- Text Size +
Chapter 41


AN: HUGE thanks to Kaz for helping me out with this chapter and listening to me rant so early in the morning! =P Big thanks to Bianca for her help too!


Say something, Nick chided himself, but truthfully, he didn’t know what to say. He hated feeling so uncomfortable in front of his family, but this situation was just awkward, no getting around it. It was his fault just as much as theirs, and he was sure they were even more uneasy than he was. No one was saying a word, not even Angel, who had fallen silent after her brief outburst. He figured it was up to him to make the first move, to start the unavoidable talk.

“Look…” He held out his hands and hesitated, still at a loss for words. Shaking his head, he went on, “I… I know things are really weird right now, and I don’t want them to be. We’re family. And… I know that I haven’t really shown it in the past year or two, but… I love you guys. I’ve missed you. I just…” He shrugged. “Things have just been complicated.”

Heads bobbed as Angel, Aaron, and their father all nodded silently, unanimous in their agreement. Okay, so things were complicated – they could all attest to that. Now how, Nick wondered, did they go about un-complicating it? Could things ever be fixed in their broken family?

“I was actually pissed at you for awhile, Nick,” Angel spoke up, looking down at her lap, “for pushing us away last year. But forget about that for now. I just wanna know…” She lifted her chin slowly, meeting his eyes with an expression of deep concern in her own. “Are you okay, Nick?”

Nick wanted to scoff, thinking of all the times when he had not been ‘okay’ in the past fourteen months. But he swallowed back the urge. He saw the look on his little sister’s face and knew that she had worried about him. She hadn’t called or written, to ask if he was ‘okay’ earlier… but then again, he’d never done anything to ease her fears either. I was actually pissed at you for awhile, Nick, for pushing us away last year. What did that mean? Maybe he hadn’t kept in touch, but he certainly hadn’t tried to-

Just answer her, he interrupted his own thoughts, noticing the way Angel was still staring at him, her bottom lip between her teeth. That doesn’t matter right now. All she wants to know is if I’m all right.

“I’m okay,” he said finally, and he said it with sincerity. Angel’s pinched face relaxed a little, as he continued, “I won’t lie to you and say that the past year has been the best of my life, but… things are okay now. I’m all recovered, I’m healthy… I’m back to doing most of the stuff I used to do. The guys and I have been in meetings the last few days, and we’re gonna start working on a new album later in the year. So things are slowly going back to normal. I’m still your same dumb older brother.”

Angel cracked a smile and nodded. “Good,” she said in a whisper. She cleared her throat and glanced over at her twin. “Aaron said you seemed okay when he went out there last summer… better than we thought you’d be, actually. But you know… I didn’t know…”

“I know,” Nick nodded, then shrugged. “You could have come with him, you know. Seen for yourself how I was doing.”

Angel arched an eyebrow as an unusually frosty expression hardened her features. “I didn’t know if you’d want me to.”

Nick frowned. “What is that supposed to mean? Why wouldn’t I want you to come?”

Bob Carter spoke up for the first time in several minutes. “Oh, it was made very clear to us that you didn’t need or want us around, Nickolas,” he said, the rare severity in his voice startling Nick.

“What do you mean?” he questioned, confused. “Why would you think-?” Suddenly, it dawned on him. “It was Mom, wasn’t it? What did she tell you??” he demanded, feeling the anger begin to simmer inside him.

“If I remember correctly, she said that you told her to get out of your house, that you couldn’t deal with her, that you never wanted to see her again no matter what, that you didn’t need any of us, all you needed was Brian, AJ, Howie, and Kevin,” Bob rattled off, as smoothly as if he were naming Santa’s reindeer. “Are you going to tell me it’s not true?”

Nick didn’t respond at first, though his thoughts were racing. The day his father was talking about was hazy in his mind, and all he could remember vividly was the whirlwind of emotions he’d felt… anger, fear, desperation, all intermixed with a numbing emptiness. Yet, thinking back, he began to recall bits and pieces of the conversation…


“Mom… get out of my house. You’ve made this all that much worse, and I can’t fucking deal with you on top of everything else. Get out, and don’t you ever show up on my doorstep again, no matter what Brian or anyone tells you!”

“Nick-“

“I don’t need you and your bullshit! I need my real family. My brothers…”


“No,” he answered his father finally, feeling like an ass. “I guess I did say that.” Swallowing hard, he bowed his head, flattening his hair with his hand, and sighed. “Look, maybe I was a little hard on her,” he admitted, speaking more to his lap than to them. “But you have no idea what I was going through...”

“No one’s blaming you, Nick,” said Angel, her expression softening. “We all know how Mom can be sometimes, and of course you were going through a lot. I guess I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m not angry. Just… sad.” She shrugged, leaving it at that.

Nick nodded in understanding, struck by the maturity with which his youngest sister spoke. In the months they’d been apart, Angel – and Aaron too – had grown up. The twins were not little kids anymore, nor silly teenagers, but young adults, both of whom were looking at him with regret in their dark eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Don’t be sad. Everything’s gonna be okay. I’m fine… and I promise, I’m going to do a better job at keeping in touch from now on.” He paused long enough to glance over at Claire, who had been sitting silently at his side the whole time, and then added to Aaron and Angel, “I guess I’m gonna have to, cause Claire and I want you two to be in our wedding.”

Angel was the first to react to the subtle announcement. She gasped loudly and clapped both hands over her mouth in surprise. When she dropped her hands, they revealed a huge smile. “You’re getting married?!” she squealed, jumping up from her chair. She ran over to Nick and threw her arms around his neck. “Aww, Nick, that’s so cool!”

Nick smiled, glad for her excitement. Over her shoulder, he glanced at his brother and father, trying to read their reactions. Aaron hadn’t moved from the floor, but he was smiling. Bob looked surprised, but not displeased. “Well, congratulations, both of you,” he said when Angel pulled away from Nick, and Aaron echoed similar sentiments.

“Thank you,” Claire said graciously, and Nick nodded. Immediately they were pelted with questions, most of them coming from Angel, who had seemed to transform from a serious young women to a giddy teenage girl faster than you could say ‘wedding.’ When had they gotten engaged? How had Nick proposed? Did they have a date set for the wedding yet? Could she see the ring?

Nick was relieved when the attention turned away from him to his fiancée, and he sat back gratefully, letting Claire show off her glittering engagement ring and tell Angel the details of the engagement.

“That’s how you asked her, Nick? No roses or pretty music or champagne or anything? You just said ‘marry me’ in the middle of a movie?”

“It was the end of the movie,” Nick corrected, “but yeah…” Claire left out the fact that we were both a little drunk at the time, he thought with a smirk.

Angel wrinkled her nose. “No offense, but that’s pretty unromantic.”

Nick just chuckled and shrugged, but Claire quickly rose up to defend him. “No, it was perfect,” she said. “Nick knows I’m a low-key girl… I don’t go for all the clichéd romantic stuff that’s so overused. I’m all about simplicity. The way he asked me, so simply, so spur-of-the-moment like that… it was perfect.” She smiled over at Nick, running her fingers softly over the back of his hand. “I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

Nick returned her devoted smile, momentarily forgetting about every other person and thing around him. He did not even hear the slam of the car door outside; it was Aaron’s soft curse that finally pulled his attention away from Claire.

“What?” he asked, looking from her to his brother, who had risen to peer out the front picture window.

Aaron had a panicked look on his face, but it wasn’t until Nick heard the sound of keys jiggling in the front door that he registered why.

“Shit,” he echoed Aaron through a groan, feeling his heart sink. “Don’t even tell me…”

“… really think you should consider applying, Les; it would be such a good opportunity for you,” Jane Carter’s syrupy voice echoed loudly through the foyer, muffled by the crunch of shopping bags.

The front door slammed, and Nick heard his sister Leslie answer sharply, “I’m not talking to you about this anymore. I don’t want to be a plus-size model; I just wanna stay in college and be like any other kid my age! You’re not gonna change my mind by buying me-“ Her sentence was cut short as she rounded the corner into the living room and gasped, her shopping bags falling from both hands. “Nick!”

“Hey, Les,” Nick said with a weak smile. He was happy to see his sister, but he knew that right behind her would be Jane.

Sure enough, he heard his mother exclaim, “What?!” and a moment later, she appeared in the doorway, peering into the living room over Leslie’s shoulder. “Nick!” she cried and pushed Leslie aside as she barreled into the room. “What are you-? I didn’t know you- Why-?” She stopped and shook her head, looking as if she couldn’t quite believe he was really sitting there in front of her. Blinking, her eyes swept over him, up and down, as if she were examining a piece of furniture for scratches and imperfections.

He fought the urge to squirm under her scrutiny and did not move or speak. He simply gazed back up at her, an expression of cool defiance on his face.

“Nick’s in town for meetings with the Backstreet Boys,” Bob informed his wife, who didn’t even look at him. “He decided to stop by for a quick visit.”

“While I was out of the house – how convenient,” said Jane curtly, looking hurt. Nick felt his cheeks growing warm - she’d guessed exactly what his intentions had been. “How long are we going to keep doing this?” she asked, her eyes filling with tears. “Going on with our day-to-day lives, pretending the other doesn’t exist? I miss you, Nick… honey. You have no idea how much I’ve thought about you and worried about you this past year. Not a day has gone by when you haven’t entered my mind. But you told me you didn’t want me around, so I’ve made myself stay away. It’s about killed me… but I’ve done what you asked.” She sniffled loudly, and Nick tried hard not to roll his eyes. Could she be any more melodramatic?

Yet no one could deny that the tears streaming down her lined face were real, and as he watched his mother break down and cry in front of him, Nick felt his heart soften as guilt began to overtake him. He sighed. “I’m sorry, Mom,” he mumbled grudgingly. “I said some things to you that I shouldn’t have. I know you were just trying to help.”

Jane nodded tearfully. “I only wanted what was best for you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted – to see you succeed and be happy.”

“I am happy,” Nick said resolutely, giving Claire’s hand a squeeze. “And whether you agree with me or not, I made the right decision last year.” He rested his hand on his left thigh, feeling the hard socket that encased it, and gave his mother a pointed look. “I’m alive, I’m healthy again… I got no regrets.”

Lowering her watery eyes to his artificial leg, Jane let out a little whimper and covered her mouth with her hand. Then she nodded. “Good,” she said softly. “Y-you look good. I’m glad things are going okay.”

Nick offered a crooked smile, feeling slightly awkward. He wasn’t sure he was ready for forgive her yet for all the wrongs she’d done him… but in a way, he was glad he had at least apologized, rather than blown up at her. Misguided as she was, Jane Carter was his mother, and that was never going to change.

Jane returned his smile cautiously, looking rather ill at ease herself. She started to take a step toward him, then stopped, letting her hands swing limply at her sides. Knowing what she wanted, Nick climbed to his feet and went to her instead, opening his arms slightly to offer a hug. Letting out another sniffle, Jane pulled him into a motherly embrace. He tensed at first, but felt his body relaxing as she ran her hand up and down his back, just as she had when he was a child. He could smell her perfume, the same scent she’d used for years and years, and he closed his eyes, breathing in the sweet, familiar aroma. It brought him a strange sense of comfort he’d not realized he needed.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” she whispered into his ear. “I’m so sorry…”

Nick swallowed and dutifully patted her back. “It’s okay, Mom.”

***

It was late afternoon by the time Nick and Claire left the Carter home. As soon as they had pulled out of the driveway, Claire reached over to turn down the radio and commented, “That wasn’t so bad. A little awkward at times, maybe, but overall… I’d say it went pretty well. What do you think?”

“I guess so,” Nick replied with a shrug. He wasn’t really sure what to think, but he was pleased to find that he actually felt pretty good. The visit hadn’t miraculously fixed all the problems in his family, but it was a start. He and his mother were at least back on speaking terms, and she’d behaved herself in front of Claire, even after he introduced her as his fiancée. There was no point in imagining they were ever going to have the perfect mother/son relationship like some of the other guys had with their moms, but this had to be healthier than a year of ‘pretending the other didn’t exist,’ as Jane had put it. “So the future in-laws didn’t scare you away?”

“Not at all,” said Claire, squeezing his knee. “I’m glad you brought me to meet them.”

Nick hesitated only a moment before giving a decisive nod of agreement. “I’m glad too.”

They fell into silence, watching the scenery pass by as Nick drove back to their hotel. Nick turned the volume on the radio back up, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel in time to the punk rock song that was playing.

“That was Sum41’s latest, off their 2004 release Chuck,” said the radio DJ as the song faded out. “And now some sad news for all you guys out there – it was reported earlier today that socialite-turned-porn-star-turned-reality-TV-star Paris Hilton was killed in a freak accident yesterday evening. According to a press release, the heiress was in the middle of filming the fourth season of her Fox reality show ‘The Simple Life.’ Paris and her cohort Nicole Ritchie were reportedly working at a carnival in a small town in Illinois during one of their stops for the show. Eyewitnesses said that Paris had boarded ‘The Scrambler’ ride and was thrown from her car when she stood up to flash the ride operator. She was rushed to the closest hospital and was pronounced dead-“

“Man, that sucks; that girl was fine,” said Nick.

Claire shrugged. “Yeah, it does suck… but hey, that’s what you get for being a stupid whore. I never saw what the big deal was about her - I always thought she looked kind of like a giraffe.”

Nick laughed; he supposed she sort of did. “Mind if I change the station?”

“No, go ahead; find us some music.”

Nick hit the seek button until he found another rock station. “Off their 1987 album Hysteria, here’s Def Leppard with ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’,” said the DJ, launching into the classic rock anthem.

“This okay?” Nick asked, bobbing his head to the driving beat of the familiar song.

“Am I not a child of the 80’s? It’s perfect.”

***