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Chapter 46

“Nick! Nick!”

Startled, Nick looked up to see Claire standing in the doorway of his music studio, looking utterly panic-stricken. She was naked, covered only by a bath towel she had thrown around herself and was clutching tightly, and her face was ashen. A wave of terror ripping through him, he tore off his headphones and threw them down. His chair went flying back as he leaped out of it and hurried, stumbling, towards her.

“What happened?” he demanded. “What’s wrong??” His first thought was of Casey; had he not heard the phone ring?

“Look… look at this,” Claire said shakily, her free hand swiping across her chest, from shoulder to shoulder. Nick’s eyes widened as he noticed that her skin there was bright red. At first he thought it was just sunburned, but that didn’t look like any sunburn he’d ever seen. “It’s a rash,” she whispered. “I just noticed it when I went upstairs to shower; it wasn’t like this earlier.”

“Does it hurt?” he asked, frowning. His mind was racing with questions and confusion. She looked petrified, and he wasn’t sure why. A rash wasn’t that serious, was it?

She shook her head quickly and swallowed hard. “No, but… but…” She looked up at him, and he felt his heart skip a beat when he saw tears in her eyes. “This could be bad, Nick,” she said, her voice hoarse. “It’s a sign that I might be rejecting my bone marrow.”

Nick’s heart began to race, and he let out his breath slowly, trying to calm it down. “H-how bad is that?” he heard himself ask in a hushed voice.

She bit her bottom lip. “If I am rejecting, and they can’t stop it…” Trailing off, she shook her head. “It could be really bad, Nick.”

Nick took another shuddering breath and looked down, his hand drifting to the top of his head, flattening his hair. His thoughts suddenly returned to Casey, lying there in that sterile hospital room, with all that equipment lined up… just in case… In his mind’s eye, Casey’s still, sleeping form became Claire, looking as she had when he’d hopped a flight from New York to Tampa to be with her at the hospital – pale, in pain, and at times, almost lifeless. He never wanted to see her that way again.

And now…

“It could be really bad, Nick.”

He forced himself to look back up, although it pained him to see the tears in her eyes. It took a lot to make her cry, so it always shook him when she did. He was as scared as she looked, but he knew he had to be the strong one and calm her down. “Baby,” he whispered, reaching out to her. “Come here.” He pulled her into his arms, wrapping her tightly in a hug, and held her close against his chest. She was shaking like a leaf. He ran his hand up and down her back, feeling the contrast between the roughness of her rash-covered skin and the soft terrycloth of her towel.

“Come on, let’s go sit down,” he whispered into her ear after a few moments. Keeping his arm firmly around her, he guided her out of the studio and led her into the living room. He sat her down on the couch, and she laid her head on his shoulder, still trembling slightly.

“I’m so scared,” she whispered, speaking for the first time in minutes. “I knew this could happen, I’ve dreaded it, but it’s been two years, and everything’s been fine. And now this…”

A chill ran down his spine at her words; they made him think of Casey – almost five years in the clear, and then a relapse. A queasy sensation settled in his stomach at the thought. “You don’t know that’s what this is,” he said, wondering if he was trying to reassure himself as much as he was her. “It’s only a rash – it could be anything!” He racked his brain, trying to come up with examples of what ‘anything’ could be. “It could be some kind of skin infection,” he added, remembering his cellulitis, “… or an allergic reaction… or… or smallpox…”

She actually laughed a little, and he instantly felt a tiny bit better. “Smallpox?” she repeated with a tearful giggle. “Thanks, Nick, that makes me feel better about the situation.”

He smiled at her sarcasm. “Hey, I’m just saying… don’t freak out yet, cause you don’t know for sure.” It sounded like good advice; too bad he couldn’t follow it himself.

She sighed. “I know, I know, you’re right. It’s just hard not to start imagining the worst…” She trailed off, and he felt her shudder against him.

“I know,” he murmured; boy, was she right about that. “So what do we do? Call your doctor?”

“Yeah, I guess so… I’m gonna go find her number.” Claire slid out of his arms and off the couch. She walked out of the living room as if she were in a trance, and after a moment, he got up and followed her. She went into his office and dug her address book out of one of the desk drawers while he paced back and forth, a bundle of nerves. Sitting down in the desk chair and pulling her towel tighter around herself, she flipped through the address book, then set it down on the desk in front of her and dialed a number out it. She waited a few moments, frowning into the phone. Then, looking disappointed, she cupped her hand over the mouthpiece and told Nick in a low voice, “Looks like she’s not on call right now… I’m getting her voicemail. Do you think I should leave her a message?”

Nick looked up from pacing the office and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Claire left a rushed message, briefly explaining the rash she’d found, and then hung up with a sigh. “Well, I assume she’ll call me back when she gets the message… might not be till tomorrow morning though. So it looks like for right now, we just wait.” She sighed again, apparently not looking forward to a whole night of nervous waiting. Nick didn’t blame her – neither was he. Waiting like this was the worst – if they were going to get bad news, he’d almost rather they just get it over with tonight, as soon as possible. Then again, he was terrified of what bad news could mean. Maybe waiting was not the worst part… at least now they could still hope for the best, that this rash was not what Claire thought it was.

Leaning forward, Claire put her hands in her hair and raked her fingers through it, apparently not realizing half of it was still pulled into a short ponytail on the top of her head. She pulled out the hairtie holding it up and looked at briefly before tossing it onto the desk. “I think I’m going to go take my shower now,” she said, but her body slumped against the chair, making no effort to get up.

Nick nodded. “That’s probably a good idea… it’ll calm you down, clear your head a little…” He could use the same thing, he realized, as he went back to aimlessly wandering around the room. “While you’re in the shower, I think I’m gonna run out for bit. I need to clear my head a little too. I’ll be back though.”

She gave him a curious look, but nodded after a moment. “Alright.” She finally rose, holding her towel up against her, and they left the room together. They split at the stairs, her trudging slowly up them, while he walked past to fetch his keys. Just as he heard the shower start upstairs, he left the house, keys in hand.

He, too, needed to calm down. But he didn’t want a clear head, through which terrifying thoughts and worst case scenarios could swim. He didn’t want to think about what was going on and what could happen to Claire. All he wanted was a drink.

***

AN: The rest of this chapter was written by a guest author, Diana, so huge thanks to her for helping me out with the story! Just to clear one thing up… there are two characters named Diana/Dianna in the following parts. Dianna (with two n’s) is Claire’s friend, of course. The other character Diana (with one n) was thought up way before I even did my guest author contest and picked Diana the Author to write this chapter, so that was not Diana just putting herself into her chapter and living out her fantasy or something. We both just wanted you to know that. :) Now on with the chapter…


Hours later, Claire couldn’t decide whether she was more worried or pissed at Nick. Claire had gotten out of the shower to an empty house. Remembering Nick said he was going to go out for a bit, she hunkered down in front of the TV to wait for him. Claire didn’t expect him to be gone long.

When a few hours went by and he still hadn’t shown up, she began to worry and became upset. She knew he was a little upset when he left, but then again, so was she, and he should have been there for her, right?

Claire finally caved in and decided to try calling Nick’s cell.

***

“It could be really bad, Nick.”

The words uttered by Claire haunted Nick. They had both been doing so well. They had been making plans for the future, but now they were being haunted by the past. Nick was scared, and he hated to admit it. Why did this have to happen to him? That was the question Nick seemed to always be asking. Why? He knew it was selfish of him, but he got angry at Claire. Why was her body rejecting the transplant? Why did it choose to do so now, when he was getting ready to marry her? Wasn’t there something Claire could have done to help prevent this? He just didn’t know how he could handle this, or if he could handle it at all. He had images of Claire in Casey’s position and thought to himself that he was barely able to handle seeing Casey like that, let alone someone he loved. He didn’t even question whether or not the rash could be anything other than Graft Versus Host Disease. He assumed with his luck, it would be.

Nick had lost count of his drinks after about six or so. After leaving the house, he had driven to the first bar he remembered and started ordering shots. However, the initial alcohol buzz had left, and instead he felt angry and alone. He was just about to leave when he heard “May I join you?”

Turning to the right, Nick was surprised to see a pretty young woman asking his permission to sit at the empty bar stool. Nick looked around to make sure she was talking to him and finally responded with a slurred “sure.”

“What’s your name, honey?”

“Nick,” he responded, pleasantly surprised she didn’t recognize him. Then again, it had been a while since he and the boys had put out an album.

“Well, I’m Diana, and you looked like you could use a little company,” the increasingly good-looking brunette said. Nick loved her eyes. So blue, just like Claire’s. Shaking his head to clear away thoughts of Claire, Nick smiled, indicating he was happy for the company.

Diana kept their drinks filled, but Nick was too far gone to realize. She gradually moved her stool closer until she was brushing Nick’s leg every time she moved. It had been a long time since a woman had hit on him without knowing who he was, and Nick loved it. So much so that he didn’t hear his cell phone ringing until Diana mentioned it.

Reluctantly, he answered. “’Lo.”

“Nick! Where are you?”

“Who dis?” Nick asked while Diana giggled at his side.

“Who dis?! Who do you think it is? It’s Claire!” Claire declared angrily into the phone. She couldn’t believe him. He was drunk as a skunk! She was worried about him, and he was out getting drunk. It was then that Claire heard the feminine giggle. “Who are you with?” she asked in a deathly calm voice.

“Oh, hey Claire. This is Diana. Diana, say hi to Claire.” Claire could hear the phone being passed around, and then a sultry voice came on the phone.

“Hello, Claire. Why don’t you come down and join us? Nick and I have been having so much fun,” Diana taunted.

Before Claire could respond, Nick quickly snatched the phone back from Diana and explained, “Claire doesn’t like to hang out with me. She won’t invite me out with her friends. Instead she stands me up at the hospital, and she goes out boating, my favorite activity. Right Claire?” he said into the phone.

For a minute, Claire was silent. What did she say to that? She knew he must have really felt that way because he didn’t lie when he was drunk, and that made her even more angry. If he had such a problem with it, he should have said something earlier. Plus, she felt she hadn’t done anything wrong really.

“You know, Nick, I don’t need to deal with this right now. You have fun with your little slut. Maybe she can give you all the attention you seem to need.”

Nick snapped the phone shut as he heard the dial tone. He was right, wasn’t he? She had ditched him. She knew he loved boating, but couldn’t seem to wait enough time for him to come home from visiting a very sick little boy she was supposed to be visiting too. Instead, she was off with Jamie.

“Hey now. Don’t let the little missus bring you down,” Diana said, signaling to the waiter for another round of shots. Once the shots arrived, Nick quickly downed his, but Diana shyly looked at Nick. “Do you think you could help me out with mine, Nick?”

“Sure, baby.”

“Do you think you could help me do a body shot?”

“Sure,” Nick replied as she grabbed the salt shaker. She licked her lips as she tilted his head, put salt on his neck and a lime between his lips. Slowly she leaned down to lick the salt off his neck. Nick knew there was something he shouldn’t be doing, but as Diana downed the shot and went to take the lime, he couldn’t think of a reason to stop. Suddenly, the lime had disappeared, but Diana’s lips were still upon his, now caressing them. Nick found himself slowly responding, but when her tongue tried to invade his mouth, Claire’s face flashed in his head, and he pushed Diana away. Sure he was mad at Claire for not inviting him out, but really he was just scared of losing her, either her heart to Jamie or her body. If he lost her, he was not going to do it because of some woman he met at a bar.

Mumbling an apology to Diana, Nick threw some cash on the bar and unsteadily made his way out to the waiting taxis. He needed to talk to Claire

***

Claire needed to talk to someone, too. She was pissed off with Nick for going out to drink when she needed him. She was also scared. She should have figured he wouldn’t be mature enough to handle this and be there to support her.

Quickly, Claire called Dianna. She needed to vent and maybe find somewhere else to stay for the night. By the time Dianna picked up, Claire was already grabbing a bag and throwing some clothes in.

“Hey Claire, what’s up.”

“Dianna, I need a place to stay for the night.”

“Uh, sure. What happened with Nick?”

“He’s at some bar with some Diana chick, probably with his tongue down her throat,” Claire spit out in one breath.

“Nick went out to a bar? With who?!”

“Well, he was all upset and so he said he’d go out for a little. That was hours ago. When I called his cell, he was at some bar, and some girl named Diana was with him,” Claire explained, trying to control her rambling.

“Why was Nick upset? What happened between you guys?”

Letting out a slow sigh, Claire uttered the words that she knew she never wanted to say. “My body might be rejecting the transplant.”

Dianna’s gasp was the only indication Claire had from the other end of the line for a few minutes before her friend finally uttered, “Why do you think that? Do you know for sure?”

“No, but I have a rash.”

“You have a rash. That’s why you think your transplant is rejecting? A rash?”

“It’s one of the first signs of Graft Versus Host Disease. In simpler terms, a transplant rejection.”

“Yes, but it’s still just a rash. Claire, I get rashes. Doesn’t mean I’m having transplant rejection. Have you talked to your doctor?”

“I left her a message, but she’s not on call tonight.”

“Well, maybe you should go to the emergency room and get this rash checked out. You could be freaking out over nothing. I could pick you up after Jamie returns from Blockbuster, and then I can take you. Afterwards you can come stay at my place. Then we’ll talk about Nick and his bar slut.”

“Yeah, okay. Maybe I am just freakin’ out over nothing. Come on over with Jamie.”

Twenty minutes later, Dianna pulled into Nick’s driveway with Jamie.

Dianna explained to Claire how they would go to the hospital and Jamie would follow. “You’re going to come with me, and Jamie here is going to follow us in your car to the hospital because you are in no state to drive and we don’t want to have to come back here tomorrow for your car,” Dianna explained as Jamie got out and grabbed Claire in a huge hug. Claire thought he held her longer than normal, but she reasoned he was worried about her.

“When I heard, I was so worried. I had to come and help. You guys go ahead, and I’ll be there right behind you,” Jamie said as he directed Claire to the passenger side of Dianna’s car and grabbed her keys.

Claire and Diana pulled out of the driveway while Jamie fiddled with Claire’s car. Just as he was starting to pull out, a taxi pulled into the driveway, and Nick stumbled out. Nick was pretty confused as to why Jamie was getting out of Claire’s car.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he yelled as he walked up the driveway towards Jamie.

“I was here helping out your girlfriend. You know, the one you abandoned when she thought she might be really sick,” Jamie spat.

“She’s my fiancée! And I was there for her. I was there for her when she had cancer last time, and I’ll be there for her again. I just needed a drink!” Nick yelled back, defending himself. He was so angry with Jamie. Every time he turned around, Jamie seemed to be there.

“Yeah, well, you might want to rub that lipstick off. It’s not really your color, pretty boy,” Jamie sneered back. “Plus, she won’t be your fiancée for long if I have anything to say about it.”

“You saying she’s going to go back to you? She’s already dumped you once!” Nick said as he got in Jamie’s face.

“Claire never dumped me. It was her that was heartbroken when we broke up. And it’s me that she’s always wanted. Why do you think I’m moving down here? Claire wants me here,” Jamie smirked at Nick, taunting him.

“That’s bullshit!” Nick said right before he lunged at Jamie. However, Jamie was prepared for the attack and easily side stepped. With a swift shove to Nick’s back from Jamie, he went crashing to the pavement, unable to keep his balance.

“You’re pathetic. Claire doesn’t need a gimp like you when she has me back,” Jamie spit out as he got in Claire’s car and pulled away, leaving Nick sprawled out on his driveway, probably scraped and bruised. Jamie had been waiting for Nick to screw up like this. If he had his way, Claire would be leaving that washed out popstar for him any day now. Jamie could provide what Claire really needed, normalcy.

Slowly and awkwardly Nick made his way into the house. He dragged himself to the sofa and collapsed. Jamie was right. Claire wouldn’t want someone like him. He couldn’t deal with her cancer, and he was a washed up popstar. Obviously, Claire wanted Jamie. She had fertilized her eggs with his sperm, for heaven’s sake! Plus, they had history together. Jamie knew more about Claire than he could ever hope to know.

Realizing the hopelessness of his situation, Nick closed his eyes and mercifully passed out.

***

A note from Diana:
Hey everyone. I really hope you like my contribution to the story. I know I enjoyed writing it a lot. I know I'm not the best writer, in fact this is my first fanfic chapter I've ever let anyone see, but hopefully it's almost as good as Julie's. he he. Feel free to send me feedback because I'd really love to know what you guys think.


AN: Thanks again to Diana for her awesome contribution to BMS – you rock, girlie!! :) You can send your comments to her at noteasybeinggreen_kermit@yahoo.com.
Also thanks to Veronica from both of us for reading this chapter early and being our unbiased third opinion – we both appreciated your comments and suggestions, Veronica, so thank you!