~Later~
"So you and Julie were really mad at me, huh?" I asked, opening the pint of ice cream Gina handed me from her freezer.
She shrugged. "I think it was more like... disappointed."
"I don't blame you, I don't know what came over me."
"Well, I was talking to Julie and she brought up a very good point."
"And that was?"
"You're only a woman!" she said, half yelling. "Lord knows, if we had been in your position we'd've done the same thing! I mean, we can't exactly blame you, those boys are gorgeous."
I laughed, it wasn't til just then that I realized how much I missed Julie and Gina. "Yeah, but that doesn't justify what I did..." I dug my spoon into the perfection that was Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey. Yum.
"I don't know why I was being such a bitch though." Gina continued on, taking out a Cookies and Cream one for herself. "I guess it was because, I dont know... You were out there getting attention from these popstars... I guess I was just afraid of losing you. Well, that was half of it. Like i said, I was disappointed. I thought you'd be faithful, and I couldn't believe you'd do such a thing."
"I always thought that after my time with what's-his-face, I'd never cheat... But I guess I was wrong. I mean, it's just, when you talk about cheating it's easy to say 'I'll never do it', but when you're about to do it, saying no isn't as easy..." I took a bog spoonful and put it in my mouth.
Gina nodded as we sat down on her couch. "I get it." she dug her spoon into her ice cream.
I stuck mine in my ice cream again, but then let my head fall sideways onto the pillow. "I don't know what to do, Gina. I know I love him, but everything keeps getting in our way."
Gina sighed. "I hope everything turns out okay." She put a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth and grabbed the TV remote. "Lets get our minds off of this and watch some movies."
We watched two movies - Happy Gilmore and Along Came Polly - before we were both too tired to even get off the couch.
When I woke up the next morning, Gina was still asleep and her parents had left for work. Silently thanking God it was Saturday, I walked upstairs and got ready for a shower.
When I got out Gina was awake and sitting on the couch. "Morning," I said sitting on their love seat.
"Mornin'," she half groaned half yawned.
I picked up my cell to see if I had missed any calls and it was dead. "Hey Gina, do you still have the same cell phone charger as me?"
"Yeah it's upstairs, why?"
"My cell's dead, mind if I use it?"
"No, go ahead, it's upstairs in my room; on my desk."
I went upstairs and found the charger. After I plugged it in, and waited about an hour for my stupid phone to turn on, I checked my missed calls. "Five?" I said to myself.
The first two were both my mom, just wondering who's house I was at and when I'd be home. The third was Aaron, he said the horrible words 'we need to talk' and left it at that. Fourth was my dad, wondering if I wanted to go out for dinner tonight because my mom had a late meeting. And the fifth was, once again, Aaron this time he sounded a little more anxious, but I didn't think anything of it.
I went downstairs and Gina told me she had her guitar lesson to go to, she offered to let me stay while she was gone, but I said I needed to get home anyway.
She dropped me off on her way to her lesson and I trudged in the door, the few hours of sleep that I had were taking their toll and I was exhausted.
I collapsed on the couch and lay there for a few minutes. Then there was a knock on the door and I slowly got up to see who it was...
Aaron.
"Hey..." I trailed off, leaning in the doorway and yawning.
"Long night?" he asked, sounding damn near suspicious.
"Yeah. I was at Gina's."
"Oh."
I stood up, suddenly remembering we were standing at my front door. "Come in..." I moved aside to let him in, and he walked over and sat down on the couch. I followed him and sat down on the opposite side, trying to keep distance. I wasn't sure what was gonna happen.
After a few moments of silence, interrupted only by me yawning, I finally spoke.
"I got your messages, what did you want to talk to me about?"
He sat up a bit and sighed. "I've been thinking..."
"...Which is something I know you can do..." I tried to make him smile, and got a small grin out of it. "..Sorry. Continue."
"I really don't want us to break up..." he started.
So let's not... I thought pathetically.
"...but I just don't think I can trust you..."
"I understand." I said quietly. "I wish I could take it all back." He simply nodded. I can't stand all the silence! Say something, Aaron!
"I wish none of it had happened, too." Okay, I was hoping for something a little more than that.
"So... What now?" I finally asked. Well he apparently wasn't gonna ask...
"I don't know..." he replied. "Thats why I wanted to talk to you."
"Well its not up to me, is it?" I sighed. "You know how I feel about you; you know I love you, and I never meant to put you through this. This is your decision now, you know where I stand."
"Yeah...but Amy, it's hard, ya know? I really love you, more than I've ever loved a girlfriend, but part of me wants to hate you for being so bad, so cruel, and I don't know what to do." His head fell back on the couch and I almost looked down just so I wouldn't have to see him so distressed.
I nodded in response instead.
"So what do you want to do, then? I swear I won't get mad if you just forget everything between us and pretend we never met, and just pretend that we're just...neighbors." Not really...
"Will you please stop acting like that'd be such an easy thing for me to do!!?" he sat up and said. I gave him a 'scolded puppy' look and he said, "I'd never be able to just forget about us. And if I tried to 'just forget' I'd never be able to so much as look at you without wanting to beat myself sensless for letting you go!"
"Then what?" I stood up and walked to the window, the bright window, with the bright sunshine shining through it like nothing could go wrong. "Then what?"
"Do you think it's easy for me too?" I continued on when he didn't reply, tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I wiped them away and tried to focus on a dalmation sniffing our fire hydrant instead. "I know I did the worst thing you can do in a relationship with somebody you love...But it's not easy for me too! Okay?"
I turned back to him; tears enveloped his face. "I'm sorry."
"Don't..." I began, frustrated. "Say that. You have no reason to be sorry, you aren't the bad guy here, Aaron, I am." I continued to cry as I took a seat in an arm chair on the opposite side of the room from him. I don't even deserve to sit on the same couch as him... I thought to myself, making even more tears fall. He looked at me silently, and I almost looked away until I saw a small imprint of a smirk playing on the corners of his lips.
"It's not funny!" I chatised him self-consciously, wiping away my wet, salty tears.
"I'm sor- I mean, it's just that you're crying, and I don't know... There's just something about the way you look..."
That just made me cry more. I just admitted that I'm a horrible person and I'm feeling more and more guilty by the second and he's laughing about the way I look?!
"Just go home," I said in between sobs. "Go home, forget we ever happened, and get on with your life." I got up and ran upstairs to my bedroom. I slammed the door and fell onto my bed, sobbing so much I could hardly get a breath in.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry it took me so long to update! Between school and trying to remember everything else I have to do, I didn't realize it'd been so long since I'd updated!
