a little and stared, his eyes fixed on Nick’s prosthesis. Nick stood awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to do or say. “Hey kiddo… sorry if I scared ya,” he offered unsurely and looked from Brian to Leighanne, silently asking them what he should do next.

Much to his relief, Leighanne took over. “Look, sweetheart… this is what I was telling you about. Nicky’s other leg was sick, and so he uses this one now so that he can walk. That’s all it is. It looks different, but it’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Baylee just kept staring and didn’t say anything. Nick slowly took a step back and sank down into another deck chair. “Do you wanna see?” he asked Baylee, lightly patting the knee of his prosthesis. “Come here… you can look at if you want.” Baylee hesitated for a moment, then climbed down from Leighanne’s lap and shyly crept towards Nick. “There,” said Nick in relief when Baylee was standing about a foot away. “See, I don’t bite… and neither does my leg.” He offered a smile. The smile was not returned, but Baylee showed no signs of crying either. Still, Nick was cautious. “Do you wanna touch it?” he asked. “You can touch it if you want. It doesn’t hurt, see?” He reached down and drummed the shin of the prosthesis a few times to demonstrate. “Try it.”

Gingerly, Baylee reached out and tapped the same spot Nick had touched. He drew his hand back quickly, waited a moment, and then touched it again, looking more at ease.

“See? Neat, huh?” Nick asked, feeling better. “It’s not like your leg… I can take this one off if I want to, like if I want to go swimming.” He spoke as if having the ability to pop off your leg at will was an advantage.

“Why you take off?” Baylee asked, speaking for the first time.

“It’s not supposed to go in the water… it doesn’t like getting wet, so I have to keep it dry,” Nick explained. “So I take it off to go swimming, just like you take off your shirt.”

“Go simming?” Baylee looked from Nick up to Brian, who smiled.

“Can Nick come swimming with us this time?” Brian asked, and Baylee nodded. Brian winked at Nick over the top of his head. “Problem solved, I think. Let’s try this again.”

Nick waited until Brian had Baylee preoccupied to remove the artificial leg again and then jumped into the pool as quickly as he could. AJ, who had been watched the whole scene play out from the other side of the pool with Howie and Kevin, slid back into the water and swam over to meet Nick. “Well, that was interesting,” he remarked in a low voice, giving Nick a smirk. “You okay, dude?”

“I’m fine,” said Nick sincerely; he was fine now that he knew he hadn’t scarred his godson for life.

“You haven’t been popping that leg off and chasing the kid around with it while we weren’t looking, have you?”

Nick laughed. “And how exactly would I chase him without it on?”

AJ smirked again. “Eh, you got me. I guess not. But hey, when he’s a little older, you oughta tell him you’re part droid or something – the kid’ll idolize you for the rest of his life.”

“Part droid?” Nick snickered. He could always count on AJ to lighten up the tough situations with comments like that.

Out of nowhere, a huge splash catapulted buckets of water at them, drenching them both. Nick spun around to see Claire surfacing from beneath the water, a gleeful smile on her face. “Hey,” she said innocently, swimming up behind him and placing a light kiss on his wet shoulder. “You handled that very well,” she whispered in his ear before circling around to meet AJ and Howie and Kevin, who had just swam across from the other side.

“You know not to take stuff like that personally, right Nick?” asked Kevin, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Nick nodded. “I know. He’s a little kid.”

“Just making sure.” Kevin hit Nick lightly on the back beneath the water. “I know that couldn’t have felt good.”

“Kev does know,” AJ piped up, a wicked grin spreading over his face. “Baylee screamed bloody murder the first time he got a good look at Train’s caterpillars – I mean, eyebrows – too.”

Everyone laughed while Kevin smacked water into AJ’s face and dunked him beneath the surface. AJ came up sputtering, but with a look of victory on his dripping face.

After a few minutes, Brian carried Baylee over, and Leighanne and Kristin joined them. They swam off their dinner without any further incidents, and by the time Leighanne dried off a sleepy Baylee and took him into the house, Nick was exhausted. He boosted himself onto the side of the pool to rest while the others stayed in the water. It was not long before Brian drifted over and climbed up to sit next to him.

“I’m really sorry about Baylee,” he said again.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Nick replied, smiling to let Brian know he was okay. “Everything’s fine now.”

Brian nodded. “I really appreciate you being open with him… I mean, letting him touch your leg and everything. You’re really good with him, you know.”

“I am?” Nick felt a smile creep across his face. “Thanks.”

“I mean it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - you’re gonna make a great daddy someday, Nick.”

The smile faded as Nick thought about his conversation with Claire the other night, but he tried not to let it show. Now was not the time or place to be discussing that with Brian. “Thanks, Frick,” he said. “That means a lot.”

“You’re welcome… Frack,” replied Brian, and Nick realized how long it had been since they’d used those nicknames for each other. The duo shared an amused grin before falling into a peaceful silence.

After a few minutes, Brian asked casually, “So, while we’re on the topic of family… any plans to visit yours while you’re out here?”

Nick couldn’t keep from groaning. His family had certainly crossed his mind… his parents had a house in the Los Angeles area where they stayed most of the time, but according to Aaron, whom he talked to on the phone from time to time, it was like a war zone there… Mom and Dad fighting constantly. “I think they’re gonna get a divorce,” Aaron had confessed over the phone one night. He had sounded upset, but Nick found himself not caring too much. If his parents did divorce, it would at least make it easier to see his father and sisters and Aaron. They always asked him to come visit whenever they spoke to him, but he always refused. He hadn’t seen his mother in over a year, and he preferred to keep it that way. “She misses you,” his father would say whenever they talked – which was not often – but Nick couldn’t find much sympathy for her. As far as he was concerned, Jane Carter only missed him when she wanted something or when she was on a guilt trip and feeling bad about all the things she had said and done to him. He didn’t miss her back; he only missed the woman she had once been – his mother.

“I’ll take that as a no?” asked Brian, his lips curving into a sad smile. Nick returned the grim smile, knowing Brian felt sorry for him. Brian was a family man, tried and true – he’d come from a great family, and now he had a family of his own. Nick had not been lucky enough to have the former, but he hoped someday he could have the latter, one way or another.

“I don’t think so,” he replied. “I’d love to see AC and the girls, but as long as Mom’s around, I really don’t feel like dropping by the house. I’ll just have to wait till Aaron goes on tour again or something and catch one of his shows. I don’t think she wants him to fly out to see me.”

“So you aren’t going to take Claire to meet any of them, let them know you two are engaged?”

“Eh… I’m sure they’ll see it on MTV at some point,” Nick shrugged. “I don’t really care, Rok… I’ve told you before, you and the guys and Claire are more like my family than they are. You’re the ones I want at our wedding.”

Brian smiled and nodded. “Of course we’ll be there.”

“I know. You’ve been there through everything.”

Brian flashed Nick a cheesy grin. “What can I say? We love ya, Carter.”

Nick smiled back, thinking how great it was going to be to get back in the studio with these guys in the fall. He enjoyed having time off to live his own life and spend time with other people, he thought as his eyes rested on Claire, who was still messing around in the pool with the others. But when it all came down to it, he missed his work. And more than anything… he missed his brothers.

***