Oh yeah... "Okay, what about it?"
"The girl they saw me with..." he sounded really tired. "I hooked up with her. I'm sorry."
I nearly flinched in reply, but stopped short as the blood drained from my face.
"You did?" I asked shallowly.
He nodded, sweat pouring from his forehead. "Amy, please. We just met, I didn't know we'd have anything serious...Don't get mad, please..."
"I- I'm not mad." Liar, liar, pants on fire... "I should go, you need to rest..."
"No, stay here with me..."
"I have homework to do," I said, getting up from the bed, "Get some sleep..."
He grabbed my arm impulsively, the warm wetness of it suddenly giving me the heeby jeebies. "Aaron...I have to go," I said again, gesturing to his medicine as I pried his fingers off of me. "Take your medicine. You have to get better soon so you can ... do stuff."
"Amy, please," he begged, sitting up on his bed. His face was red with sweat. Or was it tears?
"Aaron, I can't. I know that if I stay...I'm just going to get guiltier and guiltier for what I did..." I spoke more to myself than to him, voicing my inward fears.
"Why should you be guilty? I'm the one who was bad. Bad, bad, bad!" Aaron chatised himself.
"Because I did something bad too."
"What are you talking about?" he asked, confusion heavy in his face.
I sighed as tears escaped my eyes, If you tell him what happened, it's over!! My inner self scolded. Do you really want to lose him?! "You had every right to hook up with that girl," I whispered, keeping my eyes on the floor. "We had just met and were barely even friends yet...but what I did was inexcusable..."
"I still have no idea what you're-"
"I came over here the night you were admitted into the hospital. Nick and I were just gonna watch a movie and eat some pizza like normal friends do," by now I was sobbing and it took me a minute to get the last part out. "B-but then I had a few beers and he and I..." I cut myself off with a series of sobs, sinking to my knees. "Your mom wasn't lying," I said when I had calmed down a bit. "Neither were the papers..." My eyes were still focused on the floor. I couldn't even look up at him, I was so afraid of what his expression would be. Betrayal? Hatred? Or worse, sorrow?
"Oh."
I looked up to see him bring his hands to his face, wiping away the sweat embracing his face. Hiding the disappointment.
"Aaron," I wanted to move over to the bed, but part of me also wanted to run away from this room and pretended that we never came to this conversation, that all the drama hadn't happened. "I'm sorry."
"You lied straight to my face..." he said with painfully obvious disappointment.
"I know, I'm sorry," I said followed by another sob. "I'd do anything to take it all back."
He squeezed his eyes shut as I wistfully gazed at him through glazed eyes. As if to forget it all happened, I thought melodramatically. Maybe to forget me.
"Just leave. I need time to think," Aaron said finally, his eyes still shut. "Please."
I didn't need the extra please to make me feel guiltier. I ran out of the house, tears blinding my vision.
I ran up to my room making sure to say a cheerful "Hey mom, hey dad," to my parents so they wouldn't catch on that something was wrong. I collapsed on my pillow and quiety cried for the better part of an hour. Finally the silence was broken by my cell phone ringing.
'Maybe I'll forgive you
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together forever
You and I'
"Hey," Kyle said after I picked up.
"I'm not in a talking mood right now Kyle..." I said.
"Why what's wrong?"
I told him what had happened, everything that had happened. When I was finished he said, "Wait, so you did cheat on Aaron with Nick?!"
"Yeah, I did..." my voice was so soft, due to the shame and guilt I felt, that I could barely hear it.
"Oh," he said softly. Disappointedly. Disgustedly? No...
"What am I going to do!?" I asked myself more than I asked him.
"You apologize yet?" he asked.
"Yeah." I turned on my side so that my front vision was facing Aaron's house. A light was turned on in the upstairs bedroom - Aaron's bedroom.
"Did you tell Aaron why you cheated on him."
I shook my head.
"Amy?"
"No," I said.
"Well, why did you?"
"That's just it, I don't know...I'd love to blame it on the alcohol, but that's no excuse."
"Well, I hate to say it, but it sounds like all you can do is wait for him to figure things out on his own."
"Yeah, listen, I'm gonna' go for a walk, to clear my head. I can't stand being cooped up inside. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay, see ya," we both hung up and I grabbed a sweatshirt out of my closet. It was drizzling when I was walking home and I expected it to be a steady rainfall by now. Sure enough, I was right.
I walked all the way to the end of my street and hopped a fence. After walking through a little bit of woods I came to another road. I took that road all the way to a little strip of beach, where I saw some kids were having a party.
I sat on a huge peice of driftwood that had been swept in by the tide. After about ten minutes a guy came over and offered me a small bottle of Grape Smirnoff, I knew I shouldn't have, but I accepted the drink, wanting nothing more than to just make all the stress go away.
I finished off the bottle about an hour or so later and started my walk home. I took a scenic route so I could be sure my parents were asleep and they would ask where I was and who I was with. Once I got to my street, still about 200 yards from my house and Aaron's, I looked and saw that Aaron's light was no longer on, and Nick's car was gone as well.
I walked into my house and got a pen and a piece of paper to write my parents a note.
Love you,
Amy
I got a backpack with a change of clothes and headed back out the door. I took out my cell and punched in Gina's number, Please don't be mad at me!! I said to myself.
"Yeah?" she said tonelessly. Great... she's still mad.
"Hey," I said, my fatique finally catching up with me. "I really need a place to stay tonight..."
"And?"
I didn't know what to say, I was embarassed and ashamed. "Nevermind," I said. "Sorry I called so late."
I went to hang up the phone before I heard a "Amy, Wait!" coming from the reciever.
"What Gina?! Can't you see that I feel like for what I did!? I had been drinking, there have been weird feelings between me and Nick from the start and what I did was just plain stupid!"
"Where are you?"
"My house."
"Wait there, I'll be there in a minute, then you have a LOT of explaining to do."
"Thank you," I said wearily. "Thank you so much."
"Sure. Be there in the front of the house when I get there. Bye."
"Bye."
She pulled up in her little Volkswagen Jetta and told me to hop in. I threw my backpack in the back and sat next to her in the passenger's seat.
"So, why don't you explain to me what exactly is going on," she said.
And that's exactly what I did. I spilled my guts out completely, I even cried when I got to the part when I told Aaron what had happened.
We pulled up in front of her house and she looked at me, "Wow, you are in way over your head this time, hun. But why don't we try to forget all that and pig out on pizza, ben and jerry's, and oreo's."
I smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever. "That sounds like the best idea I've heard all day."
"Well, duh, it's my idea," she joked.
I shook my head and rolled my eyes, my friend was back.
