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Chapter 8


Lying here with you
I watch you while you sleep
The dawn is closing in
With every breath you breathe…


Claire awoke the next morning feeling perfectly content. It was light outside, yet she could tell it was still early in the morning. A light, cool breeze drifted in through the open windows, billowing the sheer drapes and tickling her face and arms. Carefully untangling her legs from the covers, Claire rolled over slowly in bed and found Nick still lying there at her side, sound asleep. She smiled at his peaceful face, admiring the perfect messiness of his hair, the gentle arch of his eyebrows, the way his lips were pressed together into almost a pout.

Thinking of how nice it was to wake up beside him, she realized she could probably lie there and watch him sleep for hours. But they were in Hawaii! She wasn’t about to waste her time doing that. Now that she was awake, she was ready to get on with her day.

She leaned closer to Nick and lightly touched his cheek. When that did not cause him to stir, she ran her fingers down his face, tracing the outline of his mouth, the stubble above his upper lip rough against her fingertips.

“Nick,” she whispered in his ear, growing impatient. “Wake up.”

Finally, that did it. A soft sigh escaped his throat, and his eyelashes fluttered. She smiled triumphantly as his blue eyes opened and focused on her. Beneath her fingers, his lips curved into a smile, and he reached up and took her hand in his, softly kissing her fingertips before drawing her hand down.

“’Morning,” he said, his voice low and hoarse from sleep.

“’Morning, sleepyhead.” Claire rolled over onto her stomach, propped herself up on her elbows, and looked at him expectantly. “So,” she said, “what are we going to do today?”

He groaned. “What time is it?”

She looked over at the clock on her side of the bed. “7:30.”

“7:30??” he repeated, his eyes bugging. “Jesus, no wonder I’m still so tired. What’d you have to wake me up for?”

“Cause we’re in Hawaii, and I don’t want to waste the whole morning sleeping!”

“We’re on vacation. That’s what vacations are for. Sleeping in,” he murmured tiredly, closing his eyes.

“No,” she said, poking him in the side until his eyes flew open again. “That’s what weekends are for. Get up.”

“You get up. I wanna sleep.” He closed his eyes again and did not move.

Claire heaved an exaggerated sigh and rolled out of bed, making sure she jostled it as much as possible in the process. Glancing back at him, she could see his lips twitching as he tried hard not to laugh, but she didn’t smile. Lazy spoiled brat. Forget him; she’d go see if AJ or Mary was up yet. She left the master bedroom, shutting the door behind her, and padded out to the main part of the house, only to find that the living room and kitchen were deserted. Okay, so AJ and Mary were still sleeping too.

She wandered into the quiet kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice, which she carried out onto the deck with her. Perching on a deck chair, she took a sip of the juice and balanced the small glass on her bare thigh as she looked out toward the ocean. The sun had already risen, and she was disappointed she had missed it, sure that it had been spectacular. Oh well, she’d be sure to catch it later in the week.

Behind her, she was startled to hear the screen door slide open, breaking the morning’s silence. Glancing over her shoulder, she was hoping to see Nick, up and ready to join the land of the living, but instead, it was AJ who had come out onto the deck.

She had to smile as she looked at him. Apparently she had never set eyes on him this early in the morning before because the AJ who stood before her now was not the put together and perfectly groomed AJ she was used to. He was shirtless, exposing his heavily-tattooed upper body, and wearing only a pair of baggy boxer shorts. His dark hair, which was usually spiked to perfection, was disheveled from sleep, and a layer of stubble on his face took away from his carefully manicured goatee.

“Morning, Claire,” he greeted her with a groggy smile.

“Good morning,” she replied brightly, watching in amusement as he shuffled across the deck to the railing and proceeded to light up a cigarette. He took a long drag and closed his eyes, savoring it. She shook her head, wondering how he could stand it. She’d smoked a cigarette only once, in high school. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, one she vowed she’d never repeat.

Watching him flick ash over the side of the railing and raise the cigarette to his lips again, she said casually, “You do know those things could give you cancer.”

His profile constricted as he scowled and turned to face her, looking all set to come back at her with some snide retort. But then he stopped, and his face slackened, as he seemed to realize who he was talking to. He opened his mouth once, then closed it without a word and reluctantly put out the cigarette.

Inwardly, Claire was glad, but at the same time, she felt kind of guilty. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean you had to put it out.”

“I can take a hint,” he replied gruffly.

“You’re an adult, AJ, you can do what you want. I was just giving you a hard time.” She smiled apologetically, and he smirked, nodding.

“Yeah,” he said, coming to take a seat beside her, “but you’re right. It’s a dumb thing to do, I know; I just can’t help it. I don’t drink anymore, so I smoke instead. Somehow it makes it easier.” He shrugged.

“I understand,” she nodded and decided to change the subject before she got herself into more trouble. “So… Mary still sleeping?”

“Yeah. Nick too?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, I can fix that if you want him up.” A devilish smile crept across his face, and his brown eyes sparkled wickedly.

Claire snickered. “Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?”

He raised a finger to his lips. “Come with me.”

***

“Stop giggling!” AJ hissed, as Claire clamped a hand tightly over her mouth, trying to stifle back her laughter.

“Sorry,” she squeaked breathlessly. But it was nearly impossible to keep from giggling as she looked at the man stretched out on the bed in front of her.

Nick had fallen back to sleep and was now out like a light again. AJ had explained that after years of spending the night on moving tour buses, the guys had all developed the ability to sleep through practically anything. Claire was glad; Nick’s deep sleeping had worked to her advantage this time. The boy had slept on relatively peacefully and totally oblivious, as she and AJ had raided Mary’s makeup stash and quickly and carefully applied the products to Nick’s face. AJ had gone overkill with the blush, leaving Nick looking like a doll with two large, bright pink circles on his cheeks, while Claire had smeared shimmery purple shadow across his eyelids and did her best to add a touch of black mascara to his lashes. Several coats of cherry red lipstick applied to his lips and a large, hot pink Hawaiian flower from the bouquet in the living room tucked behind one ear completed the look.

“Lemme get my camera,” AJ whispered. “Be right back.” He slinked out of the bedroom and returned a moment later with a small, silver camera. “Better get a picture before we ruin it,” he said and zoomed in to get a shot of Nick’s face. “Okay, now… the water.”

Feeling quite evil, Claire ducked into the bathroom just long enough to fill a cup with cold water from the faucet and then came back into the bathroom, holding up the glass for AJ to see.

“Exxxxxcellent…” AJ rubbed his hands together like Mr. Burns and then held up his camera. “Dump it on him, and I’ll get a picture.”

Claire nodded and crept up closer to the bed. She held out the glass, hesitated only a moment, and then flung all of the water in it onto her sleeping boyfriend. She jumped out of the way just as Nick jerked up, gasping and sputtering. Over the sound of her own hysterical laughter, she heard a click and saw a flash as AJ, cackling just as hard, snapped a photo.

The laughter was cut short, however, when Nick, totally discombobulated, exclaimed “What the fuck?” and leaped out of bed. He tried to land on the leg that was no longer there and went down like a lead balloon, hitting the floor with a massive thud.

“Nick!” Claire cried, aghast, and ran around the bed to where he was lying in a crumpled heap. “Oh my God, Nick, I’m so sorry!! Are you okay??” He had rolled onto his side now, and though his back was to her, she could see his hands clutching the end of his stump. Pains shot through her, and she gasped, “Oh God, Nick, did you land on-?“ She couldn’t even get the words out; it made her hurt too much to even think about it. Sinking quickly to her knees, she crawled around him so that she was kneeling in front of him.

“Is he okay?” she heard AJ ask. She didn’t reply. Nick was clearly hurting; his eyes were squeezed shut, and he was breathing raggedly.

She put her hand on his shoulder and gripped it firmly. “Nick, come on, talk to me,” she pleaded.

“Go away,” he mumbled, his voice sounding strained.

Claire looked up helplessly at AJ, who only shrugged. She shook her head. “Not till I know you’re all right. What did you hit? D-did you hit your-“

“My stump?” Nick spat venomously, his eyes flashing open to glare at her through a sheen of moisture. “Yes, and it hurts like a motherfucker!!”

Claire bit her lip. “I’m sorry… what can I do?”

“I think you did enough by throwing water on me!” he retorted, making her wince again. He didn’t even know about the makeup yet; the mascara was running in streaks down his cheeks from the water he’d been doused with, making him look even worse. She felt terrible, and she wanted to just sink through the floor and disappear, but she couldn’t leave him, not until she was sure he was all right.

Vaguely, she heard the door swing open, and then Mary’s voice asked, “What happened??”

“AJ, get her out,” Nick said miserably through gritted teeth.

Claire looked up at AJ again and watched as he guiltily followed his girlfriend out of the bedroom. He closed the door behind them and did not return, leaving Claire alone on the floor with Nick, who was still curled up on his side, his eyes closed once more.

“Lemme help you up, Nick,” she said softly. “Okay?” She started to slide her hands under his arms, prepared to haul him up, but he pushed her away.

“I can do it myself,” he snapped.

Mutely, Claire nodded and scooted back, watching warily as he sat up and then rose onto his one knee. Grabbing the edge of the bed for support, he stood up shakily and crawled back into bed. He stretched out on his back and closed his eyes. Claire hesitated a moment, then perched on the edge of the bed and reached out to grab his hand. She gave it a slight squeeze and said again in a tiny voice, “I’m so sorry, Nick.”

***

Nick didn’t reply, and Claire went on, “We didn’t mean for you to get hurt… we were just having fun.”

“Yeah, at my expense,” he mumbled. “Hope you had your fun cause I sure as hell didn’t.”

He opened his eyes to see Claire shaking her head. “How’s your leg?” she asked after a minute. “How bad did you hit it? Do you think it’s okay?”

To be honest, he didn’t think he’d really banged it too bad. He’d half caught himself with his hands, softening the blow of his stump against the carpeted floor. But he hadn’t been exaggerating earlier; it really had hurt. The pains shot all the way up and down the left side of his body, almost like he’d been shocked. They were fading away now, but his stump was still sore, and he wondered if he’d have a bruise.

He looked at Claire, prepared to tell her exactly how bad it had felt and how he could practically feel the black and blue bump forming at its rounded end, but the look on her face made him hesitate. He’d been too angry and in too much pain earlier to notice, but she looked absolutely stricken, her face a mask of guilt and alarm. He was still pissed at her for humiliating him and causing him to hurt himself, but he didn’t want to make her feel worse.

“I think it’s all right,” he said slowly. “It’s starting to feel better.”

“Do you want some ice for it? Would that help?” Claire asked.

“Um… sure, maybe.” Nick shrugged.

Claire nodded. “I’ll go get some. Don’t move; I’ll be right back.” She left the room, and he heard her conversing with AJ outside the door, although he could not make out what they were saying. Trying to ignore the muffled voices, Nick sat up and carefully peeled off the stretchy “sock” he usually wore over his stump, anxious to see if any damage had been done. The skin looked red where he’d made contact with the floor, but there was no sign of bruising. Yet when he gingerly prodded the red spot, the whole limb twinged, and he winced.

“Is it okay?” Claire asked, breezing back into the room. She was carrying a washcloth packed with ice cubes. “Couldn’t find any plastic bags to put it in,” she said apologetically, “so this will have to do.”

“That’s fine,” said Nick.

“So is it okay?” she asked again and looked carefully at his stump. “It doesn’t look like it’s bruising yet, that’s good.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, uncomfortable with her examining it so closely. The only time he ever showed it uncovered was when they were swimming, and then it was hidden beneath the water, not out in the open for her to have to look at.

“Here,” she said, “hopefully this will help.” Very delicately, she draped the makeshift ice pack over his thigh. “Does that feel okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” replied Nick. “Come up here.” He patted the empty space on her side of the bed. She managed a slight smile and came around to the other side of the bed. She climbed on and sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, facing him.

“I’m sorry,” she said for at least the fourth time, the look of guilt reappearing on her face.

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t expect me to be a dumbass and fall out of bed.”

“Just like you didn’t expect to have cold water dumped all over you. I’m sorry.” Five times she’d said it now.

He pulled his drenched t-shirt away from his body and chuckled. “Nope, definitely didn’t see that coming. But you never paid me back for that April Fool’s prank, so I guess I had it coming, huh?” He expected her to smile, but she was still looking guilty. “Claire,” he said, “whatever I said a few minutes ago, you know I didn’t mean – I was in agony, okay, and I was embarrassed.”

She shook her head. “It’s not that…” she replied. “It’s just… well…” She bit her lip. “You should see your face.”

“Wha…?” Confused, Nick reached up and ran his hands over his face. It was wet, but other than that, it seemed normal. But when he lowered his hands and looked at his fingertips, he was startled to find them dotted with pink, brushed with purple, and smeared with black. “What the-“

“It’s makeup,” she whispered, watching him carefully and looking ready to dart out of the way at any moment, in case he decided to strike.

With a sinking feeling, Nick realized how truly idiotic he must have looked a few minutes ago… and how utterly pathetic he had to look now. He felt his face getting hot with humiliation, but he tried to hide it (not realizing that the rouge on his cheeks already camouflaged his flush quite well). You deserved it, he told himself, remembering all the pranks he’d played on AJ throughout the years and the April Fool he’d pulled over on Claire. But he couldn’t help but feel a little exploited.

“I’m so sorry, Nick.” Six times. “It was supposed to be funny, but it totally backfired. Shows what I get for trying to prank you.”

“Yeah… this should be a lesson to you – never mess with the master.” He forced himself to smile, to let her know he wasn’t angry. Well… not too angry anyway.

Claire smiled. “Well, come here, Master, I wanna kiss those ruby red lips of yours.”

Ruby red lips?! Nick thought in horror, but his thoughts were silenced as she leaned forward, wrapped her arms loosely around his neck, and kissed him. When she pulled away, her lips were red too.

He pointed this out, and she giggled. “Are they?” Leaning forward again, she pressed her lips to his forehead, and when she pulled back, she grinned widely. “They are!”

Assuming he now had a big red lip-print on his forehead to go with the rest of his makeup job, he grinned and pulled her back to him, leaning forward himself to do the same to her. Moments later, she had a pair of red lips on her own forehead. “If anyone saw you now, they’d have a fun time figuring out that one,” he chuckled.

She smirked. “They’d probably think I was a lesbian.”

“Or that I was a drag queen.”

They both laughed.

“How’s that ice pack?” asked Claire. “Is it working?”

Nick considered this. The ice pack was definitely getting cold, and it didn’t seem to be helping much. If anything, it was making it worse, for all of a sudden he was aware of dull pains shooting up and down his leg… all the way down to his toes. Phantom pains. He didn’t get them very often anymore, but every once in awhile, they still plagued him. And he was sure it was the ice that was bringing them on this time.

“No,” he answered Claire’s question, shifting uncomfortably, “actually, I think the cold’s making it worse…”

“Oh. Well, so much for that idea.” She reached out and carefully scooped up the ice-filled washcloth. Her fingers brushed against his skin as she did so, sending tingles through him. He jerked in surprise at the sensation; his stump had always seemed particularly sensitive, but it had been a long time since anyone but he had touched it. In fact, no one had ever touched it, other than his surgeon and the nurses at the hospital.

“I’m sorry,” Claire said quickly, probably alarmed by his reaction.

He shook his head. “No, you’re fine,” he assured her. “It’s just sensitive; I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Did I hurt you?” she asked, biting her lip apprehensively. “I didn’t mean to touch it; I was trying to be gentle.”

He smiled a little. “You were,” he said, “and no, you didn’t hurt me. You can touch it if you want to.”

She met his eyes, and for a moment, she did not move. Then, slowly, she reached out and placed her hand upon his thigh. Her palm felt so warm compared to the cold ice pack that had rested there before, and again, his skin tingled with her touch. But it was a good tingle, and it took the place of the phantom pains, relaxing him. He let out the breath he’d been holding in a soft sigh.

“Are you okay with this?” Claire asked, still looking deep into his eyes. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

He knew she was thinking of that night at the beginning of April (the same day he’d played that prank on her, ironically). He’d recoiled at the mere idea of her nearing that spot, and yet, now she was actually touching him there, and… he was okay with it. “Yeah,” he said softly, “it’s fine. You’re not making me uncomfortable. It’s… it’s a part of my body. It’s… me.” He looked down at her hand, still resting motionlessly on the remnant of his severed leg, on the ugly stump he detested, and then slowly raised his eyes back up to meet yours. “I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

She shook her head, her eyes never leaving his. “I’m not,” she stated simply. “Like you said, it’s just a part of your body. It’s you. And I love you, Nick. Just the way you are.”


I can feel the change
The change you’ve made in me
But will I ever see
All the things you see in me

When you say that I’m one of a kind
Baby, I don’t see it, but you believe
That I’m so strong and true, I promise you
I’ll try to be that kind of man
Because you love me like I am

When it comes to love
I may not know the rules
But there’s one thing I know
My heart belongs to you…

You show me you love me
With a fire that burns deep inside

When you say that I’m one of a kind
Baby, I don’t see it, but you believe
That I’m so strong and true, I promise you
I’ll try to be that kind of man
Because you love me like I am…

I’ll never understand
I don’t think I’ll ever understand
Why you love me
Why you love me just like I am

- “Like I Am” by Rascal Flatts


***


AN: Thanks to Bean for the lyrics – I’m not a country fan, so I would have never found them myself!