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Chapter 87


AN: Another thanks to my medical consultant, Carrie! :)


Claire’s eyes flew open as she jerked awake, her heart racing. She realized it was a dream as soon as she realized she could still see the glow of her alarm clock out of both eyes. Thank God, she thought, still trembling from the nightmare. She squinted at the clock, trying to make out the blurry numbers. Only 4:30. She could sleep for another two hours. That is, if she could actually get back to sleep. After that dream, she wasn’t sure. Her nervousness had returned; in three hours, she would be on her way to the hospital for the real surgery.

Her stomach jolted at the thought, making her feel nauseous. She lay back down and tried to let herself drift off to sleep again, but it didn’t happen. She was wide awake now. Sighing, she gave up on sleep and rolled out of bed. Padding through the dark apartment, she made her way into the living room and turned on the TV, hoping she could distract herself until it was time to get ready and wait for Nick.

***

Pulling into the parking lot of the small apartment complex, Nick shut off his engine and surveyed the building through his windshield. So this was Claire’s new home. It didn’t look bad from the outside; it was newer than the last complex she’d lived in anyway. Opening his door, he climbed out of the car and started across the parking lot. He only got halfway when the main door of the building opened, and Claire appeared.

“Hey!” Nick called in surprise, as she came towards him. “I was gonna come up.”

“No need,” said Claire, offering him a wan smile. “I’ve been up since 4:30.”

“Dang, girl,” he remarked and took a second to look her over. She was dressed comfortably, in a t-shirt and a pair of workout pants that were just fitted enough to show off the gentle curves of her hips. Her left arm was wrapped in a bright purple cast and cradled at chest-level in a blue sling, a reminder of the trauma she’d been through since Nick had seen her. In the corner of her forehead was the remnants of a cut. It looked almost healed, but Nick could tell it was going to leave a small scar. “You look good,” he told her, because, despite the wear and tear, she did.

She stuck her tongue out and snorted. “Right. This is hot, isn’t it?” she asked sarcastically, lifting her broken arm, sling and all.

“Oh, totally. The cripple look is the fashion trend of 2006 – hadn’t you heard?” Nick played along. “You and me… they should put us on the magazine covers, yo. We’re hot.”

Claire giggled and gave him an appreciative smile. “How are ya, Nick?” she asked, as he turned to walk her the rest of the way to his car. He’d brought the silver Jaguar because he knew it was her favorite.

“I’m alright,” he shrugged, opening her door for her. Walking around the back of the car to get to the driver’s side, he climbed in and added, “How about you?”

“I’ll be much better in a couple of hours, I’m sure,” she said, flashing him a tight smile.

He smiled back and put his hand on her thigh without a second thought, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You will be,” he replied. “Just don’t sneeze during the surgery.” He was only joking, trying to help her relax, but her eyes widened in horror. “I’m just kid-“ he started to say, but she interrupted him.

“I had a nightmare, and that’s exactly what happened!” she gasped. “I-I had to sneeze, and I couldn’t help it, and everything went black! I was totally freaked out when I woke up…”

Nick looked at her sympathetically. “I’m sorry; I was just kidding,” he said, feeling guilty. “I’m sure that won’t happen though… they gotta have some kind of procedure for if you have to sneeze or something; otherwise people would be going blind right and left. I’ve heard it’s a pretty easy surgery though.” He’d looked it up on the internet a few days ago, anxious to find out exactly what she’d be going through. It didn’t sound as bad as he thought it would be – only a ten minute procedure, and she’d be awake the whole time. The thought of that had freaked him out, but he figured there were probably less risks without the general anesthesia.

“I know; that’s what they told me too. I’m sure it’ll be fine; I’m just a big baby,” Claire replied sheepishly.

Nick chuckled. “Well, don’t worry, baby; Daddy Nick is here.” He gave her a pat on the head, smiling paternally.

She rolled her eyes. “You’re weird,” she said, trying not to smile.

He laughed and turned on the ignition, bringing the Jag to life. “Takes one to know one,” he replied, as he twisted around in his seat and backed the car out of its space.

***

Two hours later, Nick sat in a waiting room in Tampa General’s ophthalmology department, flipping absently through a two-year-old copy of Entertainment Weekly that he’d found at the back of the rack and wondering when Claire would be done.

Hey! he thought in surprise, as something in the magazine caught his eye. He did a double-take and found himself staring down at a promotional picture of him and the guys, one of the many they had taken for their last album release. It accompanied a review of the album and a brief article, which he skimmed out of curiosity (and sheer boredom).

“… The ‘Boys’ – who now range in age from 24 (Carter) to 32 (Richardson) – show a deeper side on this album than they have on previous releases. It’s understandable. Besides the fact that they’ve undeniably matured into Backstreet ‘Men,’ members of the pop quintet have been through some tough stuff these last few years. In 2001, McLean completed a stint in rehab for alcoholism, drug abuse, and depression. More recently, Carter shocked fans across the globe last summer when he announced that he was battling a rare form of bone cancer. After undergoing a course of chemotherapy, Carter went into remission in August 2003 and has been disease-free ever since…”

Ha, thought Nick, his eyes drawn to his own image on the glossy page. The picture featured him standing in the middle, Brian, Kevin, AJ, and Howie posed strategically around him. His gaze lingered on his left leg, and he marveled over the realization that the cancer had been spreading inside it even when this photo shoot took place. A month after this review had been published, his leg was gone altogether. He swallowed hard, the memory making him feel slight sick to his stomach even now, nearly two years later.

“Nick?”

Nick’s head shot up at the sound of his name, and he was startled to find Claire standing in front of him. He blinked in surprise; when had she come up? He had been so engrossed in his own press, he hadn’t even noticed her.

“Hey!” he cried, eyes flying to her face. “You look like a pirate!”

She grinned, her cheeks tinting light pink beneath the stark black shield that covered her left eye. “Arrr, matey,” she growled good-naturedly.

Nick smiled in return. “So how’d it go? I take it you didn’t sneeze and make yourself blind under that thing?”

Claire laughed. “Nope. They had my head strapped down so I couldn’t move, and the doc told me to tell him I was going to cough or sneeze, just in case. But everything went fine, and I can see perfectly again! It was so cool – what they did was take the clouded lens of my eye out and replace it with an artificial lens, and I knew as soon as they took the old lens out because everything went totally dark… only it was supposed to, not like in my dream. And I thought, ‘This must be what it’s like to be blind.’ It was kind of scary, but cool at the same time!”

Nick’s eyes widened as he watched her in awe. “That must have been weird…” he breathed.

“It was! But yay, one eye down, one to go,” she replied cheerfully.

Nick smiled, glad to have her in better spirits than she had been that morning. “I say that calls for a celebration. You up for pizza and shakes?” Okay, so it was only ten in the morning… but there was never a wrong time for pizza and ice cream in Nick’s world.

“Are you kidding? I’m starving! They wouldn’t let me eat breakfast this morning.”

“Well, there you have it – pizza and milkshakes, the perfect breakfast combination,” Nick joked, standing up.

Claire laughed. “Sounds great. You won’t be embarrassed by my scurvy eye patch?” she teased, as they walked out of the waiting room together.

“Nah… if you want, I can roll my pants up and show off my peg leg. Then I’ll look like a pirate too, and you can be my pirate wench.”

They laughed all the way down the hall, teasing each other back and forth with ease, and to Nick, it felt almost like old times. The times before they had ever dated, when things were difficult and complicated, and yet, so much more simple. When they were just friends, friends who understood each other and were always there for one another.

Nick hoped it could be that way again, without the tension that had existed between them ever since Claire had backed out of their engagement. The pain she had caused Nick still existed, as a dull ache in the depths of his soul, but he feared the pain of losing her altogether would be even worse. He didn’t want to experience that kind of pain. It was better to be her friend and ache because he wanted to be more, than to be nothing to her at all.

As they stood gasping for breath as they waited for an elevator, Claire suddenly let go of her side, which she’d been holding as she laughed, and reached out to touch Nick’s arm. “Thanks for coming with me today, Nick,” she said softly, offering him a smile of humble gratitude.

Nick returned the smile and caught her hand as it slid down his arm. Giving it a squeeze, he replied, “Anytime, Claire.”


I will stand up for you
No matter what you’re going through

You found a place where you belong
New friends who can do no wrong
That’s what you believe
But who’s gonna be there when you fall
To build you up when you’re feeling small
Give you love that you need
Who will?
I will
When the whole world turns against you
Ain’t no lie
Don’t you know that

I will stand up for you
No matter what you’re going through
I’m still on your side
Anytime, day or night
Don’t care if it’s wrong or right
I’m still on your side

You wanna run, you wanna break free
But what you want ain’t what you need
Can’t you see that I care?
I know I’m hard on you sometimes
But when you’re looking for the things you can’t find
Don’t know you know who’ll be there
Who will?
I will
When it’s more than you can handle
Ain’t no lie
Don’t you know that

I will stand up for you
No matter what you’re going through
I’m still on your side
Anytime, day or night
Don’t care if it’s wrong or right
I’m still on your side

I’ll be there
I’ll be there when you need me
I won’t let you go
There’s nothing I won’t do
I’ll be there, you know

I will stand up for you
No matter what you’re going through
I’m still on your side
Anytime, day or night
Don’t care if it’s wrong or right
I’m still on your side

I will still be around
When the others let you down
I’m still on your side
Anytime you need help
And you can’t find nobody else
I’m still on your side

- “Still On Your Side” by BBMak


***