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Chapter 76

“Claire! We’ve gotta talk!” were the first words out of Laureen’s mouth when Claire came into work Monday morning.

Caught off-guard, she gave Laureen an odd look, but nodded nonetheless. “Okay… now?”

“Lunch would be better. You don’t already have plans, do you?”

“No… lunch sounds fine,” Claire replied slowly, still slightly bothered by the way Laureen was acting. But as she got to work, she had enough to do and enough to think about that Laureen’s behavior slipped her mind until it was time for her lunch break.

“So, what’s up?” she asked her friend, as the two of them walked across the street to pick up their usual, lunch from the supermarket deli.

“I should ask you the same thing!” Laureen exclaimed, grabbing her arm and pulling her around so that the two of them were face to face. “You broke up with Nick?!”

Claire’s eyes went wide; how did Laureen know?? She hadn’t told anyone except her own family and Dianna, of course… and surely Nick had told the guys, but they wouldn’t have…

A sickening thought entered her mind, and she leaned closer to Laureen. “Where did you find out??” she asked, keeping her voice low. “It’s… it’s not in the press, is it??” No, it can’t be, she thought; Di would have seen it by now; she would have warned me.

“No, I heard it from Nick!” replied Laureen.

Claire’s mouth fell in open in surprise; she had not expected that answer. “When did you see Nick?” she asked softly.

Laureen took her arm again. “Come on, let’s walk,” she said, leading Claire away from the busy grocery store entrance. They walked across the parking lot, stopping in the far corner, where no cars were parked and no people were around to overhear them.

“So when did you see Nick?” Claire asked again, sinking down onto a curb beside Laureen.

“Friday night. I went out clubbing with some of my friends and ran into him in the parking lot.”

“Of a club?” Claire frowned; she didn’t like hearing that. The fact that Nick had gone out to the club less than twelve hours after finding her letter could only mean one of two things: 1) he’d gone and gotten himself wasted in a pitiful attempt to escape his troubles, or 2) he’d gone looking for another woman to fuck in place of her.

“Yeah,” Laureen said shortly, “and I’m glad I did, cause he was about to drive himself home… and let me tell you, he was in no condition to drive. I caught him when he was already in the car.”

Claire felt the blood drain from her face. “Really?” she asked in a whisper. Oh Nick, she thought, aghast. How could he act that stupid? And over her, nonetheless! She wasn’t worth it!

“Yeah! I’m not telling you this to rat him out, Claire, but I thought you should know. He just looked so lost; it almost broke my heart,” Laureen lamented anxiously. “We went to Denny’s and talked for awhile, and he’s just really confused. As am I, I should add. What happened, Claire?? I thought you guys were happy together!”

Claire sighed. “I love him, Laureen. I really do, and I didn’t want to hurt him like this. But the truth is, we weren’t happy. Not really. A lot of things had been building up for a long time, and we’d been having stupid arguments every time he came home, and it just… wasn’t healthy. We have a lot of issues that we’d need to work out before we could even think about getting married. And the truth is, I just don’t think I’m ready for that right now.”

Laureen nodded solemnly, deep creases appearing in her forehead as she listened to Claire. “So then… are you guys broken up officially? Or just… up in the air?”

Claire shrugged, and her eyes dropped to rest upon her engagement ring, which still sparkled brightly on her finger. She played with it nervously, sliding it up and down her finger as she thought about what her answer should be. Finally, she confessed the truth.

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

***

“Claire, babe, you need to make up your mind,” Dianna scolded her over the phone as she left work that afternoon. “You can’t leave Nick hanging like that, wondering if you’re gonna come back or not. I mean, ‘taking a break’? Come on, that is so Ross and Rachel! You’re either with him or you’re not; there can’t be an in between.”

Claire sighed; she knew Dianna was probably right, but she didn’t know what to say.

“Don’t just sigh; you know I’m right!” Dianna went on, as if reading her mind (well, they hadn’t been best friends for ten years for nothing). “You’re never gonna get anywhere if you don’t decide one way or another – either go back to him or leave him. That way you can both move on.”

“I know,” Claire finally admitted. “You are right, Di.”

That was why, after driving around for over an hour, Claire finally found herself parked in front of the house she’d left four days ago. Killing her engine, she sucked in a deep breath and did her best to compose herself before stepping out of the car. Slowly, she made her way up to the front door.

***

Hearing the car pull up outside his house, Nick drew back the curtains an inch and peeked out. He nearly gasped at what he saw, and for a moment, he was sure his heart had stopped beating. The door of the familiar Toyota opened, and a moment later, Claire’s ginger head appeared. Holding his breath, he watched as she pushed the door shut and walked around the car, coming up to the house.

Panicking just a little, he stood up and quickly ran his hands over his head, trying to flatten his unruly hair. He tugged on his wrinkled, holey t-shirt and smoothed down his baggy shorts, wishing he looked a little more presentable. He hadn’t even showered that morning. Why bother? he’d thought upon waking up. He didn’t feel like going anywhere or seeing anyone. He’d never expected her to show up.

As the doorbell rang, it suddenly occurred to him that he was being an idiot. Dude, it’s Claire, he reminded himself. She didn’t care what he looked like.

He hurried to the door, but stopped just before he opened it, knowing Claire was just on the other side. What’s she doing here? he wondered. What is she going to say?
“I’m so sorry, Nick; leaving you like that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. Take me back, please?”

That was what he wanted her to say, but he was terrified that it was going to be something more along the lines of, “I’m so sorry, Nick, but I’m here to tell you I’m leaving you for good.”

The thought made him want to vomit, but he knew he couldn’t stand there worrying about it forever. There’s only one way to know, he decided. Taking a calming breath, he squared his shoulders, unlocked the deadbolt, and pulled the door open, trying to brace himself for whatever she had to say.

“Hey,” she greeted him softly, without even the ghost of a smile. And that was when he knew.

He knew, even before she said it, that it was over.

“Nick…” she began, when he did not reply. “I’m really sorry, but… I can’t do this anymore.” She held out her hands helplessly and shook her head. “I don’t want to drag this out or make you wonder… I just wanna get it over with so you… so I… so we can both move on.”

As he stood like a statue, just staring at her, she reached down and slid her engagement ring, the beautiful white and canary diamond masterpiece they had designed together, off of her slender finger. “Here,” she whispered, holding it out to him. “I can’t keep this.”

Nick felt his nostrils flare as he sucked in a breath. “Keep it,” he growled. “It’s yours. I bought it for you.”

She shook her head, looking down so that he could not see her eyes. “I can’t. I can’t. You spent a lot of money on it, and… I want you to have it back. I don’t deserve to keep it.”

When Nick still made no move to take the ring, she knelt down and placed it carefully on the smooth, cement stoop in front of him. Rising back up, she finally met his eye and offered him a sad, wavering smile. “I care about you, Nick,” she said, her voice strengthening. “That’s not going to change. I know things are going to be… weird… between us, but I still want to be your friend. I just… I can’t be your wife.”

Her voice had tapered off to a hoarse whisper by the end, but Nick heard every word, loud and clear. He did not reply. He did not even move, or acknowledge that she had spoken. He did, however, notice the tears that sprung to her eyes, making them sparkle like the diamonds she’d laid to rest at his feet.

“You don’t have to say anything right now,” she managed to say, though her words seemed forced. “I know how painful this is… it’s painful for me too. But please… take care of yourself, Nick, okay? That’s all I ask. I know I don’t have room to ask you for any favors right now, but if you could do one thing, please, take care of yourself… if not for me, then at least for you. Will you do that?”

Even as he looked at the ground, he could feel her eyes boring into him, pleading with him.

“Nick? Please?”

“I’m not gonna go drown myself, if that’s what you think,” he muttered finally, his voice raspy with the stinging emotion that was slowly building up inside him, drowning everything out. He hoped she would leave before the floodgates burst again; he did not want her to see him break down.

He glanced up to see a shadow of a smile flicker on her lips. “Good,” her voice cracked. “I… I guess I should go then.” But she hesitated, making no move to leave.

Clearing his throat, he replied flatly, “Yeah… you probably should.”

He saw her throat move as she swallowed hard; then, slowly, she nodded. Without another word, without meeting his eyes again, she turned around and walked back to her car, her pace quickening as she grew farther from him.

He stood, frozen in place once again, just watching her as she climbed back into her car. Within a few seconds, the old engine sputtered to life, and her car peeled around the circle and up the driveway, disappearing beyond the palm trees at the edge of his property.

Swallowing the lump that had risen in his throat, he took a steadying breath and stooped with difficulty to pick up the ring from the cement. Wiping a smudge from its platinum band, he took it between his thumb and forefinger and held it up, letting the diamonds catch the sunlight.

A sparkling aura seemed to appear around the ring as his vision grew blurry with tears. Swallowing again, he slowly lowered it and dropped it into the dark depths of his pocket. Feeling the tiny, hard bulge dig into his thigh as he gave the material a pat, he glanced up the driveway one more time, as if somehow hoping to see her car rumbling back towards him. But the drive was empty, the air around him silent.

As he stood there alone, all he could hear was the sound of his own ragged breathing, as he struggled not to break.


How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath
With you
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cause we’ve shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
There’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
Just a memory of your face
Take a look at me now
Well, there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that’s what I’ve got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
Well, there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
Just a memory of your face
Now take a look at me now
Cause there’s just an empty space
But to wait for you is all I can do
And that’s what I’ve gotta face

Take a good look at me now
Cause I’ll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against the odds
It’s the chance I’ve gotta take

Take a look at me now

- “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins


***